The Sarcastic Blonde

fashion, food, fitness + a dose of sarcastic gossip

friday randoms, Lifestyle

:: Friday Links ::

Cheers to the Weekend!!

I am en route to Scottsdale, AZ with some Chicago girlfriends (and one Chicago-to-DC transplant) and I am so excited! I haven’t seen any of them in WAY too long and it is definitely going to help cure my Chicago home-sickness.  The weather has been 75+ and sunny every day, and will be Monday and the rest of  next week, but unfortunately it looks like Saturday and Sunday may not be in our favor.  We are arranging some Plan B options other than drinking and laying out, but today I think we’ll be heading straight from the plane to the patio to soak up as much sunshine as we can.

We have lots of catching up to do

A few weekend links for today : 

I will be perusing the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue on the plane (on the Texture app on my giant iPhone I discussed yesterday) and looking like a straight up perv, and I am completely okay with that. Kate Upton is Cover girl for the 3rd time.

Speaking of supermodels, I am really into the pre-runway diet of Bella and Kendall.

And speaking of supermodel bods, I had heard of Body by Simone before, but then I saw her recently on TV(Khloe Kardashian’s Revenge Body) and it re-sparked my interest.

Popsugar had her on once for a cardio workout and I think I quit shortly into it because it was SO hard.  She looks like a Tracy Anderson alternative I need to get behind!  Three free workouts I just found : DANCE CARDIO / 20 MINUTE WORKOUT / 40 MINUTE WORKOUT

And speaking of Kardashians, alert the masses! Ya heard it here first! Rob and Chyna have broken up! The wedding is OFF!

I mean…. isn’t this a news headline every other week? And don’t we all know this is never going to last?

Love Actually returning for a sequel is the best news of the week!!! But how can it only be 10 minutes!? We need more!! {my gif in Monday’s post must have been a subconscious premonition!}

Some Links for the weekend! 

I love this sporty tee for running around on the weekends.

Lilly always pleasantly surprises me with their two-piece outfits.  Love this maxi two piece  and the wrap top two piece.

The perfect neutral solid tank with a pretty neckline and just enough detail. 

Put me near the beach, and this is the strapless top I want to be wearing. 

I’m still on the hunt for the perfect drape front coat, and this may be a winner! 

The most adorable striped shift dress for under $90.

I am thrilled that this shoe is back in style.  <3 

I can’t get enough of jumpsuits lately. and this color is gorgeous 

A yellow one piece that makes me happy. 

I love knit fit + flare dresses, and this one is so classy in a beautiful bold color. 
it has killer reviews and Im not surprised one bit. perfect for ANY age.

A great example that you can never have too many striped tees, because this is perfection. 

alright….. you know where I’m headed….. enjoy your LONG weekends! 

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by  
Favorite, health, Lifestyle

:: 31 Day Challenge Update ::

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Happy Valentine’s Day!

 
I wanted to follow up on some of my New Years Intentions, 
and I’ve gotten requests for more health + fitness posts!
I challenged myself to 31 straight days of working out in January and I am happy to say that I completed it! 
Previously, I was already working out a fair amount, 
about 4-6 days per week, but never at this intensity.
The group exercise classes have really upped the ante in kicking my butt. 
I used to be able to walk for an hour on the treadmill while I watched a show, but sadly, those days are long gone.  Hashtag insert expletives. 
 
I wanted to share a few things I learned by doing this fitness challenge.
 
keeping track of all of my workouts. 
 
1. It is not nearly as hard as I thought it would be.
I already was working out a fair amount, but somehow working out every single day was actually less difficult.  Because it was something I planned and knew was not optional, it was never really a burden.  I planned my workouts in advance, signed up for whatever classes I wanted to take during the week on Classpass, and it was a done deal. 
There were only a few times when I didn’t want to workout, and they were when it was nighttime and I hadn’t fit my workout in in the morning or hadn’t signed up for a class.  But since it wasn’t optional not to, I just did it, and after starting I didn’t mind at all.  
Somehow 7 days a week was less stressful than 4-6? 

2. Just start…. and then you won’t want to stop. 
My goal was 30 minutes every day, with the hopes of working out for an hour (30 minutes of Tracy Anderson + at least 30 minutes of cardio).   There were days I didn’t think I would get through my Tracy DVD after doing cardio, so I would tell myself that I would just do the ab and arm part (about 10 of the 30 minutes).  By the time I was done with the first 10 minutes, I had no problem finishing the rest.  Sometimes I didn’t think I’d be able to do the treadmill, so I would just hop on and walk, and by 10 minutes in I felt fine and would jog or do intervals no problem.  If I just started, the energy would come. 
 
3. Along with just starting, just put on the exercise clothes.
Put on your exercise clothes as soon as you wake up or as soon as you walk in the door. 
 If I didn’t, I would put the workout off until later. 
zella yollo
 
3. Listen to your body and adjust accordingly. 
You have to listen to your body.  
Somehow in January I never had a time when I felt so exhausted I couldn’t workout, but this past week I came home from work and put on my gym clothes and Kip came in to find me sitting on the couch in our bedroom falling asleep.  This NEVER happens.  I took an hour nap, and when I woke up, I squeezed in a quick walk and some planks before dinner and was fine with not doing the hour workout I had planned.  I needed a break.  
 
4.  I finally reached the goals I had wanted to hit for the last 1-2 years. 
I still would like to lose a few more pounds, but I have gotten so strong and have the most muscle I have ever had.  I don’t like to be specific because
I fear an Oprah moment where the minute she wheels out that wagon of fat,
 her pants never. fit. again. 
Just kidding…. but not really….  
And I know this is more related to diet than exercise, but I do think that taking actual cardio classes like Blast and Spinning and pushing myself made a big difference. 
 
5.  A foam roller is your BFF.  And Epsom Salt Baths. 
It helps…. a lot.  I have never been so sore in my life.  
And it’s hard to pinpoint exactly how beneficial the epsom salt baths were, 
but I felt considerably less sore when I soaked versus when I didn’t. 
 
6.  I managed my time so much better.
Since I was taking a lot of classes, my workouts were a scheduled part of my day.  In the past I really only worked out at home, so I could put it off or let myself turn my 30 minute DVD into a 45 minute -1 hour DVD by pausing after certain sections to do other things.  With the classes it was one hour and done. 
 
7. It’s true what they say about making something a habit. 
Since January ended and February began, the only day I haven’t worked out was the day that I flew home from Vegas to Atlanta.  And that’s only because I left the hotel before 10 AM and didn’t get home until 8 PM.  I still went to the gym at the hotel twice just to get something done and I feel like it made all the difference. 
(Keep in mind I worked out already a lot in the past because I know for stress and sanity it helps me immensely, and I love to watch my shows – true motivation!) 
This weekend in Arizona we are hiking one day and I will do something else the other days. 
I have kept the mentality that it is part of my day, not something that is optional, and overall it hasn’t really been an issue. 
I signed up for an unlimited month at a spin studio and have been using that as my motivator for February.  It is definitely working – I am determined to get my moneys worth!
 Kip and I have been spinning together on Sundays since January, too, 
and that helps kick off the week on a good start.
OH! And when I really need some extra motivation, I’ll reward myself after a tough class with Kale Me Crazy.
The Recharge and Refuel are my favorite!
There is one on the way home from all of the spin studios I go to, 
and one directly next door to Blast.
And I am obsessed. 
 
editors note : 
As I say in all of my fitness + health posts,
I know absolutely nothing and can be extremely unhealthy and there is no reason to listen to anything I say 
(about anything in life really, not just this).
But this is what has worked for me.
 I feel awkward talking about it but I get so many questions and requests about it that I am trying to do more posts around the subject! 
 
I am going to do a post on food in the future as requested,
but a few meals on heavy repeat lately : 

Quick Turkey Meatballs 



with leftovers I’ve been making Meatball Salad 

My favorite way to reward myself for meeting health goals is something fitness related.
I love new gym clothes, but I still haven’t bit the bullet on any fitness tracker. 
I wear a thin gold bangle from my mom on my left wrist every day (and never take it off) but I just can’t do the clunky Apple Watch or big black thick band that screams FITNESS TRACKER. 
I just found these options though, and am in love with them. 
You would NEVER know they are fitness trackers.
I searched around for reviews on the bangle and it has great reviews, 
just that it runs small, but I have tiny wrists so hopefully that would work in my favor! 
 
 
For an actual watch instead of just a bangle, 
this navy leather band watch is errything. 
These don’t look anything like activity trackers,
which is what has kept me from getting one in the first place.
There are so many ugly options! Finally pretty ones!
…. and the cheers with champagne glasses is just an added bonus 🙂 

 

 



 
I also love the Blush + Gold! 
 


And in the spririt of Valentine’s Day
 


treat-yo-self to some pink leggings 🙂 


//  PINK LEGGINGS  //

I was wanting to make my February focus on having better sleep hygiene,

 but I have failed miserably at that this month….. so perhaps next month? 
 


I hope you all have a wonderful Valentine’s Day with your significant other, gal pals, or family! 

by  
Lifestyle, weekend recap

:: monday things ::

Happy Monday Everyone!! 

Just a quick follow up from Friday’s Post : 
I got lots of e-mails and comments about Bethenny and Jason, so I just wanted to say that I am relieved so many of you are as conflicted as I am 🙂
Perhaps we should start an emotional support group…..

also, I did a post Saturday with my favorite Guilt Free Chocolate Dessert 
so check it out for a sweet Valentine’s Day treat! 
What did we think of the Grammy’s last night??
Kelsea Ballerini is 100% Dorit from RHOBH’s doppleganger.
During her performance they were straight up TWINS.

watch part of the performance here
I like her a lot and think she is adorable. 

I know I may be struck dead for saying this,
but I just don’t really care about Beyonce (and haven’t for quite some time)?
And I really didn’t care for any of her performance last night.
There is nothing more obnoxious than someone treating their pregnancy like the Second Coming of Christ.
WE GET IT. You’re pregnant.  You aren’t the first or last person to carry a child. Or two. 
and at the end of her peromance we MUST have a full standing ovation and 20 seconds of just everyone admiring her.
(I can hear people gasping and cursing me already….. how dare I!!!) 
but enough about the Grammy’s…… 
I did a rare thing and went to the mall this weekend,
and it was a serious reminder why I NEVER go to the mall.
It is truly torture.  
and that’s before you even think about having to try things on in those horrifyingly lit dressing rooms. 
Free shipping and free returns from the comfort of my couch is ten times better.
editors note : 
I went to the mall so that I could go to Lululemon to get shorts for Kip for Valentine’s Day.  
I gave them to him this weekend and told him I had debtated getting him shorts from this company called Birddogs where its built in underwear and you can workout in them or wear them as swim trunks.
(Kyle from Summer House’s company)
AND GUESS WHAT HE SAID.
“Yeah.  I know Birddogs.”
WHAT?! 
So now I am truly wanting to order a pair of these shorts for him to try….. and I am thinking it’s because they have this cute seersucker pair that would be a cute swimsuit for him, but in reality I think it’s because I am a wee bit obsessed with Kyle and think he is hilarious so I want to support him by buying a pair of shorts. read : I am a lunatic.
But really….. the website is hilarious.  There is humor everywhere you look.
On the DESIGN tab they talk about the 
Ball Pouch : It contours instead of mashes, with enough room for a summer squash.
and
Go ahead.  Dip your cone into these Dippy Pippy’s.
(It clearly doesnt’ take much to amuse me.)
And they offer 3 length options too so you can go as frat as you like and show as much pasty man thigh as your heart desires. 



but I digress….. 

so I went to the mall….. 
There were a few things that I saw and loved while diverting my eyes in Nordstrom and trying not to look left or right but go straight to Lululemon to buy him his present.
I wouldn’t have looked twice at this top online – it looks unflattering and matronly,
 but in person it is the most beautiful color and cut.
 It was entirely sold out in the store but luckily they still have it online!
Same thing with this dress….
I wouldn’t have stopped scrolling online because you can’t see any of the details,
but in person the lace is simply stunning.
This navy coat was EVERYTHING.
It looked very Tory Burch to me?
It was GORGEOUS and looks like it costs like a million bucks.
Directly across from Lululemon was Zara…. soooo I kind of had to take a peek.
Let me tell you, it was a nightmare.
It’s just so overwhelming in there which is a shame because they have SO much good stuff, but I was in an out as quickly as possible (except for the 20 minute line to check out. literally. couch + free shipping for the win once again).
I loved this pink ruffle top + the black and white striped shorts, but decided to wait.
The top was $50 and I wasn’t sure it was worth the price.
 I did snag this floral romper that looks like a dress.  
 PINK FRILLED TOP   //  STRIPED SHORTS                              // ZARA ROMPER // 
The dress/romper is under $50 and the detailing at the back is super cute.
It has a large key-hole opening and then a black bow. 

I was trying to figure out if I could wear it with my OTK black or grey boots to dress it up for nighttime and think I like it with both?
So that’s why I have the weird photo with two different shoes 😉
I can hear my mom saying out loud “that is hideous” as she reads this already….. 

Two other pieces I loved:
This navy open vest/waistcoat that will look super cute with jeans, a tank, and booties. 


// ZARA WAISTCOAT // 




And this striped ruffle tee. 



// STRIPED TOP //








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Some Monday Motivation + Links : 


I am obsessed with the show This Is Us, and I know I am not alone.


Chrissy Metz ia already down 100 pounds and uses the show as added motivation.  



and no spoilers, but if her character does what they are hinting at, I will be very upset!



50 Surprisingly Simple Ways to Make Someone Happy 
3 things genuinely happy people do daily
This quick 10 minute body weight workout has only 3 moves.
If you still need a quick Valentine’s gift idea for your significant other, these love books are a great idea.
I gave the “What I love About You” one a few years ago! 
and 32 affordable gifts for the ladies! 
by  
health, Lifestyle, recipe

:: Valentine’s Day Dessert : Flourless Chocolate Brownies ::

 that’s right…. I used a cookie cutter and everything.  <3 
  
I have a Saturday surprise post for you today! 

I had to share my {healthy} decadent brownie recipe in time for you to bake it for your Valentine or Galentine next week!




I don’t know how, but these brownies have no flour, oil, or sugar, and taste like the biggest indulgence in the world. 

These brownies do have a secret ingredient : PB2.
If you havent heard of PB2, it is just ground peanuts.  The only ingredient is peanuts, so don’t worry it isn’t some fake/processed/bad for you ingredient.  It has 85% less fat than peanut butter, and it is delicious. I eat it with apples all the time.   Publix and regular supermarkets now carry it (with the peanut butter) but you can always order on Amazon, too.  
It perfectly replaces the flour AND gives them a peanut butter kick.
Who doesn’t love chocolate combined with peanut butter? 
I promise you will love these if you make them! 
*Notes about the recipe:  I have made these 3 times, and although the recipe calls for 30 minutes at 325 degrees, I have had a fully jiggly uncooked center every time at 30 minutes.  I even changed pans and it still happened.  I have had to cook mine for closer to 50 minutes.  


:: PB2 FLOURLESS CHOCOLATE BROWNIES :: 
recipe originally from Skinnytaste
  • cooking spray
  • 1 large egg
  • 1 large egg white
  • 1 cup PB2
  • 1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1/4 tsp kosher salt
  • 1/2 cup plus 1 tbsp water
  • 1/2 cup raw honey
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 3/4 cup milk chocolate chips
Directions:
Preheat the oven to 325°F. Spray a nonstick 9 x 9 inch baking pan with cooking spray.
Beat the egg and egg white in a small bowl with a whisk.
In a large bowl combine the PB2, cocoa powder, salt, baking soda and mix well with a spatula. Add the egg and egg whites and stir. Add water, honey, vanilla and stir with a spatula until combined. Fold in the chocolate chips.
Pour the mixture into the prepared baking pan and bake about 30 minutes. Set aside to cool, then cut into 12 bars cutting 3 rows x 4 rows.
Servings: 12  • Serving Size: 1 bar • Points +: 4 pts • Smart Points: 6

Calories: 131 • Fat: 5 g • Protein: 6 g • Carb: 26 g • Fiber: 3 g • Sugar: 20 g


Sodium: 217 mg • Cholesterol: 20 g

Perfect way to enjoy a guilt free Valentine’s Day! 




I serve mine warm, 


and add in some vanilla ice cream to kick it up a notch! 


{Halo Top is a great option if you’re eating clean!} 


I hope you make these and love them as much as I do! 




….. trying to take these photos at 9 PM was hard enough with my level of photography skills…..


…. trying to take these photos without eating everything first was even harder….. 


by  
friday randoms, Lifestyle

:: FRIDAY RANDOMS ::



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:: Random Thoughts + Link Love :: 

We all are aware of the recent events with Bethenny and her ex-husband Jason Hoppy.  I mentioned it slightly in last weeks Coffee Talk.
I have always thought he seemed amazing, and on season 3 of their show Bethenny pretty much annihilated him, and I just never knew how much of either side to believe.
aka – I feel like he’s a good guy and he’s being made out to be the devil by her.
But…. I have educated myself a bit more this week (you know, podcasts and gossip sites) and now I feel like I am wrong?!
Because everyone else is saying he has been horrible always, and that all of this stuff with what the arrest was over 2 weeks ago is legitimately true, and that it has been like that for awhile.

WHAT?!  Please comment or e-mail me your thoughts because my mind is blown.
Watch him the whole first 2 seasons of the show before their marriage was imploding and he was SO SWEET to her even when she was a lunatic! 

I feel like a fool!

If you are going to be baking for Valentine’s Day,
I may have stopped at their new Cookie Bar at The Cosmopolitan and let me just tell you, it is delicious.  I have a friend that was a pastry chef there and she brought us a bunch of baked goods to Chicago one time and I have been a believer ever since.
But these cakes look adorable and you can layer them and change them up with whatever things you like!
Plus, you bake the cake on a sheet pan which, to me, makes it 10x easier!
………speaking of Valentine’s dessert….but one that is much faster to make and healthier.
I’ll be doing a Saturday post sharing my flourless brownie recipe that is CRACK.
I made it in January and it was insanely delicious, so I am going to bake a batch tonight in an attempt to get better pictures, because we kinda just dug right  into the pan a few weeks ago 🙂




So if any of you are being healthy, you can still indulge on Valentine’s Day without the guilt. 






I just saw a video for Kyle Cooke from Summer House’s business he works with called Birddogs, gym shorts for free balling.




OH.  Nevermind. I am coming back to correct that after going to the website.




It is “Gym Shorts For Free Balling Crotch Crusaders” 


I just can’t….. 


…. yet, I still am oddly in love with him? 


And does this make me love him more? Kind of? 


My favorite pair is Seersucker and named The Flying Wasp.


I mean, yes, I love him more. 



His more legit company is called Fenix.






I always tape the 10 o’clock hour of the today show and will watch it at night after work while I do my Tracy Anderson DVD or cook dinner. 


I love me some Hoda and Kathy Lee 🙂 




Two beauty finds that Bobbi shared this week that I love. 




The Pony Dry Shower Cap 


This lets you wash your roots while keeping your ends dry. 


If this really works, I am game. 


There’s only so much dry shampoo’ing you can do.




And the most genius make-up tool : 


Remember the pens that had different colors and you would just push down whichever one you wanted? 


This is the make-up version with 3 eye liner colors and 1 lip color

// CLARINS 4-IN-1 PEN // 
it has been selling out and being restocked, but if it is, 
google it and there are other places in stock! 






Talk about what would have been the perfect stocking stuffer?! 


Perfect Valentine’s Day gift now I suppose?! 










Friday Links: 




I found the gorgeous pumps I posted Wednesday for 20% off in this beautiful blue color. 




I love the tiny bit of exposed skin with this side tie sweater.




I’ve gotten a couple of questions about my tortoise sunglasses from Las Vegas; they just re-stocked the grey tortoise shell (!!) so hopefully the dark tortoise will be soon too! 


I love this pair and this pair that are also a steal at under $15!  


The most perfect black OTK boots are down from $225 to under $100! 


I’ve been eyeing this dupe of a Chloe bag  all week. 


All of the cute Valentine’s jammies have me set on getting a new (inexpensive) set.  I alternate between three usually two sets of pajamas because I do laundry every other day and it’s time for something new.  I like this short set for something comfy + cute and love this set for a little lace.  I love the look and price of Honeydew Intimates pj’s. 












CHEERS TO THE WEEKEND ! 


My weekend will be a quiet one while I continue my detox from last weekend 


and prepare to re-tox with girlfriends next weekend 🙂 


No complaints – I am greatly looking forward to relaxing, organizing and catching up on some sleep! 


Next week, I’ll recap my January Intentions and 31 Day Challenge with working out.




I saw that Tone It Up is having their 7 Day Slimdown kicking off next week so I think I’m going to try to follow that starting Sunday until we head to Scottsdale for our reunion weekend! 



xx




by  
coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: Coffee Talk ::

discuss amongst ya-selves……. 


:: SUMMER HOUSE :: 
I just love this show so much.
Everett and Lindsay are insane.  You’re too old for wasted fighting every single weekend and slapping your boyfriend across the face (well… the slapping is at no age appropriate)
Everett’s facial expressions when he is drunk and pissed off are so extreme that they look like he’s acting or something?  He gets seriously crazy.
although I did appreciate his  “sayo-freakin-nara” break up line.  that was pretty solid. 
Drunk Kyle apologies to anything (chips…. walls… air….) and everyone 700 times despite not being involved in any of it.
See?! I knew I liked Kyle! He says sorry even when it doesn’t apply 🙂 
But truly, Everett and Lindsay are doomed.
They go wine tasting the day after this, because Kyle refuses to let these people ruin his #SundayFunday
but alas, the fights continue. 
Then Lindsay wants to hold a house meeting to keep Christina from coming to the house because only 5 people’s names are on the lease.
editors note: her name doesn’t have an H but I don’t feel like correcting it every time, so it stays. I have enough typo’s in these Coffee Talks to worry about…..amiright!? pah-reach.  
Seriously? A house meeting? Right in front of her? 
Kyle says it is : “Next level mind eff warfare.
When guys have a fight, we just splash some water on each others faces.
She throwing someones career under the bus.”
I’m sorry but the common thread in all of the house issues is Lindsay.  
So my guess is Lindsay is the real problem here. 
Also, I like Christina’s extreme facial expressions better.
Carl continues to climb the ladder of douchery week after week.
Carl: “Lauren is super fun, smart, intellectual.  I don’t know what to do with that.”
Lauren – you are way too good for this loser!!
Then fit model Jacqueline is back and she and Carl are all over each other.
Lauren, RUN.  PUH lease.
In conclusion, a complement to all. 
Slow clap to all of these people being able to Sunday Funday it up like it’s the first day of a week long vacation and then get up at 4 or 5 AM and drive back to the city for work.
I want to be friends with ALL of you based solely on that. 
 
:: BACHELOR :: 
One thing I can commend Nick on in his ability to send girls home left and right.
And that’s about it….. 
I think 6 girls got sent home? And I think we’ve barely heard more than 6 sentences come out of his mouth.
And the sentences we have heard, I can barely understand.
He needs a speech therapist.
ASAP. 
Thank Goodness Corinne is still there though, because even him crying constantly isn’t entertaining enough to keep me interested in this show.  I full blown scroll instagram now and go into the dark hole of Pinterest while the show is on.  Hell, I’ll even have conversations throughout it because I know I’m not missing anything. 
 
The Russian dental hygienist Kristina takes the cake for this season’s sad story.
Earlier we had the drug overdose fiance, which was very sad, from the blonde 30+ year old neonatal nurse with the voice of an infant. {still don’t know how you can be engaged to someone with NO clue they do drugs?} 
Enter Kristina, with a horrible childhood and mom that didn’t want her, orphanage, fleeing Russia without her sister, etc.  It’s so, so sad. 
What I’m really trying to say is…… 
Jubilee from Ben’s season is PISSED.  The no family story was hers first.  
At least she still wins over Kristina with being emotionally damanged and closed off? 
 
The group date is a total bore and also a disaster. 
All of the girls are scattered about the date location crying alone about the lack of time with Nick.
 
They don’t want group dates! 
They don’t want volleyball!
Where’s Corinne when we need her to come in here and explain how dating on The Bachelor works? 
 
Jasmine has played the role of the girl who has never gotten any one on one time thus far this season.  This person usually is so mentally unhinged that when that time does finally come, they go insane.
And just as producers have planned, Jasmine takes the bait and does just that, discussing her desire to choke him over not getting a rose and then making it even more uncomfortable by taking it to a sexual choking level. 
 
I mean….. wow.  
At that point you can’t even blame the producers because you have taken it to a whole new level of crazy that can only come from the inside. 
 
Nick sends both of the girls home on his 2-on-1 date and I still cant figure out why?
And then he goes to the hotel to cry to the girls and walks out in a huge dramatic scene probably waiting for someone/all of them to come running after him. 
 
WHAT UNIVERSE IS THIS?
The Bachelor is having crying fits and waiting for the women to rush after him to console him? 
NO WONDER YOU ARE SINGLE.
Actually…. there are a LOT of reasons besides this….. 
 
:: NICK ON LIVE WITH KELLY :: 
Nick was on Live with Kelly this week with her husband Mark Consuelos as the co-host.
Nick sits there and mumbles says absolutely nothing.
Nothing. Much like he does on The Bachelor. 
 Kelly and Mark are really funny commenting on things and he just…. sits there? And says “thanks” to things that are definitely not complements. 
They rip into him a little bit and say he just needs to stay single, and they both laugh at his “riveting” responses.  I loved it. 
 
I feel like I want Juan Pablo back….. maybe even Farmer Chris??? 
All of these Bachelors just are awful.  But in all seriousness….. 
WHERE IS A NEW GUY THAT IS SUCCESSFUL AND HOT LIKE ANDREW FIRESTONE CIRCA 2003 WHEN WE NEED HIM?!  


:: VANDERPUMP :: 
Tom and Katie spend $18 per invitation and don’t put a line for the guests to write their names on the RSVP card.
So they have no idea who is coming the wedding.
KARMA IS A BITCH TO BITCHES KATIE.  KARMA IS A BITCH. 

Um. Joe Simpson.  Making an appearance.  In this episode.  Was the only thing to get me through.
MY JAW WAS ON THE FLOOR. 
What do you think Jessica + Ashlee think of this whole thing?
And what are their family gatherings like?
He was so disgusting…. and talking about the gut in and penis out thing? 
WOOF. 



Also…. TOM.  Watching Tom doing this modeling stuff is 10x better than just watching him straighten his hair and apply make-up at their apartment. 
ALSO.  Why was Tom bringing in a 12 pack of Coors to Joe’s house for the shoot?
Did that creep anyone else out??? 
Joe: “I’d love to take modeling photos of you… I think you could be really successful…. just come to my house and we’ll do it here… and bring some alcohol too it’ll be fun.”


I want to see more of Pandora’s home 
(that was gifted to her, fully furnished and completed, for her 30th birthday.  Because that’s normal).
Not necessarily because I love it, but because I felt like there was SO MUCH to look at that I didn’t get a good look at anything.  It seemed like the scale of everything in there was meant for a home as grand as LVP’s with 30 foot ceilings and like it made no sense in her home.  
not saying it wasn’t nice and expensive! 
just couldn’t see past the pastel pink and white faux fur blinding me and I need a second look! 


I have nothing else to say about the episode because once James’ girlfriend Raquel starting talking I had to cover my ears and scream “la-la-la” to get her voice out of my head. 


:: WWHL :: 
After Vanderpump Monday, Scheana was on and 
WOW was her right eye WONKY. 

Was it the eyelashes? It was crazy 

 
:: SPORTS ILLUSTRATED SWIM ISSUE :: 
My commitment to the SI Swim Issue is on par with never missing the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.
Can you even believe Christie Brinkley in this bathing suit?? 
I mean, please Dear Lord, let me look like her somehow in the future now.
I’ll take whatever she’s having.  
I think the issue comes out Monday the 13th!! 
 
:: REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS :: 
We start this weeks episode talking about
THE AGENCY. 
We are in fact now doing entire trips around
THE AGENCY.
This is truly blowing my mind.
I love you Mauricio…. but seriously….
Eden meets with LVP and explains to her that everything she is saying about Kim/Kyle came straight from BigLipsMcGee Rinna.
Fair enough.  It did.
And there’s no denying it when every sentence Eden said is followed up by a clip airing with the sentence coming from Rinna first.  But honestly.
Let Rinna say it and get herself involved in a mess that is none of her business and be done.
Stay out of it! Just because you were an addict/your sister was an addict does not mean you can go hurl yourself into their lives. 
And as the rest of the episode reiterates, when the ladies are discussing it in Mexico, it still doesn’t mean you aren’t annoying as hell. 
You may be off the hook for the one Rinna thing, but you are still straight up coo coo. 
I think hearing her on the Podcast for Kate Casey has really upped my UGHHH factor for Eden because she wasn’t bad this week and only defended herself which is fair.  So I felt the need to explain my serious UGHH factor on her 🙂  because the UGH is real. 
It looks like things get nuts the next couple of weeks…. 
and it looks like there is a lot of Kim…. (editors note : UGH.) 
and WOAH what is that one Erika Jayne look!? 
Not the one where she is crying “you don’t know what I go through” and looks a wee bit scary,
 but the one where she has pink hair and looks a bit like a drag queen and a wee bit scary.
I. Can’t. Wait!!! 
:: JOE ROGAN + LEAH REMINI PODCAST :: 
So Leah taped this Podcast a few weeks ago, but I just caught wind of it and listened this week and she is great on it.
Who knew Joe Rogan had a Podcast? 
note to self: I still need to do post on all my fav podcasts! 
:: NEW BRAVO LOGO  :: 


My-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen and his network went and got themselves a whole new look, brand, and logo….. 
I’m not sure if I love the new logo…..I kind of liked the bold colors they had before? 
 But I do like the new way they have the text/font on the lower left side of the screen for their alerts.  For example, it has “WWHL up next with __insert guests name__”  and it blends in so much more and is less distracting than it was before with everyones heads constantly popping up with all the colors? I feel like this whole part made no sense unless you watch as much Bravo as I do….. 
Thoughts? Discuss….. 
 

:: IMPOSTERS :: 

I noticed the new Logo when watching RHOBH and seeing all of the alert’s for Imposters coming up…. 

 

Imposters is the newest scripted series on Bravo, about a female con artist.

So obviously I taped it and watched…. I think I liked it? 
I’ll give it a few episodes.  I certainly enjoyed it more than some of the GGTD episodes I’ve seen lately, so at least it has that! 

 

Did any of you watch? 
but no scripted series will EVER rival Odd Mom Out.  Ever. 
:: JACKHOLE :: 
Is Danielle really coming back to RHONJ? 
I don’t think I can do this….. 
:: JACKHOLE PART II :: 
If I see one more commercial for 50 Shades of Grey I am going to
lose. ma. damn. mind.
mostly because of the song
“oh oh oh oh oh oh JUST WANNA KEEP CALLING YA NAME”
torturing me every 8 minutes.
It is NEVER ENDING.
They have payed some big bucks because it is immediately on after any show cuts to commercial and I am never fast enough to grab the remote and hit fast forward before “I DON’T WANNA LIVE….. FOREVER” slaps me in my ears all over again.
and I feel like I’ve already seen the entire movie and know exactly what happens.
editors note : sorry. rant complete.  and this was the short version. 

 

EDITORS NOTE : 

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.  

#hypocrite  #sorryimnotsorry

I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either.  or the day after that.

 

 


gifs and images via giphy, ABC , E!, Real Housewives Tmblr, and Bravo 
 


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