discuss amongst ya-selves…..

I mean…. yikes.  The Bachelorette was just painful.
If you didn’t feel for her, you have a heart of ice. 

I think we all realized this was coming once it was down to the final three, they moved the finale up, and they kept showing the sobbing.
And since they aired how she was already in love with Brooks, like, three times before.

The thing I don’t get is this: She talked all season about how her ex never was able to vocalize his feelings, never verbalized them, and she realized she needs that.  So what does she do? Falls in love with the one that never verbalizes his feelings or tells her anything about his emotions.  Of course she does 🙂
Monday’s 2 hours of what I feel will be her dumping the other 2 and then everyone going home alone is going to just be miserable.  
silver lining: the crop top is adorable, so she looks great while he stomps all over her heart and ruins everything. 

lilo finished her 90 day stint in rehab!

excellent exit ensemble.  
love the knee highs, very mean girls-esque. 

except, the rehab center and court are saying she needs 3x a week therapy for a year and a half.  If she doesn’t do this, the center says “it is a set up for almost certain failure”.

…. so clearly rehab went well! they have tons of faith!

basically, in so many words, let the countdown begin to the sightings at bars and nightclubs. and the return to court. then rehab. then blah blah blah…….

The only thing more entertaining than Slade’s brother

{whom I would much rather watch every week than Slade}

was Gretchen’s musical proposal.  Thank God for auto tune. 

Gretchen’s mom seemed real thrilled didn’t she? 

The OC Reunion teaser video is just amazing. 
 I can’t handle it.

watch it {here} .  I hope it’s a three-part-er.

Simon! My goodness! It’s like Shania-Twain Affair all over again!

Simon has impregnated his best friends wife with child.

Here were his thoughts about having a child in a previous quote:

“God, no. I couldn’t have children. If I had them here drawing on the walls I’d go nuts,” he said in 2009. “You’ve got to be up at a certain time. Got to listen. When all you want to do is sit in a corner thinking.” 

Oh…. well….. maybe you shouldn’t be poking around your best friends wife’s territory.  Congratulations!! 

Oh. My. God. Goo Goo.

The lead singer of Goo Goo Dolls got married! 

You are totally looking at the bride in that photo….

aren’t ya? 
that’s not where your eye goes? 

no…..

not even a little? 

NO CRAP! 
BECAUSE LOOK AT HIS FACE!

Kenny Loggins and Bruce Jenner are thrilled someone is taking the spotlight away from their plastic surgery success for a hot minute. 

Theresa and Joe…. I feel like they’ve been dodging this for quite some time.  How? I have no idea. 

But a little bit of obvious advice: if you are hiding assets and income, don’t go on a television show!! And you can’t really hide your income from said television show, dumbasses.
I had no idea Joe wasn’t a US Citizen.  And I really can’t believe they were on WWHL the night before they showed up to the arraignment? 
I have to requote the always hilarious d.listed:
“No word yet if Teresa’s greedy hair line was also charged with grand theft for stealing half of her forehead.” 

Princesses of Long Island: 

So this is from 2 episodes ago I believe, but I was away, and it just needs to be brought up. The double date that Ashlee went on with the 90 50 year old man. 

Before they went to the retirement-home-night-club and she acted like she was grossed out, am I wrong, or was she TOTALLY into it?  She legitimately wants a creepy rich old man! And I’m not buying that Amanda knew this weirdo but Jeff didn’t.  Because it seemed like Jeff was definitely feeling him.  Shocker. 
Who are these people? If I were ever to be eating next to any of them I would have to stand up and leave. 

And as I say every week……. HOW does amanda not see this? Are her and Des drinking some kind of Kool-Aid? {des because…. drew is so pretty and feminine I’m just really not so sure.} 

Jeff Lewis Interior Therapy is back and I love it. 

 His one liners are some of the best I’ve ever heard; he figures people out and knows how to insult them instantly, which I feel is a rare and admirable quality. {slow clap}. 
Another thing I admire about Jeff? 
His photobombing abilities.   

If you aren’t hysterically convulsing right now, just go away. 

I have been watching bits and pieces of the Kardashians, and I just need to say one thing.  Who told Kim to wear a buttoned up Ina-Garten blouse with a statement necklace in her reflection/diary/confessional speech things? 

You know how much worse it is in the confessional thing, but I thought taking an iPhone picture of my TV would be going a little too far.
{not like I haven’t done it before}. 
I will say, all of the paparazzi shots during her preganancy were horrid, because of her horrid ensembles.  But she does look very pretty on the show when she isn’t squeezing into herve leger dresses at 7 months preg. Even the bikini in Greece! 


Way to to end it on a high note! 
until next week….. 

discuss amongst ya-selves……

Bachelorette prediction:

Brooks dumps her ass.  She was crying about how she had “Reached the finish line” with him.  That sounds like she’s banging him, but apparently it’s her language for “fallen in love.” I feel like if she is already saying she loves him and he said he is “walking” it ain’t gonna happen.  I also feel like you should act like adults and quit referring to your relationship in this stupid metaphors, but whatever. 

 I want her to pick Chris. (I know, I know… he writes A LOT of poems but I don’t have enough cheese in my life so why the hell not). 

He seems the most normal…. but hometown dates are next week and people’s families are always all kinds of f’ed up and ruin it, don’t they? {cough… Des family.  her psycho brother returns next week.}

I also totally forgot how BORING and dumb Sean’s pick Catherine was until that staged scene played out. Her voice….No. 

Real Housewives of OC:

VICKI.  Vicki finds out that Lauri has been talking about her and her sleeping around/possible three-some and goes bat-sh*t-crazy.  I just rewound and replayed the last 5 minutes of that show about 15 times. 

I’VE NEVER BEEN WITH MULTIPLE PARTNERS IN MY LIFE!!!!! 

YOU ARE DISGUSTING!!!!! 

{I literally did a snapchat video of this scene and sent it out to people laughing my ass off.  It was pure Bravo Gold}. 

Plus, they are all wearing ski goggles as this happens and they look like freaks on the mountain. Lydia takes this opportunity to make snow angels, and I couldn’t help but think it seemed like an awesome thing to do if you were high. 

Isn’t that ironic? Too bad her mom wasn’t there.

Princesses of Long Island: Nothing new here. 

Erica continues to be the worst girlfriend ever and get drunk + whore it up. 

And the Jeff saga continues. How many jokes and innuendo’s are they going to make about Jeff??

“I’ll just be in the closet baby.  I’ll be hanging out in your closet.  I’m locked in the closet!” 

Him and this creepy “relationship” make the show. 

Soooo I know only a few of you said you watch Big Brother, but this week I think everyone knows about it.  One (a few) but mostly one of the houseguests have been making some serious racial comments and it made all the news outlets.  I’ve had to explain the scenario to my friends because no one gets it, but basically they are mic’d and on camera 24/7 and they know it.  It’s not like Real World or anything – it NEVER ends and there are 20 cameras on each person at every time.  People can watch online or on TV 24/7.  SO when you say these things, people are WATCHING.  She was already the obnoxious bitch in the house, and now this is the sugar on top. 

whoever made this mean girls reference is hilarious

 The best part is she has already lost her job, all of America things she is horrible, and she is sitting in the house and has NO idea and will have no idea until she gets kicked out (which could be as far away as September).  

{watch clip here… or google and it’ll make more sense}

It truly is such an amazing show.  I was SCREAMING during the power of veto Wednesday and was SO excited about last night’s turn of events (won’t spoil it for the 3 of you that watch incase you haven’t seen it!). 

AND Chen-bot (andy cohen’s nickname for her) asked Aaryn questions about while she smiled like the dumbass she is.  Julie Chen was PISSSEDDD.  If eyes could kill.  God I love Big Brother. 

{sorry if that whole segment made no sense}. 

Amanda is at it again.  It started with calling President Obama and Michelle “ugly”.  Um…. what?  Even for her, that is seriously shocking. 

I watched She’s the Man this weekend and felt pangs of sadness…. I miss the old Amanda.

The blue wig for court…. the dog.  That poor dog was even trying to get away from her as she used it as a shield from the paparazzi. 

She tweeted yesterday “my life has changed for the better ever since I started tweeting in lower case font”.

I mean… SO poetic.  Kanye could really learn some things from this crazy.  

I don’t understand why George Clooney breaking up is such big news.  Isn’t that a guarantee when you start dating him? 

I wonder which young celeb will be next. She should be thanking him for giving her a career again. 

I’m interested to see how this John Mayer and Katy Perry plays out.  

When you call someone a tortured soul, it’s probably not a good thing that you start dating them again? 

But anyone is a step up from Russell Brandt I suppose. 

Is Jenny McCarthy being considered for The View a joke? 

I just can’t comprehend how this would be a possibility.  Don’t get me wrong, she is hilarious…. on WWHL or Chelsea Lately! Not on morning TV! She has the dirtiest mouth ever!? But then again I can’t stand every single person on The View so why the hell not.  They are going to freak out about Elizabeth Hasselbeck and then try to hire Jenny McCarthy??? 

Oh! Breaking News! US Weekly Exclusive: Kanye’s not changing diapers!

I mean…. why is this news? 

Kris Jenner and Justin Beiber’s mom were on WWHL this week.  The only person more annoying than Kris or Beiber is Beiber’s mother.  She acts like a 15 year old.  

beleiber or mother? 

She wouldn’t answer a single question or play anything in any of the games.  She basically just sat there showing her gums.  And, she couldn’t even answer “what is the most embarassing thing your child has ever done?”.  

UM. HELLO! Have you seen your son?? 

Here is an article with 20 possible answers to that question. 

We can start with writing in Anne Frank’s Journal and continue on for 12 hours from there.

She went on to tell stories about how he gives back to charity! at soup kitchens! 

ugh… now I’m all riled up.  I think Beiber has surpassed Miley in my most-obnoxious-human alive book. 

and my apologies for such a late coffee talk! 

discuss amongst ya-selves….. 

Thanks to suri’s burn book I realized this little tid bit:

You can spell The Worst with the letters from North West’s name.

Kim + Kanye released a bunch of different fake photos of the baby to friends to see who would leak it to the press.  

Hey….how about you focus your thoughts on PARENTING rather than more press.  And sell the photo to a magazine and give the money to charity… like a charity for the children who have to grow up with the product of two egomaniacs like you. 

I’m sure you all have seen at least part of Paula Deen’s interview on The Today Show. 
I’m preeeetty sure the words “I’m sorry” were definitely not even spoken? 

She is a complete and utter moron, and who is her PR team? The whole world is watching and waiting for you to apologize and instead you pull a full on “woe is me” moment?? 
If you read regularly, you know I love the food network and have watched her shows for years…. but this really proves she is not my Ina. 

AND, I cannot stand when people “cry” and not ONE tear is coming down. YOU AREN’T CRYING.  They did say she cried really hard when the interview ended though.  I can’t handle when people make the squinty face and the crying voice and act like they are crying. If there aren’t tears, you aren’t fooling anyone. 


As if you needed another reason to love Channing Tatum.
He and his little co-star are so cute together, with a secret handshake. 




 Princesses of Long Island: 
Ashlee’s (Midge’s) “fabulous” 30th birthday party was in a strip mall. Very red carpet just like she said.
As guests enter, there were men in tiny undies with crudités and hummus strapped around their waists. 
Who was the first to dip into the underwear? 

Shocker. 
Chanel/Coco/Blah-Blah’s ex-boyfriend suddenly and completely randomly shows up outside her house to talk! But wait…. his car is already lit entirely with production lights?? 

Once again, come on Bravo.  Your boring me. This whole scene was pointless.
 Erica continues to prove she is definitely not the “hot” girl she was in high school.  But thank God because this was the only entertaining part of the whole episode.  She continues to get wasted while “harmlessly flirting” at the club with Babs and Jeff’s Beard, Amanda. 

It’s totally harmless to talk about extra underwear in your purse, oral sex, and having birthday sleepovers with guys at clubs!  Your boyfriend is crazy and annoying for having trust issues with you! 
I’m sorry, She is pure trash. 
 I can’t wait to see what she says about how she looks in every episode at this reunion. 

I watched random bits and pieces of Don’t Be Tardy throughout the season, but caught the majority of the finale.

Maybe I’ve gone real soft, but I just love how much her and Kroy really do seem to love each other.  She is 100% herself with him and he is nuts over her.  I don’t think I have ever seen them argue once.  And he is so good for her kids with being a father figure and disciplining them.
I bash on people so much during Coffee Talk, but with all the angry dysfunctional people (and couples especially) on TV, it’s nice to see. 
we just don’t want to see too much of it. that’s no fun 🙂 


Even for Miley, these outfits lately have been driving me insane.

When did dressing like a hooker become fashionable? 


Martha Stewart on WWHL was incredible last night.

Spanking Andy and breaking bottles over his head. Too good. 
and tonight….. CHER! I cannot wait. 


Ew….. I just heard Kris Jenner (whilst typing this) is having her own talk show premiere in July.  Gross. 

Episode 1: How to not be a mother, and use your children to make money. 

Big Brother is baaackkkkkk.

I realize that this is not on everyone’s Reality TV obsession list like it is with me, so if any of you DO watch Big Brother please let me know so I can comment with you about it 🙂 I just love it so so much. 


xoxo

discuss amongst ya-selves…..

coffee talk is up a bit late today. I’m still recovering from screaming my head off at the television. 

I was having anxiety attacks a-la-claire danes on homeland every 3 minutes last night watching the Blackhawks game.

It was perhaps the most intense 3 hours of sports I have ever watched. 
  And after 3 periods and overtime, we WON.


Oh wait, I’m sure you don’t give a damn, soooo on to coffee talk!

Princesses of Long Island:

Jeff and Amanda – I just can’t even handle it.

“Jeff LOVES Watching me get out of the pool”. 

{hes probably watching the pool boy behind you}
They hump on lounge chairs while a poor waiter is trying to take their order and repeat “I love you Mama! I love you Dada!” to one another.  It just keeps getting worse and worse. 

Chanel (or Coco…. pick your poison.  We are 3 episodes in and I still can’t figure out which one annoys me the least) announces that HER DAD BUYS HER LINGERIE…as if it is a normal occurrence. 

 UM. You need to see a therapist.  Immediately. And add this to the list you keep mentioning of why you aren’t married.  To be fair, she seems really nice and doesn’t seem to be making the horrid life decisions her friends do. But…. that nice comment being said…. YOUR DAD BUYS YOU LINGERIE???? 

And Casey went from normal to bipolar during the course of one episode.  It begins with her saying “I want to punch you in the face right now” when Erica apologizes for sleeping with her high school boyfriend.

all I kept thinking during this moment was how Casey should say Lauren’s EPIC line:

So, Casey wants to hit her, but by the end of the episode, she changes her mind. 

So, cut to Erica. The girl who used to be the hottest girl in NJ and now is the biggest hot mess I have ever seen is trying to wash down some adderall with a jug of wine at 3 am, and Casey decides she wants to be her AA sponsor! Obviously!!  Casey came into her life for a reason!!! WTF? as Coco would say, Oy vey. 

ughhhhhhh. these two were out together monday.

enough with this back and forth and back and forth! I can’t take it anymore! How many times do we have to scream at you to run as fast as you can Liam! Horse Mouth will is gonna eat you alive!!

We all know Kimye had the baby.
And everyone is just dying to know the name!!!! 

My money is on Kimberly Kanye West.  God forbid attention be taken away from either of them at any point in their lives. 

okay…. so a few weeks ago we discussed how T. Swift was reportedly hooking up with this guy.

Now, SELENA GOMEZ??? I’m sorry…. WHAT am I missing here?

Another perfect example of how men can get anyone based on personality alone.  When guys deny this fact, it infuriates me.  Take a look above: Exhibit A. He must have one bangin’ personality.

RHOOC:

The salsa party brought out some interesting outfits.  
and by interesting, I clearly mean hideous. 

Tamra.  No.  Just no. 

And Slade, yes, Lydia is crazy skinny and could use a cheeseburger.  

Sorry But I’m with Lydia – it’s inappropriate for a man to be making comments any to a woman about her weight at all, skinny or fat.  

And if we are going to state the obvious when it is inappropriate to do so, everyone would spend every moment with you telling you what a worthless d-bag you are. 
 So shut your pie hole.  And go get a damn job. 

Why is Jamie Chung a celebrity? Her face is everywhere!

She is in EVERY issue multiple times of People Style Watch, at every premiere, and now Us Weekly is making her the top story for their celebrity round up of what people did this week.  When did this happen?

Newlyweds:

Tina’s dad brought his new lady-friend to dinner. 

And made out with her and grabbed her the whole time. Like, MADE OUT and smooshed his face all up on her.  Of course I can’t find a photo (which is probably a good thing). 

It was the most digusting thing ever, and for once, Tina’s outbursts were completely warranted.

Oh my god it was just so disgusting. 

Alexis Neiers, The Bling Ring girl is on Dateline tomorow at 10. Set your DVR!

{my video clip keeps disappearing so click here}

Ya know, the one that got the crazy E! show Pretty Wild we mentioned a few weeks ago. And that now is a movie I am dying to see. 

And finally, Andy Cohen showed Hairy Panty Hose on WWHL that women in China are apparently wearing to keep men from staring at their legs.  They are panty hose that make your legs look like hairy mens legs.
They are hilarious – and I wanted to post a picture of them here so that we all could laugh together.
Whatever you do, 
DO NOT GOOGLE HAIRY PANTY HOSE.
Do not. Even “WWHL Andy Cohen hairy panty hose”
brings up REALLY BAD THINGS. 
perverts ruin everything! 


xoxo

discuss amongst ya-selves…. 

The Bachelorette

“I think what Kanye West is going to mean is something similar to what Steve Jobs means. I am undoubtedly, you know, Steve of Internet, downtown, fashion, culture. Period. By a long jump. I honestly feel that because Steve has passed, you know, it’s like when Biggie passed and Jay-Z was allowed to become Jay-Z.”

discuss amongst ya-selves….. 

princesses of long island.

holy. crap. 

these people are horrible.

grinning ear to ear. such great television. 

there isn’t enough time in the world to discuss this show. 

Coco (ugh. your name is chanel and your nickname is coco. 
please. no one thinks as highly of you as you do.) 

So, Coco and her family sit down to eat dinner and there is wine and then orange juice on the table.  who eats dinner with wine and orange juice.  what could possibly go well with orange juice for dinner? 

she says at one point about something, no clue what, “this is why we all arent married”.  There are MANY reasons why you all aren’t married yet.

The midge up there in the front….the one with the worst voice of them all (which is TRULY saying something). Tiny one wants to date an alpha male! rugged! manly! Someone like her dad…. the dad that’s getting a pedicure in jorts.

Now, the star of the show. The biggest princess…. Jeff. 
I think we all are thinking the same thing, so I’ll just not even comment on that.  How deaf, dumb, and blind is Amanda?

 And the dinner date: “ooohhh you want to marry me? ohhhh just hearing you say those words…. oh baby I want to marry you” combined with the perverted bikini shopping comments (about her AND her mother. woof) made me almost chuck my remote through my television. 

 Joey, the token “poor girl”, aka – the only sane, normal one with a job, did the greatest thing by bringing the meat head friends.  When Amanda announced “We’re getting married!!!!!” in defense of the drunk fight at the pool, and the South Jersey boys start mocking her, I did a slow clap.  What lunatic announces we’re getting married as a defense of their relationship to their boyfriend whom they are not engaged to? 
Amanda smiles while everyone laughs.
No Amanda, we are laughing AT YOU. 

Every line of that show deserves it’s own Coffee Talk.  

RHOOC:

Ummmm Vicki had been cheating on Don and hooking up with people for 12 years!!?? WHAT??

Tamra’s threats at the reunion were even more true that we realized!  I agree with Gretchen on this one…. really… how could she possibly find that many people to cheat with? 

For the 9 millionth time, what was Don thinking being with her.  
Thank God Don got away.

 Lydia explains that she has enough penis in her life between two boys, a husband, and a dog (good line) and will be leaving the room when strippers arrive.  And when you are talking about strippers in Mexico especially, I hear ya lady.  I’m young and fun 

 and no way in hell would I be anywhere near that!! Anyways… when Lydia is sitting at dinner saying it is the most boring bachelorette trip in the world – truer words have never been spoken.  I’m sorry, I really like Heather, but if I flew to Mexico for a bachelorette and we are eating at a nice dinner WHERE THEY DO NOT EVEN SERVE CHIPS AND GUACAMOLE I would be losing my damn mind.  IT IS MEXICO!? HOW CAN IT “NOT BE THAT KIND OF RESTAURANT?!”. I truly would have gone insane. At that point I’d RUN to whatever hell-hole-bar Vicki keeps talking about and demand some Mexican food with my beer while I watch her whore herself out.  

Do not let Heather Dubrow plan your bachelorette.  Based on the previews, it looks like next week they make up for lost party time, but not in a good way.

Oh, and possibly the best part of the episode. Gretchen. 
Anyone catch this gem: 

 Oh,  you give us blonde’s such a good name.  Yes, let’s unleash a wrath of furry Gretchen. You and Slade are perfect for one another.

The Bachelorette:

Is it required to have something horrible have happened in order to be on the show? And required to discuss it the moment you speak to Des for the first time?

My parents are divorced!

My dad left me!

My mom was an alcoholic!

I had a horrible break up!

Hi I’m (who cares),  I have diabetes!!!

The last one especially, I was on the floor laughing.  Not about diabetes, diabetes is not funny, but about the fact that IT MUST BE SHARED THE MOMENT AFTER I INTRODUCE MY NAME.

What is it with these cry babies? I cry more than probably 95% of the people I know, and even I am ashamed of these “men”.  Too many steroids for the muscle men? I think so.

The horrible dates begin!! A rap video — yaaaaay! the meat head men are so excited!! What an amazing day 🙂

Only positive to that: I had flashbacks to Junior Year of College doing Soilja Boi all around our living room during pre-games before the bars. 
Good times with our double bottles of Yellow Tail. 

You know the bungeeing off bridges and jumping off of buildings is coming somewhere in the next 2 episodes… so that Des and the guys can be like “oh…. I never could have done that! But we did it together!! He/She made me feel so safe!!”.  Oh, and ten bucks the person with a TERRIBLE fear of heights just happens to be the one picked.

Newlyweds: The First Year

The married New Jersey couple…. if my husband ever spoke to me that way, especially when pregnant. I’d kill him. 

 He calls her fat, and says he thinks he’s never going to see a firm body again.

First of all, you are an ass.  Second, you are an unattractive ass.  Third of all, you are the overweight one, and an unattractive ass. 

Tina: do not ask your mother-in-law about sex. 

 Do not continue to ask with specifics…. gross.

I’m sure the sequined pillows, sheets, and comforter probably are not helping the sex life though.  Just a guess?

RHONJ

It’s just so much hatred I can’t handle it.  It’s not even fun to watch.

Theresa makes my skin crawl. 

Only entertaining aspect was the quote above.

uncalled for, and inappropriate, so obviously entertaining. 

Michael Douglas.  Oh. Good. Lord.

Yes, this is a great way to bring attention to HPV; for that, good job.

But honestly, you do not need to use the word cunnilingus repeatedly to get the point across.

and secondly, do not be surprised when the media goes insane when you keep talking about cunnilingus! There’s really no other way to mean what you said.  Gross.

Anyone Remember Ready for Love?

They took it off the air after 3 episodes, and put it On Demand.  And my crazy ass kept watching. The finale was last night and I just couldn’t contain myself.  I’m sure no one else watches, but if you do, leave a comment so I can bitch 🙂