coffee talk Archives - Page 45 of 45

coffee talk, Lifestyle

Coffee Talk

May 31, 2013

discuss amongst ya-selves…..

we’re starting off with something that is very personal and made my heart go pitter-patter.

My all time favorite movie,

THE greatest, funniest movie ever made

got a full feature on Betches Love This and I somehow just stumbled across it.

yes, that’s bradley cooper.

Wet Hot American Summer.

Far too many people say they have never even heard of this movie, so rent it immediately (it’s on Netflix) because it is PURE GOLD. and literally everyone and their mom is in it. including my true love Paul Rudd.

So, The Bachelorette

It’s never as good as The Bachelor to me, but nevertheless it’s always filled with dumb asses just waiting to get ripped apart by America.

still too early to really know much.

I don’t know many names, but Ben, the father that brought his son + got the first rose: Don’t bring your child (very cute child, but still) on to make an impression; however you are good looking and seem normal so I guess I like you.

Saying that you and your baby-mama are “ya know, basically best friends who had a baby together” is complete and utter bullshit. And makes absolutely no sense. No 22 year old looks at their friend and says: I know! let’s have a baby! If you do, go see a therapist.

Notable people booted: the guy that kept wanting to go the fantasy suite. And Dr. Larry who was very upset that dipping Desiree did not work because he had practiced it 50 times. And he kept taking his glasses on and off like a serious creep.

James. This is the one that I know from college. I discussed with this with my friend last night, and she heard he makes it pretty far. I thought from the first preview he was the one with the girlfriend, but now we know he’s just the one that is crying ~~like a little girl~~ to Desiree saying he got punched in the face. I guess he also is the one that says he is on the show because he wants to be the next Bachelor.

Apparently John Mayer and Katy Perry are back together

they need to just cut the crap. No way this relationship will work.

If you haven’t seen this cute boy on Ellen

you must watch.

He is just the cutest thing ever.

Newlyweds: The First Year
Blair’s dance moves at the reception were amazing.

I couldn’t contain myself.
And the other couple get $40,000 in cash from guests at the wedding?? Whaaaaaaat???

RHOOC:
yawn. boring this week.
Tamra gave a big speech at like, Costco or something. I couldn’t figure out where the hell they were.

And while I really do think her upbringing and everything is sad and terrible, it was painfully awkward to watch. I’m not buying it. I really think she is just trying to save face and make the media and the public like her and forget that she is an angry pants lunatic.

this gif has nothing to do with what I am talking about, or the episode,
but, hey what the hell.

the fact that gretchen is trying to reproduce with slade….

someone needs to grab a gretchen christine handbag off her arm and beat some sense into her. there really are no brain cells up there.

oh, and Lauri came back last week and I never discussed it.

look how different vicki’s face is! ahhhhhh!!

So Lauri’s crazy son is now married and has a baby on the way??

Seriously I want more details on this. Stat.

Remember the workout “lay off me I’m starving” post from last week? Well, our prayers have been answered by a poorly dressed woman in Florida!! Get ready for….. Prancercise!!!!!

just watch the first 30 seconds…. because the lady literally prances for 5 full minutes

{without realizing she has camel toe the entire time???}

she has a book too.

and camel toe here again too?
enough with the mom jeans.

sweet mother of god.

did anyone see Khloe on the Today show?

I actually am interested to watch this season of The Kardashians (I know, I know….. I just slapped myself across the face for even thinking it.). BUT it actually looks good!! And Khloe and Kathy Lee made comments that make it sound like Bruce moves out?!?

wait… when did this happen?
Get as far away from Mom-ager Kris as possible.

This is real.

and I’m going to vomit.

we’ve all heard the latest with amanda.

bong throwing. suing the cops.

but the best part is courtney love getting involved:

when courtney love thinks you are messed up, your life is over.

and amanda…. I’m thinking you are laughing alone because no one has seen you with anyone in a long, long time. seriously where are her parents to send her somewhere for help!?!

you know your life has gone to crap when all three of these people can look down on you with pity

Oh, and she definitely has mental problems,

because she was hanging out at Skyzone jumping around by herself.

you know, like the place Alexis and Jim have. Woof.

~~although secretly I think this looks really fun~~

~~and would definitely do this.~~

Miley and Liam:

figure out what the hell you want to do.

aka- Liam, listen to all of America and RUN

KIM.

ENOUGH.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.
and don’t wear ankle straps!!!
they look like they’re going to snap!!!

xoxo

and seriously… if you do one thing this weekend – watch Wet Hot American Summer!

coffee talk, Lifestyle

coffee talk

May 23, 2013

discuss amongst ya-selves….

warning – lots of videos today….

First up: It’s totally not funny.

at all. laughing is so wrong.

but it’s hiarlious.

George Michael fell out of a moving Range Rover on the highway

and The Sun article was titled

SCRAPE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO SLOW.

for all of you that aren’t pissing your pants, please stop reading this blog.

or become an educated human and download all of Wham!s greatest hits immediately.

but no, for the record it was a really, really bad accident.

but he is fine, so therefor its okay to laugh, right?

so lets all start slow clapping for the person with the balls

to titled the article SCRAPE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO SLOW.

Have you seen Newlyweds: The First Year on Bravo?

Two people excite me: Lunatic Tina + Blair

screaming like bloody murder “I hate you” at your husband of 10 minutes in front of everyone at the wedding is definitely a top 10 tip for happiness.

well played Tina.

But, more importantly. Blair.

This week there was an entire segment devoted to him receiving the text message that whitney houston died

i can’t even handle it

so amazing. the way his husband was looking at him is the way my man-friend looks at me during 99% of our conversations about important things,

like SCRAPE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO GO.

Did any of you see the preview for The Bachelorette?

Because I will elaborate more next week….

but I kept staring at the TV being like “that’s James…. that’s definitely James…rewinding…(picking up phone to text my friend Sean about if his friend James is on the show)”

(I know the guy on the other side too… all Miami of Ohio FB players)

(I swear the guys at Miami of Ohio DO NOT pose like this. ever.)

and then BAM

everyone hates James, he is the villian of the season, and has a girlfriend from home that shows up at the house.

I guess I have to watch now. The clip was played on TV, and of course is nowhere to be found now, but they will show it all on Monday’s episode during the season preview so get excited!!

RHOOC

alexis taking acting classes.

“yeah!!! I was on general hospital!!!”

watch below and prepare yourself:

how many takes do you think it took to say those “big” words???

please dear lord. I would rather look at Jim than watch Alexis act which is really saying something.

oh, and slade got gretchen a rolls royce!!

because when you can’t pay child support, afford a mortgage, or buy an engagement ring,

you can OBVIOUSLY afford a rolls royce! WTF? ~~douche~~. dumb ass.

Everyone is freaking out about the finale of Kitchen Nightmares (gordon ramsey) because of some Crazy Amy Baking Company or something.

I’ll be catching up on it this weekend because I am clueless, but I felt like I had to mention it incase anyone else cares.

Gordon Ramsey is the craziest man ever, so I can’t wait to see what happened with cops being called in + it getting this much press.

kristen stewart hung out with t. swift after her and rob broke up.

ummm……

those two have about as much in common as a whore in church.

I don’t watch DWTS, but my mom is obsessed and constantly calls.

Nance Pants: DID YOU SEE KELLIE PICKLER?!

me: no mom, you know I have 978 other shows I watch

Nance Pants: IT WAS THE MOST AMAZING THING YOU HAVE EVER SEEN.
I can’t believe you missed it!!! I’ll keep it on the DVR until you get home!!!

(she will keep things on the DVR for years…. years people)

Me: Mom. I can google it. It’s on YouTube. I’ll watch it right now.

Nance Pants: Oh!!!!!! Really?! Already!?! It’s amazing!!!!!
But I’ll keep it on the DVR for you.

But, it is amazing. Definitely worth watching. She is so damn cute.

How did I not hear about this Gwyneth GOOP trip??? On Groupon??

So ridiculous…. but as the article says…. actually is a serious steal and you would be saving money on flights and hotels even if you didn’t give a crap about Gwynnie. I have just had such a love-hate relationship with her lately…..

never, ever, ever, ever, do I say that Friends is bad or not funny.

but the Ellen video Jen + all of then did just really upset me. don’t do it if it’s not funny.

in fact, it was painful to watch.

and courtney cox on friends was the most beautiful human being ever, and her face can’t even more anymore. lay off the botox a little bit!!

tara reid was at the fast and furios 97 premiere

that’s all. just hadn’t seen her, wasn’t sure if she was alive or going all amanda bynes or anything, so thought I’d share she looks decently sober.

there’s reportedly a new NYC housewife

and she is BFF’s with Brandi. Look out!

crazy Tamra is getting a spinoff for her wedding

can’t wait to see this nut-job plan a wedding.

she actually scares me through the television screen.

the end of last week’s SNL,

when everyone gives hugs and loves for the season finale and cast members leaving

no one touched kanye

and he akwardly looked side to side

bahahahaha.

I LOVE IT

Sorry for the inevitable 9 million typos.

I don’t have time to go through and check today. ah!

xoxo

coffee talk, Lifestyle

Coffee Talk

May 16, 2013

discuss amongst ya-selves…..

If any of you are ordering Wines by Wives or Vicki’s Vodka we are no longer friends.

These women crack me up. Just because you become famous on a reality TV show does not mean you become some crazy entrepreneur (a word that I gaurentee 90% of them cannot pronounce) of any and everything.

I love booze. I love me some Pinot Grigio.

and Vodka…. abso-freaking-lutely.

Does that mean I should make my own and sell it?
NO.

Oh… wait….. I do want to try making some illegal moonshine at some point before I die…. but that totally doesn’t count, right?

You know they know there stuff, beause they go to Malibu for wine tasting.

“napa is overdone.”

riiiiiiiiight. it’s all about malibu for wine. yep.

Ugh. And Vicki. Please be quiet. No one cares that you are alone on the wine trip. Talking about it constantly does not make anyone feel bad for you.

Lydia is quickly becoming a new favorite for me.

Your mom is a total pothead, your family is crazy rich, and instead of becoming a typical rich kid nutbag with every kind of issue and addiction possible, you becoming super religious. Touché, lady.

And you stay nice and honest while still telling Alexis she is a lunatic and needs to stop using the word bullying because she is full of crap. AND you make a card for Slade’s sick son.

I can’t even discuss Terry and Heather, because when he offered up that divorce comment to the group at brunch, I wanted to cry for her. Seriously Terry…. you are a complete and utter dumb ass. How Heather was able to stay completely calm and say “I know, let me just take this week, and we’ll pick it up next week” is beyond me. Lock it up Terry.

yes, this is the best she has looked in quite some time

but honestly, Maxim, hottest girl of the year?

come. on. now.

Revenge isn’t really a gossipy show, but this one line was just so good I had to share.

“Stay the hell away from my daughter, or your ability to procreate will be a distant memory.” Pure gold. I’ll need to remember this for my future children when they inevitably bring home some horrible choice of a human.

Danity Kane is reuniting!!!

I definitely, definitely was all over Making The Band back in the day.

please tell me I’m not the only one.

90210’s Shenae Grimes got married

in this hideous Vera Wang,
to awful music

and at a haunted location or something.

Whyyyy? She’s so pretty.

and ~~I’m sorry~~ this look is just so ugly.

Savannah Guthrie got engaged!!!

and holy Good Lord her ring is so gorgeous!!!

but the real person having the best week ever,

is mr. ego himself, kanye.

first he hits his head on a traffic sign

hahahahaha. moron.
laughing so hard I can’t handle it.

then, he obviously gets furious at the paparazzi.
your giant head is what caused it jackass.

then, his car gets crunched by his baby mama’s gate

I LOVE IT.

my favorite word in the world that I ever learned was schadenfreude because it was so much damn fun to say, even though the meaning is kind of sad.

GLEE AT ANOTHERS MISFORTUNE.

I think it was a sign of things to come,

since every Coffee Talk is pretty much me laughing my ass off at other peoples ridiculousness.

xoxo

coffee talk, Lifestyle

Coffee Talk

April 25, 2013

discuss amongst ya-selves….

what. would. ryan. lochte. do.

it is the best thing that has happened to Coffee Talk since

Small Mouth (“Courtney”) from Ben’s season of The Bachelor.

{I still think every edition of Coffee Talk has sucked since his season ended because I don’t get to discuss Small Mouth anymore}.

photos via old coffee talk posts (1, 2, 3)

but I digress……

Everyone single word out of his mouth gets worse and worse. He truly is the biggest definition of the word douche.

Am I the dumbest human being in the world?

JEAHHHHHHH.

does he even know that the entire point of the show is to make fun of him?

Here are 11 quotes that I stole from The Philly Post.

if you haven’t watched this show yet, this will convince you to.

1. “These are my shoes that I designed from top to the very sole to the very top to the bottom. Laces.”

2. “I’ve talked in front of … like… a lot of big business people about stuff I didn’t even know.”

3. “One of my favorite movies: What Women Want.”

4. “It’s spelled J-E-A-H. If you say it like how it’s spelled it’s ‘jee-ah.’ But, that’s boring; no one wants to hear that. So you have to really put that emphatis [sic] on that ‘J.’ And then the ‘A-H’ kinda just flows.”

5. “That’s the quickest way to my heart: Laughter.”

6. “One time I really had to go, man, and I was up in the next heat. So I got up on the blocks and I just started peeing in my Speedo. On top of the blocks. And I had my goggles on and started crying because I thought everyone behind me was looking at me and laughing. The starter said ‘Swimmers, take your marks, go.’ I took off. I don’t even know if I did the right stroke. I think that was probably the only time I’ve ever been nervous before a race.”

7. Either Lochte (or the producer who came up with it) should be punched for calling his group of friends the “Lochterage” (rhymes with entourage).

8. “One thing I won’t do: I won’t give up on love.”

9. “The key to the Lochte haircut is being fresh and looking up-to-date.”

10. “Something will pop up in my head. It could be like the weirdest thing. Like all’a sudden like I have like a jumping banana in my head. And I stop and pause. I’m like that damn jumping banana is in my head. Like, I don’t know what’s going on.”

11. “You know what? Ryan Lochte is a pretty good speechmaker.”

Still slowly catching up, but just saw the episode where Rachel Zoe is the representative for a shapewear line….

curve control?
um. that’s ~~a little~~ incredibly ironic.

what dumbass thought an 80 pound woman
and shapewear should go together?

scenes for 50 shades of grey are apparently being shot….

with Magic Mike star Alex Pettyfer as Christian Grey.

I still really don’t understand how this book could possibly be turned into a movie AT. ALL.

it truly just can’t happen.

but get Ryan Gosling in there (or… yeah anyone that looks good shirtless) and I’ll purchase a ticket.

LeAnn and Eddie celebrated their 2nd anniversary, and for the two of them, they did it with minimal press. I was shocked.

Happy Anniversary!! Two years of acting like we did nothing wrong when we are really awful, cheating, lying bastards… and to many more years of pretending we trust each other when in reality we know that we don’t trust one another for sh*t! Cheers!!

She just had to instagram their cheesy anniversary cake….. how many more years until this is in the crapper already and he’s caught with a porn star?

There is way too much crazy going on in RHOOC.

I dislike Jesus Juggs as much as the next one, but Tamra seriously went from zero to psycho in 2 seconds flat.

Lydia looked like a terrified 12 year the whole time.

I’m very excited for JJ to scream I HAD TO GO ON XANAX at her next week.

oh, and Vicki…..

great dress choice. just because you can get into it does not mean you should wear it. (can’t find a photo. damn).

anyone else devastated that Kim and Kris’ divorce is final?

The divorce timeline was 7x longer than their 72 day marriage.

and I for one was praying that she would still be married to him when she had Kanye’s baby.

Damn. No dice.

And seriously. Stop with these outfits.

take some notes from kate:

I cannot wait for Bling Ring to come out.

Remember when these girls had a TV show with their crazy insane mother?

The opening line of “girls, come take your adderall” just kills me.

take a minute and watch the clip below to remember just how incredible it truly was.

If you are thinking you have nothing in common

with girls gone crazy, think again.

Amanda Bynes is proving me wrong and speaking

the words of a perfectly sane human being:

how many times do you think she took this picture before she tweeted it??

“All I want is a boyfriend who wants us to grow old and get fat together.”

AMEN SISTER. AMEN.

xoxo

coffee talk, Lifestyle

Coffee Talk

April 18, 2013

discuss amonst ya-selves…..

I didn’t think I was going to have a Coffee Talk this week, but I just returned home from a standstill commute due to a giant monsoon in Chicago.

2013 has sucked uncontrollably in this city.

Just sayin.

the new chick, Lydia, finally arrived on OC Housewives.

All I could think was, seriously how old is she?

She looks SO YOUNG.

I googled, she is 31.

and apparently also has a jewelry line for dogs.

just what every pup needs!

I think she is going to get eaten alive by the women on this show.

It is a lot of Smiles and Giggles and Hugs

going on in her money-lala-land.

Her family (and her husbands) must be rich as hell, because I don’t think she’s bringing home too much bacon. She couldn’t even give a decent explanation of their magazine – “It’s called Beverly Hills Lifestyle, and the last issue featured a penthouse in New York.”

m’okay?

oh, and that shoot when Brandi complained about her thumb looking fat or something?

her magazine.

alexis goes on and on about how gorgeous vicki’s grandson is.

I’m sorry, I’m sure in a few weeks he will just be damn adorable,

but I can count on one hand the number of adorable/cute/beautiful newborns I have seen.
Everyone is telling lies to everyone.
Unless it is your child/grandchild, every one except you thinks
he or she looks like a tiny alien.

PS. This just in. Apparently Gretchen proposed to Slade??

whaaat?

we shall see…..

I’m full on obsessed with Ready for Love.

the angry girl on the hot tub date was my favorite.

lu-na-tic. incredible.

the bachelor type dates are already pissing me off though.

mud runs! building houses + cutting wood!

watching the girls pretend they love it when they want to die!

I have been slowly catching up on Rachel Zoe.

Watching back to back episodes of that show makes me really question myself and what is wrong me that I can handle watching 2 hours of such crap. I lose brain cells.

Most noted from Rachel Zoe overload: Roger just gets worse and worse with trying to hide the fact that he has no testicles.

nice eyeliner.

some direct quotes:

(and all of these are said in a valley girl-ish tone with a uh, rachel, seriously rachel, i mean, rachel in between. obviously)

“we’re having a little lunchie lunch! duh. duh.” while at lunch with his friend.

explaining attempting to build things: “it was missing a bolt. you know like, a bolt. like, a screwy thing.”

rachel in her commentary about him changing 97 times to leave the house “no one realizes my husband is actually a diva.”

I think EVERYONE realizes a lot about your husband except you.

ENOUGH KIM.

I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

You can show off a pregnant body in a tight dress,

but not tight ALL OVER in every inch possible EVERY single day.

Hit up A Pea in The Pod already!!!

Ke$ha,

who did this to you? It is amazing.

also toning it down: pamela anderson.

well done ladies

Sources are saying the latest Bachelor couple are going to crap.

And his parents don’t want a wedding.

Which is shocking, because they normally all work out so well.

justin beiber instagrammed this photo himself.

how pathetic when you have to post cartoon drawings of yourself with a girl topless in bed?

selena wins another point.

he also refers to himself in the third person instagram with shirtless photos

ugh. so sick of you.

who else is excited a whole week went by

without a single T. Swift news story?

xoxo

coffee talk, Lifestyle

coffee talk

April 12, 2013

discuss amongst ya-selves…..

vicki vicki vicki.

did anyone catch her on WWHL?

because her left eye is seriously wonky. it was muscle spasming all night.

whyyy is that the press photo you pick?

andy and jenny both looked like they

wanted to kick her out of the clubhouse.

(and jenny’s damn “poo poo in the potty” rap didn’t leave my head for about 36 hours.)

ugh why does jim even need to be shown on camera?

he just gives me everyone the heeby jeebies.

alexis: “all of the businesses, you name it we’ve done it!”

yeah….. that’s not a good thing.

because that means every one of them failed.

you can’t even pronounce a single one of those businesses,

or any word you had to say during your “gig” on Fox 5.

“no one knew we were having any financial problems at all!”

lie.

“Jim has always been so supportive of my career, so now it’s time to be supportive of his.”

um. no.

basically “anything involving Jim”

no.

The trampoline business endeavor is just incredible.

it’ll be about as successful as slade on the radio. ridiculous.

oooo radio slade!!!

is the only material you have ms. piggy? because that is only funny the first time you say it. or, rather when someone else says it.

lori and the new chick coming on…. I can’t even wait.

nate berkus…engaged to rachel zoe’s former man bitch jeremiah? what?

who even knew these two were dating?

quite the cuties. they haven’t listed on any website what jeremiah actually does for a living, so if any of you know, please pass the word along. And if it’s just looking pretty next to nate, by all means jeremiah. well played.

I watched Ready for Love last night on demand (holy crap is 2 hours a long time when you can’t fast forward.) I thought getting booted from the Bachelor in front of millions was bad. Getting booted in front of a live audience (on an elevator? what?) and then also in front of millions watching TV is even worse. Yikes.

I can’t believe it…. but I really like it?

insert eye rolls. shocking.

until they did the total bachelor move and made the girls sing with him.

stop. no one wants to hear that.

and piano girl, what the eff is on your head????.

I need to brag about my friend and her closeness to all things Andy and Bravo.

She is the one that got me the signed copy of Andy’s book and has pics with Lisa and Andy and basically lives the life with a badass job. Last week she was at a Bravo press event, and was up close and personal with everyone. As in, Andy made her drink. She and Jeff Lewis chatted up a storm.
If I didn’t love her, I would hate her. I’m just so damn jealous

photos stolen from FB

these are only a FEW of the occasions. gahhhhhh. Anyways….. clearly I harass her constantly for details. But this video just made my day. Even if you don’t know her, her line is just too good and I can’t stop laughing my ass off over it.

thank you nat, for letting me brag about you constantly and publicly
and live vicariously through you.

lindsey vonn shows her support publicly at The Masters for her no good, lying, cheating, STD-ridden boyfriend.