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The Sarcastic Blonde

fashion, food, fitness + a dose of sarcastic gossip

coffee talk, Lifestyle

Coffee Talk

July 12, 2013

Coffee Talk
discuss amongst ya-selves……

Bachelorette prediction:
Brooks dumps her ass.  She was crying about how she had “Reached the finish line” with him.  That sounds like she’s banging him, but apparently it’s her language for “fallen in love.” I feel like if she is already saying she loves him and he said he is “walking” it ain’t gonna happen.  I also feel like you should act like adults and quit referring to your relationship in this stupid metaphors, but whatever. 

 I want her to pick Chris. (I know, I know… he writes A LOT of poems but I don’t have enough cheese in my life so why the hell not). 
He seems the most normal…. but hometown dates are next week and people’s families are always all kinds of f’ed up and ruin it, don’t they? {cough… Des family.  her psycho brother returns next week.}
I also totally forgot how BORING and dumb Sean’s pick Catherine was until that staged scene played out. Her voice….No. 

Real Housewives of OC:
VICKI.  Vicki finds out that Lauri has been talking about her and her sleeping around/possible three-some and goes bat-sh*t-crazy.  I just rewound and replayed the last 5 minutes of that show about 15 times. 
I’VE NEVER BEEN WITH MULTIPLE PARTNERS IN MY LIFE!!!!! 
YOU ARE DISGUSTING!!!!! 
{I literally did a snapchat video of this scene and sent it out to people laughing my ass off.  It was pure Bravo Gold}. 
Plus, they are all wearing ski goggles as this happens and they look like freaks on the mountain. Lydia takes this opportunity to make snow angels, and I couldn’t help but think it seemed like an awesome thing to do if you were high. 
Isn’t that ironic? Too bad her mom wasn’t there.

Princesses of Long Island: Nothing new here. 
Erica continues to be the worst girlfriend ever and get drunk + whore it up. 
And the Jeff saga continues. How many jokes and innuendo’s are they going to make about Jeff??
“I’ll just be in the closet baby.  I’ll be hanging out in your closet.  I’m locked in the closet!” 
Him and this creepy “relationship” make the show. 

Soooo I know only a few of you said you watch Big Brother, but this week I think everyone knows about it.  One (a few) but mostly one of the houseguests have been making some serious racial comments and it made all the news outlets.  I’ve had to explain the scenario to my friends because no one gets it, but basically they are mic’d and on camera 24/7 and they know it.  It’s not like Real World or anything – it NEVER ends and there are 20 cameras on each person at every time.  People can watch online or on TV 24/7.  SO when you say these things, people are WATCHING.  She was already the obnoxious bitch in the house, and now this is the sugar on top. 
whoever made this mean girls reference is hilarious
 The best part is she has already lost her job, all of America things she is horrible, and she is sitting in the house and has NO idea and will have no idea until she gets kicked out (which could be as far away as September).  
{watch clip here… or google and it’ll make more sense}
It truly is such an amazing show.  I was SCREAMING during the power of veto Wednesday and was SO excited about last night’s turn of events (won’t spoil it for the 3 of you that watch incase you haven’t seen it!). 
AND Chen-bot (andy cohen’s nickname for her) asked Aaryn questions about while she smiled like the dumbass she is.  Julie Chen was PISSSEDDD.  If eyes could kill.  God I love Big Brother. 
{sorry if that whole segment made no sense}. 
Amanda is at it again.  It started with calling President Obama and Michelle “ugly”.  Um…. what?  Even for her, that is seriously shocking. 
I watched She’s the Man this weekend and felt pangs of sadness…. I miss the old Amanda.
The blue wig for court…. the dog.  That poor dog was even trying to get away from her as she used it as a shield from the paparazzi. 
She tweeted yesterday “my life has changed for the better ever since I started tweeting in lower case font”.
I mean… SO poetic.  Kanye could really learn some things from this crazy.  

I don’t understand why George Clooney breaking up is such big news.  Isn’t that a guarantee when you start dating him? 
I wonder which young celeb will be next. She should be thanking him for giving her a career again. 

I’m interested to see how this John Mayer and Katy Perry plays out.  

When you call someone a tortured soul, it’s probably not a good thing that you start dating them again? 
But anyone is a step up from Russell Brandt I suppose. 

Is Jenny McCarthy being considered for The View a joke? 
I just can’t comprehend how this would be a possibility.  Don’t get me wrong, she is hilarious…. on WWHL or Chelsea Lately! Not on morning TV! She has the dirtiest mouth ever!? But then again I can’t stand every single person on The View so why the hell not.  They are going to freak out about Elizabeth Hasselbeck and then try to hire Jenny McCarthy??? 

Oh! Breaking News! US Weekly Exclusive: Kanye’s not changing diapers!

I mean…. why is this news? 
Kris Jenner and Justin Beiber’s mom were on WWHL this week.  The only person more annoying than Kris or Beiber is Beiber’s mother.  She acts like a 15 year old.  
beleiber or mother? 
She wouldn’t answer a single question or play anything in any of the games.  She basically just sat there showing her gums.  And, she couldn’t even answer “what is the most embarassing thing your child has ever done?”.  
UM. HELLO! Have you seen your son?? 
Here is an article with 20 possible answers to that question. 
We can start with writing in Anne Frank’s Journal and continue on for 12 hours from there.
She went on to tell stories about how he gives back to charity! at soup kitchens! 
ugh… now I’m all riled up.  I think Beiber has surpassed Miley in my most-obnoxious-human alive book. 

and my apologies for such a late coffee talk! 




by TheSarcasticBlonde 
Lifestyle

jackhole of the week.

July 11, 2013

jackhole of the week.
Coffee Talk probably won’t be up until later this afternoon,
but I figured we should start our day bitching about something.
am I right!?
First Justin Beiber touches Lord Stanley.
Check out the outrage to that here. 
Back off Beiber….. back off.

THEN, he pees in a mop bucket in a restaurant while grown men and his posse laugh and watch and curses about Bill Clinton?
like, seriously, who is the grown man smiling and facing him on the stairs?

Justin Bieber Pisses Into Restaurant Mop Bucket — ‘F*** Bill Clinton!’
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You can tell how intelligent and classy he is.  
Right, YO? It’s SWAGGA. 
and ENOUGH with the DIAPER PANTS! 
Be back later today to discuss Housewives, Amanda Bynes, and other idiots. 


by TheSarcasticBlonde 
Lifestyle, wedding

wedding wednesday: bridesmaids dresses

July 10, 2013

wedding wednesday: bridesmaids dresses
I know that I will be doing navy for my bridesmaids dresses, but other than that I am having a tough time deciding.  The wedding is at 7 o’clock, so long or short could be appropriate.  However, it is going to be June in Atlanta so long may be hot as hell.  And with long, the only real option is chiffon, and I’m not sure how crazy I am about that.  I do like the way short look and I think there are far more options.  And they tend to be less expensive which is a huge plus.  {Because no…. no one will ever, ever wear it again I’m sure.  I am not going down that road where the bride acts like it is going to be worn again because it’s so beautiful.  Hmmmm doubtful.}

short bridesmaids
one // two // three // four //
long bridesmaids

one// two // three

SO, what do you think?  Long vs. Short? What Material?
Also, what do you think is a fair price for dresses? 
If you know any pretty navy dresses, feel free to send my way! 
I realized that I still have all of my pins on my “secret” wedding board, so I’ll work on transferring a bunch over to a new board I just created last night called Wedding + Honeymoon.
obviously the second “secret boards” began on pinterest, I quit pinning things to my “party” board that could have been just party related and not wedding related. You know you judged the people with the full blown wedding boards that were public too. 

some navy pinspiration: 
{via}
{via}
{via}


by TheSarcasticBlonde 
fashion, Lifestyle

lust list

July 10, 2013

lust list
lusts for the week…..   
{susana monaco peplum top}  
The perfect summer outfit in general. Change your jewelry and purse and you can basically wear it 97 million times. 

{pim + larkin sequin mini}
I don’t know why but I keep pining after sparkly skirts… and as always, Piperlime has a ton of amazing options all for amazing prices 

{kate spade dress}
just adorable. and in a very wearable shade of yellow. 

{silk cut out top}
cobalt blue gets me every time. 

{rachel zoe dress}
I can’t.  This may top the cobalt J.Crew long dress.
I feel like it would be the only gown you would ever need to buy.
Someone buy this… please… 
{although now rachel’s annoying voice in that shoe commerical they play constantly is stuck in my head.
I’m rachel zoe. shoe-dazzle. sky sky. blah blah} 

{Dolce Vita shorts}
you can’t tell from the photo but these have the cutest pink piping at the waist and up the sides
{parker dress}
every dress they make.  every damn one.  


by TheSarcasticBlonde 
Lifestyle

Michigan Recap

July 9, 2013

Michigan Recap


It was my third summer heading up to Kip’s cottage and, as always, we had an amazing time.   





There was lots of beach time 

 many happy hour  dance parties

We brought up a ton of fireworks, and it was grown men immediately reverting back to being 10 year pyromaniacs  (read: “let’s put 50 of these things into newspaper and set the whole thing on fire and then see what happens!”). Basically, they acted like dumb-asses and the girls had to run for the hills.  Multiple times. I had to remind my man-friend that he doesn’t have 2 dents in his forehead and a metal plate because of his constant use of safety precautions.
 The wish lanterns were the only fireworks store purchase I was REALLY excited about…. 
other than the sparklers of course 
and all three of them just blew over the bluff and up in flames. 
we had to hose them out, so basically…. our dreams are screwed. 

 a walk to the channel… 
 played with toys – the go-cart below was terrifying and went like 60 MPH
 cruised in the old Willy 
 obligatory annual kiss photo 

 countdown to next time begins now…. 








by TheSarcasticBlonde 
Lifestyle

new week, new look!

July 8, 2013

new week, new look!
I hope you all had a great 4th of July!! 
I have over 400 photos from our time in Michigan… we left the camera sitting out and whoever wanted to grab and snap went for it. I guarantee only those of us that were there find any of them entertaining, but I’ll post a bunch later on today!! 
the only photo of all 6 of us 

As you can tell, I have finally updated the look of the blog around here! 
All thanks to Aubrey at Kinch Life!!
As for now, I am attempting to figure out how to pull all my Coffee Talk posts into that tab, list the blogs I follow on the side, etc, etc.
aka – the basics, that I never seem to comprehend.
And now you can follow me on Instagram and Pinterest through the links at the top! 
So…. I’ll be back shortly! 

xoxo


by TheSarcasticBlonde 
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Hi. I’m Taylor

A Southern girl turned Chicago transplant, recently settling back down in Atlanta. Fluent in sarcasm. Devout Bravo-holic and TV addict. Balances fitness with french fries. Penchant for Prosecco and Pinot Grigio. Wannabe Ina Garten in the kitchen. Online shopping enthusiast. Lover of fashion and decor.

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