The Sarcastic Blonde

fashion, food, fitness + a dose of sarcastic gossip

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: COFFEE TALK ::

discuss amongst ya-selves….. 
  
:: DWTS ::  
I am super into the racecar driver James Hinchcliffe this season.
He is shockingly SO good at dancing (and is also very quick witted so obviously I am obsessed with him.)  

and then Tom Bergeron introduces actor Eddie Cahill to plug his new ABC show.
Who is Eddie Cahill you ask?

I wouldn’t recognize that name either, but when I saw the face of TAG, Rachel’s young assistant on Friends, I was like DAMN I AM OLD! LOOK AT HIM!?!? 
He played a 22 year old on the show when Rachel was turning 33.
But then I googled and realized he is only 38….. just has the silver fox thing going on…. so I felt much better about my old ass. 
:: RHNJ :: 
If you’ve been thinking Teresa seems like a changed woman this season, you aren’t alone.  Although I usually am of the belief that people can’t change too much, she does seem EXTREMELY tame and calm, especially compared to previous behavior.

But I NEVER would have thought she had changed this much : 

Yoga with Danielle Staub ?? 
 and she captions it ” loved catching up and bonding with Danielle at yoga”
WHAT?!  No Words. 



:: RHOC :: 
Oh Lordly….. we pick up where we left off last week. 
ya know…. Tamra breathing heavy not blinking and over botox’d in the back of the bus….. 
The trip from Hell in Ireland continues.  
Oh, and you know how last weeks episode ended with Bravo missing ALL of the footage?
So does this episode!!!  But missing even more footage this time AND no one being mic’d. 
FOR THE LOVE OF RAMONA PINOT GRIGIO COME ON WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE???? 

The ladies head out to milk some cows.  
This poor sweet man Joe at the Bailey’s Milk Farm. 
THEY ARE SO RUDE. 

YOU decided to come here, Joe didn’t make you.
Just milk the darn cows without screaming and drink a few sips of cream and say its amazing. 
Seriously from the moment they got to Ireland they are mocking the accents or saying things like “they’re after me lucky charms” and screaming their brains out at these poor men (and poor cows).  
They won’t even taste the cream at the farm? “I’m not drinking a beverage that is 50% cream….”
WTF?
Just milk the darn cows without screaming and drink a few sips of cream and tell the sweet man its delicious.  Is it really that hard? 

Then Vicki starts taking her NIPPLES OUT? 
At dinner?! WHAT?! 
So Meghan misses the whole dairy day, and then the next morning Meghan isn’t bike riding either?
How is this “meghan’s trip” and she hasn’t attended a single thing with the group – not a one.
Obviously she can’t participate in drinking, but she can go to the farm with the cows and she can ride a bike? 
But, I guess it’s nice that she takes turns with the people who can’t be around the other person (Tamra and Kelly).
And she is smart for just avoiding the drama at all costs I suppose. 

This is when my annoyance with Heather starts climbing and climbing quick….. 
I’m so annoyed with her being such a hypocrite that things Kelly Dodd is saying are makings sense.  
I will agree with Kelly on this:  Since when does Heather Dubrow carry around a purse flask of Fireball?  In what universe would that EVER happen? 

Before their final dinner, Heather Shannon and Tamra have a pow-wow in the hotel room. clearly plotting the evenings sabotage….. 
Heather is SO offended by Kelly’s top she was wearing earlier because her breasts were pushed up and out, but nipples are fully covered…… but on the other hand she will call her husband and have Vicki pull her entire chest –  nipples and all – out to show the table and staff and to show on FaceTime because that’s appropriate and allowed ??? 

Wait… Meghan doesn’t even come to the last dinner either…. Poor Meghan….. 
at least she found a “distant O’Toole that looks like her mom” the day before and got to meet with a geneologist!!! 

Shannon is being SUPER rude and super strange and keeps saying to Kelly that she’ll have a shot when Kelly is repeatedly saying she doesn’t want one. 
You know I’m not on team Kelly Dodd and never will like her, but in this situation I am totally with her that it is PURE SABOTAGE.   

Then, Shannon goes and whispers (YOU HAVE A MICROPHONE ON YOU MORON) for the waiters to make all of the drinks doubles.  
This IS FOR SURE set up sabotage to get kelly drunk and acting crazy.  
It REALLY is naked wasted all over again – Vicki is spot on.
{who am I… defending Kelly and being like YES Vicki you are so right!} 

A whole big thing goes down that is not caught on camera at all.
Well….. except for Heather trying to video tape it (I AM SO OVER YOU DUBROW).
At 3 AM they go and bang on Kelly’s door drunk and do a whole confrontation and then they get in the bus at like 3:30 to go to the airport and it. goes. DOWN. 

The drive to the airport is filmed in pitch black Blair Witch Project film style. 
Kelly of course starts screaming mean things and Heather is just REALLY egging it on, to the point that she is making bad mother comments and saying that Kelly is having a “psychotic break” 

When they show the flashback of years ago when Shannon was being ganged up on, Tamra was stirring the pot that night, and Heather was saying “maybe we should call an ambulance I think she’s having a psychotic break” you realize how sick ALL of these women are.
ALL of them.

It literally is EXACTLY what they are doing to Kelly, and Kelly is no angel and she is awful and running her huuuuuuge mouth, but they plotted this whole thing! 
And Heather just she sits back there saying “I feel so sorry for her kid….. I think she is definitely having a psychotic break” 
Um, Heather.  Bad mother comments? 
You’re doing EXACTLY what Kelly just did – talking about the persons daughter!? and her being an unfit mother?! and that is why you all weren’t talking to Kelly? 
POT MEET KETTLE.

This episode was UNREAL. 
and we haven’t even seen the half of it with the bus to the airport.

The only sane nice one on here is Meghan King Edmonds…. seriously…. sitting quietly and staying out of it and only trying to give helpful advice all episode….. and she’s married to the biggest ass ever. Look what being nice got her! 
I am exhausted from this episode.  Seriously. 

THEN we end with a preview of next week.
The best part of this preview is not the rest of the car mayhem, still shot in Blair Witch style, but Kelly sitting there going 
“Heather is the puppet, and everyone else is the master” 
Hahaha. Oh Kelly. No. Not quite.  
And your hand motions didn’t match anything you were saying either. 
On WWHL with my-boyfriend-andy-cohen, Heather says a lot more is said that we haven’t seen yet…. which I’m sure is true…. but still – the video taping and like EVERYTHING she did this past episode?  So disappointing.  

If I were invited to an all-inclusive party at Chateau Dubrow, I would say no.
That’s how pissed off I am at Heather.
I don’t need you or your champs OR YOUR HEXAGONAL ICE.
You are a mean girl who’s just being mean! 

seriously…. I don’t think an hour of Bravo has exhausted me this much in a long time…. 

:: CATCHING KELCE ::

I don’t care about anyone else on this show,
Minnesota is EV-ER-Y-THING. 
and we found out this week that she dated Fabio in the past. 
this week was less hilarious because she let the girls get to her, but in the past, she is freaking hilarious and does not give a damn. 

 Travis and the whole show is great too because he doesn’t care about anything either… he will say and do anything and is a total goof ….but really….. Miss Minnesota for the win.  Also, I love how they just refer to each other as what state they are representing.

  
EDITORS NOTE : 
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.  
#hypocrite  #sorryimnotsorry

I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either.  or the day after that.






gifs and images via giphy, ABC , E!, Reall Housewives Tmblr, and Bravo 

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fashion, Lifestyle

:: wishlist wednesday ::

lusts for the week…..
I keep seeing so much fall goodness I might be ready 
for the temperatures to finally drop! 
and almost everything under $100 ! 
 
I love this lace top for nights out 
and it will perfectly transition into winter and holiday time. 
another great evening option is this black sleeved top!


A sueded bucket bag on sale for only $24 ! 


My friend was wearing a dress just like this the other weekend and I loved it.  Comfortable but dressed up  {and no need for a necklace because it’s built in!}
also available in eggplant and navy ! 
This open back sweater reminds me so much of the one I wore here 
but is half the price and comes in four different colors! 
I have a black + white jumpsuit similar to this one that I have worn to everything from rehearsal dinners to a night out in Las Vegas to engagement parties. 
I love the detailing on this one so much.  
Black will always be my favorite for workout attire.
I love that these have a high waist to suck you in and have the sheer cut-outs for some added interest.  

Not only do I love an open back, I love a detailed back too 🙂 

under $40 !! 

It has been in the 80’s again this week and I for one am still loving it.
But I’m maybe, just a tiny bit, excited for chilly weather because I keep seeing dresses I would wear for Holiday parties and celebrations. 
This one is in such a classic cut and style you could wear it for years.  

:: FAVORITE FINDS :: 
I wanted to show you two suede purchases that I am in love with.
Both are comfortable and flattering and in great fall colors. 
I apologize for the poor quality of these photos! You can get a much better idea for the color in the professional photos! 


This shift dress is a great casual option and feels like you are wearing a tee shirt dress. 
Even though it’s faux suede, it looks and feels much more expensive than it is.
It doesn’t cling but also gives enough shape to define your waistline and I feel like I could easily wear this with booties or heels and with tights when it’s colder too.
Also, the color is actually GREAT it just doesn’t look like in my killer photos 🙂 
available in olive, black, and brown 

I am absolutely in LOVE with this mock neck dress.  
I am loving the heat we are still having, but this makes me ready for cool temperatures this weekend so that I can wear it immediately;  it will be perfect for a night out.  The fact that this is under $100 is shocking because it looks so much more expensive in person and has a great weight to it. 
It also has a cute little keyhole in the back by the neckline.  
also available in Black 

I have been on the hunt for a skirt as well, but was not at all into the knee length suede skirt that I ordered.  
While it looked great in the photos of the model, on me I felt like I was wearing a skirt that one of the Duggar’s from 19 Kids/Counting On wears.  If you know what I am talking about with that, you must have recently spent time living with your mother as well 🙂 
Just kidding, it was cute, but it just didn’t seem like something I would wear out.


I DO love the length of this one so much better. 
it just went on sale for 40% off, too! 

for those with a bit more in their budget, I am in love with these two as well – 
especially the skirt!   
//  SUEDE DRESS  //  SUEDE SKIRT  // 

I know I’ve been on a suede kick the past week…. sorry. not sorry. 
Happy Shopping! 



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health, Lifestyle, recipe

:: crack of the week : clean eating ::

I’ve been getting requests for a “What I eat in a day” type of post,
so I thought I would share two new recipes that I have been making for my healthy weekly meal plan.  
I’ve been trying to stick to 5 small meals a day Monday-Friday, and keep it as clean as possible with real whole foods.
 and then ya know Saturday and Sunday I try to LOCK IT UP  but it’s always all over the place.  Start with a smoothie followed by fries and wine.  Hashtag sorry not sorry.

First up, Spicy Broccoli and Chicken Saute. 
This recipe is from the Tone It Up 31 Day Challenge.  
When you buy their nutrition plan, you get all of the updates and new recipes for life.  I got the plan when we were engaged so now they frequently send out tons of new recipes and meal plans.  
Kip absolutely loved this meal and we’ve already made it 3 times. It is super healthy but has great flavor.
He is now having us cook it every Monday night as a good way to kick off the week on a healthy note.  
I love plain quinoa, but these packets of quinoa + brown and red rice with flaxseed have more flavor and gave the dish a better texture, so I would recommend serving it with this instead if you have a pickier eater. 
I also make a big batch of shredded chicken in the slow cooker for the week for meals.
Just throw it in with chicken stock, cook high 3-4 hours depending on amount.


:: SPICY BROCCOLI AND CHICKEN SAUTE :: 
recipe from the Tone It Up Nutrition Plan 
serves 1, double or triple as needed! 

: INGREDIENTS :
2 cups broccoli, cut into bite sized pieces
6 oz cooked and shredded chicken breasts
1/2 cup cooked quinoa 
1/2 tsp red chili flakes
1 tsp olive oil
pinch of salt and pepper 
siracha if wanted 

: DIRECTIONS :
In a pan over medium heat, add the teaspoon olive oil.
Toss in the broccoli pieces and sprinkle with salt and red pepper flakes.
Stir often to prevent broccoli from burning.
Cook broccoli for around 7-8 minutes. 
Turn off the heat and add the cooked chicken and quinoa to heat through.
Top with siracha for an extra kick if wanted! 

I doubled/tripled this recipe to make enough 
With the leftover chicken and small bit of broccoli, 
I made a bowl with roasted cauliflower and red quinoa the next night.  
I loved it with cauliflower – I am cauliflower obsessed. 
I roast the cauliflower florets at 450 degrees for about 45 minutes, shaking and rotating the pan often.
I recently upped it to 450. I had been doing 425 for Gwyneth’s Roasted Cauliflower but I read somewhere this gives it more flavor and the texture is better.  425 can end up steaming it instead of roasting, and I definitely feel like 450 makes it that much better.

Next up :  Protein Panckes! 
This is also from the Tone It Up Nutrition Plan. 
It’s a great breakfast option, but also a great mid morning or afternoon snack. 
This is also a perfect weekend morning fix when you watch your husband eat whatever the heck he wants in large quantities because it tastes like a yummy diner indulgence 🙂 
:: PROTEIN PANCAKE :: 
recipe from the Tone It Up Nutrition Plan 
makes two pancakes, one serving 

: INGREDIENTS : 
1 Scoop Perfect Fit Protein, or a plan or vanilla protein powder
1/2 banana mashed
1/2 tablespoon almond milk
1/4 cup egg whites
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
{you can add 1 tablespoon pumpkin puree if you want a fall inspired protein pancake!} 
maple syrup, agave, or honey to drizzle on top 

: DIRECTIONS : 
Completely Mash Banana with almond milk.
Gradually combine all other ingredients. 
Spray your skillet with cooking spray and turn to medium-low heat.
Pour in batter and cook for 3 to 5 minutes per side (mine made enough for two pancakes). 
Flip and cook for another 3 minutes or until golden brown and cooked through.
Top with maple syrup, agave, or honey and enjoy! 

see more of their meals, info on 31 day challenge, and workouts here if interested! 


Let me know if you are wanting to see more healthy recipes {or unhealthy recipes} or “eat in a day” type of posts! 
 I know I always love reading those on my favorite blogs! 







source : gif

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Lifestyle, weekend recap

:: weekend recap ::

image
I spend my weekend painting pumpkins…. isn’t it beautiful? 
I jest. I’d kill to be able to do a finger-painting that could beat a 3 year old. 

A few things from the weekend : 

Friday night we went to dinner at The One Sushi and sat at the bar.
image from The One Sushi 
We were able to walk there and back and it was a perfect night out.
It made me giddy being able to walk to dinner like we could in Chicago – it was one of my main reasons for wanting to live in the Brookhaven area. 
The sushi was so delicious too – the crispy rice with tuna on top was a favorite! 
They strangely have the sushi bar set so low that when you are sitting at the counter you can’t really watch them make the sushi? Such a poor design? But loved everything else. 

I got a free sweatshirt from J.Crew this weekend and I am obsessed 🙂
by free I mean my mom ordered it and it’s a little bit short, so enter ME stealing from her.
or “borrowing” for now. 
the seersucker ruffle detailing at the neck and sleeve is SO DARN CUTE. 
runs small, size up! 
each day sizes keep coming back in stock! 

Our den is the last room that we still needed to really “work” on.
We are far from done with decorating, but we still didn’t have our TV hung in there because we didn’t have any cable in that room and we also don’t have any lighting in there.
We had an electrician come out on Saturday and, well, lets just say it is in way worse shape than before 🙂 
Our brand new washing machine has a huge dent in it – because, ya know I guess 250 pound men climb on top of that instead of using a ladder to get to attic access? 
There are huge uneven sizes holes in our ceiling for lighting.
And they broke our living room television in an attempt to use the cable from there to run into the den.
6 hours later (and 6 hours without cable or internet which was fun) they were “coming back tomorrow” because literally nothing had been accomplished.
So that was fun!! 
We decided not to have anyone return and I am calling to find someone new.
for the record, this was obviously Kip calling and finding a random electrician, not the one that was recommended…. but ya know….. 
We went out Saturday night to watch the Cubbies win which was fun! 

Sunday morning I got to wake up to new episodes of my favorite lady ever, Ina! 

Cooking for Jeffrey is back Sunday mornings at 10:30, and I am eagerly awaiting the new cookbook

I am in love with these new Ginger Jars for our bookshelves.

They illuminate and are so cute – and the price is amazing ! 
There are two smaller ones on their way too so I can’t wait to style them on our built ins in our living room! 
Before we went out Saturday night I set up the crockpot with this Overnight Breakfast Quinoa…. and I don’t know what I did, but it turned out horribly.
And it looked absolutely nothing like this photo. 
So….breakfast sandwiches were picked up instead 🙂 

I saw this letter board set while perusing Pinterest last night, and I think it would be so cute for a fun gallery wall or somewhere in the kitchen to leave cute notes. It comes with 250 letters to write whatever you want! 
and it also comes in PINK! 


Happy Monday Everyone ! 


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fashion, Lifestyle

:: weekend sales ::

Hope you all are having a great weekend!
There are some great sales going on right now so I wanted to share some of my favorite items to snatch up.   

Lots fall boots are currently on sale. 
I am in love with the over-the-knee options, a
nd the black pair is a perfect steal version of the Stuart Weitzman boots. 

top row : BROWN OTK SUEDE    //  GREY OTK SUEDE    //  BLACK OTK SUEDE  
bottom row : GREY BOOTIE     //  WEDGE BOOTIE    //  PEEP TOE BOOTIE


There are tons of designer dresses, including Milly, Parker, Joie and more, up to 60% off ! 




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coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: COFFEE TALK ::

discuss amongst ya-selves…… 
  
:: RHOC ::
Vicki is walking into every situation as though she’s the “host” for this trip.  Car service, hotel, everything.  And then Steve (whoooo?) sends two dozen roses to greet Vicki at the hotel with a note saying “I love you have a great trip”.
UGH this woman.
How much damn “affirmation” and “words of praise” or whatever you called it does your love tank need? All the way in Ireland, you still need all the focus?

Why do they think taking a million shots are bar number one on this bar crawl is a great idea? You can see the fights and meltdowns getting closer and closer with each shot before 1 PM that they take.

Kelly Dodd really knows how to take a tense situation and escalate it…. after lightly pissing everyone off my pointing at their shirt and doing a nose flick, she decides that was too kind and childish.  She wants to up the level from irritated and annoyed to straight up mad.  Know what does that real quick? A Racist or Antisemitic comment gets that going fast! 
Kelly immediately tried to tell Heather she’s disappointed she doesn’t think she’s funny because Jewish people are supposed to be funny.
Ohhhhh Kelly.  Kelly, Kelly, Kelly.  
but why stop there? 
Heather is always calm cool and collected and way to classy to say what anyone would want to say to her, so Kelly genuinely moves on to Tamra ….. Tamra who is just ALWAYS calm and quiet when angered.  
Tamra hasn’t thrown down in a while…. don’t poke that bear Kelly ….. you don’t know what you’re getting yourself in to…..  Tamra’s ready to get her mouth to the squeaky level and finger point in faces big time.
What gets her voice there?
Kelly saying “No wonder her daughter doesn’t speak to her” to Shannon.

What ensues next is not caught on camera by a single Bravo camera person.
FOR REAL? My-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen must be more shocked than I am? 
They audio, but no visual, of Tamra finding out about this comment, going up to her in a department store and screaming her brains out, and apparently hitting her.
Sadly, the real footage I want to see is Heather getting booted from said department store when an employee knocked on the bathroom door and said “is the American causing the scene in there?”
Love it.  
Heather is SO DONE with Kelly.
She has NEVERRRRR been kicked out of a department store. 
oh, and then hyperventilation happened in the bus.

Kelly goes to tell sober and pregnant Meghan who was finding out about her genealogy how the women are all ganging up on her.
Then she starts telling the story of what happened…. and Meghans face is contorting in a million different directions.
Then she calls her husband to tell him how everyone ganged up on her for no reason at all.  Ya know, none.  No possible reason.  
Kelly.  You are awful. PUH-Lease do not be back for a second season. You’re just straight up horrible and toxic. 
or, as Heather, who is far classier than I, says “Kelly has a way of taking a good time and knocking it on it’s ass.” 

and the best part: ALL of this stemmed from the “you have something on your shirt” joke.
hahaha.  ALL of it.  seriously.  

:: BEN AND LAUREN : HAPPILY EVER AFTER?  :: 

Happily Ever After with a Question Mark is right.  
It’s as if a year later it is still the day after the finale airing with the number of times Jojo’s name is said.  It should have been the drinking game of episode 1: Lauren says Jojo, DRINK!!!! 
The best is that all they do for an hour is talk about Jojo and The Bachelor Franchise (and AFR, which is apparently all of the Bachelor gang insiders for After the Final Rose).
and then they act like they want no ties to the franchise at all?? 
Lauren : “We’re distancing ourselves from The Bachelor….. we don’t want to be a part of that….”
ummmm hey Lauren.  You know that camera in front of you, and the producer you’re talking to in your confessionals, and the cameras and microphones in your cars, and the fake phony “sporadic” calls you are answering?
THAT’S THE BACHELOR FRANCHISE.  
crazy, right? 
When her and Ben watch Jojo’s season she says “she sure is saying Ben’s name a lot for someone that claims to be over Ben”
um.  Hi pot.  Meet kettle.
You sure as heck are saying Jojo (DRINK!) every other word for someone claiming that they are happily engaged and over it.
All she does is talk about Ben being in love with Jojo.
LAUREN.  It’s too late for him to pull a Jason Mesnick! It’s been ONE YEAR.  Get over it!! 

OR it’s all forced drama for the show.  my guess is both. 
either way, THIS IS ANNOYING.
editors note : I do realize this is just as heavily produced as The Bachelor…. but still…. 

also, check out a tour of their Denver Home HERE

:: BELOW DECK :: 
This crew is SO LUCKY that these drunk charter guests were too drunk to realize how bad the near death situation was.  Holy my Goodness that was terrifying.  
Captain Lee asks Sierra Storm, head genius on board, to make Painkillers for the charter guests to try to alleviate the near death situation.  
Sierra starts looking all over the boat for ibuprofen.
God love her. 
This is the same stewardess who said “Do you want alcohol in that?” when a guest said  “I’ll have a Gin and Tonic.” 
After Captain Lee clarifies that Painkillers are the island cocktail, it takes her a good 25 minutes to get ice in pitchers.  Captain Lee who would yell at anyone for anything just steps in and makes them.  
Watching Kate with her girlfriend Ro is RULL uncomfortable when you realize they’re in the middle of a huge lawsuit over domestic dispute and a bunch of other allegations involving biting and choking.  

:: MARIAH CAREY :: 
I just saw a commercial for an 8 part event on E! with a Documentary style behind the scenes with Mariah Carey.
It is going to be SO GOOD.
I mean…. if you’re anything like me, her episode of MTV CRIBS is forever emblazoned in your mind.  
I’m counting the days……. check out the trailer HERE


:: MAZEL :: 
to Chip + Joanna Gaines of Fixer Upper

I don’t know a woman ( or man really… ) that doesn’t love them and love this show.
I can’t wait to pick up People and read about their back story I think they are amazing people and parents and have a great marriage and are hilarious and just LOVE LOVE LOVE. 

EDITORS NOTE : 
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.  
#hypocrite  #sorryimnotsorry


I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either.  or the day after that.

gifs and images via giphy, ABC , E!, Reall Housewives Tmblr, and Bravo 



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