:: COFFEE TALK ::

discuss amongst ya-selves……

:: RHOC ::

Vicki is walking into every situation as though she’s the “host” for this trip. Car service, hotel, everything. And then Steve (whoooo?) sends two dozen roses to greet Vicki at the hotel with a note saying “I love you have a great trip”.

UGH this woman.

How much damn “affirmation” and “words of praise” or whatever you called it does your love tank need? All the way in Ireland, you still need all the focus?

Why do they think taking a million shots are bar number one on this bar crawl is a great idea? You can see the fights and meltdowns getting closer and closer with each shot before 1 PM that they take.

Kelly Dodd really knows how to take a tense situation and escalate it…. after lightly pissing everyone off my pointing at their shirt and doing a nose flick, she decides that was too kind and childish. She wants to up the level from irritated and annoyed to straight up mad. Know what does that real quick? A Racist or Antisemitic comment gets that going fast!

Kelly immediately tried to tell Heather she’s disappointed she doesn’t think she’s funny because Jewish people are supposed to be funny.

Ohhhhh Kelly. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly.

but why stop there?

Heather is always calm cool and collected and way to classy to say what anyone would want to say to her, so Kelly genuinely moves on to Tamra ….. Tamra who is just ALWAYS calm and quiet when angered.

Tamra hasn’t thrown down in a while…. don’t poke that bear Kelly ….. you don’t know what you’re getting yourself in to….. Tamra’s ready to get her mouth to the squeaky level and finger point in faces big time.

What gets her voice there?

Kelly saying “No wonder her daughter doesn’t speak to her” to Shannon.

What ensues next is not caught on camera by a single Bravo camera person.

FOR REAL? My-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen must be more shocked than I am?

They audio, but no visual, of Tamra finding out about this comment, going up to her in a department store and screaming her brains out, and apparently hitting her.

Sadly, the real footage I want to see is Heather getting booted from said department store when an employee knocked on the bathroom door and said “is the American causing the scene in there?”

Love it.

Heather is SO DONE with Kelly.

She has NEVERRRRR been kicked out of a department store.

oh, and then hyperventilation happened in the bus.

Kelly goes to tell sober and pregnant Meghan who was finding out about her genealogy how the women are all ganging up on her.

Then she starts telling the story of what happened…. and Meghans face is contorting in a million different directions.

Then she calls her husband to tell him how everyone ganged up on her for no reason at all. Ya know, none. No possible reason.

Kelly. You are awful. PUH-Lease do not be back for a second season. You’re just straight up horrible and toxic.

or, as Heather, who is far classier than I, says “Kelly has a way of taking a good time and knocking it on it’s ass.”

and the best part: ALL of this stemmed from the “you have something on your shirt” joke.

hahaha. ALL of it. seriously.

:: BEN AND LAUREN : HAPPILY EVER AFTER? ::

Happily Ever After with a Question Mark is right.

It’s as if a year later it is still the day after the finale airing with the number of times Jojo’s name is said. It should have been the drinking game of episode 1: Lauren says Jojo, DRINK!!!!

The best is that all they do for an hour is talk about Jojo and The Bachelor Franchise (and AFR, which is apparently all of the Bachelor gang insiders for After the Final Rose).

and then they act like they want no ties to the franchise at all??

Lauren : “We’re distancing ourselves from The Bachelor….. we don’t want to be a part of that….”

ummmm hey Lauren. You know that camera in front of you, and the producer you’re talking to in your confessionals, and the cameras and microphones in your cars, and the fake phony “sporadic” calls you are answering?

THAT’S THE BACHELOR FRANCHISE.

crazy, right?

When her and Ben watch Jojo’s season she says “she sure is saying Ben’s name a lot for someone that claims to be over Ben”

um. Hi pot. Meet kettle.

You sure as heck are saying Jojo (DRINK!) every other word for someone claiming that they are happily engaged and over it.

All she does is talk about Ben being in love with Jojo.

LAUREN. It’s too late for him to pull a Jason Mesnick! It’s been ONE YEAR. Get over it!!

OR it’s all forced drama for the show. my guess is both.

either way, THIS IS ANNOYING.

editors note : I do realize this is just as heavily produced as The Bachelor…. but still….

also, check out a tour of their Denver Home HERE

:: BELOW DECK ::

This crew is SO LUCKY that these drunk charter guests were too drunk to realize how bad the near death situation was. Holy my Goodness that was terrifying.

Captain Lee asks Sierra Storm, head genius on board, to make Painkillers for the charter guests to try to alleviate the near death situation.

Sierra starts looking all over the boat for ibuprofen.

God love her.

This is the same stewardess who said “Do you want alcohol in that?” when a guest said “I’ll have a Gin and Tonic.”

After Captain Lee clarifies that Painkillers are the island cocktail, it takes her a good 25 minutes to get ice in pitchers. Captain Lee who would yell at anyone for anything just steps in and makes them.

Watching Kate with her girlfriend Ro is RULL uncomfortable when you realize they’re in the middle of a huge lawsuit over domestic dispute and a bunch of other allegations involving biting and choking.

:: MARIAH CAREY ::

I just saw a commercial for an 8 part event on E! with a Documentary style behind the scenes with Mariah Carey.

It is going to be SO GOOD.

I mean…. if you’re anything like me, her episode of MTV CRIBS is forever emblazoned in your mind.

I’m counting the days……. check out the trailer HERE

:: MAZEL ::

to Chip + Joanna Gaines of Fixer Upper

I don’t know a woman ( or man really… ) that doesn’t love them and love this show.

I can’t wait to pick up People and read about their back story I think they are amazing people and parents and have a great marriage and are hilarious and just LOVE LOVE LOVE.

EDITORS NOTE :
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either. or the day after that.

gifs and images via giphy, ABC , E!, Reall Housewives Tmblr, and Bravo