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The Sarcastic Blonde

fashion, food, fitness + a dose of sarcastic gossip

friday randoms, Lifestyle

:: Friday Links ::

October 28, 2016

:: Friday Links ::


Cheers to Friday!! 









Daily Cup of Couture always posts the most gorgeous weddings from Vogue and Town & Country.  This Positano Wedding has me dreaming of going back ASAP.



Can you even imagine? Your Wedding in Positano?! I don’t think anything could top that. 










Mariah and her fiancé have split! 






I only care about this because I feel as though it will make her 8 part special that I am VERY eagerly anticipating that much better. 



I literally knew nothing about this man, including his name (the article says it’s James Packer), but seriously I can’t wait for her show!!! I’m expecting MTV Cribs Part II but 10x better because there are multiple hours of it! 





Life in Pieces premiered it’s second season last night on CBS and I laughed so hard.


I love this show so, so much.  


If you haven’t seen it – go watch season one.  It’s incredible. 


There are very few shows Kip and I both love, and this is one of them.  





Some favorite fashion finds for the weekend : 






I always love Vince Camuto’s clothes and shoes.


This high neck halter comes in 4 colors and is perfect to throw on with jeans and heels for a dressy night. 


// HIGH NECK HALTER //





This double face hooded coat is so chic. 


and it’s currently on sale for 35% off! 


// DOUBLE FACE HOODED COAT // 





for Home findings : 





I am in love with these gingham pillows.


Two for under $25?! Yes please! 


These would be perfect in our den (if it ever gets finished! New electrician comes Tuesday!) 


//  GINGHAM PILLOWS  // 






We are heading to Lake Geneva (in Wisconsin…. I forget that people here may not be familiar and someone thought I was heading to Europe for the weekend!) for Kip’s Grandparents 60th wedding anniversary.   There will be tons of family and it seems like everyone, including all of the grandkids, can make it so it should be so much fun.  I love spending time with his Grandparents;  I haven’t had living Grandparents in years and years, so it’s amazing to see the special dynamic between Kip and them. 





Lake Geneva is just a short drive from Chicago…..


….. and Southwest doesn’t have Change Fees….


so I think someone will be driving to Chicago to cheer on the CUBBIES on Sunday instead of driving to the airport 😀 





I mean.  In case you haven’t heard all over the universe, they haven’t been in the world series since 1945 and havent won since 1908, so you bet your ass if I’m driving distance I will be there! 



I leave you with some Man Crush Monday Fangirl Friday because Kris Bryant is EVERYTHING. 





he’s totally ryan gosling’ing this gif with a “hey girl”


and if I had any idea how to write on it with “hey girl” I would so just imagine I made it and it’s EVERYTHING


. 

and he’s been with his wife since he was 16.
I mean. seriously.
dreamboat. 
image




Happy Weekend Y’all! 














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by TheSarcasticBlonde 
coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: COFFEE TALK ::

October 27, 2016

:: COFFEE TALK ::

discuss amongst ya-selves……. 


:: KUWTK :: 

now that the (future) Golden Globe winning show Rob & Chyna has ended, we immediately start back with Keeping up with the Kardashians.
Because there cannot be a single week without their faces on all of America’s televisions.
Obviously. 
Another moment of this show to prove how normal and everyday and average these people are: Khloe in her dressing room trying on fake boobs with her outfit, asking Scott, who is basically brother in law, his opinion and if her butt has changed whilst shoving her breasts up and standing in a bra.
I MEAN? 
Yeah…. I do that with my husband’s siblings ALL the time. So normal. 
I wonder if the filming will go all the way up to the Paris debacle and how they’ll cover that? 

also, seriously…. Rob & Chyna…. the moments I saw of that show….



 I can’t even put into words and am too embarrassed to say I even stopped changing the channel when I saw it.

#PleaseDontTellAnyone 

:: RHOC :: 
The conclusion of the Ireland trip has arrived.
Well…. technically the trip ended last time but we still haven’t seen the bus ride to the airport in it’s entirety when sheyite really hits the fan.
As a recap of last week and my ever important opinions, I still can’t stand Kelly Dodd.  But the behavior of all of the other women and the scheming to make Kelly Dodd implode and make her life miserable for viewers to see is just as horrible.  Heather should be ashamed of herself – her behavior was despicable on the bus. And Shannon for sure played her role in all of this with the trying to get her ‘naked wasted’.  Literally the only respectable person on that bus, and on that entire trip, was Meghan King Edmonds.  So take the rest of the opinions with a grain of salt – because they all behaved “less than Christian like” as Tamra would say.
But really…… Heather is jaw on the floor disgusting during this bus ride and the hours leading up to it. 

Heather had been saying she felt awful for Kelly Dodd’s daughter and that she thinks Kelly is having a psychotic break.
Kelly is yelling about Tamra shaving her face because of her chin hairs.

hahah. I forgot to mention the chin shaving last week.

oh…. whoops, spoke too soon….. no more haha’s.  
Giggle time is over. 
oh Lordy. The second this bus ride continues its a nightmare.
Vicki is not only not defending Kelly, her only friend, but Kelly  then announces that Vicki said David beat up Shannon.
oh my gosh…….
and then Vicki clarifies that yes….. that’s what Shannon told her in confidence.

then Kelly shares that Vicki also told her that Tamra’s husband Eddie cheats on her and is gay.
so… Tamra handles it very maturely and like the newfound Christian she preaches of being
……..
OH! I JEST!!! 
You know that’s not how it went down. 
sorry for the cursing gifs but sometimes you need to show the people how it really played out! 
slash they never make them with “Eff” instead for some reason. 

This is such a nightmare.  

The next part is the most horrible of the whole bus ride. 

Heather goes up to Meghan King Edmonds and shakes and squeezes Billy Madison style Meghan’s face and says “I’m so sorry she ruined your trip she is disgusting and I just feel sorry for her because she’s so horrible.  Are you okay? Are you alright?” 
She totally acts like she had no role in any of it and that she is the savior of it all making it better.
This is like straight out of a Lifetime horror movie.  Meghan is looking at her as though she’s thinking  ‘don’t react don’t react it’ll all be over soon if I just don’t move maybe she’ll get away from me and I can run’.  

but then everything is great.
just kidding…… now they go get on a 10 hour plane TOGETHER?!
but we don’t get to see a single moment of any of that. 
DAMN YOU BRAVO I need ALL of this on FILM! 

The only thing they show before the commercial break for “coming up”
is Kelly saying “Heather is the Puppet, and evvvvveryone else is the Master”
I laughed just as hard as when I saw the preview for it last week and I will laugh as if it’s the first time when I finally see the whole scene play out

Cue the scene with puppet and master is Kelly and her Husband.
and me rolling in laughter and rewinding. 
Kelly shares with her husband that she yelled on the bus that Shannon’s husband beat the crap out of her and Michael’s jaw hits the floor. 
He says “Holy Sheyite is that true??”
and Kelly responds with a pshhh who cares “I don’t know if its true or not, it’s none of my business.”
WHAT?!
 Yet you take something like that and put it out there to all of America, but you don’t know it its true? and its none of your business?
I LITERALLY REALLY CAN NOT WITH THIS WOMAN. 

Also…. for how horrible Kelly says her husband is, he always is VERY calm. And in all of their tense moments it seems to be her flipping out not him.  Sure, you could say maybe he is only calm when cameras are around, but she is nuts with cameras around.  Seems like the larger problem of the two of them is KELLY DODD. 
I love when a housewife is always called by first and last name and she is definitely one of those. 

While Kelly vents to Hitl her husband, we cut over to Vicki telling Bryanna about the trip.
It was amazing she tells her!
  Her and Tamra had the best time just like the good ole days!  
Everything was dandy! 
BFF! 
UM….. Vicki…. did you black out on the bus?
Because Tamra’s face was mere centimeters from yours screaming Eff You.  Like, not “Eff you!” but a loooooong drawn out spit in the face “Effffffffffff youuuuuu”.
You know, the kind of Eff you that only someone as Christian as Tamra could possible say to a friend.

Vicki and Kelly are made for each other.  They really need to stick together. 
They are both so delusional they don’t understand what could have gone wrong during the trip. 
Kelly : “Why are people so angry with me I didn’t do anything to them!” 
HOW does she always say this after HUGE arguments and accusations like this??
“Why are they mad? I didn’t do anything!”
EVERY DAMN TIME KELLY DODD?!?! Girl. You’re nuts. 

In happier news, we are finally at Tamra’s competition.
She wins! 
It must have been Kelly Dodd’s words of wisdom “Remember: If you aren’t first, you’re last. That’s what I always tell me daughter.”  
The ladies in the audience don’t talk, and instead save the drama for the finale party next week l(ike good housewife veterans know to do.)
Tamra’s big smile isn’t only for her hot bod and trophy.
She’s also super excited to stir that damn pot while having herself some Krispy Kreme’s at the party. 
She couldn’t have been more excited to tell Shannon “Sure…. just have everyone at the party…. we should probably just confront Vicki there…..” 
….. to be continued…. 

:: PODCAST: JUICY SCOOP :: 
I always, always, always mean to mention this and always forget 🙂 
A few of you have commented and told me to listen to Heather McDonald’s podcast Juicy Scoop and I want to thank ALL of you.

I started listening early summer and now I never ever miss a week.
And she just started twice a week instead of once a week – it’s my lucky day! 
If you haven’t listened, get to it!
I will warn you a couple of the most recent ones were a bit strange 
(like EP 70 with her old Chelsea Lately costars is very strange and not at all like the normal episodes so just skip that one or else you’ll think I’m crazy for recommending this podcast…. it’s not that it was bad, it still was good, but it didn’t follow her normal format so don’t start with that one!) 

But she usually has Bravolebrities on as guests and she tells really fun stories and I just love, love the podcast overall. 
So THANK YOU to those of you far smarter and ahead of the times that told me about it because I’ve been hooked for weeks with no end in sight. 


:: BEN AND LAUREN :: 
if any of you are watching this…. just stop.
it’s seriously so horrible.  I had it on as background noise while vacuuming tonight.
Yes, you read that correctly. That is how horrible it is.  I decided to vacuum during it.  

:: JACKHOLE OF THE WEEK :: 
I am just sooooooo over the entitled Heather Dubrow.

This cheek shaking was (to be read in Heathers voice when she yells at Kelly at the Sushi party when the C-Word got said) : The cheek shaking was ENOUGH.  and she needs to LEAVE.
I’m laughing so hard at that gif right now because seriously that is what she did to her. 


:: JACKHOLE #2 :: 
ME! 
that’s all I have for you this week because my husband and I were at Ikea again last night for our built-in-bar in the den project.
We had to get 2 new cabinet doors because ours were damaged and….. 
um….
we ate.
at.
the.
ikea cafeteria. 

are you salivating at that above photo?? mmmmmm. 
I was actually kind of excited because “people” talk about how good their food is….. I got in that line and I was like …. woof.
Kip got some swedish meatballs and I got some veggie meatballs and I had two bites and was done.  neither of us touched the veggies they were horrid. 
BUT.  The cornbread Kip got was KILLER. 
like, bomb cornbread.  it was legit. 
and when we went back downstairs and our new order was ready right when we walked up 🙂 

ALSO, that is all I have because I have been watching CUBBIES in WORLD SERIES! 
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?
so I’m very behind on everything other than OC. 

EDITORS NOTE : 
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.  
#hypocrite  #sorryimnotsorry

I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either.  or the day after that.






gifs and images via giphy, ABC , E!, Reall Housewives Tmblr, and Bravo 


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by TheSarcasticBlonde 
fashion, Lifestyle

:: wishlist wednesday ::

October 26, 2016

:: wishlist wednesday ::
lusts for the week…….

My favorite striped tee is back in stock in a few sizes!
favorite purchase for fall by FAR and its only $19.
size down!
:: STRIPED LONG SLEEVED TEE :: 

:: JEANINE SATCHEL :: 

:: EMBELLISHED COLLAR SWEATER :: 

:: LONG SLEEVED DRESS :: 

     ONE             //                TWO              //                THREE            //             FOUR

:: LACE BUTTON BACK TOP :: 

:: SUEDE BOMBER JACKET :: 

:: OFF THE SHOULDER DRESS :: 
I ordered this weeks ago for the holidays and it’s finally shipping in just a few days! 
They have lots of colors, too – I can’t wait to try it on! 

:: ZELLA ASYMMETRICAL ZIP CARDIGAN :: 

:: QUILTED VEST :: 

:: COLORBLOCK PONCHO :: 
also love this REVERSIBLE PLAID PONCHO  and this CREAMY TAUPE PONCHO

:: HIGH NECK BLOUSE :: 

….. AND IF ANYONE NEEDS A GOWN…
I AM OBSESSED WITH THIS ONE. UHB-SESED
:: STRAPLESS EMBELLISHED GOWN :: 
I’m really tempted to do a gown post because I just found so many insanely gorgeous gowns but no formal weddings for me in the coming months…. I’m still probably going to share in case any of you have some! 



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by TheSarcasticBlonde 
health, Lifestyle, recipe

:: Gwyneth’s Almond Butter Sea Salt Cookies ::

October 25, 2016

:: Gwyneth’s Almond Butter Sea Salt Cookies ::
I had requests for a healthy dessert after last week’s dinner recipe, so I pulled out Gwyneth Paltrow’s It’s All Good Cookbook to check out her dessert section.
I have loved the recipes I have made from this book, so I was excited to try out a dessert. 

I’ll share some delicious not so healthy recipes next time to keep the balance! 

A lot of her recipes for desserts require one or two ingredients that I wouldn’t have on hand, but these cookies are all normal ingredients and only took minutes to throw together.
It’s only 6 Ingredients! 
ps how pretty is our ottoman recovered? can’t wait to show it! I’m in love! 

I loved these and Kip liked them too.
The consistency is a bit different than regular cookies because of the syrup and almond butter, and the lack of butter-sugar-oil, but they are tasty nonetheless.  
insert eye roll.  I know.  No butter. No oil. No sugar. I love all of those things and would never bake these as a treat for a party or to bring to someones house – BUT – hear me out  🙂
if you want something that is salty and sweet, AND delicious, to eat during the week for dessert and still be eating healthy, these are PERECT.  
They satisfy any craving immediately.  

These really did surprise me with how good they are for how many of my normal baking ingredients are missing.
Especially if you love salty and sweet, the almond butter and salt are a perfect mix! 

notes : 
If you have an almond butter you like to eat, I’d recommend just using that.
I know a lot of people like smooth for baking, but I use crunchy almond butter to give it extra texture! 
And definitely DO make sure you have Coarse Sea Salt (I didn’t have “Maldon”…. I’m assuming that’s like Ina talk for “good”, I just used Public Coarse Sea Salt and they were delish) 
 I did use the Cup4Cup Gluten Free Flour that she recommends, so I would suggest a gluten free flour or else the measurements may be off! 

:: ALMOND BUTTER COOKIES WITH SEA SALT :: 
From It’s All Good, by Gwyneth Paltrow
MAKES 2 DOZEN 


Ingredients:

1 1/2 cups gluten-free flour (if the flour doesn’t include xanthan gum, add 3/4 teaspoon)

1/2 teaspoon fine sea salt

1 teaspoon baking powder

1 cup natural almond butter

1 cup good-quality maple syrup

1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

1/2 teaspoon Maldon sea salt or any Coarse sea salt on hand 


Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees and line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper.


Whisk together the flour, fine sea salt, and baking powder. In a separate bowl, whisk together the almond butter, maple syrup, and vanilla extract. Thoroughly combine the wet and dry ingredients. Using 2 spoons, form the cookies into small balls (each about 1 generous tablespoon) and space them 2 inches apart on the prepared sheet pans. Wet your fingertips and press down on each cookie, smoothing the edges so each is a nice little disk. Sprinkle each cookie with just a bit of the Maldon salt.


Bake until the air is fragrant and the cookies are just firm, 10 to 12 minutes. Let them cool on a rack before serving.


* I did one batch for 12 minutes, one for 14 because I thought maybe my first were a little underdone – bit didn’t make much of a difference, but I think the 14 made them a little firmer which I liked better! 



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by TheSarcasticBlonde 
fashion, Lifestyle

:: weekend wears: favorites under $50 ::

October 24, 2016

:: weekend wears: favorites under $50 ::
Happy Monday !! 
image
I hope you all had a great weekend! 
Ours was busy with family time and a great night out with friends that was capped off with the Cubs making it to the World Series!!! It was such an amazing weekend.
Sunday we went to Ikea to work out a project for our Den.  We building a bar area and went to pick out cabinets and things, and actually ended up designing the whole thing and coming home with all of it! 
I’m so excited for it so I’ll share more about that later this week! 

Today I wanted to tell you about some of the great pieces I’ve been finding lately at Old Navy.
I was in the other day and of course they were having a sale (if pieces aren’t on sale today, they will be this week for sure.  They do the best weekly sales!) 
They have so much great stuff and all for an amazing price. 

First, my favorite thing that I have gotten is their Rockstar Jeans.
The fit is so nice; they have stretch in the waist, but don’t stretch out while wearing them all day.
They have several different colors for fall, and for the price I think I am going to have to stock up on some more! 
 :: ROCKSTAR JEANS ::   // SWEATER, Nordstrom last year, THIS YEARS VERSION 
jeans run true to size 

I also wore the rockstar jeans this weekend with this quilted vest.
It looks just like the J.Crew version and is a fraction of the cost.  It’s super lightweight and doesn’t add bulk which I love because some of my other vests, though very warm, I could have a 5 month old growing in there since it adds so much weight 🙂 
:: QUILTED PLAID VEST ::   //  :: ROCKSTAR JEANS ::   //  :: PEEP TOE BOOTIES :: 
runs slightly large, can size down!

At first I didn’t think I was going to like this dress, but in person the print is actually very subtle.  

It has a great fit and the sleeves rolled up to 3/4 gives it a great casual look too.
I’ll be able to wear this with tights when its colder, and also with some knee length boots. 
The vest is super lightweight – I actually like it better with jeans and a long sleeved blouse, but wanted to show you it with this dress! 
It is thin too, so it adds a light layer of warmth and doesn’t bulk up your midsection too much either. 
:: FAUX FUR VEST ::   //  :: PINTUCK SWING DRESS ::  //  :: PEEP TOE BOOTIES :: 
dress and vest run slightly large, can size down ! 
The dress also comes in several different prints and colors! 

Sunday we were at Ikea for a looming time.  
I wore super casual clothes since I knew I’d be on my feet all day and that we would have to lift all of the cabinet parts ourselves into the truth.  
This Sunday Vibes shirt is so comfortable – the fabric is so thin and soft – and is a fun top for under $10.
:: SUNDAY VIBES :: 

Hope you have a great start to the week!! 
I have some home updates and a healthy cookie recipe to share later this week! 
…..and final part of Ireland on OC tonight! 



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by TheSarcasticBlonde 
friday randoms, Lifestyle

:: Friday Links ::

October 21, 2016

:: Friday Links ::
Happy Friday Y’all!

I really, really, really want to make this.
 :: PUMPKIN DIY :: 

I started following Popsugar on Snapchat and when I saw them make it I immediately wanted to copy it.
Also – side note – who are your favorite Snapchat accounts to follow?
Let me know in the comments section because I have recently started enjoying it more (I really disliked following people other than close friends at first but now I am in to it)

This Body by Simone 20 minute at home workout is my new video to try out this weekend!
:: BODY BY SIMONE WORKOUT :: 



My BIG TIME favorite driving with the windows down song this week
it just makes you happy

:: Catch & Release (Deepend Remix) ::

My other favorite song this week is Lay It All on Me by Rudimental ft. Ed Sheeran

:: LAY IT ALL ON ME :: 

I realize neither of these are new, but I recently joined Spotify and have loved it for finding more music.
I just added the new Kings of Leon album and really like it so far;  I was obsessed with their last album.

The Tory Burch Private Sale ends today and there is still so much good stuff! 
I am in love with these black pumps with the surprise touch of gold + the logo under the heel.  
They are definitely staples you’ll wear forever. 
:: ELENA SANDAL :: 


We have our first few days of cool temperatures arriving so I’m excited to wear some real fall clothes this weekend!

Although I’m pretty sure I have been the only one that is completely 100% fine with record heat this month.  It has been 12 years since I have had a fall like this and Kip and I are TOTALLY fine with it. We are back visiting family next weekend in Lake Geneva, so I’m glad we are getting back up to 80 again this Sunday 🙂
I’m sorry but when you live in Chicago you talk about the weather a lot and it’s a really hard habit to break….. I’m working on it…. but when you’re excited EVERY day about the weather for the first time it’s hard to stop…. okay I’ll stop now…. 

speaking of Chicago….how about them Cubbies!!
I’ve been staying up so late this week with the games ending at midnight but it’s been worth it! 
a bunch of our friends ordered these “I ain’t afraid of no goat T-Shirts” and I donned mine this week while having a little Halo Top on the couch. 
instagram @tayoshay 

and speaking of Halo Top, I keep seeing ads on instagram for all of these AMAZING new flavors!?! 
Chocolate Almond Crunch, Peanut Butter Cup, Sea Salt Caramel, Oatmeal Cookie….. it goes on and on! 
:: RANK OF TOP 10 NEW FLAVORS :: 


um….. where are you hiding? Because I can’t find you anywhere.
my love for Halo Top runs deep. also… instagram ads know me too well…. 


My brother and sister-in-law got into town yesterday so we are spending tonight with them, and then out with friends tomorrow night! 
I’m hoping to try out some new recipes this weekend also to share next week!  



Cheers to the Weekend! 





and let me know about what snapchat accounts you like! 



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by TheSarcasticBlonde 
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Hi. I’m Taylor

A Southern girl turned Chicago transplant, recently settling back down in Atlanta. Fluent in sarcasm. Devout Bravo-holic and TV addict. Balances fitness with french fries. Penchant for Prosecco and Pinot Grigio. Wannabe Ina Garten in the kitchen. Online shopping enthusiast. Lover of fashion and decor.

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