The Sarcastic Blonde

:: ST. PADDY’S DAY STEALS + DEALS ::

March 11, 2017

Today I have some green finds that you can wear next Friday for your St. Patrick’s Day Celebrations!!

I have this split back tank in red and black an I love it (and the under $15 price!) You can still wear your regular bra with it an it shows the perfect little amount of skin. The green would be so cute for St. Paddy’s Day!

// SLIT BACK TANK //

// SIDE SLIT BOW SWEATER //

// SHORT SLEEVE BLOUSE //

// WORKOUT TANK // WORKOUT LEGGINGS //

// TIE FRONT BLOUSE //

// EYELET TRIM TANK // under $15

// COLD SHOULDER RUFFLE TOP //

I have these jeans and they are so comfortable, plus they are under $35!!

// MID RISE ROCKSTAR JEANS //

// CHATEAU PARKA W REMOVABLE FUR //

// PLEATED HEM TANK //

friday randoms

:: Friday Randoms + Links ::

March 10, 2017

Happy Friday Everyone!

My mom, sister, and I are off to the Boston area for the weekend to meet my newest nephew! My brother and sister-in-law had a baby boy about a month ago so we are bundling up and heading North and I can’t wait to meet him. I do not miss the days of my black North Face puffy coat, but for baby Riggs, I will happily put on my Chicago winter uniform.

Currently listening to :
1. John Mayer and his second wave of new songs from his recent album. I am a huge John Mayer fan – always have been and always will be – at least when it comes to his music.
2. Missing Richard Simmons. I’ll be posting about my favorite podcasts next week, but over the weekend do yourself a favor and catch up on Missing Richard Simmons. It’s surprisingly good. And there have only been 4 thirty minute episodes so it’s super easy to catch up while running errands!

Currently Reading :

I am embarrassed to admit that I am still reading The Good Girl. In my defense I have only been reading it when traveling, and unfortunately I have been using my computer to watch free TV on Southwest (hello. it’s me. how can I not.) or read magazines from Texture, OR listen to podcasts, so hopefully I can finish it this weekend and be on to something else! I really like it – I just am such a baby that I don’t like to read scary books at home at night before bed .

Currently watching:
I saw the first episode of Big Little Lies and loved it! Apparently I need to get a move on because everyone is talking about some stuff that happens and I feel like I need to know! I read the book but when I watch the show it’s as though I have no idea what is going to happen. It’s the same story line of course, it’s just much more dramatic and scary and suspenseful on the show – they do a great job of making it feel totally new and different. I feel like when I was reading it, like most of Liane Moriarity’s books, you are intrigued and dying to know what happens but nothing about it is scary. I love Reese Witherspoon and her cute little outfits in it! (Oh and ps. Nicole Kidman clarified her awkward Oscars clapping so everyone can simma-down-now.)

Currently excited about:

DAY LIGHT SAVINGS! I know we lose an hour Sunday, but I am SO excited for it to be bright and sunny when getting home from work and for the long summer days.

I wanted to share a few items from the Shopbop sale that I am keeping. We are heading to the beach in 3 weeks, so I grabbed some pieces for the warm weather. // WHITE V NECK DRESS //
The white dress is too cute for words! I am in love. And it has POCKETS!
It does run large. I sent this back and went down a size and it’s much better.

// ONE SHOULDER CHAMBRAY // this also comes in an ADORABLE DRESS
The chambray top is SO comfortable and if you are someone that can get away with no bra (YAY!) this is perfect because the ruffle covers the bra area perfectly. I love a no bra top 🙂 It runs slightly small, consider sizing up especially if you want a little more length at the waist.

// TORY BURCH EARRINGS //
I have eyed these for months, possibly a year, so when the sale hit I knew it was the perfect time.

I live in studs, so these are a perfect inexpensive upgrade from my super-inexpensive current fake pearls. Keeping it classy and fake over here.
shopbop only has them in rose gold, but I linked to Nordstrom which has 5 color options!
I love the Turquoise and Jade for summer!
And the best thing about earrings : they are always true to size!

:: FRIDAY LINKS ::

It’s one week until St. Patrick’s Day! We won’t be hosting a party like last year, but here are easy decorating tips if you are!

Have any of you tried Golden Milk? I’ve seen it on a million sites this week.

This top has navy and white stripes + pleats + is under $100. check, check, check!

I’m not a coffee drinker, but Starbucks new Spring Cups could make me start heading to their drive-thru for some tea ASAP. They are so cute.

A draped trench that is Olivia Palermo approved.

5 Communication mistakes you didn’t realize you were making in your relationship.

What guests really notice in your home. (a well stocked bar is definitely on the list!)

I want to get the nerve to try a body suit with a skirt or jeans, and I love the low back with a bow on this one.

I have no idea who this MTV star is, but her Jello Wedding Cake is beautiful.

Danielle L was just crying over Nick, and now she and Luke are trying to couple up and extend their 7-minutes-of-Bachelor-fame.
and speaking of dating, The J.Lo dating news is off of Drake and on to A.Rod. thoughts?

Loft has some super cute new arrivals:
This one shoulder looks just like the Milly top but for under $60.
A dress that screams summer with mixed stripes + flouncy ruffles.
A beautiful lilac color ruffle sleeve top.

Protein packed snackable cookie dough. Enough said.

The break from the Kardashians is over. New season starts Sunday.

I hope you all have a fabulous weekend!!!

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: Coffee Talk 3.9.17 ::

March 9, 2017

discuss amongst ya-selves……..

:: RHONY Trailer ::
I’m sure at this point you have seen the trailer for the upcoming season 9, but if not, allow me to introduce you to the mayhem coming soon to a screen near you:

and, of course, I am very excited for any new season of any show on Bravo.
I really need my Sonja fix.

and my weekly dose of Dorinda.

:: The Bachelor ::
We went from half an episode last week to 3 hours this week. But we are finally down to only one more week of Nick – PRAISE THE LORD. We start this week waking up from Nick + Raven’s overnight. We are immediately met with a montage of Raven skipping around town after their overnight date….

implying the night before fulfilled her premonition that (to be read in Raven’s strong accent) “tonight’s the night!” and her oversharing from last week. UGH. Raven stop! Please!

Then we have Vanessa and Nick’s overnight date and she grills him with questions and concerns while Nick continues a season of mumbling incoherently and managing to go week after week without really saying anything. In the morning they are practically canoodling naked. I mean, really, are they? Does she have clothes on? Because it doesn’t look like it! Put a tank top on, did you not know that was the appropriate thing to do when cameras and producers and a bunch of people come in the room? What is your family that you are so concerned about going to think about this!? What will they say about this at the next mandatory Sunday brunch?!

Rachel + Nick have their date and overnight and we all are just counting the minutes until she can get away from him and FINALLY tonight was the night! Adios and on to better things Rachel!

I also love that she finally left because it was really annoying the heck out of me that we knew about someone being the Bachelorette for weeks while they are still on the show, but I’m excited for the end of Nick and beginning of The Bachelorette!

Then we go on to the Women Tell All for 2 more hours of all of this. I am exhausted. (as I said last week, why did I watch this season? why? WHY?)
The biggest surprise was that everyone kind of rallied behind Corinne and ragged on Taylor?

Why is Danielle L. crying about their break-up as if she was one of the final 3 or 4 or heck, even 5?
And then remember how I instagrammed weeks ago about Josephine being SJP on Hocus Pocus?

Well, she must be a reader! And she wanted to give me a gift!

Because she literally took it up 10 notches.

A lot more happened…. but it was just a lot of the girls pointing fingers and talking over one another and blah blah. IS IT OVER YET?! ONE MORE WEEK HALLELUJAH CHEERS PAH-REACH!

:: Vanderpump Rules ::
Thank you to reader Margo for sending me a secret message in instagram that I now know how to find (look at me, learning technology months later!) of the tank tops from the Bachelor/Bachelorette party.

Tom Sandoval’s said “Straight” in quotation marks – that was the one I couldn’t remember and could not believe I was seeing. I mean…. Tom….. every week you add something to the list……

Kristin having an emotional support dog is a perfect example of me being so annoyed at airports with all of the dogs that do not need to be on airplanes. and I’m a dog person. but the therapy dog thing is out of control. I have a lot more to rant about on the subject, but I’ll give you a small gift and stop my personal rant there.

Lisa is very hesitant to officiate the ceremony for Tom and Katie. I can’t imagine why, especially after this interesting way of asking her

…. but the other options are limited. As Schwartz so eloquently states ” having Jax officiate would be like Lucifer performing a baptism.”

I thought Stassi’s date was adorable, nice, seemed smart and hard working, and picked a great restaurant for date #1. How does he not even deserve a date #2?! LA girls – snatch him up!!!

The things being said between Katie and Tom about their marriage two weeks before their wedding (and everything said this whole season) are totally normal and not concerning in the least.
Tom: “In the past I’ve always wavered in my confidence about our marriage. But in the past couple days it’s been great!”
Oh! Well there ya go! A couple days! Call Lisa up and let’s get this show on the road.
These photo shoots for SUR are such a crock (this weeks winner of crock of the week!?) and two blatant examples today:
1. Jax says that Stassi and Kristin, from the photo shoot years + years ago, are still on the restaurant website. And I of course then went to the website, and the opening image is in fact an extremely young Kristin and Peter, and an extremely young LVP. Like, these photos must be at least 7 years old at a minimum.
2. Tom Schwartz is in every single one of thes photos at todays shoot, who has never worked at Sur once.

:: RHOBH ::
Unfortunately, I haven’t seen all of this weeks episode yet. The horror!
BUT I did finally get my hands on a gif of the best line from last week.

Brief Commentary while I watch before bed:
Kyle’s hair + outfit for this Fat Jewish party at her store is not her best moment.
I am one of those people that laugh way too hysterically when people fall, and the added sound effects + replay in black and white of Dorit falling out of the car really got me.
Eden’s outfit is worse.
If Kyle isn’t wearing THE AGENCY hat, apparently Mauricio is.
Someone at ALL TIMES promoting THE AGENCY.

:: Summer House ::
The size of the bottle of Rose at this house party is absolutely insane. And watching drunk Kyle pour it down people’s throats -slash- pour it all over their faces is hilarious. #ILoveKyle.
I tried my damndest to find a gif of it…. but these Summer House gifs + pics are hard to come by…….
I am so over Christina with no H and Lindsay. Both of them are equally annoying. Christina with no H is annoying in general as a person, and Lindsay is with everything involving EV-RETT. EV-RETT. For example, her storming out of the restaurant at the end of the last episode screaming at EV-RETT that she was going to go sleep in someones bed, and then starting this weeks episode with her walking back in the restaurant moments later giggling with EV-RETT.

I retract my previous statement of equal annoyance based off of what has transgressed in the last 15 minutes of me typing and watching. Christina with no H announces to the room that she accepted a new job; everyone cheers for her. When EV-RETT says that Lindsay got a new restaurant client on board this week, Christina with no H so painfully awkwardly says “well I ate there and I told him you were my roommate. And I said nice things about you. Still. so. yeah.” WHAT? She says all of it in the same bitchy know-it-all way with angry undertones she has said everything with, and also says it with the stone faced lockjaw of Eden Sassoon. I do really appreciate her facial expressions of disgust though.

Kyle with this 23 year old he met wasted and didn’t remember is hilarious. While nothing seemed alarming at the brunch date, when she shows up at the house for dinner it’s all over. She used up all of her “just try to seem sane” energy at brunch. Luckily he was sober enough to be smart for once and kicked her to the curb. I still hashtag love Kyle.

:: SOUTHERN CHARM ::
The new season does not start until April 3rd, but they replayed the entire last season this week with a new 30 minute special of “How They Got There” and guess what yours truly did? Taped the entire season to re-watch again over the next 3 weeks to really prepare myself. I do it all for you. For Coffee Talk. It’s all research. And I am very excited. I watched the first episode while writing this post, where we are introduced to #HashtagNewCraig at ~~he and Naomi’s house~~ Naomi’s parents beautiful Charleston home where pregnant Kathryn and black-eyed-Thomas pretend they are not having their second child together by blatantly ignoring each other and then arguing about Kenzie’s bedroom being painted ~~purple~~ PERIWINKLE …. because guess who is in a ~~purple~~ PERIWINKLE dress!? That’s right. LANDON. So where did he get ~~purple~~ PERIWINKLE from, because he and his decorator had decided on pink? Oh…. and the whole episode began with the preview of Thomas’ Dinner Party From Hell. I MEAN. The greatness of re-watching a 5 Star Emmy Award Winning (in my mind) show should not be underestimated. Just this ONE episode brought me back so much joy. I can’t wait to treat myself to one episode at a time of this television greatness. I feel like I need to recap the whole episode now….. you know that is me doing a SUPER short summary of all of episode one’s greatness. I am so excited to re-watch things I have already seen, and then I remember there is a new season and I am just overwhelmed with feelings.
#blessed and #grateful.

:: BEN AND JEN ::
They have called off the divorce? What does this mean? What do we think? love her. And her Capital One Commercials. And her cooking with Ina that one Ina Garten episode. And her in Valentine’s Day and 13 Going on 30 and EVERYTHING.

:: MAZEL ::
and speaking of Ben Affleck exes, Gwyneth continues to give us Ab Envy.
While I definitely will not be participating in some of her vaginal therapies (seriously. placing jade eggs inside and vaginal steaming) or any 8 day goats milk cleanses, I do love her cookbooks and share her love for Tracy Anderson.

:: JACKHOLE ::
Jackhole goes to me because for the life of me I cannot figure out how to make the editors note below small text like it has been for years. So…. for now it’s really IN YOUR FACE instead of subtle like it’s supposed to be.

EDITORS NOTE :
AS ALWAYS, IGNORE MY OWN BLATANT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS WHILST I MAKE FUN OF OTHERS POOR GRAMMAR DURING COFFEE TALK ON A WEEKLY BASIS.

#HYPOCRITE #SORRYIMNOTSORRY

I WRITE THESE POSTS LATE AT NIGHT WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY WATCHING BRAVO, TAKING SNAPCHATS OF MY SNORING HUSBAND, AND MAKING TO DO LISTS OF EVERYTHING I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO AND DIDN’T DO THAT DAY AND LIKELY WON’T DO THE NEXT DAY EITHER. OR THE DAY AFTER THAT.

fashion

:: Wish list Wednesday ::

March 8, 2017

Today I am sharing the rest of the outfit with my favorite clutch from Monday’s post! This long vest was one of my finds at Zara and I have been wearing it for date night and girls night out ever since. It is so comfortable and has the perfect drape front (you know how obsessed I’ve been lately with long drape front vests/sweaters/jackets/cardigans!) You can cinch the waist as much or as little as you like so it gives a great shape and a defined waist.

ZARA NAVY WAISTCOAT // JEANS // TOP(BLACK VERSION) (SIMILAR IN WHITE) // PURSE/CLUTCH // SHOES (SIMILAR) // SUNGLASSES // BRACELET/FITBIT (discussing more next week!)

I know I talked a little bit about the jeans in Tuesday’s post, but they are incredible. The stretch really holds its shape and sucks everything in, and I love that they took out the front pockets because my older pair of Rag + Bones I realized I fix the front pockets constantly.

A few other drape front vests catching my eye. My favorites are the first and last one below!

ONE // TWO // THREE // FOUR

a few more options : striped vest // colorblocked vest // linen and 60% off

and some designer options I love (especially the draped grey!) DRAPED GREY // LONG JACQUARD // LACE BACK

I had several readers e-mail me with requests for similar jackets to my anorak jacket that I’ve had forever and wear frequently, so I rounded up a bunch of budget friendly options below!

Three options under $50 : ONE several color options, and on sale! // TWO // THREE on sale!

ONE // TWO // THREE on sale! // FOUR on sale!

ONE // TWO // THREE // FOUR

and I also found a few vest versions to combine the draped vest + green anorak :
ONE // TWO // THREE // FOUR

recipe

:: Clean Eating : Almond Butter Cookies ::

March 7, 2017

If you are thinking I already did an almond butter cookie recipe, you are correct, but that was one from Gwyneth Paltrow’s Cookbook It’s All Good! I promise this week’s crack of the week cookie is very different and just as delicious (spoiler alert: more delicious).

Today, I have Kristin Cavallari’s recipe from her book Balancing In Heels and the recipes actually couldn’t be more different! Gwyneth’s recipe has no dairy and no sugar and much more of an “elimination diet” type of cookie, with very few ingredients.

Kristin’s recipes focus on eliminating processed foods, but allowing 100% good-for-you forms of any kind of indulgence. Butter? Yes! But grass fed so that there is no added hormones. Sugar? Yes! But not the white processed sugar, rather coconut sugar. I loved these so, so much. And my husband devoured them, so these get a full stamp of approval. These taste just like a cookie you crave, because you can taste the butter and the sugar, and they have the perfect soft, chewy, cookie consistency! You have no idea you are eating a cookie that is 100 percent good for you. I would say that these are definitely better than Gwyneth’s version, but Gwyneth’s version you can still feel good about eating when you are trying to eat super clean. When you want some butter and sugar, these are definitely the cookie to pick!

She has a bunch of other recipes in her book Balancing In Heels that I have been meaning to try for so long, so hopefully next on the list will be her Mom’s Peanut Butter Chicken and her Cauliflower ‘Potato’ Salad. I am a cauliflower addict.

Save Print

:: Kristin Cavallari's Almond Butter Cookies ::

Author: Taylor // The Sarcastic Blonde

Recipe type: Dessert

Cuisine: Healthy Cookies

Prep time: 5 mins

Cook time: 10 mins

Total time: 15 mins

Serves: 24 Cookies

Kristin Cavallari's favorite cookie, with all of the flavor and none of the guilt.

Ingredients

1 stick unsalted grass-fed butter, softened
1 cup raw coconut sugar
½ cup raw almond butter
1 large egg
1½ cups oat flour (I used brown rice flour)
¾ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon pink Himalayan salt

Instructions

Preheat oven to 350 degree F. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper. Using a mixer, cream together butter, sugar, & almond butter until fluffy. Add the egg & mix to combine. In a separate bowl, mix flour, baking soda, & salt with a spoon. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients & mix well. Spoon tablespoon-size balls onto the prepared baking sheets, keeping a little distance between each ball. Bake for 10 minutes, or until golden brown. The cookies are thin, so keep a close eye on them so they don’t burn. Makes 24 cookies.

fashion, Lifestyle

:: February Favorites ::

March 6, 2017

Today I wanted to share some of my favorite things from February that I have been wearing repeatedly, so I’ve rounded up a big post of outfits.

I am in love with this Sam Edelman Chain Bag. (more of the outfit to come this week!) I feel like it has the look and feel of the YSL Clutch, but I actually like it even better (and of course the price is 10x better) . The chain can be removed and it can be used as a clutch, and it easily fits all of the essentials for a night out. The color is a beautiful camel brown – it looks slightly different in the photos than it does in person, but it also comes in black and a ton of other colors! AND I found it for 30% OFF on Zappos while it is still full price on all other sites!

CLUTCH PURSE, 30% off!! // they also have the purse in an adorable navy stripe and yellow stripe! // TORTOISE SUNGLASSES

Another favorite shown with the clutch above is this pair of tortoise shell sunglasses that are only $12! Yes, $12! I am also completely in love with this other pair that is also only $12!

TOP FROM STEIN MART // PURSE // JEANS // SUNGLASSES // NECKLACE

I finally found the perfect V-Neck Tee shirt that is insanely flattering and insanely soft. And the price is perfect too. They come in a bunch of different color options. I have the white and grey but will likely get more because it really is the perfect staple. I wear the tee’s with jeans out and about and also at home with these super soft leggings. These are the perfect lounge pants. I loved them so much I got another pair in pink.

TERRY LOUNE PANTS // V-NECK TEE SHIRTS

I wore this Zara romper (that looks 100% like a dress) out in Arizona and I can’t wait to wear it again. It was so freaking comfortable!!!

// ZARA ROMPER //

I wear the outfit below too many times to share. I love the lush tank tops and have them in a few colors, they are the perfect thing to throw on and you can dress them up or down.

GREEN SIDE SLIT TOP, on super sale only $20 // NAVY SWEATER COAT, old

The green jacket gets more use than any jacket I own I think.

NAVY SIDE SLIT TOP // WHITE JEANS under $60 // SANDALS // GREEN JACKET + SCARF old

SWEATER // JEANS // BOOTIES // PURSE

This weekends outfits :

BANANA REPUBLIC SWEATER COAT, old// CLUB MONACO TANK , old// JEANS // PURSE // HEELS // NECKLACE

I wear this white tank with the black bow constantly.

BOW SHOULDER BLOUSE // JEANS // SANDALS

ANTHROPOLOGIE RUFFLE TRENCH, OLD // JEANS // REBECCA MINKOFF FLUTTER SLEEVE BLOUSE // PURSE

That gold beauty is our new mirror that just arrived on Friday! I’m pretty in love with it. Now I just need to find a table to put underneath it and that can be checked off of the never-ending home project list.

// BRUSHED GOLD MIRROR //

My biggest obsession of the month is the dark wash denim in the most recent photos above. I ordered a new pair of Rag + Bone jeans in the Shopbop Sale and I realized that my other pair I always wear must be about 4 years old. They have changed their stretch fabric and it is 10x better than it was before – they are my favorite jeans all over again. They are so much more comfortable, they hold it’s shape and don’t stretch out, and they suck you in perfectly. So glad I finally got a new pair!