The Sarcastic Blonde

:: Friday Randoms + Links ::

March 3, 2017

Cheers to FRIDAY!!!!!

Kip and I didn’t see each other for over two weeks until he got back in town on Monday, so we are having a date night tonight and I am very excited about it. We usually walk to the Sushi spot down the street, but he made reservations (!!) at a new place (!!) that a co-worker told him about, and added it to our iCalendar while he was away so that it randomly popped up on my phone 🙂

BE STILL MY HEART. Who am I married to!?!? For some of you that may be nothing, but he’s so busy with work and has so much going on that this was a really sweet move in his part. I wonder what else I can get out of him…… flowers? Chick-fil-A waffle fries in bed??

I just stumbled across a random part of my instagram with messages! I had no idea it was there and therefor wasn’t responding to messages from some of you! Sorry! A few messages disappeared when I was responding to another, so once again, sorry for not responding – feel free to reach out again 🙂

I feel like I need to have a new addition to Coffee Talk’s “Jackhole of the Week” and “Mazel of the Week” and call it “Crock of the week” (not to be confused with CRACK of the week, which is delicious food of course). Crock of the Week would refer to the biggest crock of BS that I stumbled across that week on the interwebs. So….. why not! Here we go:

CROCK OF THE WEEK : GEM WATER

I have see this Gem Water on several sites the last two weeks, and I just can’t imagine ever spending almost $80 on a water bottle where you can buy different gem inserts and, as the website says, “hydrate in style: turn ordinary water into extraordinary water”. Ha!!!

but now I just saw they have a decanter with gems for wine….. and perhaps this a crock of sheyite I can get on board with? No…. I jest. but it is cool looking! (I feel like this is going to be in Goop in no time if it hasn’t been already. This is right up Goop’s alley!)

:: FRIDAY LINKS ::

I spent all day yesterday e-mailing with people about how EW and HELL NO and NOT OKAY the Biden-Widow-Brother situation is.

As a Big Bang Theory lover (one of the few mutual shows in this household) I love the cast pulling a Friends and taking paycuts for the other cast members to get paid more.

Why you should strength train BEFORE you do your cardio, and not the other way around.

Last Friday I discussed how I didn’t know that GG was engaged and she had gotten married. I also commented at length that it was likely a horrible idea. Thanks to sweet reader Julia, I have learned that they are already filing for divorce. The ironic thing is, her rep says things came to light that she didn’t know about and made her realize the marriage never should have happened…. which is exactly what I said last week (except I said perhaps HE would realize things about her and change his mind). But most importantly, what happens to that gorgeous ring?

I don’t drink Coffee, but a wine-infused-coffee could be the thing to make it happen.

Speaking of booze, this is what happens to your body when you ditch booze for 1 month.

The most affordable places to travel in March.

Table 19 looks like a movie I’d enjoy – I always love the movies that have 25 famous in them.

You are allowed to try ANYTHING at Trader Joe’s before you buy it. Well, not alcohol, but basically anything.

A quick scroll that I enjoyed: looking through the 100 most influential people in Health and Fitness.

:: Fashion Finds of the Week ::

I wear a thin gold bangle every day, and on the weekends I add one or two more (I’m so wild!). I love this bangle stack from one of my favorite affordable jewelry designers – you can wear one or all of them depending on the look you want. This stack of three is slightly different and beautiful too.

There’s a huge sale on Rory Beca dresses. You can snag everything from a go-to one-shoulder long black dress, this long navy racerback dress to this maxi or this maxi in several different color options down from almost $300 to under $90!

These heels are perfect for summer : stripes + wrap ankle with a bow + a stacked heel for comfort. Also perfectly striped with bows for summer : this itsy bitsy adorable bikini.

(I’m going to the beach in 1 month so I have bikinis on the brain!) A new-to-me bikini brand is Red Carter. I love the “friendship bracelet” detailing on this suit, and their pieces are under $100. The line also carries super cute coverups, and I am in love with their dresses.

Unfortunately/Fortunately, I ordered a pair of my favorite jeans in a new cut + color in the Shopbop sale and they are fab-you-lussssss. I also ordered this grey duster cardigan from the Shopbop sale and am still waiting for it’s arrival. A few more under $100 duster options: light grey duster // lightweight + gunmetal color // thermal cardigan with hood // cream w. fringe hem

Happy Weekend Loves!

top image : unicorn food

coffee talk

:: Coffee Talk :: 3.2.17 ::

March 2, 2017

discuss amongst ya-selves………

:: THE BACHELOR ::

I am so over this season. We had a) a one hour episode instead of two b) that starts with a rose ceremony that should have been last week c) keeping Rachel for the top 3 yet we already know she is the next Bachelorette d) only seeing one of the hometown dates. We need this season to end already ABC! Not drag it out and make it longer! And with a girl we know isn’t one he picks?! It’s all just so annoying.

Also, this week was horrible because Corinne got sent home. I am grateful we had her as long as we did….. usually the only entertaining girl gets sent packing way before final 4. Now we just have to survive Vanessa selfishly crying “I just don’t feel special” for a little longer. Do you know what show you signed up for Vanessa? And who The Bachelor is?? Mmmk thanks.

Andi shows up and knocks on Nick’s door. (insert me questioning for the 874th time who I am as a person for watching this). She sits there and they are talking like old buddies about the fantasy suite and it is ridiculous.

Andi asks “Do you think you’re going to sleep with them?” WHAT? Are you forgetting the whole part of you calling him out in your book for the fantasy suite? And then she tells him he should feel comfortable doing anything it’s part of the process so sleep with them? What world am I in? ~~OR is this just an attempt to stay relevant just like the book was?~~ And then Nick says “After talking to Andi I’ve never been more confident that this is going to work out for me?” WHAT? HUH?

The final 3 go to Finland to freeze their asses off. Whoop-de-do. First Wisconsin, and now Finland??!?! These poor women!! Rachel is a trooper for going through all this to get the title of Bachelorette.

All we see this week is his date with Raven. And Nick. Wears. A Turtleneck. Like, a huge one.

He is full blown Nick Lachey in the 98 Degrees music video for The Hardest Thing, but of course he could NEVER be Nick Lachey. ( I am really into Nick Lachey….. no joke. Love him.)

Boy Bands really loved those turtlenecks…… I can’t believe Joey is the only one not donning one in this *NSYNC video, but at least there are 2 ugly leather blazers to make up for it.

Also, Nick Viall really loves the leather jacket look, and guess who OWNS that too.

Nick says he wants a person with a huge personality that really challenges him …. Raven is sweet as Oklahoma Pie (is it Oklohama? I can’t remember). I do not think she is going to do that. But then again, I didn’t think she would sit and repeatedly talk about her never having an orgasm on national television, so what do I know?

Raven : “So while we are still sitting with the whole crew, I want to let you know that my last boyfriend did not make me orgasm.” WHAT?? I can’t with this show. and I really CANNOT with Nick blushing and being all awkward in THAT DAMN TURTLENECK. Can you really not just share that with HIM? When the cameras are off? Isn’t that the point of having the time with the cameras off? and then she follows up with a twangy accent filled “Today is the Day!” oh. my.

You know when you know something, and you really know it, and you feel it deep in your gut because you are so sure of it? Welp, I knew, I just KNEW I should have boycotted this season of The Bachelor when Nick was announced. And I have been cursing myself every week for not doing that!!! I couldnt stand him before….. but thought I should give him a chance. See what happens when you give people a chance? You dislike them even more and they take over your whole life (see: Jackhole Of The Week below for a further explanation of that.)

:: THE ARRANGEMENT ::

The Arrangement is the new show premiering on E! on Sunday. They have it On Demand and you can watch it early, so that is what I did Friday when I couldn’t get the HBO GO up and running. I don’t think it’s great, but I don’t think it’s awful. Sadly, the two things that intrigue me are 1. the main guy is hot 2. it is entirely just like tom-kat and scientology. The fact that they can even pretend this isn’t based entirely on that is insane. They arrange for an actress to come and read for a role with the star actor and have that lead into a contract relationship and marriage. Before they have even finished a first meal together he is talking about “The Institute” and how it saved him and saying she should go and try out classes. It is ABSURD. So I feel like I’ll give it a chance just because I’m still really on a Scientology kick from Leah Remini’s show. (and I have been finding every podcast she was on – I just listened to the RuPaul podcast episode with her. I just love her!)

:: VANDERPUMP RULES ::

I can’t believe we are seeing another episode of the Tom’s still in full drag. Everyone else has changed and taken their make up off, but not the Toms. Hell no. Sandoval stays full make-up while yelling at the girls about Schwartzy being a battered wife. I mean, him kicking that door open to the hotel room in full drag to reveal Schwartz sitting on the side of the bed wallowing in “I’m not marrying her! I’m not” pity was truly incredible television. (Schwartzy can get a hall pass for staying in drag because he is so drunk I’m just glad he still has clothing on and is breathing.)

I am so embarrassed for Scheana and her commentary on Katie and Schwartz’s marriage. It is never ending. I’m sure they are playing every piece of marital comments/relationship comments they have from her confessionals, but yikes, with her going through a divorce it is painful to watch. Shay is talking (yes, you read that correctly, Shay is talking….. for only 6 words but still) about honesty in marriage (when he was secretly addicted to painkillers), her talking about money and prenups being silly because “what’s he going to do take the money haha” (he apparently emptied their account). I’m physically cringing for her to stop. I really have all the feels for Scheana…. I know she’s an egomaniac with wedding portraits of herself the size of the Fixer Upper “before” billboards all over her apartment, and she doesn’t listen to a word that comes out of her husbands mouth (when he actually opens his mouth to speak), but I still think she’s nice person.

Katie and Tom are just a total train wreck. My-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen was 100% correct when he said the only thing stable on Vanderpump Rules is the love that Sandoval has for Schwartz. Final note : I am so mad I deleted the episode because I can’t find it online, but what did the tank tops say that Sandoval handed out at the pool party for him and Jax? I feel like it was something horribly amazing/horribly awful/awkward? If anyone can remind me, please share 🙂

:: SUMMER HOUSE ::

Carl did EXACTLY what the guy on Friends that was dating Phoebe did. (isn’t everything a Friends episode?) Remember when Phoebe is explaining to Joey that the guy she was dating wouldn’t sleep with her and she couldn’t figure it out? So she basically gives him free pass to never call him again and then they sleep together .

So, Carl’s is a little less extreme, but he says the reason he had backed off and brought other “friends” from California ~~to sleep with~~ is because Christina with no H had said that Lauren was super into him and wanted a relationship. So he gets her to basically verbalize that she expects nothing from him and doesn’t want a relationship….. and now they’re hooking up again. SERIOUSLY LAUREN. I just want to shake her she is so far above this situation and keeps falling right back into it! Someone get this girl a copy of He’s Just Not That Into You ASAP.

Christina with an H being a reporter reporting on everyone in the house is the most perfect call out ever.

:: REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS ::

Did Eileen update her kitchen!?! I never took her for the pops of turquoise and teal modern kinda gal? Eileen is just crushing it this season with her looks. First she looks stunningly beautiful in an all white ensemble in Mexico whilst ~~battling montezuma’s reveng~~e not feeling well. Now she shows up at Kyle’s shindig wearing a navy high neck jumpsuit. AND an open back. GURL. Slow clap.

Ugh first Boy George, now Carnie and her Cheesecakes? Enough Apprentice-and-RH crossovers.

Rinna saunters in to Kyle’s party in and hands a stuffed animal over to Kim with a “this. is. for. your. grandchild.” It was very uncomfortable. feel like these girl dinner parties at Kyle’s always take a turn for the worst….. dare I say the reason is Kim? Or now perhaps Eden? Everything about Eden makes me uncomfortable…. or as Kim says, makes her skin crawl. Damn you Eden quit making me agree with Kim!!!! And yes, Rinna, you can’t say all of that stuff and then just hand Kim a bunny!

Eden is complete lock jaw the whole party, and it keeps getting tighter and tighter as the night goes on. Even more than usual, which is really saying something.

Kyle finally gets a little pissed, and really puts LVP in her place when she tries to jump between sides, because she wants her to PICK A LANE!!!

I think we all are over the Rinna + Kim stuff, but I’m really over Rinna using the “you brought up Harry Hamlin” as her quip for everything. Yes, Kim threatened “do you want to talk about the husband”, and it was so long ago WHO CARES find a new battle to keep yourself in a big storyline.

…. and then Carnie so elegantly brings it back to her Cheesecakes. I just really can’t get over how all of this involved Carnie and her Cheesecakes and no amount of drama was going to derail Carnie from making it all about THE CHEESECAKES. Cheesecakes bring people together, right Carnie?

Highlight of the episode. Erika : “I’m going to be an alcoholic by the time this sh*t is over.”

:: REAL HOUSEWIVES OF DALLAS ::

speaking of Carnie’s…. I’m RULL excited for the Dallas Cast to be back, especially the crazy Carnie.

:: GGTD ::

This season, or the first part of it (?) since the second half is airing in the summer, was horrible.

:: JACKHOLE OF THE WEEK ::

GET. OFF. MY. TELEVISION. Nick STILL refuses to leave our lives and our living rooms. Will this man EVER get a real job??? Now he is going to one of ma-fave shows ever Dancing With The Stars. (editors note : if you are new to the blog, yes, I love Dancing with the Stars. With a passion. and no, I am not ashamed. ) …. I knew I should have boycotted this season of The Bachelor when he was announced.

for other Dancing With the Stars cast news…. Chicago Folk! Grandpa Rossy is going to be on Dancing With The Stars!!!!! What?! So is Erika Jayne which I’m actually upset about because I think it may ruin Erika Jayne for me…. she doesn’t need DWTS! Nancy Kerrigan? No thanks! Heather Morris from Glee? Yes, but you were a legit backup dancer for Beyonce…. so….. I’m just confused. Simone Biles, yes please!

:: MAZEL OF THE WEEK ::

Thank you, Corinne, for all of the wonderful things you bestowed upon us, but mostly for saving this season from being pure garbage. See you soon, on Bachelor in Paradise…… with Chad I’m sure….. eating lots of food.

home, home inspiration, television

:: Fixer Upper + HGTV Obsessions ::

March 1, 2017

If you are anything like me, you absolutely LOVE the HGTV channel, and Fixer Upper is one of your favorite shows.

I have been wanting to discuss the HGTV design shows for awhile but kept forgetting, and then I stumbled across this article when googling “how many dogs do Chip and Joanna Gaines have?”. It is hilarious, and one hundred percent not intended to be so. The article is titled The Hypocrisy of HGTV’s Chip and Joanna Gaines of Fixer Upper. You can tell from the title alone where this is going…. and why I thought it was hilarious. The woman writing this article claims that they are horrible parents who are never with their children, bad Christians who do not live a biblical lifestyle, she is a bad mom for working, and on and on. AND ON. I only share it because it is laughable the extent that his woman takes it to, and I seriously burst out laughing when I read the part where she accuses Jo of “child labor” when her kids drew drawings to decorate the new play space for the new homeowners. CHILD. LABOR. Are you kidding me???? Please, read this article. If you do not think this woman is crazy, and laugh out loud at the sheer insanity of it, you are probably reading the wrong blog right HURR or think I am a lunatic as well (which I have never claimed not to be…. just definitely not in this sense). In summary, I love Chip and Joanna SO much and few shows bring such a huge smile to my husbands face while I creepily look over at him watching Chip and his antics. Or Chip’s “sins” as she calls it.

On to the article of praise and love for Chip and Joanna, the cutest family in the whole world and best thing to ever happen to HGTV. (PAH-REACH!).

I loved reading this article from one of the couples that had their home renovated by Chip and Joanna for the show. I was especially excited because I LOVED this house so much. They had the most gorgeous bathroom they have ever done on the show. It was insanely, insanely, drool-worthy beautiful.

This house also had the most gorgeous pocket doors going into the husband’s music room which of course there is no great photo of, but I did find one with them hiding in the background. Trust me… they were stunning.

I had previously thought that they didn’t touch any of the other bedrooms, and I’m sure it varies episode to episode based on budget, but she said for their home they renovated every room and did all floors/walls/fixtures and that they don’t miss a single design opportunity. See the full article here.

Click here to see all photos of the House In The Woods episode, which was such a great house. Also, this gigantic house renovation that was the season premiere one year was a favorite of mine too. The house was huge! (I will say that in this current new season, she did a few houses and worked with the clients style that is not at all like her own – one was a super, super, modern house for example – and I definitely prefer when she sticks to her roots and her design aesthetic.)

There is another show on HGTV where the couple drives me a little bit nuts sometimes, but I still like to see the homes and I love that it is set in Nashville.

Masters of Flip stars married couple Kortney and Dave, and they usually do incredible renovations to homes that begin in an awful state. Sometimes her homes have incredibly ~~awful~~ quirky taste… one episode in particular was so horrendous that I was shouting at the television. She WANTED it to be staged as if it was grandma-chic… as if you were walking in to your grandmothers house. The house itself was gorgeous, and the staging seemed like it was a practical joke. It varies episode to episode, some houses I love it all, some I hate everything she puts in it, but again, I like to watch 🙂 I did find a couple photos that show the bones of what they do is great, but then she’ll do things like bright green paint on the exterior. Not at all my thing, but I know others like it. She really loves herself some color.

My brain is like AHHH where do I look with the way she styles/stages. Here are some photos of the grandma decor house below :

This couple annoys me the way that Tarek and Christina (#RIP) do – they argue about things and make things related to the renovation all dramatic, and as Chip and Joanna so perfectly prove, drama does not need to be a part of these shows to make them successful. BUT, then they get cute? I feel like maybe they got feedback and changed it up a bit/learned to LOCK IT UP. Anyways, they do full-gut-rehabs and it’s great to see some all of the different things they do, because each house and episode can vary drastically from the last!

There is a new couple with a show premiering March 21st that I am super excited about called Home Town. Home Town features another married couple that live in a small town in Mississippi. I have high hopes.

I had originally confused Home Town with a show that I saw the pilot episode for forever ago called Sweet House Alabama. I googled that show when it aired and saw that it brought me to a blog called Perfectly Imperfect. I just went back to their site and learned that HGTV passed on having them as a show, which I am so sad about because they did such a gorgeous job renovating in the pilot episode.

One that I love is Good Bones, with a mother daughter duo who do TONS of the work themselves. They really get in their and know so much about the construction aspect of things its crazy. I love that they always start with SERIOUSLY disgusting houses that look like tear downs and make it amazing. They do some decor/design choices that are a bit eeehhhh as well, but I like both of them and the show so much – they seem so sweet.

Oh, I also enjoy Love It or List It, Too with Jillian from the Bachelor/Bachelorette. And the original Love It or List It has grown on me as well. I like the Jillian version better just because she is so darn cute.

And to end, we circle back on Chip + Jo. Here are 16 things you may not know about the lovely couple. Oh, and in case you missed their latest “behind the scenes” post, he no longer has the dark tooth mentioned in the gif above 🙂 He has a fancy white one now and he was hilarious talking about in on the show.

What are your favorite HGTV Shows?
What are your thoughts on the couples and their banter on the shows?

intro image via @betches instagram

fashion

:: Did someone say Sale? ::

February 28, 2017

Shopbop is having their Big Spring Event Sale! Use code GOBIG17 to get between 15-25% off your entire order! It’s the perfect time to stock up on summer pieces, and it got me lusting after way too many items from one of my favorite inexpensive brands, BB Dakota.

top row // LACE BACK JUMPSUIT // STRAPLESS LACE // WHITE DRESS // DRAPED VEST // ONE SHOULDER // bottom row BUTTON BACK TOMPER // DRAPED CARDIGAN // STRIPED DRESS // TIE DYE DRESS // LACE HALTER //

I’ve already ordered some of my favorite jeans to try and snagged this under $90 pair of blush denim to try too!

Some more Shopbop Sale favorites to love below!

And to my surprise, I stumbled across these Tory Burch Sandals.

I know everything old becomes new and in style again, but this just makes me feel like I’m back at summer camp wearing my adidas sandals (usually with socks for some horrible reason). I would love if this actually did become the biggest thing ever because damn were those things comfortable…..

I think everyone, male and female, wore these shoes. They were a pretty amazing unisex sandal, and if you ask me, my socks gave it that extra bit of fash-un that they needed.

recipe

:: Thai Chicken Zucchini Noodles w. Peanut Sauce ::

February 27, 2017

Today I have a fun Crack of the Week to share with you, along with a little Oscar commentary.

I love noodles of any kind, and my husband loves all Asian food, so this was a perfect recipe to combine the two. It has all of the flavor without any of the guilt, loaded with veggies and a creamy sauce. There is some prep work involved that you can do in advance to get all the veggies chopped and spiralized and cook the chicken, but after that it comes together easily! I love when a dish is super colorful too and this is one definitely met that criteria.

recipe via Joyful Healthy Eats

Save Print

:: Thai Chicken Zucchini Noodles w. Peanut Sauce ::

Author: Taylor // The Sarcastic Blonde

Recipe type: Dinner

Cuisine: Thai

Prep time: 10 mins

Cook time: 10 mins

Total time: 20 mins

A Delicious and Healthy take on Thai Peanut Noodles

Ingredients

2 tablespoons of grape seed oil
1 pound of chicken tenders, diced
2 tablespoon of grape seed oil
2 zucchini, inspiralized
1 large carrot, inspiralized
1 red pepper, julienned
⅓ cup of bean sprouts
¼ cup fresh cilatro, diced
¼ cup green onions, diced
sesame seeds (for garnish)
FOR THE SPICY PEANUT SAUCE :
1 garlic clove, minced
4 tablespoons of peanut butter
juice of 1 lime
3 tablespoons of coconut aminos (or tamari sauce)
2 tablespoons of fresh cilantro, diced
½ teaspoon of ground ginger
¼ teaspoon of red pepper flakes

Instructions

In a small bowl, whisk together garlic, peanut butter, coconut aminos, lime juice, ground ginger, and red pepper flakes. Set aside.
Heat a large skillet to medium high heat. Add grape seed oil and chicken tenders. Saute each side for 3-4 minutes. Remove from the heat and let sit. Dice when cooled.
In the same large skillet over medium high heat, add 2 tablespoons of grape seed oil, zucchini noodles, and carrot noodles. Flash stir fry for 2 minutes, stirring constantly.
Remove noodles and place in large bowl along with chicken, red pepper, bean sprouts, fresh cilantro, green onions, and spicy peanut sauce. Toss until all noodles are coated.
Serve and garnish with sesame seeds.

What did you all think of The Oscars? I think that Giuliana Rancic did a good job with her dress (because I normally am not a fan of her picks) but that her spray tan was WAY too intense.

But…. then she said that she had NO spray tan and it was all from Cabo? I mean….. damn. It just didn’t look good to me? I love me a tan…..but looked like a spray tan?

There was a TON of black/white/gold on the red carpet!!

Dresses I Liked : To be honest, I found the majority of it extremely underwhelming. I mean….. I liked all of the dresses below, but but there wasn’t really anything special?

Dresses I Like : BUT did not like her hair at all or her make-up (you could’nt even see an eyelash!), and definitely did NOT like Justin’s hair.

Dresses I Did Not Like : Emma Roberts hair color was so bad (hopefully for a role?) and her side boob made me extremely nervous – in the photo it looks fine, but on TV it was as though only her nipples were covered and it was awkward (and this is coming from someone that loves a boob). Janelle just looks silly – her makeup is perfectly flawless though! And I never really care for Scarlett Johansen’s looks, last night included.

But hands down, Dakota wins for worst dress. I think she has the same stylist as the Bravo ladies do for their reunions? When your dress is worse than the bridesmaids dress meant to be hilariously ugly on Odd Mom Out, I think it is a miss.

and an honorable mention for the vagine-slit dress. How does one not realize that this is what is going to happen when the slit is placed ABOVE the vagine?

As I was going through the galleries online to see the dresses, I saw a photo of Mel Gibson and his ~~daughter~~ girlfriend/wife and had to google because she looked so young. She is 26!!! He is 61!! I mean…. there is a line where it is nothing but wrong, and I think they are so far past it they can’t even see the darn line. I mean : LOOK AT HER!!??

Happy Monday! Hope you all have a great start to your week!!!

fashion

:: weekend steals and deals ::

February 26, 2017

Hope you all are having a great weekend so far!

There are some amazing gingham pieces that caught my eye yesterday that I wanted to share with you! My absolute favorites are the tank, heels, shorts, and pouch!