coffee talk Archives - Page 22 of 45

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: Coffee Talk ::

November 17, 2016

discuss amongst ya-selves……

First of all,

you may have noticed a name change for the ‘ol blog!

Why change my name after years of It’s The Little Things?

I don’t know…..{sigh} why do I do anything?

I wanted a .com name and had been wanting a change for, well, years. But you know how this girl likes to procrastinate 🙂

Everything I thought of was out there already or I didn’t like enough to change, and finally The Sarcastic Blonde popped into my mind!

I have some things to do this weekend to get everything switched over, but please update your bookmarks and spread the word to all your gal-pals that Coffee Talk can now be found on The Sarcastic Blonde.
I hope you all like the new name and continue to read!

my old site name will automatically forward you here just in case!

and don’t be alarmed….. just because I have a new title doesn’t mean I’ll be doing such important things as proofreading my midnight typing skills so that what I write is actually English.

I’ll work on that too….. but all of the nonsense you’ve come to love or be extremely annoyed by will still be here.

and hopefully some more exciting things too.

:: RHOC Reunion Part II ::

Watching Vicki attempt to discuss the cancer commercial and her “charitable cause” is ridiculous.
Straight from Vicki’s mouth “No one will think I lied about cancer if I do a cancer charity.”
Riiiiiight.

She starts lying straight through her teeth about it not being “sales” at all and it having no personal benefit when Investigator-Meghan immediately calls her on her BS. (and Kelly thinks she’s helping by being like “that’s how sales works! that’s how you get leads!” It cracks me up every time her large mouth says these ~~horrifically stupid~~ things.)

Leave it to Meghan King Edmonds to chime in with a monotone “um, no” and state the facts.

Love that Meghan this season. Still can’t stand that Jimmy.

One thing I will agree with Vicki on is that Vow Renewals are a curse.

It’s like getting your significant other’s name tattoo’d on your body.

editors note: although somehow Grant and Lace from Bachelor in Paradise, the most drunk and dysfunctional couple of all, is still together after their Grace Tattoo’s.

so shows what I know…..

But vow renewals for TV are for sure bad luck.

and I’m glad Vicki shared the gem that moments after her and Don’s vow renewal he walked into the hotel room and called her out on it being complete BS.

Hashtag Team Don. He deserves every penny of spousal support for putting up with her lackluster love tank for all those years if you ask me.

Kelly figures she’s already dug her hole so deep, why apologize for a damn thing she’s done. Especially the freak out at the Japanese restaurant with the See You Next Tuesday confrontation.

oh, and in case you missed the memo 472 times,

THE WALLS WERE PAPER THIN. IT’S A JAPANESE RESTAURANT.

THEY ARE LITERALLY PAPER THIN WALLS.

My-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen plays an entire montage of all of her wrongdoings and flip-outs this season, and follows it up with the question:

“Is that hard for you to watch?”

No.

“Do you have any shame, any remorse?”

No.

When Meghan King Edmonds reminds Kelly that she apologized for things previously, Kelly clarifies that she takes those apologies back. Sorry, not sorry from Kelly.

Clearly AA + Anger Management taught her A LOT.

She is unbelievable.

or as M-BF-AC calls her “polarizing”.

Please don’t tell me that because he thinks she’s the most “polarizing” housewife they’ve ever had that she will be back….. Ughhhh.

:: NJ REUNION ::

I felt like Joe was the 6th Housewife for this entire reunion?

and season.

And I can recall nothing of importance from this entire second hour….

:: VANDERPUMP RULES ::

can we PLEASE move on to a different story line other than this sexual escapade? and can Lisa VanderPump please stop it with the nasty ‘kentucky muffin’ commentary.
it is REPULSIVE. my disdain for her last season on RHOBH is growing with every inappropriate comment she makes.

The Toms continue to flaunt their Bro-hood with their bi-monthly spa trip together.

I mean, I know my husband and his buddies do spa trips ALL the time.

Lala goes to lunch with her Mom, and Lala has a come to Jesus moment about her life and her choices.

While saying that the path to becoming a better person involved one big thing “I can’t drink anymore” , the waitress walks up and she orders a Pinot Grigio.

Her moms seems to be an absolute pillar of stability as well.

also, Lala, Ramona Singer and I all have the same drink choice.

example 2985 I should be concerned with my life choices.

The best part of this entire episode is Katie and Tom in their apartment calling the venue to discuss wedding plans.

Nothing involving the call or the wedding was even registering, because I was just staring at the giant spray painted “artwork” hanging on their apartment walls behind them.

You know how they call each other Bubba?

Of course I can’t find a photo of it, but it looks like this:

BB bbb

bb BUB

Bubba bubba

BB bbbb

BUBS

seriously. I’m mad I didn’t do one of my pictures of the TV for you, so I’ll work on getting one for you for next week.
UPDATE: GOT A PIC OF THE BUBBA ART!

editors note: also, speaking of couples with tattoos, they have “bubba” tattoos.

I mean….. it REALLY rivals the incredible artwork over at Scheana and Shay’s : 20 of their their wedding photos blown up on huge canvases all over their walls.

ALSSSOOOO have you heard the rumors about Scheana and Shay being over?

all of these people can barely take care of themselves,
and they all have 2+ dogs each.
these poor animals…. all of their dogs should be the ones up for adoption at this dog day.

EDITORS NOTE :
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either. or the day after that.

gifs and images via giphy, ABC , E!, Reall Housewives Tmblr, and Bravo

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: coffee talk ::

November 10, 2016

discuss amongst ya-selves…..

:: New Jersey Reunion Part I ::

As with most reunions, when I begin to recap or comment, I feel like a lot happened and yet nothing happened at all. So much is said, but it’s always the same things over and over.

One of the most shocking events of the evening: Teresa and her delusional comments about why it’s totally normal that she had a brand new Lexus with a big red bow waiting for her when she arrived home from ~~camp~~ prison. Teresa is like “Oh Please, Andy. Would you ever drive a Ford?”
….and that is how you end up in jail for false bankruptcy, tax evasion, the list goes on and on.

Other juicy moments :

Teresa’s husband Joe never graduated from high school. He is getting his GED whilst in prison. I mean…. these two handling money and finances is making a lot more sense now…..

Teresa’s brother/Melissa’s husband joe lost his virginity at NINE.
I can’t even form words about that one.

Teresa then blames the FBI and the jail-time and everything that happened to her and Joe on Jacqueline for setting her up.

I mean, Jacqueline has been pretty cuckoo herself this season, but WOW.

Even my-boyfriend-andy-cohen’s face was in a state of “girl, no you didn’t”

:: DWTS ::

If you’ve been reading Coffee Talk awhile, you know that when Erin Andrews became the new host she used to drive me absolutely insane.

In particular, her first year as host. It was just painful and her interviews were just so hard to watch. You never, in a million years, would have known she interviewed people and gave commentary for a living. And was famous for it.

Now, however, I need to give her credit and say that I like her and she has GREATLY improved.

I just felt the need to share that I have joined team Tom AND Erin and am not strictly on team Tom anymore….because for awhile there I was praying they would snatch that microphone away as fast as they did to Brooke Burke (which was so not fair) and hand it over to someone else, mainly Lea Remini.

but, as always, I digress…….

I am SO SAD that Sharna is injured because the Racecar driver James really is my favorite and I would love for him to win.

Hopefully she’ll be back dancing with him next week.

I also love Lindsay and the football player.

and of course the US gymnast Laurie with Val.

Those 3…. but James for the Mirror Ball Trophy.

:: OC reunion Part I ::

Kelly’s boobs look bigger than ever in her dress of choice. Massive.

Also, when she was on WWHL last week as a guest I was thinking…. hmm… her face never looks the same …. she’s done more work.

And now seeing the reunion, I feel like it’s confirming that she definitely looks like she had more work than when she was filming the season.

Thoughts? Agree? Disagree?

We kick off this reunion where the last reunion imploded, which is discussing Brooks and cancer-gate. Somehow crazy Vicki said as recently as Ireland that he is her soulamte and she wants to be with him in heaven.

I really can’t with this woman.

Vicki wins the award for fastest reunion freak-out because this Brooks conversation really pushes her buttons and she is fuming right out of the gate. She decides to end this conversation by saying they are done with discussing it and whoever doesn’t like it can “Get off her show. By Felicia.”

Then Vicki talks about “ding ding dong” or something? Even my-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen didnt understand the ding-dong commentary so I feel a little better about having NO idea what that was all about or what it was supposed to mean.

I mean I just cant get over how much I really like Meghan King Edmonds this season….. even moments where Andy is reading the callers question of “when I went through IVF my husband was there every step of the way” and she’s like “wouldnt that be nice” with a sarcastic laugh. She really was the voice of reason this season and still wasn’t afraid to point things out to people like Heather when they acted like they did nothing wrong.

Rumors are swirling that she isn’t coming back, and that they likely are moving to St. Louis, so we will see what’s to come.
I would totally understand her moving back to St. Louis so her mom can help her raise her baby since her husband will undoubtedly be as absent as ever.

Kelly isn’t sorry about anything except how her husband was portrayed… and it is her versus shannon + tamra (and Heather….) but I feel like there is plenty more to come with that…. and by feel, I mean know, because they are dragging this thing out into 2 more hours the next two weeks. So we can just discuss Kelly more then….

:: Chateau Dubrow : Heather’s Closet ::

So I just stumbled across this video and link to Heather’s closet in the new house.
Sorry…. felt like I had to share.

I was all excited to see it, and then as I was clicking play, I saw it said “Episode 1”

Seriously? She drags this thing out big time, talks in the third person the whole introduction, and apparently ‘Heather’s Closet’ is it’s own YouTube Channel.

Just a warning…. this is a horrifically boring 7 minutes and not an actual closet tour.

She is making this into some kind of series, when really, we just want to see the darn closet.

:: Vanderpump Rules ::

Every season I tell myself I will not watch this filth…. and then somehow I do.

It honestly is just horrible the things these people say and do.

Brittany (and her new boob job) is now working with the rest of the crew at Sur.

Tom, who shaves his face and straightens his hair, introduces us to some new blonde highlights while he works behind the bar. Wow. Oh my.

Jax tells this awful sexual story/rumor to Tom and his highlights, and then when LVP walks up he doesnt miss a beat and tells her the same thing.
You would think she’d be appalled and reprimand him for saying such a thing at all but especially to his boss and an older woman.
NOPE.
The things that Lisa says in her commentary I can’t even repeat on this blog… they are disgusting.

It’s gross when an 18 year old (or 35+ in Jax’s case but acts 18) says it, but it’s even worse when LVP does.

classless.

This show makes it nearly impossible to even comment…. I feel like it was XXX talk this episode (I need the emoji with hands covering eyes).

:: American Housewife ::

This is a new family comedy on ABC, and I had set it to tape but hadn’t watched it until this week. The lead of the show is Katy Mixon; she played Melissa McCarthy’s sister on Mike & Molly and has been in a ton of different things. All you need to know, she is hilarious.

and she also used to date Paula Deen’s son, Bobby! She was on a full episode of Paula’s show one time on the Food Network cooking with the two of them…. seriously people – I know EVERYTHING. well….. everything useless that I do not need to know.

anyways, this show is great and I highly recommend adding it to your weekly DVR routine.

:: One More OC Tidbit ::

Gretchen Rossi celebrated her birthday with some former cast members.

Vicki must really be scrounging for friends, because no way would she have even spoken to Lizzie or Gretchen or even Kelly for that matter if she had the other girls on her team.

EDITORS NOTE :
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

gifs and images via giphy, ABC , E!, Reall Housewives Tmblr, and Bravo

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: coffee talk ::

November 3, 2016

discuss amongst ya-selves…….

:: RHOC finale ::

Kelly just kicks it off with a no-brain-cells bang:

“so you’re saying I should have a two drink minimum at the party?”

yeah, Kelly.

I am very excited for this “finale” party because it is the one dinner or party in Housewives history to have unhealthy food. Doughnuts, burgers, I want it all! I mean even if it was just the Krispy Kreme’s I’d be pleased.
Also, Shannon’s rental house looks great.

The second I saw the doughnut “cake” on the screen I knew Heather was going to be all “Um. No. That is NOT what I wanted.”
It’s freaking doughnuts, just EAT them instead of arranging them ladies.

Vicki arrives and everyone immediately scatters the second she tries to talk to them.

except for her new boyfriend of course…. he keeps her love tank full.

wait, what did Meghan King Edmonds say she is thinking for the name? hallow? I did a rewind and still cant tell what she said? someone please let me know…. because I feel as though no matter what letter she said in front of -allow it isn’t going to be a good one.
but atleast my thoughts on how awful this little girl’s name could be distracted me from the horrid outfit she chose for this occasion. she as a person always looks beautiful…. but sorry not sorry, her clothing choices can be (and often are) just horrible.
BUT …. all that said…. Meghan totally wins best housewife award.
She’s the only one of these people with a heart and soul.

vicki : I dont need to be talking about anybody….. well, having that mindset everyday would be great. But you didnt seem to be of that belief when spreading the rumor that David beat the crap out of Shannon. but whatever…. potatoe poh-tah-toe.

Cut to kelly and her sigature line “I didnt do anything”

They need to do a montage of how many times shes said “I didnt do anything” at this reunion and I pray to my bravo gods that my-boyfriend-andy-cohen does that.

The fight starts after Tamra hands out tanks….poorly made tanks if I do say so myself…. I’ve been on some bachelorette parties with better tanks, but hey, whatever….
and Vicki’s says “Offense: Lying”

When Vicki tries her signature move of disappearing in the middle of things heating up, Heather turns to her signature entitlement and parenting demanding “Don’t Move”.

Heather….. you aren’t in charge. Vicki is such a little ass sneaking out, but you don’t control everyone.

All of the guests at the whole thing are just standing there watching. Everyone.

but Ireland must have worn them all out because this was nothing compared to that.
….sad that this little kerfunkle isnt even a blip in the radar.
which means one thing: On to the Reunion!!!!

PS. For those who haven’t been on the internet,
sadly there IS a police report and arrest and everything from 2 years after Shannon and David got married. He was charged with “battery against a cohabitant.”
She said in the article from 2+ years ago that it was just a fight and she called the police hoping it would make it end faster and that there was no abuse.

:: halloween ::

everything is offensive to everyone.

seriously. you can’t cough without offending people.

can’t some things just be a freaking costume?

Hillary Dugg had to publicly apologize for her controversial chief and pilgrim costume with her boyfriend.

sorry not sorry if this offends anyone…..

but no one is trying to offend anyone!

I mean I understand when it’s certain costumes,

but didn’t a bunch of us dress up as Pocahontas or an indian when we were younger? I feel like every year in college a bunch of girls always would be an indian? and in the years following??

Is an Indian and Pilgrim costume saying anything bad about Native Americans?

so let me know, because I have no idea, when did the Indian costume start being banned and disrespectful?

and who is going to alert the members of the Village People before their next performance?

because that would really put a wrench in their happy YMCA number.

:: the worst people on TV are back ::

Vanderpump Rules premieres next Monday

prepare yourselves….

:: jackhole + mazel ::

mazel to the mom, jackhole to everyone else.

I honestly cried when I read this post with the little video montage of the photos.

:: CAN’T DEAL ::

I am proofreading nothing (which isn’t that uncommon) because of the World Series….. I am like barely breathing and closing the laptop.

EDIT: CUBS WIN 2016!!!!

and I’m still not proofreading because the game was on until 1 AM and then I couldn’t fall asleep for quite some time and now I slept in too late before work. whoops!

GO CUBS GO! Couldn’t have been a more stressful but INCREDIBLE game!

EDITORS NOTE :
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

gifs and images via giphy, ABC , E!, Reall Housewives Tmblr, and Bravo

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: COFFEE TALK ::

October 27, 2016

discuss amongst ya-selves…….

:: KUWTK ::

now that the (future) Golden Globe winning show Rob & Chyna has ended, we immediately start back with Keeping up with the Kardashians.

Because there cannot be a single week without their faces on all of America’s televisions.

Obviously.

Another moment of this show to prove how normal and everyday and average these people are: Khloe in her dressing room trying on fake boobs with her outfit, asking Scott, who is basically brother in law, his opinion and if her butt has changed whilst shoving her breasts up and standing in a bra.
I MEAN?

Yeah…. I do that with my husband’s siblings ALL the time. So normal.

I wonder if the filming will go all the way up to the Paris debacle and how they’ll cover that?

also, seriously…. Rob & Chyna…. the moments I saw of that show….

I can’t even put into words and am too embarrassed to say I even stopped changing the channel when I saw it.

#PleaseDontTellAnyone

:: RHOC ::

The conclusion of the Ireland trip has arrived.

Well…. technically the trip ended last time but we still haven’t seen the bus ride to the airport in it’s entirety when sheyite really hits the fan.

As a recap of last week and my ever important opinions, I still can’t stand Kelly Dodd. But the behavior of all of the other women and the scheming to make Kelly Dodd implode and make her life miserable for viewers to see is just as horrible. Heather should be ashamed of herself – her behavior was despicable on the bus. And Shannon for sure played her role in all of this with the trying to get her ‘naked wasted’. Literally the only respectable person on that bus, and on that entire trip, was Meghan King Edmonds. So take the rest of the opinions with a grain of salt – because they all behaved “less than Christian like” as Tamra would say.

But really…… Heather is jaw on the floor disgusting during this bus ride and the hours leading up to it.

Heather had been saying she felt awful for Kelly Dodd’s daughter and that she thinks Kelly is having a psychotic break.

Kelly is yelling about Tamra shaving her face because of her chin hairs.

hahah. I forgot to mention the chin shaving last week.

oh…. whoops, spoke too soon….. no more haha’s.
Giggle time is over.

oh Lordy. The second this bus ride continues its a nightmare.

Vicki is not only not defending Kelly, her only friend, but Kelly then announces that Vicki said David beat up Shannon.

oh my gosh…….

and then Vicki clarifies that yes….. that’s what Shannon told her in confidence.

then Kelly shares that Vicki also told her that Tamra’s husband Eddie cheats on her and is gay.

so… Tamra handles it very maturely and like the newfound Christian she preaches of being

……..

OH! I JEST!!!
You know that’s not how it went down.

sorry for the cursing gifs but sometimes you need to show the people how it really played out!

slash they never make them with “Eff” instead for some reason.

This is such a nightmare.

The next part is the most horrible of the whole bus ride.

Heather goes up to Meghan King Edmonds and shakes and squeezes Billy Madison style Meghan’s face and says “I’m so sorry she ruined your trip she is disgusting and I just feel sorry for her because she’s so horrible. Are you okay? Are you alright?”

She totally acts like she had no role in any of it and that she is the savior of it all making it better.

This is like straight out of a Lifetime horror movie. Meghan is looking at her as though she’s thinking ‘don’t react don’t react it’ll all be over soon if I just don’t move maybe she’ll get away from me and I can run’.

but then everything is great.

just kidding…… now they go get on a 10 hour plane TOGETHER?!

but we don’t get to see a single moment of any of that.

DAMN YOU BRAVO I need ALL of this on FILM!

The only thing they show before the commercial break for “coming up”

is Kelly saying “Heather is the Puppet, and evvvvveryone else is the Master”

I laughed just as hard as when I saw the preview for it last week and I will laugh as if it’s the first time when I finally see the whole scene play out

Cue the scene with puppet and master is Kelly and her Husband.
and me rolling in laughter and rewinding.

Kelly shares with her husband that she yelled on the bus that Shannon’s husband beat the crap out of her and Michael’s jaw hits the floor.

He says “Holy Sheyite is that true??”

and Kelly responds with a pshhh who cares “I don’t know if its true or not, it’s none of my business.”

WHAT?!

Yet you take something like that and put it out there to all of America, but you don’t know it its true? and its none of your business?

I LITERALLY REALLY CAN NOT WITH THIS WOMAN.

Also…. for how horrible Kelly says her husband is, he always is VERY calm. And in all of their tense moments it seems to be her flipping out not him. Sure, you could say maybe he is only calm when cameras are around, but she is nuts with cameras around. Seems like the larger problem of the two of them is KELLY DODD.

I love when a housewife is always called by first and last name and she is definitely one of those.

While Kelly vents to ~~Hitl~~ her husband, we cut over to Vicki telling Bryanna about the trip.

It was amazing she tells her!

Her and Tamra had the best time just like the good ole days!

Everything was dandy!

BFF!

UM….. Vicki…. did you black out on the bus?

Because Tamra’s face was mere centimeters from yours screaming Eff You. Like, not “Eff you!” but a loooooong drawn out spit in the face “Effffffffffff youuuuuu”.

You know, the kind of Eff you that only someone as Christian as Tamra could possible say to a friend.

Vicki and Kelly are made for each other. They really need to stick together.

They are both so delusional they don’t understand what could have gone wrong during the trip.

Kelly : “Why are people so angry with me I didn’t do anything to them!”

HOW does she always say this after HUGE arguments and accusations like this??
“Why are they mad? I didn’t do anything!”
EVERY DAMN TIME KELLY DODD?!?! Girl. You’re nuts.

In happier news, we are finally at Tamra’s competition.

She wins!
It must have been Kelly Dodd’s words of wisdom “Remember: If you aren’t first, you’re last. That’s what I always tell me daughter.”

The ladies in the audience don’t talk, and instead save the drama for the finale party next week l(ike good housewife veterans know to do.)

Tamra’s big smile isn’t only for her hot bod and trophy.

She’s also super excited to stir that damn pot while having herself some Krispy Kreme’s at the party.

She couldn’t have been more excited to tell Shannon “Sure…. just have everyone at the party…. we should probably just confront Vicki there…..”

….. to be continued….

:: PODCAST: JUICY SCOOP ::

I always, always, always mean to mention this and always forget 🙂

A few of you have commented and told me to listen to Heather McDonald’s podcast Juicy Scoop and I want to thank ALL of you.

I started listening early summer and now I never ever miss a week.

And she just started twice a week instead of once a week – it’s my lucky day!

If you haven’t listened, get to it!

I will warn you a couple of the most recent ones were a bit strange

(like EP 70 with her old Chelsea Lately costars is very strange and not at all like the normal episodes so just skip that one or else you’ll think I’m crazy for recommending this podcast…. it’s not that it was bad, it still was good, but it didn’t follow her normal format so don’t start with that one!)

But she usually has Bravolebrities on as guests and she tells really fun stories and I just love, love the podcast overall.

So THANK YOU to those of you far smarter and ahead of the times that told me about it because I’ve been hooked for weeks with no end in sight.

:: BEN AND LAUREN ::

if any of you are watching this…. just stop.
it’s seriously so horrible. I had it on as background noise while vacuuming tonight.
Yes, you read that correctly. That is how horrible it is. I decided to vacuum during it.

:: JACKHOLE OF THE WEEK ::

I am just sooooooo over the entitled Heather Dubrow.

This cheek shaking was (to be read in Heathers voice when she yells at Kelly at the Sushi party when the C-Word got said) : The cheek shaking was ENOUGH. and she needs to LEAVE.

I’m laughing so hard at that gif right now because seriously that is what she did to her.

:: JACKHOLE #2 ::

ME!

that’s all I have for you this week because my husband and I were at Ikea again last night for our built-in-bar in the den project.

We had to get 2 new cabinet doors because ours were damaged and…..

um….

we ate.

at.

the.

ikea cafeteria.

are you salivating at that above photo?? mmmmmm.

I was actually kind of excited because “people” talk about how good their food is….. I got in that line and I was like …. woof.

Kip got some swedish meatballs and I got some veggie meatballs and I had two bites and was done. neither of us touched the veggies they were horrid.

BUT. The cornbread Kip got was KILLER.

like, bomb cornbread. it was legit.

and when we went back downstairs and our new order was ready right when we walked up 🙂

ALSO, that is all I have because I have been watching CUBBIES in WORLD SERIES!

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?

so I’m very behind on everything other than OC.

EDITORS NOTE :
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

gifs and images via giphy, ABC , E!, Reall Housewives Tmblr, and Bravo

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: COFFEE TALK ::

October 20, 2016

discuss amongst ya-selves…..

:: DWTS ::

I am super into the racecar driver James Hinchcliffe this season.

He is shockingly SO good at dancing (and is also very quick witted so obviously I am obsessed with him.)

and then Tom Bergeron introduces actor Eddie Cahill to plug his new ABC show.

Who is Eddie Cahill you ask?

I wouldn’t recognize that name either, but when I saw the face of TAG, Rachel’s young assistant on Friends, I was like DAMN I AM OLD! LOOK AT HIM!?!?

He played a 22 year old on the show when Rachel was turning 33.

But then I googled and realized he is only 38….. just has the silver fox thing going on…. so I felt much better about my old ass.

:: RHNJ ::

If you’ve been thinking Teresa seems like a changed woman this season, you aren’t alone. Although I usually am of the belief that people can’t change too much, she does seem EXTREMELY tame and calm, especially compared to previous behavior.

But I NEVER would have thought she had changed this much :

Yoga with Danielle Staub ??

and she captions it ” loved catching up and bonding with Danielle at yoga”

WHAT?! No Words.

:: RHOC ::

Oh Lordly….. we pick up where we left off last week.

ya know…. Tamra breathing heavy not blinking and over botox’d in the back of the bus…..

The trip from Hell in Ireland continues.

Oh, and you know how last weeks episode ended with Bravo missing ALL of the footage?

So does this episode!!! But missing even more footage this time AND no one being mic’d.

FOR THE LOVE OF RAMONA PINOT GRIGIO COME ON WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE????

The ladies head out to milk some cows.

This poor sweet man Joe at the Bailey’s Milk Farm.

THEY ARE SO RUDE.

YOU decided to come here, Joe didn’t make you.

Just milk the darn cows without screaming and drink a few sips of cream and say its amazing.

Seriously from the moment they got to Ireland they are mocking the accents or saying things like “they’re after me lucky charms” and screaming their brains out at these poor men (and poor cows).

They won’t even taste the cream at the farm? “I’m not drinking a beverage that is 50% cream….”

WTF?

Just milk the darn cows without screaming and drink a few sips of cream and tell the sweet man its delicious. Is it really that hard?

Then Vicki starts taking her NIPPLES OUT?

At dinner?! WHAT?!

So Meghan misses the whole dairy day, and then the next morning Meghan isn’t bike riding either?

How is this “meghan’s trip” and she hasn’t attended a single thing with the group – not a one.

Obviously she can’t participate in drinking, but she can go to the farm with the cows and she can ride a bike?

But, I guess it’s nice that she takes turns with the people who can’t be around the other person (Tamra and Kelly).

And she is smart for just avoiding the drama at all costs I suppose.

This is when my annoyance with Heather starts climbing and climbing quick…..

I’m so annoyed with her being such a hypocrite that things Kelly Dodd is saying are makings sense.

I will agree with Kelly on this: Since when does Heather Dubrow carry around a purse flask of Fireball? In what universe would that EVER happen?

Before their final dinner, Heather Shannon and Tamra have a pow-wow in the hotel room. clearly plotting the evenings sabotage…..

Heather is SO offended by Kelly’s top she was wearing earlier because her breasts were pushed up and out, but nipples are fully covered…… but on the other hand she will call her husband and have Vicki pull her entire chest – nipples and all – out to show the table and staff and to show on FaceTime because that’s appropriate and allowed ???

Wait… Meghan doesn’t even come to the last dinner either…. Poor Meghan…..

at least she found a “distant O’Toole that looks like her mom” the day before and got to meet with a geneologist!!!

Shannon is being SUPER rude and super strange and keeps saying to Kelly that she’ll have a shot when Kelly is repeatedly saying she doesn’t want one.

You know I’m not on team Kelly Dodd and never will like her, but in this situation I am totally with her that it is PURE SABOTAGE.

Then, Shannon goes and whispers (YOU HAVE A MICROPHONE ON YOU MORON) for the waiters to make all of the drinks doubles.

This IS FOR SURE set up sabotage to get kelly drunk and acting crazy.

It REALLY is naked wasted all over again – Vicki is spot on.

{who am I… defending Kelly and being like YES Vicki you are so right!}

A whole big thing goes down that is not caught on camera at all.

Well….. except for Heather trying to video tape it (I AM SO OVER YOU DUBROW).

At 3 AM they go and bang on Kelly’s door drunk and do a whole confrontation and then they get in the bus at like 3:30 to go to the airport and it. goes. DOWN.

The drive to the airport is filmed in pitch black Blair Witch Project film style.

Kelly of course starts screaming mean things and Heather is just REALLY egging it on, to the point that she is making bad mother comments and saying that Kelly is having a “psychotic break”

When they show the flashback of years ago when Shannon was being ganged up on, Tamra was stirring the pot that night, and Heather was saying “maybe we should call an ambulance I think she’s having a psychotic break” you realize how sick ALL of these women are.

ALL of them.

It literally is EXACTLY what they are doing to Kelly, and Kelly is no angel and she is awful and running her huuuuuuge mouth, but they plotted this whole thing!

And Heather just she sits back there saying “I feel so sorry for her kid….. I think she is definitely having a psychotic break”

Um, Heather. Bad mother comments?

You’re doing EXACTLY what Kelly just did – talking about the persons daughter!? and her being an unfit mother?! and that is why you all weren’t talking to Kelly?

POT MEET KETTLE.

This episode was UNREAL.

and we haven’t even seen the half of it with the bus to the airport.

The only sane nice one on here is Meghan King Edmonds…. seriously…. sitting quietly and staying out of it and only trying to give helpful advice all episode….. and she’s married to the biggest ass ever. Look what being nice got her!

I am exhausted from this episode. Seriously.

THEN we end with a preview of next week.

The best part of this preview is not the rest of the car mayhem, still shot in Blair Witch style, but Kelly sitting there going

“Heather is the puppet, and everyone else is the master”

Hahaha. Oh Kelly. No. Not quite.

And your hand motions didn’t match anything you were saying either.

On WWHL with my-boyfriend-andy-cohen, Heather says a lot more is said that we haven’t seen yet…. which I’m sure is true…. but still – the video taping and like EVERYTHING she did this past episode? So disappointing.

If I were invited to an all-inclusive party at Chateau Dubrow, I would say no.

That’s how pissed off I am at Heather.

I don’t need you or your champs OR YOUR HEXAGONAL ICE.

You are a mean girl who’s just being mean!

seriously…. I don’t think an hour of Bravo has exhausted me this much in a long time….

:: CATCHING KELCE ::

I don’t care about anyone else on this show,

Minnesota is EV-ER-Y-THING.

and we found out this week that she dated Fabio in the past.

this week was less hilarious because she let the girls get to her, but in the past, she is freaking hilarious and does not give a damn.

Travis and the whole show is great too because he doesn’t care about anything either… he will say and do anything and is a total goof ….but really….. Miss Minnesota for the win. Also, I love how they just refer to each other as what state they are representing.

EDITORS NOTE :
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

gifs and images via giphy, ABC , E!, Reall Housewives Tmblr, and Bravo

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: COFFEE TALK ::

October 13, 2016

discuss amongst ya-selves……

:: RHOC ::

Vicki is walking into every situation as though she’s the “host” for this trip. Car service, hotel, everything. And then Steve (whoooo?) sends two dozen roses to greet Vicki at the hotel with a note saying “I love you have a great trip”.

UGH this woman.

How much damn “affirmation” and “words of praise” or whatever you called it does your love tank need? All the way in Ireland, you still need all the focus?

Why do they think taking a million shots are bar number one on this bar crawl is a great idea? You can see the fights and meltdowns getting closer and closer with each shot before 1 PM that they take.

Kelly Dodd really knows how to take a tense situation and escalate it…. after lightly pissing everyone off my pointing at their shirt and doing a nose flick, she decides that was too kind and childish. She wants to up the level from irritated and annoyed to straight up mad. Know what does that real quick? A Racist or Antisemitic comment gets that going fast!

Kelly immediately tried to tell Heather she’s disappointed she doesn’t think she’s funny because Jewish people are supposed to be funny.

Ohhhhh Kelly. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly.

but why stop there?

Heather is always calm cool and collected and way to classy to say what anyone would want to say to her, so Kelly genuinely moves on to Tamra ….. Tamra who is just ALWAYS calm and quiet when angered.

Tamra hasn’t thrown down in a while…. don’t poke that bear Kelly ….. you don’t know what you’re getting yourself in to….. Tamra’s ready to get her mouth to the squeaky level and finger point in faces big time.

What gets her voice there?

Kelly saying “No wonder her daughter doesn’t speak to her” to Shannon.

What ensues next is not caught on camera by a single Bravo camera person.

FOR REAL? My-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen must be more shocked than I am?

They audio, but no visual, of Tamra finding out about this comment, going up to her in a department store and screaming her brains out, and apparently hitting her.

Sadly, the real footage I want to see is Heather getting booted from said department store when an employee knocked on the bathroom door and said “is the American causing the scene in there?”

Love it.

Heather is SO DONE with Kelly.

She has NEVERRRRR been kicked out of a department store.

oh, and then hyperventilation happened in the bus.

Kelly goes to tell sober and pregnant Meghan who was finding out about her genealogy how the women are all ganging up on her.

Then she starts telling the story of what happened…. and Meghans face is contorting in a million different directions.

Then she calls her husband to tell him how everyone ganged up on her for no reason at all. Ya know, none. No possible reason.

Kelly. You are awful. PUH-Lease do not be back for a second season. You’re just straight up horrible and toxic.

or, as Heather, who is far classier than I, says “Kelly has a way of taking a good time and knocking it on it’s ass.”

and the best part: ALL of this stemmed from the “you have something on your shirt” joke.

hahaha. ALL of it. seriously.

:: BEN AND LAUREN : HAPPILY EVER AFTER? ::

Happily Ever After with a Question Mark is right.

It’s as if a year later it is still the day after the finale airing with the number of times Jojo’s name is said. It should have been the drinking game of episode 1: Lauren says Jojo, DRINK!!!!

The best is that all they do for an hour is talk about Jojo and The Bachelor Franchise (and AFR, which is apparently all of the Bachelor gang insiders for After the Final Rose).

and then they act like they want no ties to the franchise at all??

Lauren : “We’re distancing ourselves from The Bachelor….. we don’t want to be a part of that….”

ummmm hey Lauren. You know that camera in front of you, and the producer you’re talking to in your confessionals, and the cameras and microphones in your cars, and the fake phony “sporadic” calls you are answering?

THAT’S THE BACHELOR FRANCHISE.

crazy, right?

When her and Ben watch Jojo’s season she says “she sure is saying Ben’s name a lot for someone that claims to be over Ben”

um. Hi pot. Meet kettle.

You sure as heck are saying Jojo (DRINK!) every other word for someone claiming that they are happily engaged and over it.

All she does is talk about Ben being in love with Jojo.

LAUREN. It’s too late for him to pull a Jason Mesnick! It’s been ONE YEAR. Get over it!!

OR it’s all forced drama for the show. my guess is both.

either way, THIS IS ANNOYING.

editors note : I do realize this is just as heavily produced as The Bachelor…. but still….

also, check out a tour of their Denver Home HERE

:: BELOW DECK ::

This crew is SO LUCKY that these drunk charter guests were too drunk to realize how bad the near death situation was. Holy my Goodness that was terrifying.

Captain Lee asks Sierra Storm, head genius on board, to make Painkillers for the charter guests to try to alleviate the near death situation.

Sierra starts looking all over the boat for ibuprofen.

God love her.

This is the same stewardess who said “Do you want alcohol in that?” when a guest said “I’ll have a Gin and Tonic.”

After Captain Lee clarifies that Painkillers are the island cocktail, it takes her a good 25 minutes to get ice in pitchers. Captain Lee who would yell at anyone for anything just steps in and makes them.

Watching Kate with her girlfriend Ro is RULL uncomfortable when you realize they’re in the middle of a huge lawsuit over domestic dispute and a bunch of other allegations involving biting and choking.

:: MARIAH CAREY ::

I just saw a commercial for an 8 part event on E! with a Documentary style behind the scenes with Mariah Carey.

It is going to be SO GOOD.

I mean…. if you’re anything like me, her episode of MTV CRIBS is forever emblazoned in your mind.

I’m counting the days……. check out the trailer HERE

:: MAZEL ::

to Chip + Joanna Gaines of Fixer Upper

I don’t know a woman ( or man really… ) that doesn’t love them and love this show.

I can’t wait to pick up People and read about their back story I think they are amazing people and parents and have a great marriage and are hilarious and just LOVE LOVE LOVE.

EDITORS NOTE :
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry