DISCUSS AMONGST YA-SELVES……

:: Vanderpump Rules ::
We’re back with the kids in Mexico.  James apparently has aspirations of having only 6 chipped teeth remaining in his entire mouth because he wants to impress everyone by ripping open beer bottles with teeth.  Lovely.  His dad Andro’s must be so proud.

I do not understand how these people stayed awake until 5 AM tthe first day and then got up at the crack of dawn.  Even Scheana was still awake at 3:30 in the morning – which is very un-party-pooper-Scheana-like.  Then Stassi + the other drunks were eating pizza off of their pillowcases at 5 AM!! (also….. Schwartz get it together.  He was  practically using his pillow as a plate).   Then they all get up and leave at SEVEN THIRY AM!? I mean….. WHAT!? At least the Summer House crew knows to attempt to sleep in until 11 AM after their ragers.

I cant think of anything I’d rather do LESS at 7:30 AM than go to a Water Park in Mexico.  They all seem thrilled by it though….. so there must have been a lot of adderall or a lot of pasta on that van on the way over because any normal human  being would be sleeping on a float in the middle of that pond thingy that pond thingy that thousands of people are peeing in because it’s a water park with drunks in Mexico.

Jax is such a victim and SO FULL OF BS.  Waking up in the morning to clear his mind with his crystals and reflect on Kelsey.  Yeah. Right. I’m so over him and this “job offer” – in air quotes –  story line, because it is such a crock.

For the second week in a row, my heart of ice melts – just slightly – for James.  Lala brings up, and then he expands upon, the bullying he experienced in London.  This comes as no surprise based on his behavior on the show, but it’s sad nonetheless. And THEN he really melts my heart of ice with his MINI TRAVEL STEAMER!! Yes, James, YASSSSS.  AND. I learned A TIP.  FROM JAMES.  About my beloved travel steamer!!! He sprays cologne in there before steaming his clothes.
UM……. WHY HAVE I NOT DONE THIS WITH MY PERFUME?!
James…. you get a week off.  Sorry for my beer bottle teeth comment.

I am very alarmed by Lala sleeping with this baby bottle situation.  Shocked actually.
cough: this coming from the girl who still sleeps with her teddy bear and baby blanket.
I’m not great at much, but damn am I a great hypocrite or what?! 

PRAISE THE LORD we get another montage of Scheana discussing Lord Rob -aka- the 7 Minute Man at dinner. I live for it – so hilarious with the background musics and flashbacks.  My favorite is she’s so desperate for EVERYONE to constantly hear it that she yells to drunk Kristin “Kristin! Kristin listen! Listen I’m talking!”
She is so delusional.

Super Random Side Note : Remember Vail from a few seasons ago?? When I was looking for images I saw an image of her and googled what she has been up to and apparently she is pregnant and has a restraining order against a crazy ex (unknown if the ex is the father).  Ay ay ay.

:: RHOBH ::
Okay, Mauricio.  We have watched you don an Agency shirt or hat or take us to the office or have Kyle wearing it and God knows what else, but now on Porsche!? The Agency takes the time to make children’s sized Angency shirts? Or was this specifically made for just Porsche? and the cameras! ENOUGH.

Dorit and Lisa Rinna go to Erika’s for her Avatar reveal along with champagne and tiny nibbles of dessert no one will want to touch (RINNA ACTUALLY ATE SOME. I SAW IT WITH MY OWN EYES. WHAT IS HAPPENING WHERE AM I?!).

Dorit walks in looking beautiful from the neck up and then like a two bit hooker straight out of Pretty Woman from the neck down.  I said this before when she wore the white shirt and the purple boots but this time it REALLY is with a mens button down and thigh high grey boots.  What on earth? Is Pretty Woman actually her daytime inspiration!? WHO is this womans stylist?!

Erika explains how Erika Jayne came to be and she said she was sick of just being rich and shopping and ready to be creative.  Her music manager said “Pivot.”   Dorit exclaims “What does that mean!!!!”
Pivot Pivot Pivot.

It’s a shame she lives in such a rich world where the word pivot doesn’t immediately make her think of this exact moment in her head and giggle.

LVP suffers another loss with another dog passing away in the same week (these dog names though… Pink Dog? Pikachu? I can’t).  Dorit calls to offer her condolences and we are forced to listen to the following repeated over and over again for 3 minutes:
LVP : “not now I can’t talk about it”
Dorit : “I know but it’s just so sad and such a loss and…..” on. and on. and ON.
Take Camille’s advice and please for the love of gawd just stop talking for once Dorit!

I can’t even discuss the movie premiere and the yulin dog stuff…. so awful and so horrible; moving on because we only have time for bitching about dumb pointless things not sad important things, right!?

Dorit ALMOST had me believing that she actually knows what she is talking about regarding swimwear and that she is really working her tush off….. buttttttt….. then she leaves for a week long trip right before the runway show and launch, and I realize it’s likely every one else doing all of the work.

Erika is taking the ladies to Berlin for a trip.  very not excited that this is the destination for a housewives trip, but whatever.  Mikey is helping her pack and we get YET. ANOTHER. FRIENDS. REFERENCE.  with jokes about how to get in and out of a latex/pleather jumpsuit. I mean….. I know my mind only goes one place, but please tell me someone else thought of Friends at both the PIVOT and the pleather?!?!?!

Apparently Ross was not wrong at all for thinking Baby Powder could be the cure for getting those leather pants on.  He was SO CLOSE to having it all figured out.  Erika Jayne says that baby powder is for the inside of the clothes and then oil or some kind of “lube” for you to put it on.  
See! Don’t say this blog and Bravo are not educational…… one day, when you are desperate to get in to a pleather ensemble….. you’ll think of me.

Dorit is sick as hell and still insists on not only going on this trip, but snuggling up next to all of the women as much as humanly possible for the whole flight and subsequent car ride to the hotel in Berlin.  SERIOUSLY?!  The pill bag drama between Dorit and Rinna comes full circle: Dorit is desperate for an anti nausea med and it is Rinna and her Pill Bag to the rescue!!!

LVP starts stirring up more beef with Kyle by demeaning her and acting as though they have no friendship because Kyle asked who her grandmother “Nanny McPhee” was.  Apparently LVP is obsessed with her grandmother and how dare Kyle not be aware of who she was talking about.  Although…. it didn’t look good for Kyle that Erika knew exactly who she was talking about and backed it up with information…… and then they aired 3 moments from this season alone with LVP talking about her grandmother.  Errrr I foresee this becoming a huge issue for LVP (because what isn’t) and Kyle crying over it in the near future.  Not saying LVP shouldn’t be offended, but she really is SO NEEDY all the time.  It’s ALL ABOUT LVP ALL THE TIME.

:: BEYONCE ::

Am I the only person who could not care less about this biting thing?

:: MJ sets a wedding date ::
Random Shah’s update: Tommy and MJ have set a wedding date for April 21 of this year.
Shocked it’s finally happening!

::CHRISTINA WITHOUT MAKE-UP ::

You may have seen the images of Christina Aguilera from her magazine shoot this week where she posed with no make up and let her freckles shine.

I first saw it on the Today Show with a teaser of “Can you guess which celebrity this is?” and before Carson Daily could even finish the sentence I’m like “Duh. Christina Aguilera.” Well…. a few minutes later when it was finally time for the reveal Carson Daily goes on a whole tangent of “I had no idea who this person was! And I’ve known this person since she was a teenager! I had no idea!!!!” Seriously Carson??? For a normal person to not know, fine.  You work in entertainment, TRL and all of that was your whole livelihood, and now you work with her on The Voice and you had NO CLUE?!
I CAN’T WITH YOU.
…… the real point of this is he drives me cah-razy on The Today Show. And this is a perfect example.  You either know nothing about your industry or you’re just lying saying a bunch of nonsense on TV to try to be dramatic.
Does he make anyone else CRAZY on the Today show!?

:: MAZEL OF THE WEEK ::
Dawson’s Creek Reunion!!!

I used to watch this show in my bedroom when it was STRICTLY FORBIDDEN; Pacey and the Teacher season 1 was too scandalous for my young eyes according to my mother. But ya know… that’s why you don’t let someone like me have a television in the bedroom – I found my ways! (one of the many ways was turning it off every 4 or 5 minutes so that it would cool the TV down in case my parents came in to feel if it was hot and I had been watching it when I was grounded or it was non-TV time….. moral of the story? Don’t let kids have TV’s in their bedroom….. but… now they have iPhones and computers so they have access to it all…. so basically everyone’s screwed.)
Wait where did this start… oh yes! DAWSON’S CREEK!!!  I seriously loved it.

:: JACKHOLE OF THE WEEK :: 
Ben Affleck.
As if he hasn’t made enough poor choices the past year, he decides to get THIS as a BACK TATT.

I meannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
(not even n’s to describe my jaw on the floor)

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:: Editors Note ::
As always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors
whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during Coffee Talk on a weekly basis.
#HYPOCRITE   #SORRYIMNOTSORRY
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snaochats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day, and likely won’t do the next day either.  Or the day after that.

images from : bravo, giphy, us weekly, people