I know, I know.  Where has Coffee Talk been?! The two little ladies leave little time for typing – but I will try to give some thoughts on the only adult interaction I have lately in my life : the crazies on my television screen.

:: BACHELORETTE ::

I’m shocked how much I am enjoying this season.
(but then again…. no adult interaction leads to even LOWER standards for me….
as if that were possible.)

She’s worlds better than she was on The Bachelorette.
At least there hasn’t been much of this since week one.

And at least this guy is gone.

Luke P is a new level of crazy.  Like a different crazy than the Chad’s of the Bachelor franchise.   The Chad’s are an obvious crazy who want attention.  The Luke’s are a scary crazy….. a legit sociopath crazy that doesn’t seem to be about the cameras and the 7 minutes of fame.

Apparently frontrunner Jed was dating up until the day before
filming and a bunch of other drama (read about it here).

:: JAX AND BRITTANY ::
Just a heads up, the Kentucky wedding is this weekend.

YEE HAW.   I’m sure there will be lots of details on instagram and that they’ll live faithfully and happily ever after.

:: BELOW DECK ::

The chef.  I can’t.

I’m ready for her to get fired already – which you know will happen – so we can move on to the next.  I love seeing what they make each episode (like the yogi chef in Tahiti was AMAZING with his food) and other than enjoying small snippets of her extremely strange personality (that Captain Sandy was NOT complimenting and saying was a good one by the way) I am over her already.
Did she just bold face lie about her culinary background on her resume or something? Because EVERYONE knows how to make a cake!? And NOT to microwave steaks?! And PANCAKES?! She couldn’t even make pancakes from a box!?

Side note – this boat is hideous.  I mean, ya know, for a mega yacht.
I’d still take it any way I could get it….. but she ugly.

:: THE HILLS ::
Say what you want about The Hills reboot but I. AM. HERE. FOR. IT.
I loved it.  I truly thought it was great garbage TV.

Pratt Daddy wine glasses and these ridiculous scenes of Heidi and Spencer getting into a bubble bath?
Cameo by Pamela Anderson?
Micha Barton somehow being on this and them acting like there is ANY connection between her and these people?
Brody still being HAWT as hell.

YES. PLEASE.
I will say that even if this is as scripted as it was the first go-round, Audrina crying in her commentary on several occasions was definitely real.

:: BEVERLY HILLS ::

The camping episode was perhaps the greatest episode of the season. Lived for it.
I’m so sad that Denise couldn’t come on this Provence trip because 1) I just adore her on this show and 2) I would have loved to have seen her outfits.
Teddi really is annoying as hell, even though I do like her as person.
But her and Kyle with the Erika thing couldn’t have been more annoying.  (and I was FREAKING OUT when they drunkenly confronted her.

Erika scares me… I wouldn’t mess with that with a 10 foot pole. Especially when she just was saying how much she enjoyed being in the group, etc.)
Camille isn’t wrong that Teddi is a know it all that interjects herself into every situation ever.
But Camille is also one of the most obnoxious people on the planet.

I meannnnn the way she acted and the things she said at the dinner after house burned down? Only Camille could make it difficult for people to feel empathy towards her.  She is unreal.

Her trying to drunkenly eat a chip in Provence made me realize girlfriend is HUNGRY.
Dare I say that Dorit is growing on me this season?!

Is it my hormones being all out of whack!? Am I insane?!
I don’t miss LVP one bit – GIRL BYE.

and I am VERY happy that my-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen isn’t going to have her on WWHL for a solo interview after she ditched the reunion.  He said she gave up her opportunity to say her peace. 

:: RH of NEW YORK ::
I am loving this season SO MUCH.  It is everything. New York is hands down the best in the franchise by a mile.
Every moment of this Miami trip is enjoyable, from Sonja’s spiral night one to the new girl’s spray tan all over every inch of the white house.

Say what you want about Bethenny but her commentary in her confessionals is always top notch.
And she looks amazing this season, too.
It’s too bad that Bethenny goes INSANE at dinner in Miami because what she is saying to her isn’t wrong but MY GOD these meltdowns she has every year are nuts.

Lu is a whole next level of crazy and narcissistic personality disorder.  Don’t get me wrong I am HERE FOR IT in terms of amazing television, but she really is something else.

Ramona’s one liners from “Oh I don’t think so” with LuAnn saying everyone is jealous of her and her cabaret, to Tinsley with no lashes and no make up to thawing a dog in the microwave.

Speaking of……Tinsley. My. Gawd.  With the dog in the freezer!!! I can’t.

:: SOUTHERN CHARM ::

WHY does Craig have his ring nail on each hand painted blue? Why? WHY?

I do not understand this relationship with Kathryn and this new man.  (well, now broken up, but the former man.) She is the most awkward person in the world so it shouldn’t be surprising that the snippets we saw of her relationship with Joe were SO severely awkward.

I know she has since left her $6,600 a month rental and moved back in with her family but HOW on earth is she doing that and driving a Rolls Royce?! WHAT?!
She’s an utter moron in all parts of life it seems – finances, romantic relationships, and now friendships.  Burning her bridge with Dani is one of her dumbest moves yet.
I am very much looking forward to TrAshlee’s return for a cameo.
.

Why is Dani the one saying sorry to Madison when Madison was the one hitting on her boyfriend via instagram? Dani can say whatever she wants about it to whomever she wants? Madison seems like a total crazy pants.  How can she not be the one apologizing?

:: SOUTHERN CHARM NEW ORLEANS :: 
Is Reagan A COMPLETE AND UTTER MORON?!
Wuuuuuut on earth is she thinking getting knocked up and married to this bafoon!?!?!
I’m loving Tamika so much this season.

:: KUWTK ::
I am hooked this season with watching the Jordan/Trystan/Khloe situation unfold.

That girl is such an utter moron (and an awful person! She was practically family to them?! And even if she is that cold hearted, why on earth would you ruin everything they have set up for you by picking the one loser you shouldn’t touch with a 10 foot pole?! AND WHY would someone even WANT TO with his history!)

:: BIG BROTHER ::
Big Brother is back 3 nights a week this summer and if you all think it’s a garbage show for old ladies you are DEAD WRONG.  I love this show so, so, so, so much.  Always have and always will.
Also, Jackson is RULL easy on the eyes.  Hopefully he’s not a complete tool (probably is).

:: MAZEL OF THE WEEK :: 
To my-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen on 10 years of WWHL.
How have I been watching WWHL for TEN YEARS?!
Bless you, bless the Housewives, bless Bravo.
I’d be lost without you.

There’s lots of 10th Anniversary video clips from over the years here!

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:: Editors Note ::
As always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors
whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during Coffee Talk on a weekly basis.
#HYPOCRITE   #SORRYIMNOTSORRY
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day, and likely won’t do the next day either.  Or the day after that.

images from : bravo, giphy, us weekly, people, enews