DISCUSS AMONGST YA-SELVES……

:: Dallas Reunion :: 

Can we have a moment of silence for Dallas ending?
(moment of silence)
Because until NY or Beverly Hills are back in my life,
my Housewives Tank is Empty.

The highlight of the whole night for me was LeeAnne and her delusional opinions about her behavior and what is acceptable and forgivable.  It takes her a million years to ever admit any fault to anything, if admitting it at all.  And when she does, she thinks that she can just say “alright, I own it, I shouldn’t have done that…” Ummmm not so sure that works with threats to kill people???

LeeAnne’s first move of pissing everyone off is saying that she did the “Two Face” Halloween costume because she suffers from PTSD.  Well, actually, first she says she did it to start an open conversation (I mean, does even she believe her own BS?) and then it led to a conversation about her PTSD.  Once again, the second it turns to her poor behavior, we have to hear the story about her crazy carnie childhood.

When Brandi reminds LeeAnne that she said Rich had PTSD and that she thinks she’s full of BS LeeAnne does her angry-quiet-country-deep-voice “Be Careful” under her breath.  I mean HONESTLY.  This woman cannot help herself!!! She doesn’t know how not to threaten people and retaliate.  But she says it’s not a threat, just that she cares about people with PTSD. (insert clip of her talking with women with AIDS and making it all about herself and her carnie childhood.)

Kameron doesn’t do much the entire reunion except that closed mouth pout and nod, but that’s enough for her to entertain me.  Also, why is she choosing the LeeAnne sofa to side with?!  Perhaps it is because she fears for her safety, which in that case, this may be the first time I actually  believe the “smarter than she looks” theory.  Also, it should be smarter than she sounds…..because she mostly just sounds like an idiot.
Kameron did give a few good lines, though.  When Brandi keeps making digs at her and getting mad about the Trash + Plano comments, Kameron says that it’s fine for Brandi to judge her, but God forbid she say anything back.  Which is very true.  If you’re going to dish it you need to take it.

The Dildo gets another full replay of scenes, and the ladies crack up at the end of the video montage.  I must confess I cracked up at them cracking up about it.  And then I laughed even harder at how it was a serious moment when Brandi confessed she respected Kameron’s boundaries by not bringing The Dildo to the reunion, and that it was, in fact, a Dildo Free Set.
Kameron is very thankful for the respect.
I mean…. can’t make it up.  It was the most heartfelt moment of the hour.

Am I the only one who doesn’t find D’Andra’s husband Jeremy remotely attractive in any way shape or form?
I mean, he’s big and strong, so he gets points for that, but that’s all I get???

The remainder of the show revolves around LeeAnne and her anger management slash therapy sessions.  She says that the police report involving the incident with her ex where she has a knife and uses sandpaper against him doesn’t exist.
I’m pretty sure you can google it? (because I have and I read it.)

LeeAnne tries to blame Brandi for the surgery day when she said the “I don’t have knives, but I have my hands” which is such a crock of lies that it’s hilarious.  You can really tell how freaked out Brandi is by her in the car when LeeAnne is getting all heated . Brandi is straight up scared, and I don’t blame her.  Oh, but that was just a xanax or some other pill that calms people down talking! Isn’t that how everyone responds to anxiety meds? Becoming a rage-filled-life-threatening-delight?
Stephanie points out that LeeAnne often threatens lives when she doesn’t know she is Mic’d, like the Marie situation Season 1 (OMG THAT NIGHT!) and then the doctors office visit this year.
Which makes it super terrifying, because I agree with her.
and for all of you that havent watched Season One, please at least watch the girls trip where she threatens to kill Marie in the middle of the night and Cary tries to record it on her iPhone.
You think you’re scared of LeeAnne? Just wait. It is straight up terrifying.

LeeAnne tries to “own” all of her threats, but acts like they are no big deal because her words never lead to actions.
Ummmmm police reports and shattering glass lead me to think otherwise?
Just because you haven’t actually stabbed something or strangled them (that we know of) doesn’t mean you’re an angel in control of her behavior.

LeeAnne remained calm cool and collected until she heard that MARK would be coming out to join the ladies.  LeeAnne is PISSED.  She thought this was a CLOSED SET.  She doesn’t even want to mumble her threats, she wants to storm out (and get more camera time and solidify her spot for season 3, because as she said – correctly – after season 1, there really isn’t a show without her).
I’m shocked she picked Mark to storm out over? Of course he is going to come on!  He does more gossiping than the ladies themselves and is dying for screen time!

to be continued…..

Oh, and who thinks LeeAnne’s therapy has worked?
(LeeAnne’s face.  I’m dying.)

:: New Jersey :: 
At readers request, I’ve tried to give it a chance, despite Danielle still being on my shite list.
But Atlanta is still off limits.  I abandoned ship years ago and refuse to go back.

I think I’m into Marge, pigtails and all? What do we think?

Siggy seems to be having a Shannon Beador moment this season
and is really just flying off the handle at everything.  MOVE. ON.
You used to be a voice of reason! Enough!

This Italian restaurant is a horrid idea.  It takes Teresa all of one second to go from loving to hating her sister in law.  These two do not need any additional reasons to go after each other. But sure, great idea, your father (who was a perv to Pigtail Marge, surprise surprise) will totally be over the passing of the mom when the family is stressed as hell over a restaurant they have no idea how to run!
but damn those bowls of pasta looked good at the soft opening……. 

Why is there always all of this underlying sexual tension with Teresa and her brother Joe?!
Teresa’s like pissed when you can’t see her brother Joe’s hot face in the photos.
(her words, not mine, Joe does not do it for me)

I still cannot stand Danielle more than any housewife on Bravo.  Which is surprising….. because she did give us some great moments Season One and some of my favorite gif’s.  But she makes my skin crawl.

Danielle is so desperate to stay relevant and stir the pot that she starts talking crap to Dolores about her living with her ex-husband and having a boyfriend.  Oooooo.  Scandalous.  I mean really? Who.  Cares.  It really takes no effort at all to get Dolores from zero to gonna-kill-someone so Danielle better watch out!

:: RH of Atlanta :: 
Speaking of Atlanta that I won’t watch……
When I was searching for some gifs I came across this.

WTF IS NENE’S NOSE!?!?
In that gif it looks truly insane!!!

:: OC Finale ::

Ugh…. I thought this week was the finale.
Will it ever end?! But we still have one more to go.

Peggy hasn’t been on anyones Most Loved Housewife list all season, and this week I think she officially sealed her fate. She is delusional.  Not in the same way Vicki…. well, and Tamra….. um, and Kelly…. and, of course, Shannon are……. but she is delusional nonetheless! She comes out of her room at 6:45 PM after hiding out all day and looks like she’s been drinking her brains out.
You had like 18 hours to wash your face and you literally look like a walk of shame?! HOW?!

Lydia is the only one to care to see her, and Pegs just starts going off about what happened the night before.  I’m not saying the ladies were normal, but she is also insinuating a lot of things that likely didn’t happen.  She even tried to tape the women on her iPhone and replay it back for Lydia.  Peggy says all of the ladies were laughing at her and Kelly was insulting her deceased father.  Oh, Pegs. Kelly is not intelligent enough to do such a thing.  Lydia tries to explain that it was an “expression” and lost in translation, but English isn’t Peggy’s forte as we have learned, so I’ll try to let this one pass.

The one I can’t let pass? Saying that Meghan left her baby alone in a hotel room and heard her crying for 10 minutes.  What?! Lydia tries her best to talk some sense into Peggy, but it falls on deaf ears
(Peggy: Deaf Ears? Ears are for hearing? What does this mean, this deaf ears?)

Meanwhile, the other ladies couldn’t care less that the host Lydia isn’t with them and head out to the final meal of the trip: A traditional Viking dinner. Oh what fun!

Vicki and Tamra are BFF’s throughout the meal, i.e. they are annoying as hell and flirting uncomfortably with the creepy (and I mean CREEPY) men dressed as Vikings.

Tamra has to make sure she brings Shannon in and stirs the Shannon + Vicki pot a little bit, by whispering to Vicki to “make it good- tell her that David doesn’t beat her, just say it”
WHAT? Bringing it up at dinner? Tamra is the freaking worst.  Vicki gives a half assed apology, and as always, adds in with her “apology” that Shannon said it and just that Vicki shouldn’t have repeated it or “misunderstood”.
I’m with Shannon, apologize but don’t bring up the freaking abuse at dinner in front of everyone.
AND THEN Tamra yells at Shannon not to eat the potatoes.  Ugh…. SHUT UP TAMRA.

But at least Shannon is enjoying her giant hunk of meat and lets the ladies know that the Viking food is legit and that the Vikings like the women with a bit more meat on their bones.
Poor Shannon…. not one episode this season doesn’t include her food commentary or weight commentary.

And poor Lydia.  She really is way too nice for this crew.
Is promoting Nobleman Magazine really worth all this crap?
This whole trip is her thing, and she stays back from dinner and is eating alone at the hotel restaurant when Peggy finally decides to get dressed and say they should join the Viking dinner.
Oh. Em. Gee.  Peggy’s outfit for this meal.
She’s in like a giant red off the shoulder gown thing with a huge toile wrap thing.

Speaking of outfits – what are ALL of them wearing? minus Shannon.
It is freezing cold and they are at a Viking dinner and they are wearing like skintight dresses and heels.  Vicki is bare legged in a skin tight dress (what else is new) that is way too short (what else is new) with heels she cant walk in (what else is new) like she would wear to dinner on a summer night in the OC.

I feel so bad for the family on vacation at the table behind these women.

Pegs learned nothing from her chat with Lydia and doesn’t take the bone the ladies are trying to throw her.  Peggy : Bone? Why are they throwing bones? Dogs like bones?
Kelly tries to apologize and they try to say they weren’t laughing at her, but Pegs won’t have it. Instead, she whips out her phone to show the ladies she was recording them and when they start to get upset she jumps right into saying she listened to Meghan’s baby cry for 10 minutes straight last night.
Annnnnnd it goes over about as well as you could ever expect.

Peggy is so wrong for this show that she makes Lydia seem like the perfect addition to the cast.

Peggy doesn’t even wait for the flight home the next day and leaves in the middle of the night.  I’m like, why didn’t you just leave during the 18 hour stand off in your hotel room then?? Kelly points out that even she stayed and flew home with everyone after the Ireland drama (Oh, Ireland! The trip when it went downhill for so many, and when the oh-so-perfect Heather Dubrow was horrendous on that iPhone footage!)

Lydia is sad that the trip has to end on a bad note. I am wondering where the high point was? The whole trip was something bad? From throwing menus at lunch to “heart attacks” and hospital transports? Every day was a hot mess?!

Back home in the OC, Vicki is telling Brianna about the trip, says she ended up in the hospital (reaction from Brianna : “whats new?”) and then says but the ladies were nice and brought her a casserole.
confession: I laughed, and laughed hard at “Oh wow that casserole you’ve been asking for all these years! ”

Shannon still doesn’t comprehend how horrible of a friend Tamra is, because she takes her to her doctor’s appointment with her where Tamra pretty much mocks her.  As Shannon discusses things like lack of sex and all of her hormone levels, her “friend” sits in the corner making faces instead of having some empathy or being supportive.
pleeeeeease my-boyfriend-andy-cohen,
CAN WE PLEASE BE DONE WITH TAMRA AND VICKI NEXT SEASON?

:: VANDERPUMP TRAILER :: 

Oh Lordy.  The “kids” we love to hate are back in a few short weeks.

:: Jen Aniston and Reese Witherspoon :: 
Jen and Reese have a two season deal for a TV show together!? Be still my beating heart! YES PLEASE!

:: More Harvey Weinstein Updates ::

If you haven’t yet, check out the latest article released by The New Yorker about Harvey Weinstein.  It is lengthy but worth a read  in its entirety.  It dives into the lengths that he went to to silence the women he abused.

:: Jackhole of the Week ::
Jonathan Cheban has officially changed his name to Foodgod.

What. A. Tool. 
sorry. not sorry. 
He someone managed to one-up the talentless Kardashian’s by pretending eating food at restaurants is a talent.  Before you jump down my throat – I recognize food blogging and food photography.  But he’s doing neither of those.  It’s just things like the weird picture above with his face and a piece of fried chicken.  Preeeeeeety sure anyone can do that all day long?
I literally had no idea he even did any of this food instagramm’ing until this week Kardashian’s episode, but he’s already changing his name over it?

:: MAZEL OF THE WEEK :: 
The CMA’s.
I love how classy + eloquent + loving the country community is.
I had entire paragraph written here but I’ll just leave it at that! 

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:: Editors Note ::
As always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors
whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during Coffee Talk on a weekly basis.
#HYPOCRITE   #SORRYIMNOTSORRY
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snaochats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day, and likely won’t do the next day either.  Or the day after that.