discuss amongst ya-selves…..
the bachelorette finally ended. and I don’t think many people, myself included, care.
bring on Bachelor in Paradise next Monday because it’s going to be about 50x more entertaining.
the final day/engagement day on the show is always so ridiculously drawn out.
it’s the same every season.
let’s show andi walking the grounds in a teddy neglige!
smiling at the surroundings while we hear her voiceover about how her journey is finally coming to an end!
shirtless men opening the blinds in the morning!
josh, staring and smiling at himself in the mirror smiling!
shaving!
smiling!
pensive!
19 hours of footage we’ve already seen and 10 thousand words we don’t need to hear about why each of them of the final two are the greatest option in the entire world!
cut to Chris Harrison LIVE before and after every commercial!
…… let’s keep dragging it out even more by asking pointless questions to the people that got kicked off the last four seasons!
ok sorry….. now I’m the one dragging it out.
Josh totally practiced his I love you/marry me speech to himself in the mirror at least 97 times before saying it to Andi. In the history of the show (and I’ve seen EVERY episode. you know pathetic I am, so I know you believe me) I have never heard anything like it. He has no tone in his voice or inflection and doesn’t pause during normal moments whatsoever.
and quit saying I love you a million times back and forth. ew.
no you hang up first…
no you…..
nooooo…. you!
ha, you hang up!
soooooo, nick.
he continually scares the daylights out of me. in addition to his eyes, he keeps his hands in his pockets CONSTANTLY which truly disturbs me (no one does that unless they are a peeping tom playing with themselves or have a gun hidden in there), and then he and his mom both become disturbingly upset about the break up as if THEY HAD NO IDEA THAT DUMPING PEOPLE UNTIL YOU HAVE ONE WAS THE POINT OF THE SHOW.
chris tells us that
uh, duh. she said no because she was scared sh*tless.
I was scared sh*tless too…..
I was waiting for an unknown white powdery substance to come pouring out of the damn envelope.
also never seen anything like what happened on After The Final Rose :
(editors note: I just woke my husband up because of how hard I’m laughing at this gif)
it was the most disgusting and amazing thing ever.
and Nick…. you attempted multiple times to see and talk to Andi,
so when you finally get the chance, this is how it goes:
Chris : Ok… so heres your chance to say what you want to say.
Nick : Well….. you know…..
um….
you know…..
I just…..
you know……
NO NICK. WE DONT FREAKING KNOW!!!!!
anyways…….
I’m super excited for Bachelor In Paradise. It’s going to be like Temptation Island…. but better.
how good was temptation island? please say I’m not the only one that remembers it!
oh wait, one more thing.
josh’s giant facial expressions with his giant toothy grin and bulging eyeballs was really A LOT on Monday to handle.
the two of you annoy me already.
RHOC
some of you were asking in past posts if I was Team Shannon or Team Heather.
I’m team every one on this show has lots-o-issues.
I think Heather’s gone pure bitch and crazy this season and I don’t like her at all anymore.
As for what I think about Shannon,
Rachel Dratch on WWHL summed it up best when my boyfriend Andy Cohen asked her opinion:
“I don’t think she is super crazy … . but everyone is making her think she’s crazy … but she’s really not …… well, except for all of those homeopathic things.”
yeaahhhs
I don’t think Shannon has a mean bone in her body.
I don’t think she did anything except not bring anything up at dinner, remain calm as hell at the dinner when a MAN was yelling at her, and respond at all until she had been poked and prodded past the point of sanity.
Other than the part with yelling very dramatically “you will all see the truth!!!!” , which was very awkward and her one outburst, I think she was totally in the right.
The one acting like a crazy person was the pathological liar Tamara.
Tamara’s tone and gritted teeth facial expression while starting sh*t was insane.
If someone was grabbing my arms and squeezing them, getting in my face and yelling “stop it!!!!! stop!!!!” through gritted doberman pincher teeth and blocking me from being able to walk out of a room, I’d try to push past them too.
Soooooo. I think the only thing crazy about Shannon is she’s just
What are your thoughts?
oh…. and her comment to her husband during the mini-commercial-clip about lining up 10 california women and 10 michigan women and comparing who looks younger had me laughing out loud.
Also, Heathers eyes are really getting to me this season.
Okay….. I think I am the one going crazy.
So far I have been talking about Nick’s serial killer eyes, Josh’s way too happy eyes, and now Heather’s “if your dead you ought to lie down” plastic surgery eyes.
What is wrong with me????
Wait…… Don’t answer that…….
but…. I do know they sure as hell don’t look like this anymore.
RHONY
the leg toss was even more amazing than I had been hoping.
she is certifiably bat shit crazy
(in real life I use the phrase “certifiably insane” and “bat shit crazy” far too often…… mostly describing people on TV I don’t know
why does she insist on screaming like that when she talks??
no one talks that loudly and in that horrible of a voice in real life, do they?
the reunion part I was great already.
the only person I can’t stand more than Aviva on that show is Aviva’s dad, whom I had forgotten all about until they re-played the clips from him this season.
now I will have nightmares about him tonight.
ugh. hes so disgusting.
I can’t wait to watch Ramona flip out in Part II about my boyfriend Andy Cohen asking about Mario cheating on her.
she’s going to be smiling at Andy all fake and awkward, and inside she will be screaming :
oh…. and one more eye comment since it’s all my mind is thinking about tonight for some reason?
mazel of the week to ramona’s crazy eyes for brining us all so much joy and laughter these last few years
I totally agree with your OC analysis…enough of the Dubrow's already!! One thing I cannot get enough of however is the Jack gif. Fan flipping tastic
I loved Temptation Island when it was on! The red head and the shaved head guy were my favorite. We need a "where are they now" update!
I totally agree with you on poor Shannon (and Rachel Dratch's assessment – loooved her on WWHL this week.. especially chugging the Ramona Pinot straight from the bottle!). And I'm with you on the NY reunion – it's off to a great start and can't wait for parts 2 &3!
not even exaggerating, I wait for your coffee talk allll week and your blog is my fave. So spot on! I feel you say the things I think but have nowhere to say them or people who want to hear them. 😉 Also, I'm a Miami alum (2006) too! O-town forever!
Your Coffee Talk posts are the highlight of my weeks. So so good. I don't know how you always find the perfect GIFs for everything. Can't wait for Bachelor in Paradise!
I wish we were friends in real life! I absolutely love and look forward to your Coffee Talk posts! You always sum the shows up perfectly! Thanks for always making me laugh and smile like I'm bat shit crazy!! 🙂
Girl, get out of my head – love, love your Coffee Talk recaps! Nick's behavior drives me bananas, it's like its the first time he's ever been turned down. Josh, bless his heart, is too dumb to be such a creeper.
I definitely agree with you about the OC. Tamra is CRAZY! And that leg toss??? So, so good!
Is it just me, or is the countess swearing like a sailor lately? especially on the final episode of the season. now i swear the day away, but the countess? scandal. 🙂