The Sarcastic Blonde

Lifestyle

Friday Randoms

June 7, 2013

Happy Friday!!

I have a friends bridal shower next weekend,

and I’ve been perusing the web for options, all for under $100:

the perfect summer maxi, to dress up or down

{bb dakota mayberry dress}

I’ve been obsessed with sheer necklines lately

{tinley road}

the perfect color and a lace back

{bb dakota mandy dress}

and this just looks so comfy I could live in it.

change the jewelry and it constantly looks different.

{tinley road}

What Should We Call Me has jumped on the bandwagon of telling Kim Kardashian to lock it up.

Dear Kim Kardashian:

I celebrated Cinco de Juno with one of my loves

that I hadn’t seen it WAY too long

Pollo Torta

and accidentally ordered the wrong thing, which turned out to be amazing.

I hate chicken sandwiches, and this was the greatest chickeny-friedy-somethingy

concoction I’ve ever had! Highly recommend it at Taco Joint.

Last weekend I started watching the first
season of Downton Abbey…..

Holy. Good. Lord.

It is incredible. Everyone was correct.

I got my first no-chip manicure last week and
I am HOOKED.

Apparently it’s horrible to keep doing them back to back….
but I chip my nails as I put my keys in the door after a manicure,
so it’s going to be hard to stop this!

I’ve been working on actually cooking my own breakfast,
rather than my usual greek yogurt + granola,
and I’ve loved this all week.

Egg whites, peppers, onions, tomato and feta.
Topped with Salsa + some avocado occasionally.

This is amazing:
IRONY

I am so over this cold weather!

zara jacket {similar, from gap}

The jackets have been out in full force this week – freezing.

The Old Town Art Fair is this weekend!

Last year it was possibly one of the hottest days of summer,
and we sweat our asses off.

This year, as long as it doesn’t rain, I’ll take anything.

Tonight my man-friend and I are going out to dinner.

Old Town Art Fair, last year.

Today marks our future wedding anniversary.
One year from today I get to marry this sweet face.

xoxo

coffee talk, Lifestyle

coffee talk

June 6, 2013

discuss amongst ya-selves…..

princesses of long island.

holy. crap.

these people are horrible.

grinning ear to ear. such great television.

there isn’t enough time in the world to discuss this show.

Coco (ugh. your name is chanel and your nickname is coco.
please. no one thinks as highly of you as you do.)

So, Coco and her family sit down to eat dinner and there is wine and then orange juice on the table. who eats dinner with wine and orange juice. what could possibly go well with orange juice for dinner?

she says at one point about something, no clue what, “this is why we all arent married”. There are MANY reasons why you all aren’t married yet.

The midge up there in the front….the one with the worst voice of them all (which is TRULY saying something). Tiny one wants to date an alpha male! rugged! manly! Someone like her dad…. the dad that’s getting a pedicure in jorts.

Now, the star of the show. The biggest princess…. Jeff.
I think we all are thinking the same thing, so I’ll just not even comment on that. How deaf, dumb, and blind is Amanda?

And the dinner date: “ooohhh you want to marry me? ohhhh just hearing you say those words…. oh baby I want to marry you” combined with the perverted bikini shopping comments (about her AND her mother. woof) made me almost chuck my remote through my television.

Joey, the token “poor girl”, aka – the only sane, normal one with a job, did the greatest thing by bringing the meat head friends. When Amanda announced “We’re getting married!!!!!” in defense of the drunk fight at the pool, and the South Jersey boys start mocking her, I did a slow clap. What lunatic announces we’re getting married as a defense of their relationship to their boyfriend whom they are not engaged to?
Amanda smiles while everyone laughs.
No Amanda, we are laughing AT YOU.

Every line of that show deserves it’s own Coffee Talk.

RHOOC:

Ummmm Vicki had been cheating on Don and hooking up with people for 12 years!!?? WHAT??

Tamra’s threats at the reunion were even more true that we realized! I agree with Gretchen on this one…. really… how could she possibly find that many people to cheat with?

For the 9 millionth time, what was Don thinking being with her.
Thank God Don got away.

Lydia explains that she has enough penis in her life between two boys, a husband, and a dog (good line) and will be leaving the room when strippers arrive. And when you are talking about strippers in Mexico especially, I hear ya lady. I’m young and fun

and no way in hell would I be anywhere near that!! Anyways… when Lydia is sitting at dinner saying it is the most boring bachelorette trip in the world – truer words have never been spoken. ~~I’m sorry~~, I really like Heather, but if I flew to Mexico for a bachelorette and we are eating at a nice dinner WHERE THEY DO NOT EVEN SERVE CHIPS AND GUACAMOLE I would be losing my damn mind. IT IS MEXICO!? HOW CAN IT “NOT BE THAT KIND OF RESTAURANT?!”. I truly would have gone insane. At that point I’d RUN to whatever hell-hole-bar Vicki keeps talking about and demand some Mexican food with my beer while I watch her whore herself out.

Do not let Heather Dubrow plan your bachelorette. Based on the previews, it looks like next week they make up for lost party time, but not in a good way.

Oh, and possibly the best part of the episode. Gretchen.
Anyone catch this gem:

Oh, you give us blonde’s such a good name. Yes, let’s unleash a wrath of furry Gretchen. You and Slade are perfect for one another.

The Bachelorette:

Is it required to have something horrible have happened in order to be on the show? And required to discuss it the moment you speak to Des for the first time?

My parents are divorced!

My dad left me!

My mom was an alcoholic!

I had a horrible break up!

Hi I’m (who cares), I have diabetes!!!

The last one especially, I was on the floor laughing. Not about diabetes, diabetes is not funny, but about the fact that IT MUST BE SHARED THE MOMENT AFTER I INTRODUCE MY NAME.

What is it with these cry babies? I cry more than probably 95% of the people I know, and even I am ashamed of these “men”. Too many steroids for the muscle men? I think so.

The horrible dates begin!! A rap video — yaaaaay! the meat head men are so excited!! What an amazing day 🙂

Only positive to that: I had flashbacks to Junior Year of College doing Soilja Boi all around our living room during pre-games before the bars.
Good times with our double bottles of Yellow Tail.

You know the bungeeing off bridges and jumping off of buildings is coming somewhere in the next 2 episodes… so that Des and the guys can be like “oh…. I never could have done that! But we did it together!! He/She made me feel so safe!!”. Oh, and ten bucks the person with a TERRIBLE fear of heights just happens to be the one picked.

Newlyweds: The First Year

The married New Jersey couple…. if my husband ever spoke to me that way, especially when pregnant. I’d kill him.

He calls her fat, and says he thinks he’s never going to see a firm body again.

First of all, you are an ass. Second, you are an unattractive ass. Third of all, you are the overweight one, and an unattractive ass.

Tina: do not ask your mother-in-law about sex.

Do not continue to ask with specifics…. gross.

I’m sure the sequined pillows, sheets, and comforter probably are not helping the sex life though. Just a guess?

RHONJ

It’s just so much hatred I can’t handle it. It’s not even fun to watch.

Theresa makes my skin crawl.

Only entertaining aspect was the quote above.

uncalled for, and inappropriate, so obviously entertaining.

Michael Douglas. Oh. Good. Lord.

Yes, this is a great way to bring attention to HPV; for that, good job.

But honestly, you do not need to use the word cunnilingus repeatedly to get the point across.

and secondly, do not be surprised when the media goes insane when you keep talking about cunnilingus! There’s really no other way to mean what you said. Gross.

Anyone Remember Ready for Love?

They took it off the air after 3 episodes, and put it On Demand. And my crazy ass kept watching. The finale was last night and I just couldn’t contain myself. I’m sure no one else watches, but if you do, leave a comment so I can bitch 🙂

Especially about Ernesto picking SHANDI.
dumbass.

Taylor Swift is making a stink about people hanging out on the public beach walk next to her house.

Hey moron. Don’t buy a house sitting directly next to the beach walk and right on a public beach. She could not be more obnoxious.

kim is pregnant AGAIN!?

she really must not be lying about being 35,

because she if fertile myrtle!!

This Amanda Bynes PSA is amazing.

hilarious and true. guilty as charged.

I haven’t watched Kardashians so I can’t comment on that one. I was hoping it would lower their ratings and maybe lower their egos if I watched at another time OnDemand, but alas, nothing could ever do that.

xoxo

Lifestyle, wedding

Wedding Wednesday

June 5, 2013

The new issue of Martha Stewart Weddings is on stands,

and inside it features the wedding of Cacee Cobb and Donald Faison.

Now…. Cacee is pretty and she is J. Simp’s friend and was on the show that changed all of our lives forever, Newlyweds…. yada-yada-yada

But the REAL star of this wedding is Donald.

We loved him in Clueless,

I loved him in Felicity (I’m not saying “we” because I assume I’m the only one that dies for that show and even recalls that he was on it),

and the true love comes from his role on Scrubs.

It led to he and Zach Braff becoming real life BFF’s, and Scrubs was one of the greatest shows ever.

(if you’ll realize…. I probably have about 784 shows that are so intellectually stimulating with incredible character development that I simply must call them one of the great shows ever).

Now, I know the wedding should be all about the bride and groom.

OR as some say, all about the bride.

But Cacee, no one cares about you.

we are about these two.

We care about the bromance. THIS is true, everlasting love.

tweet from zach:

Watch the wedding video at the end and TELL ME you aren’t more in love with the bromance than you are with the couple.

Alright, alright….. I’ll show some wedding photos first because I guess it was nice and she did look pretty.

gown by Kenneth Pool

j. simps… looking very pretty I must add

best man, Zack obviously, and groomsman Joshua Radin

I need to be best friends with these people. I would laugh my ass off and then be serenadaed by Josh Singing “They Bring Me to You”!?

Can’t handle it.

love this.

edible escort cards.

this is so cute: they were turned into favors as jars filled with individual wedding cakes

yeah, pretty….. keep scrolling

okay, ENOUGH!

VIDEO TIME!

and click vimeo to make it bigger 🙂

CaCee & Donald // A Buzz from Wade! on Vimeo.

sigh. so fun. he is amazing.

xoxo

fashion, Lifestyle

Sale Shopping

June 4, 2013

The sales keep coming and keep getting better.

Today: Gap.

25% off everything.

30 % off $100+

35% off $125+

with code GAPMORE and ends today, 6/4

so GET AFTER IT.

{clutch}

{basket weave sweater}

{vest}

{paisley dress}

{cut off shorts}

{chambray shirt}

amazing prices plus 25%-35% off?

yes, please. that clutch and striped sweater especially.

xoxo

Lifestyle, weekend recap

Weekend Recap + Monogram Monday

June 3, 2013

Happy June!!
I hope you all had a great weekend!

Mine kicked off perfectly, with brunch at Southport Grocery.

Saturday was beautiful in the morning, and then became a disgusting mess as the day went on. We watched the hawks game at a friends place, but honestly I spent more time watching the vacant bakery that has been across the street for forever get torn down. The guy that works that crane must make some serious bank. He made something so difficult look so easy. It was gone in no time. Sounds so stupid, but it really was mind blowing.

Bleeding Heart Bakery

The BHB in the center part of the sign up there….

I sent Kip down to ask the construction men for it. It looks amazing. (of course I didn’t take a pic of it up close, whoops. and it’s really heavy so it is still in our friends garage). I’m trying to figure out if we should paint it or how we should refinish it.

I was lucky enough to eat at Quartino’s twice this weekend. Last night was to celebrate this little lady’s birthday. After the 9 million meals I have had there, I had no idea that they had cheese fondue on the menu. It’s possibly even better than their tortellini.

and now for Monogram Monday:

With beach + pool weather finally here,

these towels from Haymaket Designs are calling my name.

literally.

they have so many styles on their website.

along with a ton of other amazing monogram gifts.

xoxo

coffee talk, Lifestyle

Coffee Talk

May 31, 2013

discuss amongst ya-selves…..

we’re starting off with something that is very personal and made my heart go pitter-patter.

My all time favorite movie,

THE greatest, funniest movie ever made

got a full feature on Betches Love This and I somehow just stumbled across it.

yes, that’s bradley cooper.

Wet Hot American Summer.

Far too many people say they have never even heard of this movie, so rent it immediately (it’s on Netflix) because it is PURE GOLD. and literally everyone and their mom is in it. including my true love Paul Rudd.

So, The Bachelorette

It’s never as good as The Bachelor to me, but nevertheless it’s always filled with dumb asses just waiting to get ripped apart by America.

still too early to really know much.

I don’t know many names, but Ben, the father that brought his son + got the first rose: Don’t bring your child (very cute child, but still) on to make an impression; however you are good looking and seem normal so I guess I like you.

Saying that you and your baby-mama are “ya know, basically best friends who had a baby together” is complete and utter bullshit. And makes absolutely no sense. No 22 year old looks at their friend and says: I know! let’s have a baby! If you do, go see a therapist.

Notable people booted: the guy that kept wanting to go the fantasy suite. And Dr. Larry who was very upset that dipping Desiree did not work because he had practiced it 50 times. And he kept taking his glasses on and off like a serious creep.

James. This is the one that I know from college. I discussed with this with my friend last night, and she heard he makes it pretty far. I thought from the first preview he was the one with the girlfriend, but now we know he’s just the one that is crying ~~like a little girl~~ to Desiree saying he got punched in the face. I guess he also is the one that says he is on the show because he wants to be the next Bachelor.

Apparently John Mayer and Katy Perry are back together

they need to just cut the crap. No way this relationship will work.

If you haven’t seen this cute boy on Ellen

you must watch.

He is just the cutest thing ever.

Newlyweds: The First Year
Blair’s dance moves at the reception were amazing.

I couldn’t contain myself.
And the other couple get $40,000 in cash from guests at the wedding?? Whaaaaaaat???

RHOOC:
yawn. boring this week.
Tamra gave a big speech at like, Costco or something. I couldn’t figure out where the hell they were.

And while I really do think her upbringing and everything is sad and terrible, it was painfully awkward to watch. I’m not buying it. I really think she is just trying to save face and make the media and the public like her and forget that she is an angry pants lunatic.

this gif has nothing to do with what I am talking about, or the episode,
but, hey what the hell.

the fact that gretchen is trying to reproduce with slade….

someone needs to grab a gretchen christine handbag off her arm and beat some sense into her. there really are no brain cells up there.

oh, and Lauri came back last week and I never discussed it.

look how different vicki’s face is! ahhhhhh!!

So Lauri’s crazy son is now married and has a baby on the way??

Seriously I want more details on this. Stat.

Remember the workout “lay off me I’m starving” post from last week? Well, our prayers have been answered by a poorly dressed woman in Florida!! Get ready for….. Prancercise!!!!!

just watch the first 30 seconds…. because the lady literally prances for 5 full minutes

{without realizing she has camel toe the entire time???}

she has a book too.

and camel toe here again too?
enough with the mom jeans.

sweet mother of god.

did anyone see Khloe on the Today show?

I actually am interested to watch this season of The Kardashians (I know, I know….. I just slapped myself across the face for even thinking it.). BUT it actually looks good!! And Khloe and Kathy Lee made comments that make it sound like Bruce moves out?!?

wait… when did this happen?
Get as far away from Mom-ager Kris as possible.

This is real.

and I’m going to vomit.

we’ve all heard the latest with amanda.

bong throwing. suing the cops.

but the best part is courtney love getting involved:

when courtney love thinks you are messed up, your life is over.

and amanda…. I’m thinking you are laughing alone because no one has seen you with anyone in a long, long time. seriously where are her parents to send her somewhere for help!?!

you know your life has gone to crap when all three of these people can look down on you with pity