The Sarcastic Blonde

fashion, food, fitness + a dose of sarcastic gossip

fashion, Lifestyle

Friday Randoms

Friday Randoms…
Starting with some amazing links from the week: 

Why Listening to the Spice Girls was Insanely Inapporpriate
and if you are in your mid to late twenties,
(what the hell is 27? please tell me 27 is considered MID and not late?) 
you know you sung this stuff loudly. 

Best news for a Friday:
Studies show people who booze more are smarter.
Yay booze! So knock em back this weekend.
as if you weren’t planning to already….

This article about CrossFit has confirmed everything I have always thought about it.  And is hilarious.

Refinery 29 had a critical reading of Mary Kate and Ashley’s Finest Films. 
It is amazing.  And has reminded me of so many their life-changing movies I need to revisit…. starting with the one above. 

I am in love with this dress.
I need to bathe in some self-tanner before it would ever look acceptable, but in love nonetheless. 

This BB Dakota Tank is only $48! 

always obsessed with anything nautical

and an extremely affordable lace skirt
available in 3 colors too. 

I can’t keep looking at these sandals all over the place.
I need them! 
or this color

I’m hosting the future in-laws for dinner tonight, so hopefully I’ll have some good recipes to share next week! And hopefully it’ll be the first TRUE Friday-Patio night since this weather is constantly keeping me on my toes (and sweating, then freezing, then sweating, but mostly freezing). 

I also have a friend’s bridal shower, and a beer tasting event at the zoo assuming the storms hold out! Have a great weekend! 

xoxo
by  
coffee talk, Lifestyle

coffee talk

discuss amongst ya-selves…. 

The Bachelorette
The drinking game should have been: “I love all these guys”. 
Knock it off Des.  
And your slightly-babyish voice is reallllly get annoying. 
Chris saying he randomly drew the teams for dodgeball – yeah. I’m sure everything on this show is completely sporadic.  Random my ass.
The baby moves among the men from steroid-overdose start early…. Brooks hurt his finger playing dodgeball!!! 
Ooooooooo.
calm the hell down. 
these boys are such that awful P word I hate and refuse to say little girls.

The therapy sessions + sad tales the first time they speak are back in full force this week. 
Except this time, Brad took it to a whole new level. 
ex-wife drinking issues, domestic violence charges, kids…..
WOWZA.  
and once again…. des sits there cooing “aw.” or ” yeah.”
or, like, ” oh my gosh.”
I’m sorry….. she has the personality of a plant.  But that’s probably perfect for all of these dumb meatheads.  And everyone keeps wanting to be depressed and talk about sad things instead of be happy, so I guess it works for her. 

The guy with the girlfriend scene wasn’t as good as I was hoping for.
probably because it’s like day 2 and I can’t remember a single name let alone search for personality traits in these people.  
and also because I don’t think they were even together when he came on the show? 
that deserved 2 gifs. 
wait…. three…. 
if only you could see how hard I am laughing and how long I have been smiling at this gif. 
oh my lord I just love it. 
No, but really, they weren’t even dating? Chris… quit fishing for drama.  Or at least wait until it’s the final 4 to bring an ex-girlfriend on set and pretend they were still dating! 
I know the beginning is always like this… but I’m saying it.  This is the worst group of guys + the most boring bachelor/bachelorette ever.  YEAH. I SAID IT. 

That one guy keeps crying… was he crying because the other guy that didn’t even really have a girlfriend went home? 
I wasn’t paying attention.  I perked up when I heard
“You can’t unscramble that egg” and I think I focused for the rest.
And baby boy who already said HE LOVED HER obviously gets sent packing.  But “he can’t even cry…. he’s just out of tears”.  FINALLY. Took you long enough to run out! 

Princesses of Long Island: 
The recap of the previous episode with the obnoxious voice overs
makes yours ears bleed before the show even starts! 
And, I’m sorry, was that the “token poor girl” carrying a CHANEL PURSE?!?! 
Seriously?!? 
Speaking of Chanel (ugh… that name), the first thing 
Midge’s dad says when she walks in is “I love your outfit!!” 
He then runs to get his daughters hair brush!! 
Jeff and Midge’s dad should be BFF’s, because somehow they get people to believe they are as testosterone filled as it gets.
(You have no idea how many names I’ve had to look up between all of these shows.  So we’re just going to call her Midge). 
Midge states she’ll date up to 48….. proving yet AGAIN that she basically wants to marry a man just like her father, who she sees completely differently than the rest of the world.
The double date was so painfully awkward…..how can it not be when you are on a double date with Amanda and Jeff? 
 The crazy drunk girl Erica’s boyfriend looked like he was going to crawl underneath the table. 
I realized more of what annoys me about Amanda.  She has that Kardashian thing going where no matter how expressive she is trying to be, she has pure slack-face.  The face that just won’t move.
 She also looks strangely like Lady Gaga.  

Completely Lady Gaga Right?
And Amanda… I know there are a lot of brain cells up in there… but a “drink hanky” has been around for a LONG time.
IT’S CALLED A KOOZIE.  Crazy, I know!!!
If your boyfriend drank beer (or did many other things) you may know this.
Erica…. oh Erica.  So many many things.
Watching her eat dinner at the Hamptons house made me want to turn the television off.  Nothing disgusts me more than poor table manners…. and this girl was basically spitting out food all over the place like a 3 year while talking. 
New girl – Casey
 I’m pretty sure if “you can’t be in the same room” with someone, YOU DON’T GO SPEND THE WEEKEND WITH THEM. 
or better yet, don’t sign on to do a show with them.  
A comment in general: I love how they put their age at the bottom of the screen constantly. 

I am REAL late to the bandwagon,
but I started watching Scandal. 
People were right about Downton Abbey,
and people are right about Scandal. 
It is incredible. 
also, best clothing ever.

OC Housewives: 
After the most boring Bachelorette dinner in the world last week,
the Bachelorette party in mexico kicks off the following morning.
What are they going to do!?!? 
SOAK IN THE CULTURE! 
I mean….. honestly. This Bachelorette gets worse and worse. 
And then lets go in our stilletos to a bull fight to cap the afternoon off!! 
How can they walk to the pool in those heels and take themselves seriously? 
Vicki saying Gretchen should look at her as some kind of mentor? 
Using your own words Vicki : You’re dumb. 
I’m not even going to discuss the strippers they were so gross.
The things they were doing…. isn’t that how you get crabs? 
I’ve never really understood what crabs is…. but I remember the Hamptons episode of Sex and The City when Charlotte got crabs…. and I feel like that was a crabs situation? 

and why is alexis even on this show? 
watching 5 minutes of her and jim pretend to be funny and pretend to have personalities at dinner is not entertainment.

NJ: still awful.
The Theresa period comment was dis.gus.ting.
she is such trash and so unintelligent it’s painful.

Kanye made some amazing comments to the NYT.
obviously, none of it was ego-tistical in the slightest. 

“I am so credible and so influential and so relevant that I will change things.” 

“I think what Kanye West is going to mean is something similar to what Steve Jobs means. I am undoubtedly, you know, Steve of Internet, downtown, fashion, culture. Period. By a long jump. I honestly feel that because Steve has passed, you know, it’s like when Biggie passed and Jay-Z was allowed to become Jay-Z.”


“I’ve been connected to the most culturally important albums of the past four years, the most influential artists of the past ten years. You have like, Steve Jobs, Walt Disney, Henry Ford, Howard Hughes, Nicolas Ghesquière, Anna Wintour, David Stern.”


also not offensive,
the name of his new album, Yeezus. 
ugh, read the whole thing here

and a very happy birthday to The Olsen Twins.
I can still recite every line to every movie you ever made.
And still think the money I paid to be a member of your Official Fan Club was some of the best I have ever spent. 

xoxo

by  
Lifestyle, wedding

wedding wednesday

for today’s wedding wednesday
I am sharing how I asked my bridesmaids to be in the wedding.
I had seen so many cute ways, from just going to dinner with everyone (which wasn’t possible with girls in all different cities) to some seriously insane things. 
Obviously with pinterest, the ideas are endless.

I found these cards that you can have personalized.
Cute, inexpensive, and added a handwritten note for each lady friend. 

she customizes them with their name, 
and then if the person is the maid or matron of honor, or a bridesmaid 
I realized that my sister is technically my matron of honor,
whooooops.  

The Little Lady Etsy Shop has so many cute cards, I will definitely be ordering more from things from her.  They arrived within about 3 days too, including the personalization, it was crazy. 

and they come with cute pink envelopes too, as her nice photo shows: 

Other ideas that I saw and loved: 
WINE.  
Ohhhh how I wanted to do this. 
{via}
but I wanted to ask each person the same way, and wasn’t sure how mailing booze would work.

a little something like this
you know I’m obsessed with these.
not to worry, these will make an appearance somewhere in the next year for sure. 

and some lavish boxes filled with goodies.
for that much money and time and energy,
I don’t see booze in there…. there should be booze in there. 

how did you all ask?
seen any cute ideas? 

xoxo

by  
beauty products, Lifestyle

Lust List

lusts for the week,
starting with some beauty product lusts!  

my friend uses this and the second she puts it on, her skin looks like a million bucks

basically any SK-II product would be a dream.
I read about them everywhere, and they sound like magic in a bottle.
a bottle that I cannot afford. not even close. 
if it would make me look like either of these ladies, who are avid users, I’d sell my soul to the devil


the best dry-shampoo I have used. 
texturizer + dry shampoo in one. 
It smells SO GOOD. I seriously love it. 

anti-aging and firming for a very reasonable price. 


maybe if I just avoid the sun like I should I won’t need any of these things? 

and for some clothing lusts,
this parker dress is THE PERFECT
summer wedding dress.  I am in love. 

{parker lily dress}  

and you know I can’t resist my stripes…. 

this shopbop model kills me.
best skin and hair color ever.  
just sayin’. 

xoxo
by  
Lifestyle, weekend recap

Monogram Monday

I had a lovely weekend, with nothing to show for it.
Not one single picture…. 
what has come over me!? 
I’ve just been wanting to use that gif for awhile,
so why not today? 
Greatest line ever.
I think we all have someone we wish we could say that to.  
Lord I miss that show! 
hahahahaha. 
I digress….. 

For today’s monogram monday,
something slightly different.
My friend mentioned something about still needing to pick out 
hardware for her new home, 
and if I had a new place with my name on it,
these would definitely be part of the plan: 
via The Nanz Company

monogramed hardware? 
Gimme Gimme! 
  
xoxo

by  

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