The Sarcastic Blonde

friday randoms, Lifestyle

I’m-a-lookin’….. and I’m-a-likin’

April 1, 2014

I’m still trying to recover from the incredible wedding weekend

i meannnnnnn beauty queen. happiest couple alive.

more pics on instagram

so here are some things I’m liking lately……

YOU!
if you knew exactly how to read “i’m a lookin’ and I’m a likin'” when you read the title of this post

my bride biff wore a gorgeous white pleated dress for her rehearsal dinner

and now I’m loving it so much I want something similar

this dress comes in 10+ colors and looks gorgeous

this gif

because I LOVED THESE THINGS!!!!!

this bedroom

gimme that bedding right now.

this “apple pie” smoothie is next on my list – possibly for breakfast tomorrow AM.

almonds, apple, banana, greek yogurt, cinnamon, milk

I am ordering myself this tank top ASAP.

for real. I need it. and they have hundreds of other funny tops on the site.
plus, I’ll totally make so many friends if I wear it out, right!?

coffee talk, Lifestyle

coffee talk + #tbt

March 27, 2014

discuss amongst ya-selves….

I’m attempting to pack my life into one suitcase for this wedding weekend as I write,

so I have an abbreviated Coffee Talk for you.

First of all, I have still only seen the first episode of Lindsay on OWN — WHAT HAVE I MISSED??!!!

Just ruin it for me and tell me everything until I’m able to catch up.

Second of all, I am SO overcome with joy that I am not alone in being
utterly and completely obsessed with Chrisley Knows Best.

My heart pitter patter’ed right out of my chest reading all of your comments.

RHOBH:

How BORING and awful is the RHOBH reunion???

It’s a joke that they are even making it 3 parts.

I keep looking at the TV and asking My Boyfriend Andy Cohen “Why are you making us sit through that much crap!!”

Bravo is totally stooping to ABC and Chris Harrison’s level with three hours of recaps and mindless chatter. Yawn.

RHONY is spicing up.
I think Aviva is horrible and awful and would never be on her side in a gajillion years, but….

I say Nay Nay Fluffy to Carol for the “you’ve never even worked outside the home” comment she stated 5 times and also for grabbing Aviva’s face. She legit grabbed her jaw.

Don’t stoop to her level Carol!!! You’ve got a leg up on her!
see what I did there……
what? if they can make inappropriate jabs about the leg on the show so can I.
But Carol this week – Nay Nay.
Otherwise, I’m all for being totally against Aviva.

Ummmm the baby shower.
Doesn’t everyone have a baby shower and invite a ton of guests that the Mother to Be has never even met!??!

Sonja : Oh hi, nice to meet you. What are you having, a boy or girl?
Preggo: Um, a boy, see the 97 blue balloons.

ps. Sonja definitely is smoking more crack this season that seasons past….. even for Sonja, she’s gotten crazy.
And Ramona….. it’s a baby shower, not a night at the clubs.

Backless shiny top and spiked heels… seriously? Lose the outfit.

Now, when I posted that Troop Beverly Hills gif in my Wedding Wednesday post yesterday, it led me down a dangerous path. A gif path….. which is often worse than the Pinterest path for me.

So today is a Throwback to one of the greatest movies of all time.

Just indulge me, okay?

and we have to start with my favorite (if I HAD to pick) line…..

Excuse me Officer, do you know who this man is!?

Now daddy shake the mans hand and let’s be on our way.

I’ll be off tomorrow to shower the bride with love all weekend.

Follow along on instagram for the weekend shenanigans.

Khaki Wishes and Cookie Dreams to all of you!

Lifestyle, wedding

wedding wednesday

March 26, 2014

#theyearoftheweddings kicks off this weekend with my best friend’s wedding!!!!

kipper and I fly home Thursday night and I. cannot. wait.

I can only hope we look half as good as Gypsy brides and bridesmaids.

I really miss that show…..

in the picture the little one on the left looks like she’s about to hurl.

she must have caught a glimpse of their outfits.

I still can’t believe she is getting married and that it’s finally here.

I know it’s going to be the most beautiful, amazing weekend and that I’ll cry my eyes out for half of it.

speeeeeeeaking of weddings,

after 11 years of marriage, Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin announced their divorce.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?!?!

what do you think, did you see it coming? did you not?

I feel like they haven’t been around one another at all publicly lately, but I also feel like they were good during all 11 years of keeping their marriage private, so I wasn’t sure if it was that or if it was that this was where it was heading.

another hollywood couple bites the dust.

I wonder which dime piece she’ll step out with first…….

on an entirely unrelated note, when googling for images I came across this article about “I Tried Gwyneth Paltrow’s Diet” – it’s hilarious and I highly enjoyed it.

seriously. every time I do her workouts.

just flailing my arms about as if they’re independent from my body.

the cold weather has led to some seriously online shopping.

every night I just stare at warm, summer clothing and think

“if you wear it, it will come”

soooo I have been making “honeymoon purchases” and acting like it’s wedding gifts to myself and Kip. clothes that I’ll never fit into after I gain a small child on said honeymoon are totally needed. obviously.

I ordered this cover up and I am IN LOVE.

{vix caftan}

it is so comfy and so pretty.

and kip will respond to it like he does everything I wear with any print

I also got me some jorts.

Jorts don’t fall into the Honeymoon Wedding Shopping category,

but the Bachelorette Party Wedding Shopping category.

{free people rugged ripped short}

We are going to Nashville…. so clearly I need ~~cute white dress~~ a pair of sweet jorts.

I love these. The way they are cut on the side is really flattering and they are a great price.

let me know what you want to hear about on these wedding posts because I’m all over the place (clearly. divorce and celeb diet is the bulk of this weeks!)

Lifestyle, recipe

crack of the week :: healthy chicken salad

March 25, 2014

I love me some chicken salad.

any mix of ingredients, any time of year.

I can’t get enough.

and it’s an easy way to eat healthier while still getting meat covered in yummy sauce with lots of ingredients thrown in

When I saw this chicken salad salad recipe on Ship and Dip’s website, I knew exactly how to use my first of three ingredients from their March box.

how pretty is their packaging?!

In addition to the Lucky’s Fire Roasted Jalapeño Honey Mustard, this month also had Cape Fear Spicy Pepper Relish, and The Sassy Pantry Bacon Jam

I’m a condiment freak. Fries have to be served with multiple dipping sauces every time (ketchup, ranch, honey mustard, the list goes on).

I’m obsessed with this concept! This was made for me.

Healthy Jalapeño Honey Mustard Chicken Salad Salad

recipe via Ship and Dip

their photo…. you do not want to see mine I promise.

For the salad:

2 large boneless chicken breasts, cut into strips

2 tbsp poultry seasoning (I used oregano, rosemary, salt, pepper, herbs de provence)

2 tbsp olive oil

4 large celery stalks, diced

the celery leaves, thinly sliced

4 scallions or green onions, thinly sliced

1/2 cup red grapes, cut into quarters

1/2 cup toasted, sliced almonds

For the dressing:

1/3 cup Lucky’s Jalapeño + Garlic Honey Mustard

1/2 cup Greek yogurt

1/4 cup apple cider vinegar

ground pepper, kosher salt

the pan drippings from your cooked chicken

In a large bowl, combine your chicken strips with the herbs of your choice and olive oil. Place in a hot pan and cook until the chicken isn’t pink, but DON’T overcook! We want the chicken to be as juicy as physically possible. Once the chicken is done, remove from the heat and allow it to cool. KEEP THE PAN DRIPPINGS. This is precious juice and flavor that you don’t want to lose, trust me. We are going to use this juice to mix into the dressing and add another layer of flavor.

In a separate bowl, combine the celery, celery leaves, grapes, green onions and toasted almonds. Dice up your chicken into little bite-sized pieces and toss in the bowl as well.

In another bowl, combine all of the wet ingredients for your dressing and whisk together until smooth. Yesssssss.

Drizzle the dressing on top of the salad mixture and toss to combine, making sure every little piece is coated with this phenomenally flavorful sauce.

Perfect make ahead meal for lunch during the week.

I had it yesterday and I’ll be having it every day this week!

Next up is a recipe with the Bacon Jam.

but not going to lie, I mayyyyy have already just eaten some out of the jar.

and I can’t lie,

I don’t hate it.

fashion, Lifestyle

stripes.

March 24, 2014

I did a little spring cleaning this weekend,

and all I want is for it to be warm enough for me to wear anything other than sweaters and bulky layers.

I filled two giant bags for goodwill, which I am very proud of myself for, because I am a bit of a hoarder.

In particular, I lovingly stared at all of my striped tops and dreamed about when I could wear them again. Then I organized all my stripes together ~~like someone with no life would do~~ because I miss them so much.

I’m going to start dressing like it’s warm already. I’ve had enough.

And I don’t have anything good left to wear.

So on a crappy cold Monday, stripes make me happy. And these images in particular.

striped items I’m lusting after:
sweater // crop top // dress // romper // open back tank // dress // robe // pullover w. leather detail

and on a Monday morning, I need anything and everything I can to make me happy.
because this is pretty much response to anything.

all images via this pinterest board

coffee talk, Lifestyle

coffee talk

March 20, 2014

discuss amongst ya-selves…….

I need to start with my new TV obsession

Chrisley Knows Best on USA

I hadn’t heard of this show at all, but I guess they ran commercials in Atlanta nonstop because it takes place there, and my mom called and had me DVR it before it started last week (airs on Tuesdays…. but please go watch the 3 episodes they’ve aired already because it’s too good).

The show is so freaking funny, and their house is to die for.

Seriously. It’s incredible.

The show centers around the patriarch of the Chrisley Family, who is the most metrosexual straight man I have ever seen in my life with a fabulous southern accent.

Some highlights from this week’s episode:

Todd made his daughter a “titty cake” for the boob job he agreed to get her after her baby.

Annnnnnd he says “blow the nipple” to blow the candles out.

Please watch and comment so we can discuss the amazingness.

RHONY:

ugh.

I mean this episode opens with THIS.

it was all downhill from there….

new housewife Kristen’s husband, Josh, looks like he could be Heather’s brother

People who just met for a TV show to be “friends” and are complete strangers do not spray tan naked with one another and have a camera crew film it……

….no matter how bangin’ your bod is.

What is wrong with these people?

Aviva’s Housewarming:

why is the main bar set up in the bedroom?

literally the only room they showed anyone hanging out in was the bedroom and the “nook” attached to the bedroom. WTF? I know you all sleep with the same man and laugh about it like its sooooooo funny (it’s not. you’re gross.) but come on, don’t make everyone sit on the used filthy harry mattress and sip pinot grigio!?

I don’t know why anyone is sleeping with Harry because of this fact alone:

He says ‘texts’ in my HUGE pet peeve way.

The plural of text is texts. Not texts-us. Or texts-usses. I HATE THIS. I had flashbacks to someone I know that would say this CONSTANTLY and every time I cringed and I would be going crazy internally.
(she probably went crazy internally anytime anything came out of my mouth, so whatever.)

Flipping Out is back on and it just brings me so much joy.
Like, I smile while watching the TV-joy.
I smile at the TV a lot…. It’s a horrible creepy habit I never realized I had until someone pointed it out and now I catch myself doing it all the time. Pathetic.

I just love Jeff Lewis.

I love him I love him I love him.

I love him.

I hadn’t commented on Bravo’s new show Southern Charm the last few weeks, so figured I’d finally bring it up.

I don’t really know what I think…..

I feel like they picked some awful people for what could have been an incredible show about Charleston. But I think any southern person with class and money would never agree to this show, so I guess it makes sense they have the cast they do.

What I DO know is that I was obsessed with Cameron when she was on the Real World San Diego.

Remember how when we were younger everyone on the Real World was so cool and so hot and so perfect.

Now, looking back, you realize 98% of the cast, especially the men, are degenerates and douche bags.

But DAMN was it entertaining.

these aren’t my thoughts on Cameron, she is adorable, but generally everyone else. Especially that Vegas cast with that slutty Trishelle.

don’t act like you don’t know who I’m talking about…

ok sorry, ADD, what were we saying??

Whitney in general is just entertaining.

I think there’s ~~a reason~~ a helluva lot of reasons he is a grown ass man living with his mother.

You aren’t flooing anyone.

except maybe your mother.

bless her heart.

Oh, Patricia! How cute of you to whip out your pink handgun!

Also…..his name is Whitney.

certainly not helping matters.

best quote from him yet:

when talking about one of the girls having a man pay her rent:

“I wish I had a rich boyfriend to help me pay for things……”

yeahhhhh I bet you do Whitney. I bet you do.

as for Thomas,

he just seems like every other awful man only thinking with his nether regions.

kristin cavallari was on WWHL.

and, ever the journalist, my boyfriend Andy Cohen asked the hard hitting questions:

do you still own the black choker you wore on laguna beach

I mean…. girl rocked a choker like every single solitary episode.

I can’t believe I’m saying this…. but my Mazel of the Week goes to ….

Kim K.

I know, I know……

hear me out.

When she was talking to Khloe about finally leaving/divorcing Lamar on Sunday’s episode, she cried.
And it actually looked real.

I thiiiiiiiink we may have seen the first signs of emotion from the bitch ever.

So….. just for now…. mazel.

But I still think you are horrible and have a heart of ice and an ego the size of Cleveland and the only person worse is your fiancé who thinks he is God.

ps. My true mazel goes to Khloe, for making the collage you see above.

slow clap for khloe.

pps. “slow clap” always makes me want to say this for some reason: