The Sarcastic Blonde

:: monday things ::

July 20, 2015

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend 🙂

I am feeling under the weather (its like a never-ending cycle the last few months of sickness!) so don’t have too much to share.

I saw this on pinterest and can’t get over how cute it is.

how smart to use your monogrammed wax seal to decorate some sweets?

I need to do this! Something does exist that I never thought to monogram!

It was finally HOT HOT this weekend and it was glorious.

I wore old, go to’s all weekend : silk joie dresses. the best things in the world to sweat your ass off in.

this dress has paid for itself a dozen times over.

nordstrom rack always has great sale items of joie, like this open back silk dress

{joie open back navy silk dress} 70% off + under $100

from the nordstrom sale, the layered sweater for fall arrived and I absolutely love it.

it is SO SOFT and yummy

{ layered shirttail sweater } under $60 with sale!

I didn’t know if I should do the S or XS, I’m wearing the XS and fits perfectly, still has tiny bit of a loose fit, so it runs TTS or order your smaller size.

unfortunately, the striped Topshop sweatshirt dress arrived and I absolutely hated it!

The fit was way too big (I normally have the opposite issue with topshop, normally their clothes run very small) and it was super boxy, super long, and super unflattering. so back it went.

and good news for ryan shnozling,

InStyle rounded up the best blotting papers for oily skin just in time for tonights episode of the bachelorette!

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: coffee talk ::

July 16, 2015

discuss amongst ya-selves……

:: the bachelorette ::

IS THIS SEASON EVER GOING TO END?

ben dodged a big bullet.

And now he is official the next Bachelor.

it’ll be the first one I have liked in a long time if so.

I’m like “you’re too good for this!” but then again I’m like ehhhh your 26 I hope you go paint the town red have fun who cares. he’s adorable.

you know it’s bad when ME, the person who spent all of Andi’s Bachelorette season and now Kaitlyn’s season, bitching about Nick and hating on him, is like FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST PICK NICK AND GET AWAY FROM RYAN SHNOZLING.

serial killer eyes is better than stage 5 stalker? it’s a sad day in bachelor history.

she has two real top notch picks right there.

but truly I have never cared less about what happens. And I even cared a lot about Bob Guiney. And even like, Brad Womack, round 2. and EVENNNNNN horrible Ben picking Small Mouth.

bethenny and eric : do we believe this?

because I do not. they would be a disaster.

just picture her going nuts on him like she did on Jason and his reaction and facial expressions….. seriously picture it, his facials like he makes on Modern Family? Priceless.

:: RHONY ::

I’m so sad the trips to Turcs is over.

What do we think, did Ramona or LuAnn break the girl code?

(her voice. singing that song. nails on chalkboard. the horror/amazingness).

thank you dorota, for being the voice of reason (after the slew of dirty martinis left her blood system) : “he was passed out in a different room with a bathroom in between them”

(PS dorota is seriously smoking hot. her hungover packing her suitcase in a one piece at 9 am when the crazies attack and ask what the hell is going on — Ummmm she looked FABULOUS.)

and another gem of wisdom from dorota : “we used to have a good thing going. I used to know you and this is f’ing everything up.”

YES it was disrespectful and SURE I probably would have been a little peeved, but what do these women expect? No one was stealing your jewelry and wallet, so once you realize it was just a passed out naked man, simmer down. Your friends were drunk and morons for bring back strange men and then having them sleep in the room next to you, but thats all that, so get over it and get the dirt and start making fun of them for their 50 year old asses acting like 20 somethings.

Heather is CRYING? and HURLING back the curtains of Ramona’s bedroom? From watching the show this isn’t surprising behavior from them, so I think you should be happy it only happened on night 5 and not any of the other nights.

RELAX.

on WWHL heathers botox was straight up fresh from the doctors office.

she was pulled rulllllll tight. #nojudgement

:: SORRY IM NOT SORRY ::

I don’t have much to say today because quite frankly, I sat on the couch enjoying Big Brother and Flipping Out sans computer. And then Hoda and Kathy Lee on WWHL (WHAT! DREAM NIGHT!) That’s my version of “unplugging” on Wednesday …. marathoning TV I love without having my laptop on my lap working on coffee talk and perusing the instagram.

Some people just really don’t know how “unplug” from technology and they should take some lessons from me.

but seriously Flipping Out just makes me smile at the TV for an hour I love it so, so much.

I was crying laughing, tears in eyes, watching this scene (here if video doesn’t work).

I seriously can’t. They are hilarious.

:: bachelorette, again ::

men tell all next week, then the finale, and then BACHELOR IN PARADISE.

sayonara Kaitlyn.

fashion, Lifestyle

:: wishlist wednesday ::

July 15, 2015

:: lusts for the week ::

if you worry that your husband is sick of seeing you in your matching PJ Set,
spice things up with this sexual number.

{long walks to the fridge}
and I would definitely wear this but first, brunch shirt every weekend with some jorts.

{polka dot maxi} extra 50% off

well hello perfect summer halter (with an open back no less)

{white halter with turquoise}

I am back at it looking for cheap crossbodys (with zipper closures, not just a flap) for Italy, and I’ve found some more steal options.

tan faux ostrich // coral turnlock (in a few colors) under $30 // mini crossbody (also in navy) under $25
I’ve been reallllly eyeing this Kate Spade one on sale, but unfortunately its not under $50 just yet. How cute is that color!

{kate spade crossbody}

The perfect summer cutout top.

I saw this top dressed up as well on instagram, and I love it both ways!

{embroidered cutout tee} under $100

{jersey halter tank}
on sale for $20, in several colors, perfect for skirts/shorts/layering

{striped embellished tee} under $35, also in navy!

and I want to be all focused on dresses and summer,
but these are a practical necessity for fall + winter and I might as well get on it

{ sperry waterproof rain boots }

also, SHOPBOP is having an extra 25% off their Designer Boutique Sale with code 25EXTRA

Italy, Lifestyle

:: italy updates ::

July 14, 2015

image

It’s less than 2 months until our Italian Adventure begins, and I have been so, so excited.

It’s been kind of like wedding planning in the sense that a bunch had to get done at one point (booking the flights, all the hotels) and then there has been a lengthy period with nothing to do but read my Rick Steves book, peruse Pinterest, lay awake at night trying to figure out what I am going to pack/how I am going to fit it into a carry on, and update my *nerd-alert* lengthy word document with everything I find or any advice or tips I am told.

I don’t know why my husband says I’m such a planner 🙂

Also, a blog I read, History in High Heels (she also has that etsy shop that has adorable prints!) is living in Florence and she always has cute posts that are fun to read.

44 tips for traveling in Italy

SOOO here are a few things about our trip we have planned!
and a few questions at the end if you have tips!

We arrive in Venice, and spend 2 nights there. We don’t have much planned for Venice except to just wander and get lost. The biggest decision we’ll make the whole time is to gondola or not to gondola 🙂 people have very strong opinions about it being overpriced and a waste, or definitely to do it because you’ll likely only get to once!

Next we have Siena for 2 nights and Florence for 2 nights.

We’ll likely do a vineyard tour one of the days in Siena, and no specific plans for Florence other than the usual sightseeing.

I am so excited for all of it, but I am probably most excited for the Amalfi Coast.

We have 4 nights in Positano, and 1 night in Sorrento.

I can’t wait to see our hotel in Positano and just sit out on our balcony overlooking the water.

We will definitely be doing a boat day to Capri – from what you all have told me, it sounds like it will be one of the highlights of the trip!

When we were looking on TripAdvisor for our hotel in Sorrento, one of the hotels had an insane (insanely misquoted in our favor) price, and we booked it for our one night there.

Grand Hotel La Favorita

When I opened a new web browser and went back to look, it was back to its normal insane pricing. So that was a fun steal for our one night there 🙂

And then we have 3 nights in Rome to finish off the trip.
We’re staying at a super cute apartment with its own little terrace, so an apartment will be a nice change from all of the hotels (hopefully).

We already have a small group tour through Walks of Italy booked to see the Colosseum and such, and we also have the Scavi tour underneath St. Peter’s Basilica planned.

It’s going to be such an amazing 15 days – I wish it was here already!

Honestly I’m like so knowledgeable at this point thanks to everyones advice that I am basically fluent in Italian.

one of the things my nerd-alert planner self is still trying to figure out is the train.

we are going to be traveling from city to city on the trains, and while I know it is simple enough, I can’t figure out the buying of the tickets/when to buy.

friends have to said to book the trains the night before at the hotel for whatever city we are going to next, and print the tickets when you get to the station. Mr. Rick Steves and some online sources have said that if you are traveling by train more than 3 times (we will be 4) to get a Eurail Pass, because it saves some money.

That being said, it seems like it may be more confusing to use it and arrange our tickets, and may be worth the small amount of extra money to just by our regular daily tickets each time.

I also haven’t had any friend or friend-of-a-friend suggest doing the pass, so I am thinking no?

Thoughts? Ideas?

also, is this whole booking of trains super easy and I just think I’ll be confused when I walk into the train station, but in reality even a moron could do it?

OH and other questions : do you buy a data plan so that you can have wifi while you are there, or do you just use the wifi when you are at the hotel for free? I feel like having the wifi while we wander around would be helpful, but I’m not sure. Any thoughts or suggestions are welcome!

Also, I know cash will be needed much more over there than here (it’s a miracle if I ever have cash), but I don’t want to take out tons of cash here prior to going over. is it expensive to use the ATM often over there?

so help a sister out:

1. train suggestions or tips?

2. wifi – buy data to use while over there?

3. what did you do about cash?

what I haven’t learned through my intense reading and from Family Guy,

I have learned from Gilly’s Italian friend Gilly.

ARRIVADERCI ! (gilly voice)

Lifestyle, weekend recap

:: weekend recap ::

July 13, 2015

Hope you all had a great weekend!

This obviously has nothing to with my weekend,

but I loved loved Nicky Hilton’s Valentino wedding ensemble.

ah-mazing. see more photos here

also totally unrelated, I loved this

snapchats you would have gotten in the 90’s

I actually followed through on what I had planned to do this weekend – nada – and had a very low key weekend. I slept 12 hours Saturday night…. it was heavenly.

we went and saw Ted 2 to kill a rainy afternoon ( it was the the first time Kip had been in a movie theatre in over 4 years….. almost 5…. he was pleasantly surprised with the fancy leather recliners they have now and I think I may be able to convince him to see Trainwreck with me when it comes out. I love Amy Schumer.)

there was a cute little mexican place across the street (from webster place theatre) where we went to grab a quick dinner afterwards.

casual, yummy, and best of all, with outdoor seating for the warm weather when the rain stopped

:: recent wears ::

white jeans have continued be a stable with the ever changing temperatures.

and moscow mules have been flowing big time.

j.crew tissue tee // articles of society jeans (order down a size) // rocksbox necklace // old levi’s jacket similar here

I got this black maxi with our trip to Italy in mind. I wanted something long enough to cover my knees for when we are in churches and such (since I’ve been told no shoulders or knees!) and I think it will be easy to change up with different belts, scarves, blah blah blah. it has a high waist and the blousy top part, but it does a good job of defining the waist still without a belt.

{ hi – lo maxi dress } comes in 9 colors + under $70 !

both of these looks have the latest necklace from my rocksbox package and I love it so much. I’ve kept this box for so long because I kept wearing the necklace every weekend!

you can still use code tayloroshayxoxo for your first month free!

….. and I’ve been wearing that nordstrom rack dress so often, that the last three times I’ve run into the neighbors I’ve had it on and it’s become mortifying because I think they think I don’t bathe or change my clothes. whoops. best $30 ever spent.

{sold out in my print, but love this print of theirs too}

getting me through the monday workday : the bachelorette tonight with only a few episodes left! get ready for some more obnoxious shawn scenes saying “that other guy” sweating profusely.