The Sarcastic Blonde

fashion, food, fitness + a dose of sarcastic gossip

friday randoms, Lifestyle

:: Friday Links ::

Cheers to the Weekend!!

I am en route to Scottsdale, AZ with some Chicago girlfriends (and one Chicago-to-DC transplant) and I am so excited! I haven’t seen any of them in WAY too long and it is definitely going to help cure my Chicago home-sickness.  The weather has been 75+ and sunny every day, and will be Monday and the rest of  next week, but unfortunately it looks like Saturday and Sunday may not be in our favor.  We are arranging some Plan B options other than drinking and laying out, but today I think we’ll be heading straight from the plane to the patio to soak up as much sunshine as we can.

We have lots of catching up to do

A few weekend links for today : 

I will be perusing the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue on the plane (on the Texture app on my giant iPhone I discussed yesterday) and looking like a straight up perv, and I am completely okay with that. Kate Upton is Cover girl for the 3rd time.

Speaking of supermodels, I am really into the pre-runway diet of Bella and Kendall.

And speaking of supermodel bods, I had heard of Body by Simone before, but then I saw her recently on TV(Khloe Kardashian’s Revenge Body) and it re-sparked my interest.

Popsugar had her on once for a cardio workout and I think I quit shortly into it because it was SO hard.  She looks like a Tracy Anderson alternative I need to get behind!  Three free workouts I just found : DANCE CARDIO / 20 MINUTE WORKOUT / 40 MINUTE WORKOUT

And speaking of Kardashians, alert the masses! Ya heard it here first! Rob and Chyna have broken up! The wedding is OFF!

I mean…. isn’t this a news headline every other week? And don’t we all know this is never going to last?

Love Actually returning for a sequel is the best news of the week!!! But how can it only be 10 minutes!? We need more!! {my gif in Monday’s post must have been a subconscious premonition!}

Some Links for the weekend! 

I love this sporty tee for running around on the weekends.

Lilly always pleasantly surprises me with their two-piece outfits.  Love this maxi two piece  and the wrap top two piece.

The perfect neutral solid tank with a pretty neckline and just enough detail. 

Put me near the beach, and this is the strapless top I want to be wearing. 

I’m still on the hunt for the perfect drape front coat, and this may be a winner! 

The most adorable striped shift dress for under $90.

I am thrilled that this shoe is back in style.  <3 

I can’t get enough of jumpsuits lately. and this color is gorgeous 

A yellow one piece that makes me happy. 

I love knit fit + flare dresses, and this one is so classy in a beautiful bold color. 
it has killer reviews and Im not surprised one bit. perfect for ANY age.

A great example that you can never have too many striped tees, because this is perfection. 

alright….. you know where I’m headed….. enjoy your LONG weekends! 

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coffee talk

:: Coffee Talk :: 2.16.17 ::

discuss amongst ya-selves…..

 

:: This Is Us :: 

Don’t worry – no spoilers!  Just going to blow your mind.   My Mom brought this to my attention and I don’t know how I did not know this but WOW does the show do a good job with prosthetics and everything……..

Are you ready to see what Toby REALLY looks like in real life? 

IMAGE

SERIOUSLY? 
He wears prosthetic jowels and a fat suit.
MIND. BLOWN. I had no idea. 

:: The Bachelor ::


My Bachelor recaps are getting shorter and shorter because I just don’t care anymore.  We pick up where we left off, with Nick crying for 70th time this season.   Chris Harrison asks “Let me ask you this, are you ready to walk away from all of this?”
Ummmm.  That’s funny Chris.  You should follow it up with “Because you can’t. You’re contractually bound and you know that we own you ?”

Nick pulled a Juan Pablo with Vanessa.  She says, to the man she’s spent 3 hours alone with (and by alone, I mean with 45 crew members) that she is falling in love with him.

He responds with a “I like you”.  Minus the accent, it is full Juan Pablo.  And Nick…..I am really missing Juan Pablo at this point.

I’m shocked Danielle didn’t make the cut.  Her baby voice with no mouth movement was just as bad as his mumbles with no mouth movement, so I thought two wrongs could make a right?

It has been announced that Rachel, the lawyer, is going to be the next Bachelorette.  Two things:

1. SHE ISN’T OFF THE SHOW YET? WHY IS THIS BEING ANNOUNCED ALREADY? YOU DID THIS WITH NICK BEING THE BACHELOR WHEN WE STILL THOUGHT HE MAY PROPOSE TO THE GIRL ON BACH IN PARADISE? It drives me INSANE.  Could this announcement really not wait until she gets eliminated? I go to great lengths to avoid spoilers, and then THEY spoil it.

2. I don’t know what the show is going to do with an intelligent, successful woman with a law degree as the Bachelorette!  And one over the age of 25 no less!  We haven’t had that since like Jen Scheft season 2. Slow clap for the Bachelor. Please don’t let her get manipulated by these producers. And FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD let Rachel be the one to make this show half way decent again …. I can’t keep throwing hours of my life away on NICK and this garbage.   Without Corinne, there would have been nothing this season.

:: Summer House :: 
There wasn’t enough Kyle in this episode for me to have much to say…. it started out great with the mullet wigs for his birthday and a kitchen counter dance party, and then it was all downhill from there. 
And who kicks it off with ruining all the fun?  Everett and Lindsay! The madly in love couple that can’t stop screaming at each other.
Everett’s facial expressions of anger are truly terrifying.  He legitimately alarms me.  I loved the twin calling her out on everything it was AH-mazing.  Until Everett’s anger returned directed right at her…. 
I don’t know why Lauren continues to waste any of her time with Carl.  She could be getting so many guys this summer that are so much better than him! 
as I type that, then we see a very sad back story of Carl’s life……
….but still.  Just like how Lindsay can’t blame all of her stuff on her mother and childhood, Carl can’t use his father as his excuse for anything either…. but yes, sad stuff for both of them.
Thank goodness Lindsay and Everett are trying to end this thing…. but something tells me this will not be the end of the drama between the two of them. And this huge of a break-up right before her 30th birthday? YOWZA. 
OH.  And Christina with no H (but it stays) really is one of the biggest pot stirrers ever.  She has a future on Real Housewives for sure. 
:: Beverly Hills :: 
The housewives, and part time housewives PK and Maurice Mauricio, are back in Mexico celebrating with 

THE AGENCY

How can Rinna act like she doesn’t remember saying any of this? 
LVP practically SPRINTS to not miss a minute of the conversation and confrontation between Kyle + Rinna.
But, I am 9,000 % on LVP’s side (which hasn’t happened in a long time) that this is her chance to OWN IT. OWN IT….pause….. OWN IT. 
And really…. you are on a reality show where anything you say about Kim is aired because of your previous confrontations, so how can you even THINK you can deny this or not remember it? 
I mean, I know LVP is really excited to hurl her under the bus without any proof yet, 
but Rinna DID say ALL of it, so she is burying her own grave. 
Eileen is ill all night and SHE LOOKS AMAZING.
That strapless white dress, the spray tan, all of it – she looks the best she has ever looked. 
Erika is trying to be a good friend by being like, come on Rinna, just tell the facts. 
Rinna all night is just responding with
“I want to tell the facts but I can’t tell the facts if I don’t know the facts as facts or if they aren’t facts.”
This is literally a “they don’t know that we know they know we know” from Friends moment.
And Rinna, who is a hard ass and would never cry like that, CLEARLY knows what she said and that she is screwed and that’s why she is crying.
This catamaran looks NOTHIN’ like the ones I’ve been on…. thats a full fledged YACHT. 
and on this yacht, you get a BIRKIN for jumping off the top into the ocean.
and then, in conclusion, Rinna dances on the table to “Painkiller” in front of Part-Time Housewives PK and Mauricio…… 
as jack from will and grace would say (that I can never find a gif of) ” oh. my. gahhhhhhhh.” 
also, I just had to see what Rinna had to say about all of this so I went to her Bravo Blog. go take a look. 
:: Just Felt Like Sharing :: 
My old iphone2.0 (basically) was done for and not working, so Kip let me have his iPhone6+ that he wasn’t using anymore because he combined his work + personal phone.  So…. I have had it for about 3 weeks now…. and other than the fact that talking and texting (what phones are actually for) is nearly impossible because it’s larger than my hand (and head almost) I am obsessed with it.  
We went and got put on the same phone plan this past weekend
(marriage y’all.  marriage is : delaying going to the AT&T store for 2.5 years because no way in hell is that how you want to spend a Sunday.)
and I was going to switch back to a “normal” lady size phone, and now it feels so tiny in my hand! And the pictures and video are so small! And reading my magazines on it is impossible! 
So….. even though everyone tells me I look like I am holding a laptop in my hand… it is so nice for instagram/snapchat/free TV on the southwest flights. 
OH.  But what made me think of this is that Rinna was just calling Harry Harry Hamlin and it looked like she was holding a tablet phone as well…… and I feel like she is not who I should be emulating… but then I realized she’s so freaking skinny that perhaps the phone just APPEARS that size compared to her body, and hers is a normal size, so mine can be the gigantic one.  AND on that note, perhaps the giant laptop-phone will make me look smaller in comparison.
SO on that note I’M KEEPING IT.
Who needs to text with one hand anyway? 
And talking on the phone with it up to your ear? NONSENSE. That’s not what phones are for! 
Happy Thursday 🙂 

EDITORS NOTE : 
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.  
#hypocrite  #sorryimnotsorry  
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either.  or the day after that.

gifs and images via giphy, ABC , E!, Real Housewives Tmblr, US Weekly, Entertainment Weekly, Yahoo, and Bravo 
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fashion

:: wish list wednesday ::

  I head to Scottsdale for a girls trip Friday, so this weeks finds are inspired by warmer temps,  with a fair amount of prints, stripes, and color thrown in there for good measure!

This romper is so cute with the tie front and the tassel hem. It also has a beautiful back! 

// TASSEL HEM ROMPER // 

// STRIPED TUNIC TOP // 
// SHIFT DRESS // 
I also love this romper version! 
This looks identical to my Joie silk shift dress, but is under $50!
// RACERBACK SHIFT DRESS // comes in several colors
// SANTORINI TOP // 
// BEADED SANDALS // 
// EMBELLISHED ROMPER // 
I wish I could wear this outfit every day : white jeans + a silk striped top.
// V-NECK SLEEVELESS TANK // 
// STRIPED DRESS // under $40
// MIRRORED SUNGLASSES //  only $12 ! 
I saw these when I was at the mall and love ’em.

I’m a sucker for a red dress…. especially one with pockets and a gorgeous neckline!
comfy stripes with an open back!?  YES PLEASE.
// STRIPED SLEEVELESS TOP // 


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Favorite, health, Lifestyle

:: 31 Day Challenge Update ::

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Happy Valentine’s Day!

 
I wanted to follow up on some of my New Years Intentions, 
and I’ve gotten requests for more health + fitness posts!
I challenged myself to 31 straight days of working out in January and I am happy to say that I completed it! 
Previously, I was already working out a fair amount, 
about 4-6 days per week, but never at this intensity.
The group exercise classes have really upped the ante in kicking my butt. 
I used to be able to walk for an hour on the treadmill while I watched a show, but sadly, those days are long gone.  Hashtag insert expletives. 
 
I wanted to share a few things I learned by doing this fitness challenge.
 
keeping track of all of my workouts. 
 
1. It is not nearly as hard as I thought it would be.
I already was working out a fair amount, but somehow working out every single day was actually less difficult.  Because it was something I planned and knew was not optional, it was never really a burden.  I planned my workouts in advance, signed up for whatever classes I wanted to take during the week on Classpass, and it was a done deal. 
There were only a few times when I didn’t want to workout, and they were when it was nighttime and I hadn’t fit my workout in in the morning or hadn’t signed up for a class.  But since it wasn’t optional not to, I just did it, and after starting I didn’t mind at all.  
Somehow 7 days a week was less stressful than 4-6? 

2. Just start…. and then you won’t want to stop. 
My goal was 30 minutes every day, with the hopes of working out for an hour (30 minutes of Tracy Anderson + at least 30 minutes of cardio).   There were days I didn’t think I would get through my Tracy DVD after doing cardio, so I would tell myself that I would just do the ab and arm part (about 10 of the 30 minutes).  By the time I was done with the first 10 minutes, I had no problem finishing the rest.  Sometimes I didn’t think I’d be able to do the treadmill, so I would just hop on and walk, and by 10 minutes in I felt fine and would jog or do intervals no problem.  If I just started, the energy would come. 
 
3. Along with just starting, just put on the exercise clothes.
Put on your exercise clothes as soon as you wake up or as soon as you walk in the door. 
 If I didn’t, I would put the workout off until later. 
zella yollo
 
3. Listen to your body and adjust accordingly. 
You have to listen to your body.  
Somehow in January I never had a time when I felt so exhausted I couldn’t workout, but this past week I came home from work and put on my gym clothes and Kip came in to find me sitting on the couch in our bedroom falling asleep.  This NEVER happens.  I took an hour nap, and when I woke up, I squeezed in a quick walk and some planks before dinner and was fine with not doing the hour workout I had planned.  I needed a break.  
 
4.  I finally reached the goals I had wanted to hit for the last 1-2 years. 
I still would like to lose a few more pounds, but I have gotten so strong and have the most muscle I have ever had.  I don’t like to be specific because
I fear an Oprah moment where the minute she wheels out that wagon of fat,
 her pants never. fit. again. 
Just kidding…. but not really….  
And I know this is more related to diet than exercise, but I do think that taking actual cardio classes like Blast and Spinning and pushing myself made a big difference. 
 
5.  A foam roller is your BFF.  And Epsom Salt Baths. 
It helps…. a lot.  I have never been so sore in my life.  
And it’s hard to pinpoint exactly how beneficial the epsom salt baths were, 
but I felt considerably less sore when I soaked versus when I didn’t. 
 
6.  I managed my time so much better.
Since I was taking a lot of classes, my workouts were a scheduled part of my day.  In the past I really only worked out at home, so I could put it off or let myself turn my 30 minute DVD into a 45 minute -1 hour DVD by pausing after certain sections to do other things.  With the classes it was one hour and done. 
 
7. It’s true what they say about making something a habit. 
Since January ended and February began, the only day I haven’t worked out was the day that I flew home from Vegas to Atlanta.  And that’s only because I left the hotel before 10 AM and didn’t get home until 8 PM.  I still went to the gym at the hotel twice just to get something done and I feel like it made all the difference. 
(Keep in mind I worked out already a lot in the past because I know for stress and sanity it helps me immensely, and I love to watch my shows – true motivation!) 
This weekend in Arizona we are hiking one day and I will do something else the other days. 
I have kept the mentality that it is part of my day, not something that is optional, and overall it hasn’t really been an issue. 
I signed up for an unlimited month at a spin studio and have been using that as my motivator for February.  It is definitely working – I am determined to get my moneys worth!
 Kip and I have been spinning together on Sundays since January, too, 
and that helps kick off the week on a good start.
OH! And when I really need some extra motivation, I’ll reward myself after a tough class with Kale Me Crazy.
The Recharge and Refuel are my favorite!
There is one on the way home from all of the spin studios I go to, 
and one directly next door to Blast.
And I am obsessed. 
 
editors note : 
As I say in all of my fitness + health posts,
I know absolutely nothing and can be extremely unhealthy and there is no reason to listen to anything I say 
(about anything in life really, not just this).
But this is what has worked for me.
 I feel awkward talking about it but I get so many questions and requests about it that I am trying to do more posts around the subject! 
 
I am going to do a post on food in the future as requested,
but a few meals on heavy repeat lately : 

Quick Turkey Meatballs 



with leftovers I’ve been making Meatball Salad 

My favorite way to reward myself for meeting health goals is something fitness related.
I love new gym clothes, but I still haven’t bit the bullet on any fitness tracker. 
I wear a thin gold bangle from my mom on my left wrist every day (and never take it off) but I just can’t do the clunky Apple Watch or big black thick band that screams FITNESS TRACKER. 
I just found these options though, and am in love with them. 
You would NEVER know they are fitness trackers.
I searched around for reviews on the bangle and it has great reviews, 
just that it runs small, but I have tiny wrists so hopefully that would work in my favor! 
 
 
For an actual watch instead of just a bangle, 
this navy leather band watch is errything. 
These don’t look anything like activity trackers,
which is what has kept me from getting one in the first place.
There are so many ugly options! Finally pretty ones!
…. and the cheers with champagne glasses is just an added bonus 🙂 

 

 



 
I also love the Blush + Gold! 
 


And in the spririt of Valentine’s Day
 


treat-yo-self to some pink leggings 🙂 


//  PINK LEGGINGS  //

I was wanting to make my February focus on having better sleep hygiene,

 but I have failed miserably at that this month….. so perhaps next month? 
 


I hope you all have a wonderful Valentine’s Day with your significant other, gal pals, or family! 

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Lifestyle, weekend recap

:: monday things ::

Happy Monday Everyone!! 

Just a quick follow up from Friday’s Post : 
I got lots of e-mails and comments about Bethenny and Jason, so I just wanted to say that I am relieved so many of you are as conflicted as I am 🙂
Perhaps we should start an emotional support group…..

also, I did a post Saturday with my favorite Guilt Free Chocolate Dessert 
so check it out for a sweet Valentine’s Day treat! 
What did we think of the Grammy’s last night??
Kelsea Ballerini is 100% Dorit from RHOBH’s doppleganger.
During her performance they were straight up TWINS.

watch part of the performance here
I like her a lot and think she is adorable. 

I know I may be struck dead for saying this,
but I just don’t really care about Beyonce (and haven’t for quite some time)?
And I really didn’t care for any of her performance last night.
There is nothing more obnoxious than someone treating their pregnancy like the Second Coming of Christ.
WE GET IT. You’re pregnant.  You aren’t the first or last person to carry a child. Or two. 
and at the end of her peromance we MUST have a full standing ovation and 20 seconds of just everyone admiring her.
(I can hear people gasping and cursing me already….. how dare I!!!) 
but enough about the Grammy’s…… 
I did a rare thing and went to the mall this weekend,
and it was a serious reminder why I NEVER go to the mall.
It is truly torture.  
and that’s before you even think about having to try things on in those horrifyingly lit dressing rooms. 
Free shipping and free returns from the comfort of my couch is ten times better.
editors note : 
I went to the mall so that I could go to Lululemon to get shorts for Kip for Valentine’s Day.  
I gave them to him this weekend and told him I had debtated getting him shorts from this company called Birddogs where its built in underwear and you can workout in them or wear them as swim trunks.
(Kyle from Summer House’s company)
AND GUESS WHAT HE SAID.
“Yeah.  I know Birddogs.”
WHAT?! 
So now I am truly wanting to order a pair of these shorts for him to try….. and I am thinking it’s because they have this cute seersucker pair that would be a cute swimsuit for him, but in reality I think it’s because I am a wee bit obsessed with Kyle and think he is hilarious so I want to support him by buying a pair of shorts. read : I am a lunatic.
But really….. the website is hilarious.  There is humor everywhere you look.
On the DESIGN tab they talk about the 
Ball Pouch : It contours instead of mashes, with enough room for a summer squash.
and
Go ahead.  Dip your cone into these Dippy Pippy’s.
(It clearly doesnt’ take much to amuse me.)
And they offer 3 length options too so you can go as frat as you like and show as much pasty man thigh as your heart desires. 



but I digress….. 

so I went to the mall….. 
There were a few things that I saw and loved while diverting my eyes in Nordstrom and trying not to look left or right but go straight to Lululemon to buy him his present.
I wouldn’t have looked twice at this top online – it looks unflattering and matronly,
 but in person it is the most beautiful color and cut.
 It was entirely sold out in the store but luckily they still have it online!
Same thing with this dress….
I wouldn’t have stopped scrolling online because you can’t see any of the details,
but in person the lace is simply stunning.
This navy coat was EVERYTHING.
It looked very Tory Burch to me?
It was GORGEOUS and looks like it costs like a million bucks.
Directly across from Lululemon was Zara…. soooo I kind of had to take a peek.
Let me tell you, it was a nightmare.
It’s just so overwhelming in there which is a shame because they have SO much good stuff, but I was in an out as quickly as possible (except for the 20 minute line to check out. literally. couch + free shipping for the win once again).
I loved this pink ruffle top + the black and white striped shorts, but decided to wait.
The top was $50 and I wasn’t sure it was worth the price.
 I did snag this floral romper that looks like a dress.  
 PINK FRILLED TOP   //  STRIPED SHORTS                              // ZARA ROMPER // 
The dress/romper is under $50 and the detailing at the back is super cute.
It has a large key-hole opening and then a black bow. 

I was trying to figure out if I could wear it with my OTK black or grey boots to dress it up for nighttime and think I like it with both?
So that’s why I have the weird photo with two different shoes 😉
I can hear my mom saying out loud “that is hideous” as she reads this already….. 

Two other pieces I loved:
This navy open vest/waistcoat that will look super cute with jeans, a tank, and booties. 


// ZARA WAISTCOAT // 




And this striped ruffle tee. 



// STRIPED TOP //








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Some Monday Motivation + Links : 


I am obsessed with the show This Is Us, and I know I am not alone.


Chrissy Metz ia already down 100 pounds and uses the show as added motivation.  



and no spoilers, but if her character does what they are hinting at, I will be very upset!



50 Surprisingly Simple Ways to Make Someone Happy 
3 things genuinely happy people do daily
This quick 10 minute body weight workout has only 3 moves.
If you still need a quick Valentine’s gift idea for your significant other, these love books are a great idea.
I gave the “What I love About You” one a few years ago! 
and 32 affordable gifts for the ladies! 
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health, Lifestyle, recipe

:: Valentine’s Day Dessert : Flourless Chocolate Brownies ::

 that’s right…. I used a cookie cutter and everything.  <3 
  
I have a Saturday surprise post for you today! 

I had to share my {healthy} decadent brownie recipe in time for you to bake it for your Valentine or Galentine next week!




I don’t know how, but these brownies have no flour, oil, or sugar, and taste like the biggest indulgence in the world. 

These brownies do have a secret ingredient : PB2.
If you havent heard of PB2, it is just ground peanuts.  The only ingredient is peanuts, so don’t worry it isn’t some fake/processed/bad for you ingredient.  It has 85% less fat than peanut butter, and it is delicious. I eat it with apples all the time.   Publix and regular supermarkets now carry it (with the peanut butter) but you can always order on Amazon, too.  
It perfectly replaces the flour AND gives them a peanut butter kick.
Who doesn’t love chocolate combined with peanut butter? 
I promise you will love these if you make them! 
*Notes about the recipe:  I have made these 3 times, and although the recipe calls for 30 minutes at 325 degrees, I have had a fully jiggly uncooked center every time at 30 minutes.  I even changed pans and it still happened.  I have had to cook mine for closer to 50 minutes.  


:: PB2 FLOURLESS CHOCOLATE BROWNIES :: 
recipe originally from Skinnytaste
  • cooking spray
  • 1 large egg
  • 1 large egg white
  • 1 cup PB2
  • 1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1/4 tsp kosher salt
  • 1/2 cup plus 1 tbsp water
  • 1/2 cup raw honey
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 3/4 cup milk chocolate chips
Directions:
Preheat the oven to 325°F. Spray a nonstick 9 x 9 inch baking pan with cooking spray.
Beat the egg and egg white in a small bowl with a whisk.
In a large bowl combine the PB2, cocoa powder, salt, baking soda and mix well with a spatula. Add the egg and egg whites and stir. Add water, honey, vanilla and stir with a spatula until combined. Fold in the chocolate chips.
Pour the mixture into the prepared baking pan and bake about 30 minutes. Set aside to cool, then cut into 12 bars cutting 3 rows x 4 rows.
Servings: 12  • Serving Size: 1 bar • Points +: 4 pts • Smart Points: 6

Calories: 131 • Fat: 5 g • Protein: 6 g • Carb: 26 g • Fiber: 3 g • Sugar: 20 g


Sodium: 217 mg • Cholesterol: 20 g

Perfect way to enjoy a guilt free Valentine’s Day! 




I serve mine warm, 


and add in some vanilla ice cream to kick it up a notch! 


{Halo Top is a great option if you’re eating clean!} 


I hope you make these and love them as much as I do! 




….. trying to take these photos at 9 PM was hard enough with my level of photography skills…..


…. trying to take these photos without eating everything first was even harder….. 


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