The Sarcastic Blonde

fashion, food, fitness + a dose of sarcastic gossip

Lifestyle

:: Favorite Earrings + Recovering from Jet Lag ::


Buckle up for the most exciting post ever.
 Severe Sarcasm….. My brain is mush so I am rambling more than ever!

We are home after 15 days out of the country and WOW is my jet lag 10x more intense than in the past.  It didn’t affect me very much last time, but yesterday and today I feel like I’ve been drugged!

Our trip was absolutely incredible and I will be posting more pictures on instagram this week because I still have so, so many to share! I will also be doing full recaps for you starting next week – promise! Thank you all again for all of your help with things to do and places to go – y’all are a travel-planning dream come true!

Today I am sharing a favorite pair of earrings that I wore several times on our vacation.

Oh, and incase you missed it on my instagram stories, I singed my neck night one with my curling iron-straightener-combo that I bought for the trip.  So that lovely scar is there for two weeks and is just now looking better!

Earrings were the only jewelry I packed (one of my packing tips for traveling abroad with only a carry on I will be sharing!)
These were the perfect way to dress up a simple, solid colored dress or a pair of jeans with a blouse.
They are super light weight too despite their size!

// STATEMENT EARRINGS //
also available in white

a few other pairs of statement earrings that I am loving : 

UNDER $25 DROP EARRINGS// TASSEL CLUSTERS // OMBRE FINGE DROPS //  SANDBAR DROP EARRINGS

On to some trip rambling……

I was hoping to have more to share with you all today, but I am still so out of it.
Proof of this : we got home at 8 PM on Saturday night (after a horrendous 10 hour flight turned to 12 hours) , and I have about 25 hours of TV on my DVR (likely more) and all I have watched is 3 episodes of Big Brother and 1 episode of RHONY.
I tried to watch my DVR’d shows on the airplane but it wouldn’t let me stream them! The horror! 

I also greatly underestimated the amount of television awaiting me, and I knew it would be a ton, but I feel like I truly missed the 2 biggest weeks of TV show endings and premieres of THE WHOLE YEAR.  The timing of this trip couldn’t have been worse for Coffee Talk 🙂 My sincerest apologies that I abandoned our weekly gossip sessions at the worst possible time!

It has been eye opening to stare at the DVR at be like “Wow…. this is how much TV I watch??”   And I don’t mean eye opening in a sense that I feel shameful for the amount, which any sane normal person would.  I mean eye opening in a sense that I am SO PROUD of myself for somehow fitting it all in!

y’all…. if you haven’t already concluded…. this post goes nowhere…. just a heads up. 

The shows in the DVR Include:

Southern Charm Reunion
Shahs of Sunset
Odd Mom Out
Real Housewives of NYC
Real Housewives of Orange County
Million Dollar Listing New York
Below Deck Med
Sweet Home Oklahoma
Watch What Happens Live

The Bachelorette
Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Making the Team.
Big Brother
The Next Food Network Start
The Great British Baking Show
Barefoot Contessa (Um YES these last two count!)

and that’s just the important ones.  There’s tons of House Hunters + Chopped + who knows what else that are never going to see the light of day.

ANYWAYS.

My jet lag is extreme, so I promise to have all of my Italy + Amsterdam Posts ready for you  by next week at the latest, but right now I am just trying to function on an hourly basis.  Perhaps I need to continue my 2x a day daily espresso (morning and lunch) that I did on the trip to keep my eyes open? I hate Coffee but it really seemed to help!

Happy Monday Everyone! Hope you all have a great start to the week!!

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beauty, beauty products, Lifestyle

:: Beauty Favorites ::

I haven’t seen an ounce of television in 13 days (who’s counting?)
so my apologies for no Coffee Talk again this week!

Instead, I wanted to share two of my favorite products beauty with today!
ya know….since I am such a beauty product connoisseur.
and the last time I washed my bronzer brush I bought 2 years ago at CVS was…. ohhhhh….. never. 

I have only had one facial in my life.  I wish I could say that it was before my wedding or something of that sort, but it was when Kip and I were moving from Chicago and I had an unused gift certificate to a salon across from our apartment to use. Instead of a massage I opted for a facial and loved it! My favorite part of the entire experience was when she removed my blackheads. I had naively been thinking I had fairly “good” skin and didn’t realize that was something I desperately needed!

Also, if any of you have a facialist or a place you recommend in the Atlanta area please let me know! 

I don’t know about you, but in high school we always used those Biore Blackhead strips that went across your nose (or chin or forehead) and when you ripped them off (sometimes quite literally, and it would take a layer of skin with it) you would see all the little black dots that satisfyingly came with it!

Within the last few months, since I was desperate for a facial but didn’t know who to go see, I had been buying several things at the drugstore, including the Biore brand.  Nothing worked.  The strips didn’t remove a thing (for myself or for my husband.  And skin things are one of the few things he will be a guinea pig with – he actually is better with washing his face than I am!)

I had posted on the blog about not finding anything to get rid of my blackheads, and a sweet reader named Nancy e-mailed to say she would send me a sample of a mask to try.  A few weeks after trying other products with no success, I figured what the heck, and she kindly sent me a sample of a dream potion. The mask is BeautyCounter’s Charcoal Mask #3.  I loved it so much after one use that I went online and bought the full size bottle immediately.  Seriously.

And don’t worry – I paid for this mask full price with my own cash! I love my R+F, which I also pay for every 60 days, but I have used several masks and never found anything that works except this! 

AND the bottle is absolutely gorgeous. Which is just an added bonus.

I had heard about charcoal being great for your skin and all sorts of charcoal beauty products, but it was crazy putting this on!! You apply a layer all over your face, and within minutes will start to see black spots all across your pores where the blackheads are.  When I washed it off, I was shocked at how great of a job it did with removing my blackheads.  (I was also disgusted with how many large black spots showed up on my face, hence why I know I am in dire need of a facial – send recommendations ASAP!) .

Also – allow me to share a hideous and embarassing photo of myself using the mask! And this was my second time using the mask about 2 weeks later, I don’t even want to share the first time….. the amount of dark spots was horrifying. (My girlfriends that saw my snapchat of the first use would agree).

I probably shouldn’t share that, but I humiliate myself regularly here, so why stop now.

I truly can’t recommend it enough – and if you are interested, feel free to send Nancy an e-mail to ask any questions because one try was all it took for me to order it on the spot.  You can also check out her Beauty Counter Shop here.  

Another beauty product I wanted to share is a make-up product.  If you have been reading for awhile you know I am not a beauty or make-up person – I like to keep things simple! But I kept noticing a certain someones skin looking great and I knew from my genius-level-of-reality-television-knowledge that she did not have the greatest skin in real life and that she had commented on it before.

Feel free to judge, but I am talking about Ms. Stassi Shroeder of Vanderpump Rules.  I can’t remember what podcast that she was a guest on, but someone asked her about her skin or she said she always gets complimented on her skin despite having acne and that it’s all thanks to this one product.

 Sephora Perfect Mist Airbrush Foundation.  

So the last time I was at the mall, I decided instead of my Maybelline BB Cream mixed with moisturizer, I would try some of this for weekends when I wear more makeup and I love it. I got a travel size brush because I was at the checkout counter line and apparently they have Sephora set up like Marshalls/Home Goods/ TJ Maxx and they like to prey on the weak and convince them they need more things that they do not 🙂

Anyways, I really like the light coverage the spray foundation gives but it definitely does makes my skin look far better than when I wake up!

SO.  I am as far down on the list as it goes for beauty blogging, but these are two things that I use and love!

I’d love to know what skincare and make-up products you swear by as well!

I’d also love to know how amazing Bravo has been – OC Premiere, Southern Charm Reunion, NY Housewives trip to Mexico, and Big Brother…. so without spoilers, feel free to share how enriched your lives have been from hours in front of the TV while I have been away…..  

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Lifestyle

:: Wishlist Wednesday ::

lusts for the week…..

 


// TORTOISE RIMMED GLASSES // 


// PINK CUT OUT SUIT // NAVY BOW SUIT // 


DRESSES : ONE // TWO // THREE // FOUR // FIVE 


TOPS : ONE // TWO // THREE // FOUR 

GINGHAM DRESSES : ONE // TWO // THREE // FOUR // FIVE
GINGHAM BLOUSES :: TOP // MIDDLE // BOTTOM 

 

I apologize if it takes you to the European Site, just switch it back to dollars as needed! 
it automatically changed all of my links since I am editing this in Europe! 

SaveSave

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Lifestyle

:: In Heaven in Amsterdam ::

I hope you all had a great weekend!

Kip and I have been having the most amazing time ever in Amsterdam.  It is ten times more beautiful than I imagined it to be, and we have loved just walking around and then sitting down for lunch or a drink at a restaurant on the canal and staring at everything.  I didn’t think that this would hold a candle to Venice – which I loved so much – but I love it here even more.


photo via Instagram from the flower market 

Our AirBnB is in the Jordaan neighborhood of the city which we couldn’t love any more. The kitchen and living areas are nice and big and super bright so it’s a great apartment to come back to for happy hour and veg before heading back out again for the night.

And I promise I will be sharing a full packing post!
I took tons of OCD photos while packing to make sure I could share it all with you.

I know I have gotten lots of emails and questions – and I was able to fit it all into a carryon again this time!

I have a great story to share in the future about my Ambien experience that involves me “sleep eating” dinner like a lunatic and waking up in the morning having bits and pieces all coming together like it was a bad dream……. But I did sleep for most of the flight so that was good! 

Tomorrow I have an insanely delicious cake recipe to share with you!

And as always, follow along on Instagram to see more of our trip! I have exciting things like frying my neck off with the dual straightener/curler I got and having a huge scar on my neck now!  Wine bottles come in very handy when there is no ice ANYWHERE in this entire country.


I swear, what is it with Europeans and their lack of ice (and their lack of ever wanting to give someone more than a thimble’s worth of water) 

We are in Amsterdam until Wednesday when we fly to Milan to start the wedding weekend + Lake Como leg of the trip!

Hope you all have a great start to the week!

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friday randoms, Lifestyle

:: Striped Maxi + Friday Links + Vacation Bound ::

We leave tonight for out trip!!
Are you ready for me to stop talking about it yet? At least the packing/planning discussion can be over….. 
Over the last few weeks I have ordered a ton of dresses for Italy and all but one have been sent back.  Most were awful (very cheap fabric in person), and others were cute but I felt I wouldn’t wear it again.
Then I came across this blue + white striped maxi number.
Amsterdam will be warm during the day and cooler at night (I think.)  Plus the style is so different for the two areas that it has been extremely difficult to pack this time and try to fit everything into a carry on.  I am packing much more casual attire for Amsterdam and more feminine and a bit fancier for Italy.  So when I came across this dress it seemed to fit the bill perfectly for Amsterdam.  It can work for daytime and could be a casual nighttime look with my jean jacket.  It is crazy soft and comfy.  I actually debated wearing it on the flight (I actually prefer to wear maxi dresses on planes they are like big blankets and don’t dig in or leave lines like jeans do!)
And the Angelina Jolie side slits are totally appropriate – promise 🙂 
// STRIPED SUNDRY DRESS //
here is the same dress in a different stripe  and a  black sleeveless version

I mean I don’t know what lens my husband was using or what angle my body was at, but my chest looks about 15 times it’s real size in that last photo so I need to find out how to recreate that exact stance in all aspects of my life.  I swear I am not wearing a teenage girl padded bra (I used to really rock ’em back in the day though. Boobs one day, flat as a wall the next, I was great at keeping everyone guessing!)

I am kicking myself that I forgot to order this version to try.
Because I am OBSESSED.  The cut looks like it would be super flattering.

// STRIPED U-NECK DRESS // 

and I also love this 3/4 sleeve option!

// BASIC STRIPED DRESS // 

:: RHONY ::

Quick thoughts since I won’t have a Coffee Talk next week on this week’s episode that I just caught up on!

I think it’s nice that Bethenny has apologized twice to Tinz for jumping on her at dinner. We learn that this was when the stalking charges were being made public with Jason Hoppy, so clearly she had a lot going on.

WHY CAN’T CAROLE SAY TITO’S (the vodka). It’s SUPER easy. She says Tea (pause) Toe’s . Driving me nuts, it’s like Ramona trying to say Reggae music.

I love Dorinda so much.  Even her talking to Ramona’s (poor trapped) ski instructor is just amazing.  It’s like she knows exactly where he is from the moment he sits down.  She’s just the best.

When Dorinda says you are an Olympic Day Drinker is that the biggest compliment in the world or the biggest nightmare? Hmmmm……

Dinner conversation gets REAL.  I MEAN. REAL. I can’t believe this whole thing is filmed and happening and there are men int he kitchen for all of it! Dorinda talking about “it” is the most hilarious thing in the world. “That is not appropriate behavior. There is a stop sign there.” (It’s not appropriate to say, so just watch the episode.)

Preview for next week: I can’t believe Tinsley just makes out with people like that and tries to eat their face.  And I can’t (slash can) believe that Ramona flips out on Bethenny when she is actually trying to kindly invite her to the trip. She is certifiable.

:: HAIR GODDESS ::
I haven’t seen it yet but I’ve been alerted by 2 TV addicts (my mom and friend that has met my-boyfriend-andy-cohen several times and been to clubhouse more than once – not to brag or anything) that the show Hair Goddess on TLC is a great reality pick to add to the list!

:: LINK LOVE ::

The tag-lines for RHOC  have been released, and they are – as expected – terrible.

Also as expected, Kelly sounds dumb and makes no sense.
Is she trying to make fun of herself? Or reference the puppet master/puppet thing?

I wish I had seen this maxi dress to order for our trip – looks perfect for Italy and is under $50.

Beauty Gurus share 24 Beauty Tips for “Older” Women

Are these skirts really back in style? Because I am all over it but have yet to see everyone wearing them?
these however, I am not okay with coming back in style. 

6 Easy + Healthy Salad Dressings

Ginham + ruffle + bow ties!? Yes, please! 

The perfect wedding guest dress for summer – still in tons of sizes! 

Do you believe the Amelia Earhart Rumors?

A romantic off the shoulder option for under $50. 

Such a cute printed mini – another one I never saw while doing last minute Italy shopping!
and this perfectly easy printed swing dress! 
Where were all of these when I needed them!? 

Crazy Charleston Mansion. Not Patricia’s House, but close!

I meannn this jumpsuit in this color?! Love. My-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen would be all over me. 

Christina from Flip or Flip was wearing the same bikini as me for the 4th of July while boating with her boyfriend. Does anyone else think it’s weird her and Tarek are still doing the show? When it’s kind of known they don’t get along?

The cutest earrings – with a different take on the popular summer style – in tons of colors for only $35! 
love this option too! 

:: VACATION TIME :: 

I’m off to finish packing my beloved travel bag that has seen me through every trip for the last 3 years, and hop on our flight to Amsterdam!

Our flight leaves tonight at 8 PM (so, if you know me, I am begging Kip to get to the airport at like 4 o’clock since it’s international…. I’m an extremely reasonable traveler.)

Follow along on instagram to see all of our adventures for the next two weeks! 

I also have blog posts scheduled so that you all don’t forget about me or miss me too much, so keep coming to The Sarcastic Blonde daily!

…. and feel free to e-mail me at any hour of the night with salacious celebrity gossip or Bravo happenings to keep me in the loop.
I am the only person in the world who goes on a trip like this and is extremely upset about missing television, but what can I say, I know what is important and matters most in life.
Will I look back and remember the TV shows or the memories I made with my husband?
I mean…… it’s a tough call……

Thank you all for all of your recommendations in planning the trip – you all are always SO helpful with everything!

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