coffee talk Archives - Page 32 of 45

:: coffee talk ::

July 2, 2015

discuss amongst ya-selves……

:: the bachelorette ::

these ~~men~~ boys are so delusional.

shawn, the crazy obsessed stage 5 clinger stalker starts off the episode, and we finish with dentist dude, sobbing his eyes out when he gets broken up with on the cliffside.

dentist dude : if we don’t even know your name and we are this many weeks in, you really shouldn’t be crying. you also should just NEVER cry like that on national television I am super embarrassed for you and they are going to replay this at the reunion for sure. it also was on the internet everywhere ten seconds after the episode aired. yikes. #prayersforcupcake

also, chris harrison realizes that this season is spiraling out of control as quickly as these peoples hands and tongues are all over each other and they need to find a way to keep peoples pants on and legs closed.

chris needs to handle the situation, so he says she has to cut it to 3 semi-acceptable bachelors this week, the fantasy suites are next week, and only the final two will meet the families.

BUT back to Shawn and how this week starts.

We all know Nick has serial killer eyes …….

(Sometimes my husband has way too much in common with Helen Keller and EVEN HE commented when he looked at the television that Nick was the creepiest guy ever *he sees and hears nothing I say or do; its like he’s deaf and blind for those of you reading this too early in the morning to function*).

too much with the Helen Keller joke? Not enough?

not enough……. I digress……

we all know Nick has serial killer eyes, HOWEVER Shawn is now looking more likely to have some mental instability.

shawn is DISPLEASED with ~~Kaitlyn~~ my attempt at a Helen Keller joke

He needs to pump. the. brakes.

16 year old girls don’t even need this much affirmation.

Do these people not know how this show works? Have they ever SEEN an episode of the bachelorette? You don’t pick one person on week 2 and say you’re in love and kick everyone off. ~~and especially not for a personal trainer. I’m kidding. but really I’m not.~~ And you REALLY need to stop going to her room every night when clearly its the only time the girl gets to eat a damn thing because she’s too busy ~~shoving her tongue down someone else’s throat~~ affirming everyones emotions on all these dates.

GAWD SHAWN, can’t a girl crush some food late night and watch some TV in peace!?

I had to.

Onto the two-on-one date. With mr. whats your name again southern accent boy and mr. wow your chins as big as your ego.

In what world does confessing to cheating on your wife make you feel happy and confident about where the relationship is headed?

JJ is like “cheers! thanks for taking me on this date! its so good to be here, so I cheated on my wife and I just want you to know! I know it was wrong! can I get a rose for my honesty?”

Kaitlyn in response to cheating : “That’s my biggest fear” (insert me thinking ummmmmm its kinda what you’re doing right now by sleeping with one of them and not telling anyone of the other people you’re dating and FREAKING OUT every time theres a knock on your door that they know because you know it’s gonna go down.)

Shawn “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through”

Wow, rough life for you so far Shawn. Tough times.

Shawn: “she told me ‘its you'”

Me : UGH I wish he knew she slept with Nick already this would be so much better! She slept with someone the night before you said all this! Then what would you be thinking!

WTF are you wearing Shawn? Sweet cobalt blue suit for the rose ceremony.

:: RHOOC ::

shannon is in the looney bin and Megan needs to quit acting like she’s “making a splash in OC!” with her wine party.

in my always correct opinion, megan was right initially and shannon acted completely inappropriately in the situation, like – simmer down shannon, but then megan ended up making an ass of herself right along with her by being condescending and then not inviting her to her party like a high schooler.

and then everyone left her party and went to take shots with shannon.

wait….. is this high school?

editors note : it is SO hard to look past megans monotone voice and tight lip movements. also, hard to look past the fact that megan pulls an alexis bellino and thinks that an assistant is “like a friend that you pay” is an actual friend.

megan’s husband could not seem more disinterested in her. every scene, every time, even when she is giving the speech at the charity party he is like NOTHING no expression or anything. is he even thinking anything? he literally looks like he is devoid of all thought and emotion with the perfect resting bitch face.

so maybe he’s just disinterested in every thing in life.

I think any man would be pretty happy to have a hot 30 year old blonde on his arm at his age, but whatever. you do you ~~Jim~~ Jimmy.

*I just realized her name is spelled meghan with an H soooo pretend I went through and corrected all that, mmmmk thanks.

tamra acts like she’s all “I’m staying out of it!” with everyones drama, and she just can’t wait to jump straight into everyone else’s fights. when shannon and megan are gong at it, you can see her in the corner camera shot salivating. eyes as wide as they can get. then she’s like “I’m glad it’s not involving me!!” and walks straight up to both of them and is like “so what just happened whats? whats going on? do you hate her? I’m getting as involved in your business as possible!”

:: secrets and wives ::

there are still no pictures to pic from for this show.

I know all I ever say is that I just love this show but it’s true.

I just love this show so much.

and I really want to go to Fire Island with some gay BFF’s. and Liza.

and maybe Liza’s mom.

I’ve been watching too much Bravo because Gail has seriously grown on me this week and I think I liked her ?!?

I’m sure it’ll fade, but watching her in that CAH-UTE navy and white striped dress with the perfectly placed color blocking on the sides rolling her own suitcase in flat sandals, she was a girl after my own heart.

Susan and her ass of a husband ~~and her dark lipstick~~ need to go. And Cori should be ashamed of her husband for saying and doing nothing, not even blinking, when a man yells shut the F up at his wife. pathetic.

:: mazel of the week ::

stage 5 shawn.

for making every girl out there feel like she was totally legitimate and calm-cool-and-collected and not stalkerish at all with any behavior towards a crush or ex. ever.

because you take it to a whole new level boy.

:: jackhole of the week ::

heather dubrow and listening to what gazillion dollars OVER they are for a lighting budget or a cabinet budget or a toilet seat budget for their poo poo made of pure platinum gold that smells of champs and onion rings.

bravo, budget the air time this keeps getting, ’cause we’re over it.

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either. or the day after that.

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: coffee talk ::

June 25, 2015

discuss amongst ya-selves……

I have caught some kind of god awful viral infection, but instead of remembering viral means you can do nothing, I’m still attempting to kill everything in my insides with every vitamin I own, herbs and teas, cold meds and nasal sprays. I can barely keep my eyes open and feel like I’m high as a kite, so my half-assed half-written post is going to be published as is. it could make it worse, or a whole lot better. you be the judge.

~~sorry I’m not sorry~~

:: the bachelorette ::

soooooo I basically missed the entire show because of extreme weather and tornado watches in other parts of Illinois. (I’m not that horrible of a person, I know tornados and peoples lives are more important than this god forsaken television BS but still…..I meannn it was the episode we’d all been waiting for COME ON) I spent the night listening to 20 seconds of the show and then 97 interjections from the weather girl. Ummmm how many times do you need to say “get away from doors/windows” and “don’t go outside”??? WHO DOESN’T KNOW THIS? I meannnn didn’t we all see Twister!?

and, I’m sorry, but if the people that NEED to be taking shelter are sitting there listening to you repeat this, then it’s too late for them anyway. Put two and two together and the only people watching you are PEOPLE WATCHING THE BACHELOR.

soooo I missed all the first-date-sex-sounds everyone is talking about,

but it’s okay…… because I have something even ~~better~~ nastier…..

my googling skills are INSANE.

image

left : serial killer eyes whore face nick

right : crazy doctor from ghostbusters

~~let this photo also display how unattractive nick is~~

Nicks serial killer eyes are back and I just DO NOT understand his charm.

There is NOTHING sexy about him. Look at that picture up there. Please…. explain to me why this would illicit doing it on national TV whilst mic’d.

What is up with funerals on reality shows lately?

First they do a eulogy for David and Shannon on RH of OC and now we have to do one on The Bachelor?

Why? Why is this entertaining ABC? WHY?

(WHY WHY to be read in the voice of Rachel on Friends imitating her boss Joanna when Chandler won’t call :

WHY hasn’t he called he said he would call WHY WHY rachel WHY)

Chris Harrison, let’s go back to picking the person thats afraid of heights and making him scale a building or jump off a bridge. That was fun.

But really, my opinion remains the same about the scandalous coitus between Nick and Kaitlyn.

If you want to sleep with guys on the first date, yes ou are right Kaitlyn, that’s your prerogative. And no, you aren’t the first contestant to do “it”, but most ~~close their legs to married men~~ can keep their legs closed until fantasy suite with no cameras and it’s final round. Perhaps don’t go on the national television to “meet your husband” and still be dating 10 other guys and telling others you are falling in love with them and then sleep with a guy on the first date while you know there is a camera man standing outside your bedroom door and gets all the sound on tape too.

but totes my opinion. you do you girl. or do…. everyone. whatever.

:: RHOOC ::

Tamra has found God.

Or in her words, she started going to church

“and if you don’t like it, you can suck it”

Oh my.

Perhaps she hasn’t quite figured the whole thing out just yet.

:: RHONY ::

This trip is going to be SO MUCH BETTER than Scary Island and Kelly Bensimon.

Carol, with a camera the whole trip in hand,

“I decided to document our weekend away! So much happens!”

Did you take some of Sonja’s drugs? YOU HAVE A CAMERA CREW. I just can’t.

Bethenny makes a menopausal AC joke and says its like supermarket sweep (supermarket sweep!!!!! the best!!!!) picking bedrooms with these broads

and just like that….. Bethenny is back on my good side

I could marathon this show right now I am laughing so hard.

I just watched way too many clips of this show – so many people with 80s haircuts and mom jeans. Heaven.

But I spoke too soon.

Then bethenny tells heather to “only do workout clothes, its an untapped market” and tries to educate her at her own job…. I meannnnnn…..

but NO ill be nice and focus on the funny supermarket sweep joke an lay off her this week….. I’ll focus my annoyance on carol with the 2002 video camera while a camera crew follows their every move and focus my joy on getting to watch ramona parade around in a bikini with lucite heels.

:: mazel of the week ::

BIG BROTHER IS BACK.

big bro drinking game : BUT FIRST………CAMERA ANGLE CHANGE

nothing signifies that summer has arrived more than the ChenBot gracing my screen every Wednesday Thursday and Sunday 🙂

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: COFFEE TALK ::

June 18, 2015

discuss amongst ya-selves……

:: the bachelorette ::

i’m so annoyed that this whole weeks episode was about nick.

I had enough of psycho killer eyes when he was on andi’s season.

ughhhhhh.

gotta be honest, I never saw the Ian being an asshole so that was a nice surprise for the week.

I do not understand what show he thinks he was going on….. see, in REAL life, having a college degree from Princeton and being a sexy twin of the Old Spice guy WOULD work in your favor. But not here….. here you compete with personal trainers, welders, illegitimate fathers who use their “child they wouldn’t leave unless it was for love as a leg up on the competition jk the kids live with their mom 24/7″….. but Princeton?? Nooo. ABC wants a farmer that lives in the middle of nowhere Iowa in a town of 100 people to the The Bachelor. Sorry Ian.

and since when does every weeks episode end with “to be continued”

JUST HAVE THE FREAKING ROSE CEREMONY CHRIS. we don’t need it to be continued. we know what will happen when it ends with “I’m going to go send this guy home” or the guy saying “Im going to go tell Kaitlyn how it is and leave”.

this show sucks….. but next week she sleeps with someone when there is, like, 10+ guys left so MAYBE that will the week I won’t want to poke my eyeballs and eardrums out whilst watching.

drinking game for the bachelorette: EVERY TIME SHE MAKES DAMN POUTY LIPS FACE.

as my friends would say “cheers…..see ya tomorrow” because you’d be DONE. it’s never ending. I’ll stop myself at 4 pointless pictures but I had about 10 to share…..

:: chrisley knows best ::

the quote below is from last week, but I had to include it.

Chase and Savannah are preparing to take the ACT, and a bet ensues about who will have a higher score.

Chase says about 4 times

“I’m going to do good on the ACT…. just watch. I’m going to do good….”

UMMM PROLLY NOTE CHASE. Go back to English 101. Mmmmkthanks.

this gif doesn’t apply to anything I just said, but it stays.

:: Secrets and Wives ::

this show is still the absolutely best.

but Susan is the worst.

I love when she asks “hows my lipstick” and the giggle twins are like “Ummmm awful, the liner is horrible” simultaneously and laugh their heads off.

Susan is the only one that isn’t down for a good time & just wants to have fun.

Newsflash Susan: Nothing is more obnoxious than a woman acting like she’s the end-all-be-all because she works and makes money, so therefor she is better than someone who doesn’t. UM, it’s not 1950, and you aren’t the first woman to earn a paycheck. Slow clap for you? Go fix your lipstick, take the stick out of tush and learn how to LAUGH AND SMILE.

re-reading that I feel it may sound harsh? sorry I’m not sorry .

I love that Liza and Amy realized they had the same engagement ring.

This show just cracks me up and I love all of them (well…. not Susan….but whatever)

:: RHONY ::

bethenny had a great one liner like the olden days :

LuAnn is doing a photo shoot for her clothing line, and she werks it for the camera.

Bethenny was correct in saying she “looked like she was shooting a maxi pad commercial.”

100 percent correct.

:: RHOOC ::

I once again have so much to say and then nothing to say.

About all of them.

Shannon. Oh Shannon, Shannon, Shannon. I really love her but it’s just like….. you CANNOT act like David cheating destroyed your kids if you are then going to talk about it on film all season AND have David apologize to his kids for leaving the family in front of a film crew? Get your sheyite together!

I mean, this gravestone stuff, seriously? seriously?

I feel like I have so much to say about Megan, but I don’t dislike her.

I must say, she is one of the only women out of ANY of these RH casts that walks up to people at parties and introduces herself rights away and tries to be friendly and make conversation. Good for you Megan! Damn these women are going to eat you alive!

I also just really want to know why your rule was not to date anyone “11 years older” than you? Why not 10 ? Why not 12? Why?

Is it wrong that I feel like Brooks doesn’t have cancer either? I can’t even handle watching him. I don’t understand how she is with him.

and when will a housewife just STOP IT and not come up with their own wine/liquor label? Honestly Heather?

Theres no way you aren’t just bleeding money on this wine. And even if you have the money for it (their new house is so gaudy its insane) just know when to stop.

:: JACKHOLE AND MAZEL ::

my mother Nance-Pants is awarded both this week.

she gets to go see my boyfriend Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper this weekend.

I couldn’t see him in Chicago because we had a wedding and I can’t fly to Atlanta this weekend because we have a wedding.

LOVE SUCKS I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I’VE EVER SAID ABOUT LOVING WEDDINGS.

it’s too bad her cell phone is from 2003 (not exaggerating here) and she has no camera to even send me ANYTHING. AHHH.

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: coffee talk ::

June 11, 2015

……. discuss amongst ya-selves…….

:: bachelor in paradise ::

the chart for this season was just announced! (link) click the link to see all of the names, minus a few surprises and a few of this seasons rejects of Kaitlyn’s.

no surprise, it’s all the crazy girls from Farmer Chris season on the Bachelor and then TENLEY?? WTF? dance instructor baby voice nine year old tenley? please.

but ~~Ashley~~ Kim Kardashian Virgin Princess Jasmine from last season,

along with Porn Star Jane, and nonexistent eyebrows sh*t stirrer Carly will all be in attendance and IT’S GONNA BE GREAT.

wayyyyy better than this season of the bachelorette…… so can it just end already so that bachelor in paradise can start? please? please chris harrison?

:: ODD MOM OUT ::

slow clap for bravo. they’ve done it again.

I can’t even recap this show because every line was amazing (i.e. a donut is just a gay bagel) and hysterical and fabulous. get on it ASAP and thank me later.

if I had to pick, everything about the soul cycle scene was my favorite.

:: SECRETS AND WIVES ::

dare I say this is the best new show on television?

it’s amazing!!! and half the reason : it’s more about friends than frenemies yet still is HIGHLY entertaining. they laugh their asses off the whole episode instead of yelling and bitching.

I LOVE THIS SHOW.

so random but I have to comment on it:
when Susan (the only brunette so easy to keep that one straight) goes to dinner with her husband, the male host seating them for dinner is one of the most terrifying men ever, slowly but viciously chomping on his gum with a scary voice and everything – it was straight out of the godfather. holyyyyy moly.

susan is the only one of this show I can’t stand.
she is comparing herself to Liza (too confusing to explain all the blondes just watch :D) and says they’re so similar but “the only difference is, I actually made something of myself” and continues to be a condescending ass.

UM sweetie. you have on black lip liner and YOUR HUSBAND IS AN EX – CON. simmer down and lock it up.

Amy’s boyfriend ~~Arthur~~ ATHA is a raging lunatic. I seriously feel like he is a hormonal 14 year old girl with the insane mood swings and tantrums we’ve seen from the 2 seconds he was in the show. For Coffee Talk, we will call him AhTHA since name is only pronounced AhTHA. WHen Amy’s flight gets cancelled due to hurricane AhTHA – and its literally the hurricane not her psychotic boyfriend AhTHA I couldn’t stop laughing. Mainly because I got to hear AhTHA about 12 times in a span of two minutes.

liza, talking about putting dr. g on her lap and breast feeding him with her natural boobs??
I LOVE HER.

gail is truly insane. she brings little husband dr. g to the all female dinner in her GIGANTIC van cleef and arpels necklace (I have never in my life seen one larger, good lord) and is eyeing the mac and cheese like IT IS THE DEVIL. As in she really is disgusted by it. Macaroni and Cheese, and just cheese, disgust her.
This woman TRULY a robot my mind is blow. the only smile she cracks : when andi calls out susan for STEALING MONEY when she is acting like he is a saint. oh okay wait, robot gail is alive 🙂

:: SHAHS OF SUNSET REUNION ::

first of all, I love that they get to drink during their reunions. It’s like Bravo and my-boyfriend-Andy Cohen know that even if they wanted to say no, they can’t. It’s amazing. No other show gets that privilege….. but these people are professional boozers so I guess Andy knows they can handle it.

I love how there are so many subtitles for this show, and that most of them are for bad words or genitals. I feel like I speak fluent Persian.

New language to me : flossy. Even My Boyfriend Andy Cohen didnt know what this meant so I feel a little better.

for the record : flossy is like being flashy and showing off what you’ve got.

can you use it in a sentence please? OF COURSE.

when mike acts like he isn’t flossy, reza sarcastically + accusingly shouts at mike “Your girl doesn’t floss?! You don’t floss?! Ha!!!”

see…. I’m like….. fluent in Persian and Persian code words.

Seeing Reza without the stache is really weird.

Did mike really sleep with GG’s sister the day of his engagement to Jessica? It’s gonna get REAL RULL next week.

:: RHONY ::

something tells me kristin won’t be around next season. so far her role has just been nothingness/annoyingness/stupidity, and I really liked her last season!

after a huge scene at dinner between bethenny and heather, bethenny is like I JUST WANT THE WALL UP (blah blah blah WE GET IT) with tears and anger and a whole hell of a lot else I’m sure in her voice. I do agree that Heather needs to leave her the eff alone it’s ridiculous. Heather, you’re a grown ass woman married with children. Quit calling strangers made up nicknames like Beth and acting like they need you to order dinner for them and have to be best friends and braiding each others hair in 5 seconds. Back off.

I digress…. back to Kristin….

Kristin walks in the other room after dinner and says to Heather “She said I just want the wall up? What wall? She wants a wall up? What do you think that means?”

I SERIOUSLY CAN’T. YOU JUST LOST ME KRISTIN. Ummm no Kristin “pretty is not smarter than [we] think”.

And when she acts like her Nail Polish line is like giving birth to a child, she loses me even more. Nail Polish is not Skinny Girl…. not even close.

Somehow this episode I’m purely on Bethenny’s side the entire time, which is a shocker because I’ve wanted her to just stop talking the entire season.

OH wait. I forgot Betheny brought Sonja into her huge corporate meeting. Seriously? You should be ashamed of yourself and all of your employees should be mocking you for that one.

:: RICH KIDS OF BEVERLY HILLS ::

confession. I cried watching Brendan propose to Morgan.

I’m not even ashamed.

I love them together and it was great and she cracks me up.

AND THIS RING WAS UNREAL.

UN FREAKING REAL. the box had a damn light in it to illuminate the diamond!

:: RHOC ::

orange county is back, and somehow I took no notes on it in my phone while I watched ?
shoooooot. shannon makes me sad its just awful, ugh brooks, new girl megan needs to eat something-anything-immediately, terry dubrow continues to creep me out and my gawd their new house is stupid, stupidly huge.

:: MAZEL OF THE WEEK ::

The women of Secrets and Wives for laughing so much on their show, making me laugh my head off, and for having closets like this

(see videos of their closets here)

:: JACKHOLE OF THE WEEK ::
My Boyfriend Andy Cohen for not bringing back
Princesses of Long Island

it was SO GOOD . HOW did it not get renewed?
I honestly want to do a full blog post with my thoughts and questions about what is going on with them currently,
like amanda and her boyfriend Jeff

and Ashlee and her dad

oh my gosh now I’m just depressed.
maybe I’ll re-watch the whole season this weekend…… no sarcasm.

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: coffee talk ::

June 4, 2015

discuss amongst ya-selves…….

this weeks shows in three bullet points (or two or four….. close enough)

:: the bachelorette ::

Tony, the hippie in overalls who wants bonsai trees (I spelled it wrong and it autocorrected, is it wrong that I am proud of myself for NOT knowing how to spell it?) who wants bonsai trees instead of the anger + sumo wrestling, who has a heart filled with love and openness ~~and a body filled with STD’s from said openness~~ decides he has had ENOUGH and leaves the show.

and ps, the first two weeks he looked like he had been punched in both eyes – either he hadn’t slept in a week or someone had some black eyes. see what being loving and peaceful all the time does? being so caring for every plant and soul in the world makes you look like an exhausted old man.

a bromance forms that is deeper than any relationship the bachelor/bachelorette franchise has ever seen. and this includes trista + ryan, the ~~only~~ quintessential success story of the show.

kaitlyn wears yet another bedazzled gown with side cut-outs.

:: southern charm ::

andy looked hung over as hell. seriously. rough night the night before 100%.

just being honest….. takes one to one know.

I have a difficult time even watching whitney. I really can’t.

everything he says and does,

I’m thinking “enough side eye and smirking already Lady Elaine”

twins. preach.

landon’s outfit is freaking adorable and I want it and I want it now and I need to be bride again to to wear it to an engagement shindig.

T-Rav and Kathryn would be the most entertaining messed up why are you even looking in one anthers direction hot mess of a couple ever…… except that they have a child so it takes the entertainment factor to zero and makes it entirely sad and depressing.

andy throwing shade about how $2500 a month for kathryn and her child all expenses really is nothing and he has only paid two times was hysterical and amazing.

i meannnnnn this picture is worth so many words.

okay so mabye I was lying earlier when I said it was not entertaining at all…. perhaps it is still a little entertaining.

Kathryn talks about how NO theres no way they are hooking up tonight (shep five times: just please… don’t hook up tonight.) she’s making it clear that it is not even possible because they haven’t even, like, spoken since August.

Andy : “When was the last time you slept together”

Kathryn : “I MEANNNNNNN we haven’t even talked since last year! I don’t even know it was so long ago! Like….3 or 4 weeks ago”

Me : SPITTING OUT MY DINNER AND LAUGHING SO HARD IT’S A SILENT LAUGH.

Kathryn : Angry side mouth expression.

Me : UGH why is this show ending! it’s so good! she has the best pissed off look out of every bitch on bravo! look at that angry side mouth!

:: caitlyn jenner ::

nothing but applause for this situation, so I’m not having this as a coffee talk discussion point,

but side note SHE LOOKS SO DAMN GOOD

and I will share my favorite instagram because this was TOO FUNNY

if any of you watch even 1/10th of the TV that I do, you read that entirely in the pace/tone/voice that is said in the commercial

and girl is MAKING A POINT with the Caitlyn with a C.

:: secrets and wives ::

THIS SHOW PUTS REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC THIS SEASON TO SHAME.

I can’t even keep up with everyone! I need a chart to figure out all of these ex’s and who was sleeping together and who did what ! I’m so lost, yet I can’t wait to put it all together and figure it out.

I didnt think I had ever seen anyone wear more make-up than liza

……. enter liza’s mom.

oh heck yes I took a picture of the TV for that one.

this show is very different from all the housewives and other female cast shows on Bravo: I’ve realized the female drama doesn’t seem to be present in this show, at least not really….. it’s the men stirring the pot. the men being awful and the men being front and center causing the drama with their wives/girlfriends.

it is going to be bad. bad, bad. bad.

:: real housewives of new york ::

I didnt see the whole episode yet so if something super dramatic happens in the second half I apologize for not commenting on it.

I love darotas place in the berkshires. love.

I seriously love Darota.

heather, you were right with everything you were saying about Bethenny crying foul for her having a tough past when tons of people in life – including extremely successful ones – have tough upbringings and no parents. everyone’s with ya!

but then you say “I mean look at me! I just lost my nanny of 9 years!”

…… um…… too much ramona pinot grigio for you sweetie. nay nay.

SONJA. YOU DO NOT WALK INTO SOMEONES BEDROOM IN FRONT OF THEIR PARTNER IN A SILK NIGHTGOWN WITH IT COMPLETELY OPEN AND HUG AND KISS THEIR BOYFRIEND.

ESPECIALLY DAROTA. SHE WILL CUT YOU.

I meannnnnnnnn.

:: chrisley knows best ::

IT’S BACK AND I HAVEN’T SEEN IT YET BUT I’M EXCITED.

:: bobby flay ::

at the awarding of his star on the hollywood walk of fame

“someone” (I hope it was the wife – slow clap for you girl) flew a cheater banner through the air (via)

I mean, two for you glen coco. you go.

:: mazel of the week ::

southern charm, please don’t go!

I need more Shep and Cameron one liners in my life! PLEASE! Don’t leave me!

between MJ of Shah’s and Shep I have a really hard time choosing my spirit animal of the week.

once again, didnt read back through this and went to bed,

soooooo sorry I’m not sorry for all the things that make no sense.

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: coffee talk ::

May 28, 2015

discuss amongst ya-selves…….

I feel like all of my shows were YAWNS this week.

sorry if this weeks coffee talk is as disappointing as my-boyfriend-andy-cohen was to me this week.

I watched things and things happened, but nothing really entertained me.

I realize this is what I sound like :

I guess I’ve just been over-stimulated with mayhem every week

and nothing met my standards this time.

I mean, is an insane amount of hours of entertaining television per week really too much to ask?

no, but really, I was bored all week with my shows.

who else is missing real housewives of melbourne already?

me too…… me too……

don’t worry I’ll find a way to keep using that gif every week.

To top off the bad week, I just found out my favorite reality couple of all time (I’d say I’m exaggerating but I really don’t think I am. I love them)

is stooping to very low levels and I am very devastated over it.

sure, I have low standards for myself, but for the people I watch on TV I expect far more.

Jeff and Jordan from Big Brother are on this season of Marriage Boot Camp.

click link to see clip of them on the show

first of all, you are way too good for this.

second of all, jeff you are way too HAWT for this.

third of all, you both are definitely too damn nice for this.

and most of all, the examples of their “issues” in the clip is like “she leaves pillows everywhere” (my face : WHAT?)

and “she leaves one sip of juice in the bottom of the juice containers” (me : UM…….)

SERIOUSLY???????

I want to be like Billy Madison and grab their cheeks

and be like ummmmm sorry to tell ya that isn’t really a communication issue. That’s just people being people, aka, annoying as hell. Tell your fiancé to throw the damn juice carton out, realize they never will, and just prepare to bitch about it your whole life or realize it’s STUPID and who cares and shut up about it and just throw it out yourself.

I mean I’m relieved because they ARE as perfect and non-argumentative as I thought, but my GAWD are you really so bored that you are going on this show with this TRASH (mike from jersey shore to name one) to act like you have problems?

:: Southern Charm ::

T-Rav and Kathryn are the most dysfunctional teenage relationship ever.

Facebook Breakups are nothing compared to the way they acted last night with the back-together-not-together-change-of-heart-within-5-seconds.

T-Rav : Kathryn looks hot…. I want to be together

Kathryn : I’ll dress sexy and he will be with me and proprose damn it.

T – Rav : wait, I have to be all in or all out ? never mind, I’ll sleep with someone else

Kathryn : I dressed all hot! That means you’re supposed to forget about the 9 million reasons our relationship is dysfunctional and we forget everything that happened!

that’s a horrible version on my part of a recap….. but they ended this 12 year old charade with a chase down the boardwalk with Kathryn yelling in front of everyone and T-Rav trying to get her the hell off of him. it would have been great except we saw the clip of it all season long so it was pretty anticlimactic.

cameron couldn’t have said it better when she said ‘dysfunction junction’ about those two.

I’m just super excited/scared for the reunion.

side note : why did we watch Landon set up for her pop up shop for half the episode and then never see than damn pop up shop?

PS. WAY more exciting than anything you have read so far on this post,

I promise I will make it up to you with the following :

Landon’s ex-husband is also the ex-husband

of Stacey Dash (Dionne from Clueless) and the father of her child.

see article here.

is your mind blown as much as mine is?

WOAH. and the guy isn’t even attractive. explanation: he’s british and rich.

I feel like I have more understanding of Landon now for her talking/crying about the relationship a bunch…..

:: the bachelorette ::

the actual episode isn’t even worth discussing….. I know it’ll start to get good but so far who cares.

nice try with a “to be continued” ABC…. a guy getting kicked off and talking smack in his exit-interview isn’t that dramatic but okay.

the best part of the whole two hours was the 45 seconds during the credits at the end when we see Britt dating that douche bag that left the show to go ask her to “be his girl.”

I threw up in my mouth a little bit watching it, which means they must be made for each other.

:: RHOBH ::

sonja on the cover of Latino Show.

what? this woman never ceases to amaze me.

also, her 24 year old sidekick/ “boyfriend” really gives me the creeps.

am I the only one?

and I just can’t anymore with Ms. Frankel, especially the crying escapades.

Bravo is really ramming Bethenny down our throats.

After an hour of RHONY, we have Bethenny in Andy’s chair interviewing Andy on WWHL…… I mean….. I’ve had enough Bethenny when the episode is over, I don’t need just her for a whole ‘nother 30 minutes talking over whomever she is sitting with a mile a minute.

I’m super excited for the Hot Mess that will be Secrets and Wives on Bravo.

OC and that show airing at the same time has got to be great.

is this show sponsored by herve leger?

“I want the red one! I’ll wear the dark red one! I want the maroon one!”

whatever ladies, I sense the crazy that probably went into who-got-which-one for the photo shoot and I like it. this one starts next Tuesday June 2 so set your DVR!

:: Jackhole ::

this weeks jackhole is my-boyfriend-andy-cohen,

but not because I felt like this weeks television on bravo was sub-par,

but because my beloved show The People’s Couch is nowhere to be found in the line up.

I love those people.

They are like my family, except they don’t know me, so they probably love me a little more than my family does.

This show NEEDS to be back.

I miss it so much that I started watching all the bonus clips on Bravos website that were taped months ago…… okay so perhaps I’m the jackhole this week whatever……

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry