discuss amongst ya-selves……
:: the bachelorette ::
these men boys are so delusional.
shawn, the crazy obsessed stage 5 clinger stalker starts off the episode, and we finish with dentist dude, sobbing his eyes out when he gets broken up with on the cliffside.
dentist dude : if we don’t even know your name and we are this many weeks in, you really shouldn’t be crying. you also should just NEVER cry like that on national television I am super embarrassed for you and they are going to replay this at the reunion for sure. it also was on the internet everywhere ten seconds after the episode aired. yikes. #prayersforcupcake
also, chris harrison realizes that this season is spiraling out of control as quickly as these peoples hands and tongues are all over each other and they need to find a way to keep peoples pants on and legs closed.
chris needs to handle the situation, so he says she has to cut it to 3 semi-acceptable bachelors this week, the fantasy suites are next week, and only the final two will meet the families.
BUT back to Shawn and how this week starts.
We all know Nick has serial killer eyes …….
(Sometimes my husband has way too much in common with Helen Keller and EVEN HE commented when he looked at the television that Nick was the creepiest guy ever *he sees and hears nothing I say or do; its like he’s deaf and blind for those of you reading this too early in the morning to function*).
too much with the Helen Keller joke? Not enough?
not enough……. I digress……
we all know Nick has serial killer eyes, HOWEVER Shawn is now looking more likely to have some mental instability.
shawn is DISPLEASED with Kaitlyn my attempt at a Helen Keller joke
He needs to pump. the. brakes.
16 year old girls don’t even need this much affirmation.
Do these people not know how this show works? Have they ever SEEN an episode of the bachelorette? You don’t pick one person on week 2 and say you’re in love and kick everyone off. and especially not for a personal trainer. I’m kidding. but really I’m not. And you REALLY need to stop going to her room every night when clearly its the only time the girl gets to eat a damn thing because she’s too busy shoving her tongue down someone else’s throat affirming everyones emotions on all these dates.
GAWD SHAWN, can’t a girl crush some food late night and watch some TV in peace!?
I had to.
Onto the two-on-one date. With mr. whats your name again southern accent boy and mr. wow your chins as big as your ego.
In what world does confessing to cheating on your wife make you feel happy and confident about where the relationship is headed?
JJ is like “cheers! thanks for taking me on this date! its so good to be here, so I cheated on my wife and I just want you to know! I know it was wrong! can I get a rose for my honesty?”
Kaitlyn in response to cheating : “That’s my biggest fear” (insert me thinking ummmmmm its kinda what you’re doing right now by sleeping with one of them and not telling anyone of the other people you’re dating and FREAKING OUT every time theres a knock on your door that they know because you know it’s gonna go down.)
Shawn “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through”
Wow, rough life for you so far Shawn. Tough times.
Shawn: “she told me ‘its you'”
Me : UGH I wish he knew she slept with Nick already this would be so much better! She slept with someone the night before you said all this! Then what would you be thinking!
WTF are you wearing Shawn? Sweet cobalt blue suit for the rose ceremony.
:: RHOOC ::
shannon is in the looney bin and Megan needs to quit acting like she’s “making a splash in OC!” with her wine party.
in my always correct opinion, megan was right initially and shannon acted completely inappropriately in the situation, like – simmer down shannon, but then megan ended up making an ass of herself right along with her by being condescending and then not inviting her to her party like a high schooler.
and then everyone left her party and went to take shots with shannon.
wait….. is this high school?
editors note : it is SO hard to look past megans monotone voice and tight lip movements. also, hard to look past the fact that megan pulls an alexis bellino and thinks that an assistant is “like a friend that you pay” is an actual friend.
megan’s husband could not seem more disinterested in her. every scene, every time, even when she is giving the speech at the charity party he is like NOTHING no expression or anything. is he even thinking anything? he literally looks like he is devoid of all thought and emotion with the perfect resting bitch face.
so maybe he’s just disinterested in every thing in life.
I think any man would be pretty happy to have a hot 30 year old blonde on his arm at his age, but whatever. you do you Jim Jimmy.
*I just realized her name is spelled meghan with an H soooo pretend I went through and corrected all that, mmmmk thanks.
tamra acts like she’s all “I’m staying out of it!” with everyones drama, and she just can’t wait to jump straight into everyone else’s fights. when shannon and megan are gong at it, you can see her in the corner camera shot salivating. eyes as wide as they can get. then she’s like “I’m glad it’s not involving me!!” and walks straight up to both of them and is like “so what just happened whats? whats going on? do you hate her? I’m getting as involved in your business as possible!”
:: secrets and wives ::
there are still no pictures to pic from for this show.
I know all I ever say is that I just love this show but it’s true.
I just love this show so much.
and I really want to go to Fire Island with some gay BFF’s. and Liza.
and maybe Liza’s mom.
I’ve been watching too much Bravo because Gail has seriously grown on me this week and I think I liked her ?!?
I’m sure it’ll fade, but watching her in that CAH-UTE navy and white striped dress with the perfectly placed color blocking on the sides rolling her own suitcase in flat sandals, she was a girl after my own heart.
Susan and her ass of a husband and her dark lipstick need to go. And Cori should be ashamed of her husband for saying and doing nothing, not even blinking, when a man yells shut the F up at his wife. pathetic.
:: mazel of the week ::
stage 5 shawn.
for making every girl out there feel like she was totally legitimate and calm-cool-and-collected and not stalkerish at all with any behavior towards a crush or ex. ever.
because you take it to a whole new level boy.
:: jackhole of the week ::
heather dubrow and listening to what gazillion dollars OVER they are for a lighting budget or a cabinet budget or a toilet seat budget for their poo poo made of pure platinum gold that smells of champs and onion rings.
bravo, budget the air time this keeps getting, ’cause we’re over it.
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.
#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either. or the day after that.
Mine goes all Helen Keller when I'm watching one of my shows on TV. Doesn't really matter which show, he's completely unaware. I could dance naked in front of him during it (too much? too early?) and he'd be all *zzzzzzzzzzzz*
do you watch "Unreal" on lifetime? If not, you totally should, it's amazing. (not really like amazing, emmy award show or what not, but like amazing trash tv show) It's basically about the behind the scenes of what producers do on a show like "bachelor/ette" You can thank me later.
Kelsey, thank you SO much for telling me about this. HOW have I not been watching this?! I will be binging on it all weekend I am seriously so excited! Ah!