TheSarcasticBlonde, Author at The Sarcastic Blonde

:: Italian Dreams ::

April 28, 2015

if you follow me on instagram you saw the news on Sunday…..

we booked our flights for Italy!!

Kip and I have had what we call an “Italy Box” since the very beginning of our relationship. Neither of us has ever been to Italy and we dreamed of going. We started putting cash aside when we would get home from the bars or anything like that. Over time, a good bit of money did build up

(I know what yore thinking….. you had money left when you got home from the bars? It doesn’t make sense to me either….) but we ended up having to “dip into it” for this or that while we were engaged, getting married, or buying our place, but we always tried to get back into saving when we could. blah blah blah. Long story short, we always wanted September for the trip, and after realizing it was now or never (September 2016 is an eternity away, lets be honest) we finally were able to book our tickets!

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There is SO much we want to see and do, and not nearly enough time. We will be gone for two weeks (15 nights to be exact) and I realized early on that not everything can be seen or sone. (I originally was like OOO WE’LL DO ITALY AND THEN GREECE but then I discovered I am a moron or would need to take way more time off of work than possible).

All we know for now:

We will fly into Venice, quick stop there for a day and night (the consensus from friends is to see it if you can, but then no need to stay.)

Then on to Florence, Amalfi, and Rome (for a few nights each with day trips from there where needed! We are planning to stay in Positano and do day trips from there in Amalfi)

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So, seeing as we are Italy clueless – I would LOVE any words of wisdom, must see places, food recommendations, and places to stay! (for now, especially places to stay because we need to book that next!) any comments on the blog or emails to taylor.oshay@gmail.com are greatly appreciated!

I have spent so much time on TripAdvisor, but recommendations from you are always the best 🙂

seriously I don’t know what I would have done without one of you amazing readers telling me about the “secret” all inclusive option at Sugar Beach in St. Lucia – it made all the difference in the world for our honeymoon and was worth every penny!! Thank you again!!

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fashion, Lifestyle

:: scalloped hem ::

April 27, 2015

Dressing in Chicago can be very difficult for me.
I want to wear a dress and sandals everyday, but that is limited to about one month out of the year.
Just kidding, it’s much longer than a month.
Just kidding, it’s not. I wanted to say screw it and wear uggs to dinner saturday.

example ? what do you wear to a shower the last weekend in April when it is freezing cold outside?

this dress has all of my favorite things : comfortable and affordable (under $100 and always on sale for at least 30% off weekly) and adorable. more specifically, scalloped and cobalt blue.

the scallops and the color are perfect for spring and summer,
and I know I’ll be able to wear it for so many different occasions.

I wore it with a cable knit blazer and my leopard heels to gig the preppy look a little something.

as always, monogrammed necklace and earrings to complete the look.

// scalloped drop hem dress //

doing the unintentional “did I drop something”.
it was so windy I kept saying hold on and putting my head down to fix my hair and then gave up.

// scalloped drop hem dress //

// cableknit blazer ℅ nance pants’ closet and now resides in my own //

a few other great scallops, all on sale and/or under $100!

LIES. PURE LIES.
she’s clearly never lived in Chicago.

friday randoms, Lifestyle

:: friday things ::

April 24, 2015

:: friday things ::

I think I found my dream summer outdoor wedding dress.

// key hole + bow dress //

also comes in three colors, including black for the perfect go-to year round.

good thing it snowed yesterday here in Chicago. yep.

kip and I have been watching Jeopardy every night for the last two weeks.

we used to do this when we first started dating and loved it (I don’t know why, we probably came off like morons to one another – like the Dad is She’s All That answering every question with at least some form of response). we love it and alternate between thinking “look how smart how I am” (more towards him) and laughing our heads off “how did you just say that” (more towards me).

I forgot how much I love it. Educational and hilarious. Alex Trebec is such an ass EVERY time the contestant answers incorrectly. He tells them the response with a side comment that basically is a form of “no, you dumbass.”

also, the 30 second interviews with the contestants are usually hilarious and painfully awkward.

I laughed so hard last night at the opening when the way-too-into-himself-smart-ass in a navy sport coat WINKED at the camera when they introduced him, and then had his “question/story” be about how he collects women’s bras……(he does a long pause)….. for his sisters charity! I JUST CAN’T.

who knew educational television could be so damn fun??

also, all the questions that I SCREAM the answer to, they don’t know.

this week they showed a picture of a fedora and said what kind of hat is this and they all stared dumbfounded and didn’t buzz in. A FREAKIN FEDORA. no answers.

UM WHAT WORLD ARE WE LIVING IN???

aren’t you so glad you stopped by the blog to hear about Jeopardy today?

I did this 20 minute workout on Tuesday, and I am STILL sore from it.

highly recommend for big impact in short amount of time.

I need these plates. ASAP. they are so adorable.

// striped dinner plates //

I have everything ready for my guest room gallery wall,

I just need my husband to hang it.

things don’t go well when I pick up a hammer and nails. ever.

hopefully that will get checked off of the list this weekend.

(all I need to do is have him watch me pick up a hammer and he’ll get scared and do it. his lack of faith in my abilities works to my benefit)

ps. if you’re crazy rich, please buy this cutout dress and mail it to me. k thanks bye.

it also has an open back. (jaw on floor) .

where was this dress (and an extra paycheck) when I was rehearsal dinner dress shopping??

// dream cutout dress //

don’t forget to catch this weeks coffee talk if you missed it yesterday,

and to enter the giveaway for some sweet earbuds!

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: coffee talk ::

April 23, 2015

discuss amongst ya-selves……

keeping it short and simple this week. my apologies.

my favorite parts + quotes of this weeks shows.

:: southern charm ::

best line of the week:
craig, to kathryn when she enters his dumpy apartment,

“do you want a freezer pop or anything”

OMG MY LIFE IS MADE.
I just had a flashback to college with one of my best friends pulling out “poverty pops” from the freezer as we affectionately called them for our hangovers while I dunk my McDonalds into 70 packets of ketchup (keek, I know you’re with me).

I think I have misjudged Craig….. I would date him just for the freezer pops on hand.

:: real housewives of melbourne ::

the way these women talk (in general, not their accents, their inflection or something) is really starting to fry my brain.

Gamble at the dog show was amazing. her “zero f’s given” mentality about having any clue what was going on and chasing her little dog-thing around made me like her for the first time.

and THEN

she quotes Ron Burgundy in a toast. Ron Burgundy!!!!

WHAT?! WHO ARE YOU?!

wait….. DO I like you????

gamble explains her voice is deadpan because she is actually partially deaf, and she makes fun of herself for not being able to say words like feminist because she never heard properly what people were saying.

Wait….. AM I LIKING GAMBLE? IS THIS HAPPENING?

as my appeal for Gamble grows, my pure hatred utter disdain for Pettifleur (to be read in an annoying “what the hell kind of name is that” voice) grows larger by the second. I know yours does too.

:: shahs of sunset ::

MJ is everything. EVERTYHING.

sadly, her dog passes away.

AND SHE WRAPS HIM IN A TOWEL AND PUTS HIM IN HER FREEZER.

I can’t.

the rest of the episode is like blab blah…….GG blah blah……

then MJ eats chocolate ice ream bar before/during a workout

and says she can’t workout because her “groins are sore”. groinS – plural.

and then “what/where are the groins.”

That Jewish Doggie Walker Business Guy better PUT A RING ON IT because he is a MORON if he doesn’t lock that up. Can we be best friends please ?

:: DWTS ::

my “mom show” of all of my shows continues to rock my world. I love this show so much.

I realize that the words “I love a show” bear no weight or true meaning anymore, but I mean it. I’m the girl who cried wolf.

IT’S SO GOOD YA NEED TO WATCH.

I think I decided I want Riker to win it this year (even though rumor and of course my derek are great).

he danced to one of THE BEST SONGS EVER this week.

if you don’t shake your hips and sing in the car to that song something is wrong with you.

I had no idea he was cousins with the Hough family! Hip gyrating must run in the family.

and UGH Farmer Chris please go away and get kicked off next week and let me Whitney have someone great again next seen like Carlton. I miss Whitney and Carlton………

THE FIRST COMMERCIAL FOR BACHELORETTE OMG.

Rainbow hugs and lipstick girl is totally getting sent packing and they are keeping the Canadian.

I forgot their names at the moment and don’t even feel like googling it thats how STUPID the premise of this season of The Bachelorette is.

:: instagram ::

UM. The Kylie Jenner lip thing on instagram?

If you don’t know what I am talking about (MOM) google it.

we live in a seriously messed up country.

#kyliejennerlipchallenge

ummmm SPOILER ALERT kids: its called injections and a plastic surgeon.

~~and a deranged mother willing to do anything to make a buck off her own kids.~~

:: random ::

is it wrong that I want to see The Age of Adaline and watch the commercial every time in full JUST because I could stare at Blake Lively all day long?

Like, I could totally go for Shake Shack to go and sneak it into the movie theatre with the really nice leather lounge recliners and then watch her grace the screen in all of her Gossip Girl Serena amazingess. That sounds like the perfect little Sunday if you ask me.

:: Million Dollar Listing ::

I’m just now watching and so happy its back. my husband will actually “watch” (let this play while he is on the computer) because he likes to see the houses.

ryan, about luis : “A little attitude is fine. No one hates Justin Bieber for having a little attitude……. ohhhh wait.”

well played Ryan.

:: tv specials to tune in to in the coming days ::

THE BIGGEST SPECIAL IN ALL OF THE LAND:

tomorrow night, Friday, is Bruce Jenner’s big special.

you know where I will be…….

and kim richards is talking to dr. phil
about the drunken hotel arrest on tuesday april 28th.

ugh, way to capitalize on it kim. well done.

BIG NEWS. HUGE. HUGE.

the watch what crappens podcast gave a shootout to me on their Tuesday Podcast!

I meannnnnn people that watch TV even more than I do said my name and the blog name.

it’s like trash-TV-Oprah-“you get a car”-moment of the week for me.

I’m so pathetic…… I wish I could quit my job and be their intern and just watch TV for a living. Seriously. When The Soup came back on TV with Joel McCale years ago and he would mention “interns” I would think “thats what I am meant to do….. watch TV all day and find clips for a comedian to make fun of. I would be SO GOOD at that.”
and then The Peoples Couch came out and still in my late twenties I was like THIS IS MY CALLING. I NEED TO SIT ON A COUCH AND WATCH TV.

big dreams and aspirations over here. HUGE.

k sorry I’m REALLY ranting and spiraling into pure nonsense right now which means its definitely after 11 PM as I am typing. its all downhill from here people……

:: Mazel ::
My first Mazel goes to Craig for saying “Do you want a freezer pop or anything?” while housing take-out-food on the couch before heading the bars.
TWO FOR YOU GLEN COCO.

I’m taking it back #TBT style to Janet and the “everyyyyyybodyyyyyyy” because the Watch What Crappens guys imitating it, and watching the gifts, make me laugh every time.

so eeeeeeeverrryyyyyyyybody have a good day.

One more day til Friday, and Bruce Jenner, PAH-REACH.

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either. or the day after that.

fashion, Lifestyle

:: wishlist wednesday ::

April 22, 2015

lusts for the week………

all of these in the first section are under $100, with many under $50!!

I have a thing for yellow at the moment. any yellow dress, I want.

// yellow dress //

also love this eyelet option for daytime

stripes and open back. and perfect price. I MEAN : YES.

// striped tank //

scallops AND chambray in one? yes, please!

// chambray scalloped shorts // also love these white scallops!

// racerback green maxi dress //

nothing says summer like white + lace.

// lace tee //

jack rogers for under 50. comes in 4 summertime shades.

// jack rogers sandals //

the cutest shorts I’ve ever seen.

// printed shorts //

perfect wear everywhere dress.

// white halter dress //

I would never wear these together like below, but I’d wear each of them separately!
love the color, too.

// eyelet top // // eyelet skirt //

and some over $100 options :

// romper //

a perfect long sleeved, but still summery, striped option.

// striped tee //

// cutout print dress //

// embellished skirt // and this skirt too!

// open sides striped top //

giveaway, Lifestyle, weekend recap

wedding + a giveaway

April 21, 2015

I’m back and ~~almost fully~~ recovered from Vegas wedding weekend! It was an unbelievable wedding celebrating my girlfriend and was so nice to spend so much time with her and her friends and family.

I had never stayed at The Wynn before and the hotel was insanely beautiful. Even the plants at the pool over in a random corner were impeccable. The lobby especially is gorgeous.

Carrot top was at the pool on Friday. I was thinking “wait he looks kind of normal compared to what I’ve seen” and then he took his sunglasses off and we all were like WOAH NEVERMIND just as botched plastic surgery as we thought.

walking through the venetian shops is always a favorite of mine,

as is the people watching. I’m thinking this girl was going to Britney Spears solo? But waiting in the cab line behind her was quite entertaining.

It was such a beautiful wedding on Saturday night, with adorable touches on Vegas. The ladies below greeted you at cocktail hour outside, and then inside in the ballroom there was a woman that poured champagne from an acrobatic-thingy-majiggy.

// parker dress (this years version) //

the ceremony space was unreal. so incredibly gorgeous tucked away in this beautiful outdoor courtyard. and my friend kaylin was the most beautiful bride!!! her stunning dress transformed into a short version for dancing later on at the reception.

dinner was delicious, with the second course of shrimp and crab legs being served in individual giant ice molds on the tray. I had never seen anything like it! And at midnight, In and Out Burger made an appearance, so you know I couldn’t have been more thrilled.

I SERIOUSLY LOVE VEGAS SO MUCH.

this trip was totally different than the others and every time is more fun.

it was so great to meet some of the brides college friends, two of whom became our pseudo dates and pool companions for the weekend because we hit it off so much.

also, the back pool at the wynn is topless and so clearly we had a GAY OLD TIME being inappropriate with that one. I tell ya, I’m worse than a 12 year old boy staring at these people. It is fascinating.

if someone is walking around with boobs hanging out, you CANNOT NOT look.

the people we were with agreed…. which is probably why we became instant besties.

basically the only part of the weekend that was NOT amazing was when I dropped my phone right before we left and shattered the screen.

SERIOUSLY?!?! WHYYYYY.

our neighbors probably thought someone was dying with the loud as hell slow motion nooooooo that exited my mouth. ~~and maybe an expletive .or two. or three.~~

my only saving grace was that my camera still worked, and my new headphones still let me zone out for the whole flight.

these cheeseburger and fries earbuds made the horror of my phone shattering slightly better.

if you can’t tell by my face, I crack myself up and think they are the cutest most hilarious things ever.

on the way home I slept the whole way home with real housewives of atlanta (preach! I love southwest and their free TV!) playing on my iPad through headphones….. clearly I was exhausted to sleep through all of that nonsense blasting in my ears. I alternated between my head being flat down on my tray table and trying to sit up like a lady, but that resulted in me waking up with my mouth wide open facing the poor couple sitting next to me, so face down on the table with a pool of drool seemed like the more respectful + proper thing to do. you’re welcome.

want to have something to be the silver lining when you shatter your ~~hopes and dreams~~ phone? or just look cute when avoiding eye contact with anyone and everyone on your commute to work on the train?

I’m giving away a pair of ankit headphones to one lucky reader !

they have THE CUTEST earbuds : bacon and eggs, donuts, the choices are endless 🙂