The Sarcastic Blonde

fashion, food, fitness + a dose of sarcastic gossip

friday randoms, Lifestyle

:: tuesday things ::

some random things for the day! 


:: one :: 
by far the #1 pick for christmas gifts for everyone.
it will be on my holiday gift guides over and over.
the perfect gift for health nuts and hikers and winos alike! 

they also have a corkcicle thermos which would be the best replacement for my water bottle at work.
if you’re reading this, merry christmas.  kip and I will likely be gifting you this. 
and kip, I will be gifting myself the thermos. mmmmk thanks. 
get em while they’re hot, they’re going like hotcakes!! 

:: two :: 
Did you see WWHL with Vivica Fox throwing out accusations of 50 Cent being gay?!
I meeannnnnnnnnn I was like WHAAAATTTTT is this girl thinking! 
My Boyfriend Andy Cohen’s eyes were about to pop out of his head he couldn’t believe the “tea and shade” and bombshells being dropped! 
a twitter/instagram war has since ensued….. yikes….. 
see more/read all about it here

:: three ::
we live in an amazing area of Chicago that is the perfect mix of the city, but having the amazing young family feel.  everyone jokes that it’s puppy or stroller required to live here.  when we bought our place, I said there was no way I was moving out of the apartment I had been in for 5 years unless it was to somewhere still in this neighborhood, and luckily we found our current place one block away.  
the last two weeks, bad things have been happening.  cars being broken into, cars being stolen, people being robbed.  one of my best friends that lives up the street witnessed two of the thefts from her porch and called the police. it’s just been REALLY messing with me.  I know we live in a city and bad stuff happens all the time, but there were a few days in a row with things happening, with one happening in the same spot we were just two or three hours prior as we walked home from our friends place.  
there’s no point in this really, but it sucks that in this amazing place we live, I am fearful to be walking alone at night.   there has been tons of communication with the police and everything, so hopefully it will all get better soon.  and luckily my mother nance-pants raised me to be paranoid as a lunatic,  so this southern girl has got plenty of city spunk in her. and eyeballs in every direction with keys at the ready! 
sorry for the F bomb, every single good one had it spelled out.
what is the world coming to that they can’t just put $^@( or F

:: four :: 
I had nothing to watch Sunday, because I put a serious dent in my DVR Friday night when I stayed in, so I perused my pal Netflix.  I had never seen Fat Sick and Nearly Dead, the documentary about juicing and health and wellness. 

 I don’t like to watch any of the Food related documentaries, because yes it may be ignorant, but I prefer NOT to know everything about the food I am eating.  I will always want to eat things that are bad for me every weekend on occasion.  What can I say, ignorance is bliss! 
But this documentary was so, so good. (I know I’m way behind this was released years and years ago).  I cried for the man that did the cleanse with Joe at the end.  It really was inspiring.
That being said, I will never be able to do what they did, and have no desire to.  Like, when did chewing become a crime? 

I DO however feel like drinking a big green juice in the morning would be something I would love to incorporate.  It looks like A LOT of work to get one darn glass of green juice though! Do any of you juice? Thoughts or tips?  

:: five :: 
every year, I get excited for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.
I don’t know why, but I love it. 
They are filming it this week, and then I think it usually airs the first week of December.
They released Videos of what it takes to make it through the auditions to be an Angel and the making of the show and all that jazz. 
for those interested, check the videos out on youtube! 

and Gigi Hadid is in the show this year so theres a full housewife connection! 
I can just hear her now from that scene at her party at Mohammed’s house when she goes to eat some of her cake… “Just one small bite.  One bite.”

or when she was cleansing and felt faint and Yolanda said “perhaps a few bites of celery….”




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Lifestyle

:: wedding dress redo ::

I was recently talking with a friend of mine about weddings and wedding re-do’s….. how after a few months or a few years there are always some things you’d change or do differently.
….the flowers
….or the linens
….or the bridesmaids dresses
….or the cake…..
or the ultimate : THE WEDDING DRESS.
and I think I have found the dress I would wear.

A McDONALD’S WEDDING DRESS. (link)
be still my heart.


some more dresses:





editors note : I am writing this post about McDonald’s whilst watching Fat Sick and Nearly Dead, the documentary on Netflix about health and wellness and juicing.



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coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: coffee talk ::

discuss amongst ya-selves…… 

:: OC REUNION :: 
hallelujah for part 3.  that it’s finally over and that the hour was actually filled with stuff. 
tamra’s fake crying over her concern/distaste for vicki was only slightly less disgusting than meghan’s fake crying over her horrible husbands ex-wife cancer + passing away.  like, meghan, just stop.  seriously.  stop. 
if you want to be all Harriet The Spy Psycho then go for it, 
but please quit dragging the deceased mother of your step kids into every second of it with fake tears.   you are looking worse than Tamra, which, is like, WOAH. 
am I the only one that was like “ok brianna…..time to get off the couch….. you can go now.”  liiiiiiike we heard what you brought to the table, some more evidence proving brooks is the worst, but seriously why are you still sitting there? 
and worse, everything Brianna says Tamara is her echo repeating it and adding details and nodding and nodding and that fake cry disgusted voice thing.
UGHHHH both of you just go away. 
part three was basically everyone attack vicki…. and yeah she deserved it. 
I’m SO glad Andy said that she had taken a Xanax
because this whole time I was mind boggled that she was remaining this calm.
Vicki has lost her damn mind, and we can blame Brooks all we want, but she needs some serious help just as much as he does.  
The only thing I can think of other than her being a pathological liar is what Heather said: “What does he have on you!?”
What does Brooks have in his pocket on her that she will help cover up his lies and go along with all of this cancer stuff??? I’m so confused. 
Vicki, the whole “I’m a smart woman” line you looooove to use needs to be retired because you are the biggest dumbass of them all.  Wait…. maybe not because there are just so many in this whole franchise, but still.  
I felt like the whole time she kept combining past tense and then present tense even in the same sentence when referring to brooks cancer? I can’t tell if this was from her Pill Popping or because she is still confused about if he has or doesn’t have cancer OR if she is just getting trapped in her own web of lies and doesn’t realize she is doing it. 


The more I keep typing about this damn reunion the more I change my mind.  It’s like Vicki admitted things, but then I’m like, no wait did she even?  She’ll say she ‘fabricated’ things and then she’ll say she didn’t know and that she thinks he has cancer.  Then later on she says she thinks he lied? I don’t even remember now…. you win Vicki and Brooks. 

The reunion ends and I’m like PREACH MY BOYFRIEND ANDY COHEN 
PAHHHHHH REACH
 I’m so glad this season is over because I can’t watch anymore. 
but then………..
 they show a commercial for a “Brooks tells all” next week.  Dammit!!!   You Bastasrds!!! They have me trapped!!!  He was interviewed by the British lady on E! News this week and everything he said she was ready with proof of each sentence being a lie.  IT WAS AWESOME.  Like, him saying 3 completely different dates for when he was diagnosed and each time her being like “no, you said this…..” 

one last comment: why, for all of these 22 episodes, do any of the women even care if he did or didn’t have cancer?  why was this the only story line for real, because in the end it shouldn’t affect them at all (except for distract from their own lives and what bad things may be going on in it) 

I think that was my worst recap ever….. they’ve exhausted me. 

:: LEA REMINI :: 
King of Queens is as frequent as Friends in this house.
it ranks as one of my top shows ever.  rerun after rerun I will never get sick of it. 
also something that is hard to look away from is anything involving scientology. 

especially celebs and scientology stories. 

SOOOO somehow I have missed her 20/20 interview, but I have read about a lot of it online and have seen clips on other news shows this week too.
I thiiiiiiink I may need to read her book.  

:: LADIES OF LONDON :: 
I don’t know how I haven’t talked about any of this, but I have gotten so many e-mails, DO NOT WORRY LADIES.  I watch every week.  
I think I haven’t talked about it because I like them all, then I dislike them all at certain points…. I love the show, but it’s hard to discuss because the drama is still very civilized and lets face it, none of them are really funny.  It’s like they bring a lot to the table in terms of a Bravo show that I like to watch, but there’s no real laughs in that show? Like, a few when Caroline does her sarcastic comments, but thats it? 
I don’t know I’ll think about it and come up with some opinions ….. I know you’ll be on pins and needles awaiting next weeks post. 

Editors note: I am awful writer today.  Even for me.
  as in not ‘sorry I’m not sorry’, but I am LEGIT sorry 


:: VANDERPUMP RULES :: 
the show with a cast to rival all reality programs in terms of the amount of despicable, shameful, horrible people is back.  SO GET EXCITED. 
not much has changed, 
Max’s face is still all jacked up despite his second THIRD nose job. like, WHAT? 
Scheana still thinks its all about her. 
Adrianna still hasn’t figured out what the whole world knows : her boyfriend Tom is batting for the other team.
THE FOREHEAD SHAVE : HASHTAG NEVER FORGET 
Tom continues to act like he is batting for the other team.
Kristen’s barely legal drinking age boyfriend is still saying he’s a DJ as if he plays anywhere other than Lisa’s restaurant whilst filming for the show and then he’s like “cough and I bus tables cough”
and Kristen is saying she is calm and therapy has changed her, but, 
SPOILER ALERT IT HASN’T SHE IS STILL INSANE.  

most importantLly I am still the biggest lunatic, because the second they showed Crazy Kristen talking I was like PRAISE GOD !!!!! SHE IS WEARING INVISALIGN!!! IT’S ABOUT DAMN TIME!!! 
I literally screamed it out loud. 
I know so many of you noticed and thought the same thing…… Bueller? 

:: and PUMP RULES AFTER SHOW :: 
starts Friday night, and is hosted by two of my favorite people, 
the chicks from People’s Couch.
I laugh my head off at this show, and usually it’s because Julie is talking. 

:: PROJECT RUNWAY FINALE :: 
tonight! tonight! tonight! 
who watches and who do you want to win!!?? 
and seriously how does Heidi Klum get more and more gorgeous every year? 

:: DWTS :: 
um, I can’t believe what I’m about to say, but I’ll say something nice about erin andrews.
I really liked her dress and her hair and everything this week.  

this picture doesn’t do her justice.  and she annoyed me the least she has in weeks.  I don’t know what happened to my heart of ice this week (keep reading…. its back…..)

:: JACKHOLE OF THE WEEK :: 
blake shelton.

did you really need to announce on the day of the CMA’s that you and Gwen Stefani were dating.
really? really? 
it just HAD to be said on one of the biggest days in country music where your ex-wife is surrounded by everyone important and she is completely in the public spotlight and jokes are being made during the show about their split? 
slow clap for you, blake. you are a pig. 
and you two should be ashamed of yourselves. 
I know, I know….. how do I really feel? 
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.  
#hypocrite  #sorryimnotsorry
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either.  or the day after that.



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fashion, Lifestyle

:: wish list wednesday ::

lusts for the week……….
   
if you are like me, you have some winter black tie weddings or events coming up
(we have two black tie weddings this month!)
and this is the perfect show stopper.  

also love this black lace two piece option
other great fall and winter weather wedding options here

I love skinny cords for cold months, and these are a great price + so is the sweater! 
the corduroys come in 11 colors! 


:: zip detail sweater dress :: 


:: ankle booties :: 
great under $100 booties in different colors 


Ivanka Trump always has pieces I love, 
and these rag + bone look-alikes for 1/4 of the price are perfection. 



:: ivanka trump booties ::  available in 3 leather options


a top in one of my favorite fall colors

:: lace top ::


possibly the best poncho I’ve seen this fall, and definitely at the best price

I know we are slowly entering winter territory (despite this amazing warm front!)
but for those of you with holiday vacations planned…….

love this sweater dress.  it’s hard to find sweater dresses with a more dressed-up-nighttime feel. 


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International, Italy, Lifestyle, Travel

:: italy travel diary : venice ::

:: VENICE :: 
   
we flew into Venice to kick off our 2 week Italian adventure.
we weren’t sure what to expect, because Venice probably was the least “oo’d and aah’d” about place by far from everyone.  we didnt have too many restaurant recommendations or anything like that… people had said it wasn’t the best food and that it was super, super expensive, blah de blah. 
and yet, other than the amalfi coast, Venice was our favorite. 
we loved, loved, LOVED Venice.
 
we landed at 9 AM after a lengthy 9-ish hour flight where the sleeping pill I took DID NOT WORK.
(don’t even get me started….. after finally getting the balls to take said sleeping pill for the first time, Kip and I were awake constantly, and he informed me that is definitely not how the ambien should work.  so I had some wine and did the best I could.  sleeping mask, neck pillow, ear plugs all we wonderful).
anyyyyyyways, we landed at 9 AM and after about a 45 minute ride on the blue line water bus, we hopped off at San Marco stop and found the hotel super easily.  even the public transportation is enjoyable here – you’re on a boat with views galore! 
 
exploring Venice and just wandering was so incredible.  there is so little to see (compared to places like Florence and Rome) that it was wonderful to just wander around, look at the beautiful buildings and squares, and admire the insane water views everywhere you looked.
we were both stunned with how beautiful it was.
was it expensive? yes.  was it our favorite food of the whole trip? no, but we did have some very delicious meals at the random places we stopped at, and especially with nothing to compare it to we loved it.  was it crowded? yes and no, not at all compared to florence or rome, and the majority of the time it didn’t feel crowded at all – only at st. marks during the height of the afternoon for example.  was the gondola a rip off? YES, but who cares we loved it!!  
 
everyone says you don’t need more than a day or two there, and while I would agree, we were very sad to leave.  we could have sat along the canal and drank and ate and people watched, or sat outside any of the little restaurants in any of the dozens of little squares and been so happy. 
 
it poured rain later in the afternoon our first day there, and we sat and waited it out with cocktails and lunch.  later on it did another heavy, but quick shower and the place we ducked into, right next to The Accademia, was filled with several gondoliers drinking right next to us.  we knew we had accidentally stumbled into the right place! when the rain stopped and we stepped out to a gorgeous rainbow and an even more beautiful view from the bridge.  
 
…. more of me chatting about where we stayed/what we did
 following some/ a lot of pictures ! 
 

 

I’ve never enjoyed a rainstorm so much in my life! 
hiding out from the second rainstorm with the gondoliers! 

 

 the little bar we tucked into was right here next to the Accademia.  

 

we took this photo on our gondola ride.  this is a great example of where things can get a little packed.  the tiny bridges that are close to the busier parts of Venice can get very backed up at times, but other than moments like this we didn’t feel like it was crowded.  

 in Harry’s Bar after our gondola for a Bellini 

 

this is me on the water bus towards the train station to leave, and even this was as great as a gondola ride to soak in all the views of the city. 
 
:: where we stayed :: 
WE LOVED THIS HOTEL.  so much. the location was incredible.  
we got off at the san marco stop and it was less than 5 minute stroll to our hotel, but still far enough from st. marks square to be quiet and quaint and tucked away.  and just next to our hotel entrance were some gorgeous shops like Burberry, Bvlgari, etc, so the window shopping on our way in and out of the hotel was an added bonus.
Sergio who ran the front desk could not have been kinder or more helpful.  he was truly one of the nicest people we encountered on the whole trip in terms of hotel staff.   their rooms were beautiful, with views overlooking their courtyard.  their courtyard alone was so stunning.  I could not recommend this hotel more.  the price, the location, the staff, the breakfast, ALL OF IT. 
(a few of our pics, and a few from trip advisor  that show the beauty of the hotel much better below!) 
the entrance is tucked down this little walkway and is so adorable.

 

our room was a great size with beautiful Italian touches, like the murano glass. 
 how beautiful is this courtyard ? 
eating breakfast out here was so, so nice! 
 
:: where we ate :: 
I didn’t write down a single name of a place we ate 🙂 well, I did, but I threw the map out that I wrote them on. Whoops.  We wandered for most of our meals, and our second day ate lunch and dinner at the same place because we liked it.  We did, however, really love our food – we didnt go too crazy and stuck with the basics.  Oh, except one shrimp cocktail we had at a place along the grand canal that had us never order shrimp the rest of the trip.  We washed it down with wine and all was fine 🙂 
 
:: what we saw :: 
St. Mark’s Basillica
beautifully covered in Gold, it was incredible to see.  we booked tickets ahead online to go in at a separate entrance.  I was able to light a candle and say a prayer and it was a favorite moment for Venice. 
Doge’s Palace 
so large we couldn’t believe it. quatrefoils galore everywhere. especially as one of the first sights for us to see, it was beautiful.  
The Accademia 
we went here in the morning our second day here.  it was not crowded at all since we went early and was easy to go through quickly. 
Rialto Bridge + Grand Canal
we had afternoon cocktails on the canal near the bridge twice while we were there, it was perfect views of the Regatta and people watching 
Annual Regatta
the weekend we were there happened to be the weekend of their annual regatta down the grand canal which was very fun.  boats with bands playing music was a fun addition to the regular sights on the canal.  
Gondola Ride
despite our best efforts, because of the Annual Regatta, being selective with the Gondola was more difficult than we thought.  We had wanted to do a sunset ride, but ended up hopping in one when it was free and our Gondola driver was less than wonderful.  still, it was great.  it was 80 euros and he definitely didnt take us for longer than 20 minutes and he definitely didnt take us down any of the beautiful canals 🙂 oh well.  OH and he didnt even wear his striped shirt, he had it stripped off from him sweating and just a wifebeater on.  oh yeah.  it was PURE ROMANCE people. 
Harry’s Bar
18 euro Bellini’s? after the 80 euro gondola? What the hell, it was fun! 
Walked, and walked, and walked 
 best part of it all was just wandering around.  We took 30,000 steps one of the days we were there according to my old school pedometer that I tried to keep on me most days of the trip. 
:: a few things I learned to share :: 
when you land at the Venice airport, there will be kiosks for purchases tickets for the water bus.  the kiosk is confusing and doesn’t work.  just walk out to the water and there will be a ticket station with a person that speaks english and will make sure you are going the right way.  this was much easier!!
 
for train tickets, the only time the whole trip a train was sold out for us was the early morning Venice train.  Our friends who had traveled before us experienced the same thing.  We were still able to leave about an hour and a half after what we had originally planned, but perhaps book the Venice train more than one day in advance if you can. the rest, we were fine. 
** I did some updates to my packing post after some questions/comments.
any questions or comments about Venice I will answer and update the post as well 🙂 ** 
 
for legit gorgeous Venice photography, check out Classy Girls Wear Pearls. 
She just got back from a trip and her professional photos are far superior to mine in capturing the beauty  of Venice. 

 

Venice, we love and miss you.  Terribly. 
 


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