TheSarcasticBlonde, Author at The Sarcastic Blonde

:: monday things ::

November 23, 2015

some random things for the start of Thanksgiving week…….

striped tablescape? yes, please!

Thursday my friends and I had our monthly dinner date.

we decided to go a little fancier and treat it as our early Christmas dinner and we went to the recently opened STK in River North.

It did not disappoint. From the people watching (like, a girl in a floor length white ball gown and fur coat, WHA?) to the music and especially the FOOD it was delicious. The service was amazing too our waitress was a dream.

Of course the steak and mac + cheese and every bite we had were wonderful, but the brussel sprouts salad was seriously one of the most amazing things I have ever eaten. It was laced with crack or something. We were obsessed!!

I have been googling with no luck to find a copy-cat version of the salad…. if any of you know of any, please send it my way!

I have been feeling the leopard print lately.

This sweater from Old Navy is so comfortable and one of my new favorites.

Old Navy is currently having their EarlyBird Sale too with 40% off online!

sweater // r+b jeans // over the knee boots

I’ve also been living in this leopard print scarf. It is a mere $20 and is SO SOFT and the perfect size print.

:: leopard scarf ::

with Thanksgiving a few days away

(and even better: a short work-week PREACH)

I have been loving searching my favorite food blogs and Pinterest for Holiday recipes.

I also watched Ina’s ‘A Barefoot Thanksgiving’ and wished so badly I could eat everything Ina for Thanksgiving! If I can’t have my own mom’s cooking, Ina’s would be second best!

11 layer potato gratin // sautéed shredded brussel sprouts

heartland chopped salad // orange honey glazed carrots

the photo of the 11 layer gratin doesn’t look as appealing as it did when they were making it on the show, but YUM it looked amazing!

some other recipes catching my eye:

mini cheese muffins // pomegranate jeweled cheese balls // roasted red pepper + bacon cheese balls

I told Kip I wanted to bring these festive Jello Shots to his house for Thanksgiving but he said that was inappropriate. I mean, psshh okay, whatever. Their loss.

:: cran apple jello shots ::

so this post was basically all food…..

I’m now starving.

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: coffee talk ::

November 19, 2015

discuss amongst ya-selves……

:: ERMAHGERD ::

victoria posted about where the ermahgerd meme originates and ERMAHGERD

:: real housewives of cheshire ::

now airs weekends on Bravo

another brand of housewives has arrived (well… arrived awhile ago, but similar to Melbourne, they play it for us long after it originally airs there).

Similar to the RHoMelbourne, I have no idea what they are saying half the time because of their accents.

also similar to Melbourne, half of them are named after tiny dog stuffed animals.

Ampika.

Magali.

where do these come from? Makes ‘Apple’ and ‘North” sound normal.

So far, it’s an eh. But there’s this :

It definely isn’t no Ladies of London, but many are rich, plastic surgeried-up, and married to famous soccer players so I’ll hang in there.

HASHTAG no kidding I’ll hang in there, what else am I going to do, go outdoors?

:: vanderpump rules ::

Um. I can’t believe Lala will just admit she’s basically an escort for rich dudes on television. Oh wait…. yes I can. She’s on the cast of Vanderpump Rules.

I think she and baby-bus-boy-James are dating now. This place is so incestuous I don’t know how the whole staff doesn’t have to call ins sick at the same time for a ~~herpes~~ cold sore outbreak.

they literally are like a smaller, more famous version of The Lost Children of Rockdale County.

for those of you who know what I am discussing with The Lost Children of Rockdale County, you either grew up in Georgia or had a sex ed teacher scare the hell out of in middle/high school.

allow me to educate you….. or click the link above, this story was WIDESPREAD, you know, back when we grew up and teens sleeping around was A BIG HUGE DEAL.

they had us watch one of the frontline specials on it and I’ll never forget this giant web of BAD BAD STD’s they drew.

the catholic schools are very effective in scaring the hell of out you and making you want to vomit during sexual education.

BUT, point begin, I seriously feel like this is a map of the employees at Sur.

they are constantly in a tangled web of nastiness.

(editors note: we had to play this high school in football one time at an AWAY game on THEIR campus and you best believe we did not even set foot in that bathroom. screw the hover method, I’ll hold it.

second editors note: my husband just said he had no idea what I’m talking about so A. maybe only Georgia people knew about this or B. it’s the catholic scare tactic thing really working years later that I thought THE WORLD knew about this or C. it’s like most things in life and no one knows what I’m talking about)

BUT I DIGRESS……. sorry for my educational syphillis moment there…..

the only other thing I really took from Vanderpump Rules :

scheana’s husband shay has been drinking and popping pills and she never knew this before…. she doesn’t give a crap about Lala’s escort problems because

she can “guarantee what she’s going through is worse”

so step off Lisa! and get me a pressed linen napkin for me to dap my eyes with so my eye makeup doesn’t run and I lose a lash!

last week we saw scheana’s living room with blown up wedding photos everywhere.

ev-er-y-wh-ere.

this week, we walk in to her bedroom and there are even MORE blown up wedding photos all over the walls.

I CAN’T. I just love this show so much.

I just wish I could find better photos of this! damn google!

I mean, no wonder Shay isn’t coming home….. he wakes up from a drug or booze binge and sees blown up life size images of himself and of you and freaks the hell out. I’d be scared to come home too.

(but seriously addiction and marital problems are sad…..

but no really, even more sad is the decor of this apartment).

Um, I was reading US Weekly, and saw this blurb about Nick Jonas and diabetes.

So…. OK raising awareness for diabetes is wonderful,

but striking a sexy pose subtly showing off your abs with your insulin pump is just WIERD.

like, what are you looking at? and if you’re going to lift your shirt LIFT YOUR SHIRT don’t do a like “hey girl, I’m not lifting my shirt” lift of the shirt. amiright?!

:: McD’s MOZZARELLA STICKS ::

my sister had texted me a few months ago that there were mozzarella sticks at her mcdonalds and I was praying that this would become a national thing.

I MEAN first we get ALL DAY breakfast and now we can have an ele-gant eye-talion appetizer to kick off a hot McD’s date night?!

be still my beating heart.

never. gets. old. ever.

:: below deck finale ::

EDDIE? WTF? Stone cold liar!

And a good one at that. If I hadn’t seen and heard it with our own eyes and ears, I would have totally believed that Rocky was spreading rumors and Eddie was still the golden boy.

Damn Eddie. Oscar worthy dramatic performance. What has boat life done to you?

Eyeing the camera crew (uh uh… you also have had a microphone on the whole 6 weeks you dumbass) and grabbing scissors to break in to Rockys room to yell at her for talking lies about you?!

Anyways, then he admits to it, they laugh and are cool with each other, and then they drink more and hate each other again because they argue about who started it.

whatever….. most importantly….

I. AM. SO. EXCITED. FOR. THE. REUNION.

I hope my-boyfriend-andy-cohen has the doorbell ring WWHL-style and in walks EDDIE’s GIRLFRIEND-OR-EX-GF AMY!

AND Leon.

AND the drunk deckhand hippie that got kicked off.

AND Kat from last season.

…… Ok I need to go to sleep for real…..

:: jackhole of the week ::

I channeled my Inner-Jeff-Lewis Friday night

while the boys were picking up late night food on our way home.

(and I was like “No…. I’m good” and eye’d Kip so he would telepathically know to order a whole separate meal for me but pretend it was for him so I could feel good about not ordering late night food. HASHTAG MARRIAGE)

He was, like, passed out mid meal. It was wonderful.

BUT I’m the jack hole because instead of just hiding behind him and smiling at the camera I totally messed up the photobomb and imitated him. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!

DAMN IT. I guess I’ll have to find other people to photobomb this weekend to redeem myself.

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either. or the day after that.

fashion, Lifestyle

:: wishlist wednesday ::

November 18, 2015

lusts for the week…….

I don’t know about you but I’m getting verrrryyyy excited ~~for~~ ~~Thanksgiving~~

for Black Friday and Cyber Monday and all the other insane sales that come with the start of the holiday season 🙂

counting the days…..

but until then…..

be still my beating heart, the chicest rain boots I ever did see.

{ tory burch wellie boots }

my favorite black tie wedding option of the week

we had one last weekend and our final of the year will be Thanksgiving weekend!

{ sequin short sleeve top } // {high low taffeta skirt} on sale, under $100

I meannnnn I haven’t touched a chocker since, like, 7th grade

(the black lace tattoo ones to be exact) but I love this

{ michael kors gold choker }

dare I say, a sweater dress that is sexual?

{lace back sweater dress}

I’ve been loving the long sleeved-longer sweaters this fall.

apparently I think I am now a six foot tall supermodel who could pull this off….

{long cardigan} under $35

These aren’t my usual forte for footwear, but in the cold snowy months, closed toe booties are the only stylish option. Are my tired eyes deceiving me, or could these pass as subtle sparkle that wouldn’t be Vegas only territory? Whatever, I want ’em.

{sparkle booties}

a great go-to for every occasion sweater dress, available in four colors.

{sweater dress}

cute and cozy. necessary.

{hooded fleece}

{faux leather leggings}

home, home inspiration, house, Lifestyle

:: bedroom updates ::

November 17, 2015

:: master bedroom updates ::

there are two new additions in the casa, one small and one large.

we have a new pop of blue with the throw pillow from Crane & Canopy.

when I got the e-mail alert that it back in stock, I jumped online to order it.

Now, I need to find something NOT BLUE pillow wise to use but I keep going back and forth and back and forth and can’t make up my mind. I want two square/euro square sizes, but what color?? or print??
because at the moment I’m most likely to just throw some of a tried a true favorite on there:

monograms for days.

send ideas please and help a sister out!!!

and the BIG addition that I had no problem deciding on is…….
our beautiful new artwork from Minted above our bed!

I was like “I’m gonna get something fun and colorful and spice up the bedroom and….. YEAH”

and then I was like “Oh my goodness the most neutral, subtle photo of Chicago I’ve ever seen and it matches our neutrals in our bedroom perfectly I’M SO BORING AND I LOVE IT”

I knew when I saw the skyline at sunset that I had to have it!

For the frame, I went with the ‘whitewashed french farmhouse’ and I love it. The frame is so beautiful and all of it perfectly complements our bedroom wall color.

This was the color of our walls when we moved in, but we love the color.

We found extra samples in the laundry room and have identified it as Sherwin Williams Lazy Grey. I highly recommend it; it’s beautiful at night and with lots of sunlight.

Kip is like “soooo does somebody need photography lessons for Christmas?”

Hey! You try taking a picture in the daylight without getting any reflections of your TV or your fan or your bed-head self with the camera standing on the bed or anything!

Besides, maybe people think my awful pictures are great… don’t people love reading blogs with amateur photos?? ….. I jest, I am awful and yes get me photography lessons 🙂

Thank you to Minted for the beautiful print!

as always, all thoughts and opinions are my own.

We used them for our Christmas cards last year, and will be doing the same again this year. Their customer service and quality is top notch!

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: COFFEE TALK ::

November 12, 2015

discuss amongst ya-selves……

:: VANDERPUMP RULES ::

this trash is just the best damn trash in the world.

it’s just new level trash every week. always.

I love that kristin is like “I’m so zen”….. no kristin you’re still bat sheeyite crazy, doing the exact same stalker girlfriend things, you just keep your mouth closed now more than you used to. and I’m suuuuuuure ~~I hope~~ it won’t last long.

even though James is clearly using the relationship as a reason to be on the show (because, sorry James, I don’t think ‘unattractive ~~teenage~~ early 20’s bus boy turned occasional DJ’ would make the casting cut) I do still commend them for not breaking up yet.

the hunger for 15 minutes of fame must be intense.

but I’m even thankful for James, for his Fireball to the face moments, and especially for him lying straight to Kristins face about cheating and then in the confessional saying this

I mean….. Kristin really knows how to pick ’em.

but the main thing we learned this week is not that Jax is still a manwhore who thinks girls from Kentucky have never heard of Google (yeah Jax…. she knows nothing about you and your past….)

but that Scheana is even more white trash than we ever thought.

I know…. I know….

you’re like “UMMM she wore a crop top wedding dress, I think we know.”

BUT NO. …..

SCHEANA HAS HUGE,BLOWN UP WEDDING PHOTOS ON CAVAS ALL OVER HER APARTMENT.

I CANT.

there are no pictures to be found (UGH and I deleted already so I can’t take a classy picture of my TV screen),

but this clip gives a small taste in the background for those of you that missed it 🙂

Gigantic pictures all over one entire wall. LITERALLY CAN’T. I CAN’T

:: LADIES OF LONDON ::

My favorite part of every show is the intro, where it just shows their houses and them doing the daily family life activities and the fun music plays in the background.

I havent talked much about the show because I realize every time I write something for Coffee Talk I delete it because it makes no sense.

I can’t put my finger on it…… like I love them and then they each annoy the hell out of me.

And I think the common theme is they all have this mentality :

well except for Julie. Poor Julie. I’ve never seen a grown woman sob like that about things like….. a yoga pose….. or a text. How tightly would she be wound without yoga?

but the rest of them, definitely impressed with themselves.

Like Caroline Fleming… .. I thought she would be my favorite. She’s gorgeous, royal, a great cook, martha stewarty, and have the face of a little angel. She’s so sweet and homey and then everything is like “i CANOT BELIEVE someone did this to ME” or “how DARE you be late to breakfast! YOU ARE AT MY HOME”. she like, mothers and shames everyone constantly. or tells them they should be super grateful and lucky to be in her presence. Like turning to Sarcastic Sassy Caroline and saying “You should be honored that I’m taking you to see my mothers gravestone”. Like….. IT’S IMPLIED. WE GET IT CAROLINE. IT DOESN’T NEED TO BE VERBALIZED WE GET IT.

its all like…. me me me

Caroline Stanbury’s sarcasm really is a saving grace though.

and the main reason my-boyfriend-andy-cohen better have a season 3?

It is wonderful to see that the drama and arguments are so much more civilized. It’s (usually) the way grown women should disagree,

versus the real housewives where its like…….

although ya gotta admit…. with the housewives….

you just can’t look away!

oh my gosh now I just need to go watch this whole Beverly Hills Season 1 dinner scene.

It was SO GOOD.

:: BELOW DECK ::

I am so excited for next week’s finale.

Rocky has finally reached the tipping point on her never-ending-crazy scale (if it ever ends) mascara streaming down her face crying over eddie

whaaaaaaat?

what happened to sweet Eddie of seasons past??

the stress of his girlfriend anne back home is making him a bit bipolar and Ra-motional.

I meannnnnnn Eddie is an ass for acting like nothing ever happened and saying “I would never hook up with anyone on the boat”, and THEN acting like she started it, but still, Rocky, lock it up girl. what did you think a text to meet up in the laundry room was supposed to lead to?

the next morning there is a clip of her SOBBING in bed under the covers.

I mean…. SOB-BING. sobbing so hard that I can count on one hand the number of times I have ever cried that hard and I am, like, an emotional basket case.

emile continues his childish attempts to get rocky’s attention, and can’t handle adult emotions, so he lashes out on Connie for basically doing a good job and calls her a whore. emile is actually just as sadly entertaining as rocky in all of this.

I am SO excited for the reunion.

:: COACH CHARMING ::

I completely forgot about this show premiering and I am kicking myself.

But Hallelujah it was on the People’s Couch this week so I got to enjoy a few select moments and oh. my. word.

of course there are no gif’s to be found anywhere, but take my word for it – set your DVR ladies!

and check out this little video clip

UHM, YOU’RE WELCOME.

:: mazel of the week ::
yolanda foster.

looking like a boss as always as the VS fashion show despite still being sick.
and I mean, Gigi looks okay, I guess.

:: jackhole of the week ::
more brooks and OC drama continues tonight on Bravo!
and meghan king edmonds will be there with a headpiece to give her sherlock homes findings too I’m sure

(also, E! News has good dirt from their interviews with Brooks and Vicki is speaking out in a new interview too)

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

fashion, Lifestyle

:: wish list wednesday ::

November 11, 2015

lusts for the week…….

the most perfect draped jacket, in every fall shade you could want!

{faux leather draped jacket} on sale for under $60

winner for the best stuart weitzman copycat, and on sale for $100, goes to:

{ivanka trump over the knee boots}

jumpsuits are always a good time.

{ belted jumpsuit } on sale for under $50

or this little lace detailed number, also on sale for under $50!

{lace panel jumpsuit}

I love these Kendra Scott studs that I had in my Rocksbox subscription a few weeks ago.

They are on sale in about 15 different colors and styles!

{kendra scott studs} all colors 33% off

I love the navy and maroon for this time of year, but the white and emerald for always.

a cowl neck sweater that covers the tush? yes, please!

{ cowl neck sweater }

if your jeans are so worn in they started as dark blue and now look like your old whitewash abercrombie and fitch (cough that I still have in my dresser because I can’t bear to get rid of them cough), stock up on some new designer denim while they’re on sale.

mine just arrived today and I was like “wait…. this is what color they are supposed to be?”

rag and bones are my favorite – my current pairs have lasted 3 years and are still great but my thighs need some dark wash back in my life.