TheSarcasticBlonde, Author at The Sarcastic Blonde

:: 2016 ::

January 4, 2016

I hope everyone had a safe, healthy, and happy Christmas and New Year!

don’t judge our old little fake tree this year 🙂 december was a little rough.

The Sunday Scaries are in FULL FORCE while I write this post.
I started the day meeting my friends newborn little angel, and the rest of the day glued to Netflix Making a Murderer along with millions of other people I think!

so addicting, but SO frustrating to watch!

I had a great Christmas and New Year with my family on our annual Grand Cayman Christmas trip.

it’s our favorite place to go, always gorgeous weather and so relaxing.
the new years eve fireworks was the highlight of the trip – sitting on the beach with so many starts overhead and fireworks everywhere you looked up and down the whole beach. I don’t have tons of great pictures from the week but a few!

my sister is pregnant with her second and due in April and looks beautiful as ever

my nephew really loved the water this year and made the week much more fun!

amazing photography skills as always.

I wish so badly I was still there! I’m not the type that is ready to go home; I could have stayed another extra week at the beach (or more)

I’ll have more *2016* focused posts this week, but wanted to share some of our trip pics!

Hope this first week in 2016 is off to a great start for everyone 🙂

Lifestyle

:: literally can’t ::

December 21, 2015

uuummmmmm the Miss Universe Pageant.

I know I joke and say I “literally can’t” with things,

but I TRULY and SERIOUSLY cannot believe this happened.

and I am going to hell in a hand basket because

I LAUGHED SO, SO, SOOOOO HARD.

so happy monday……

I guarantee no matter how rough you are feeling this morning, you are having a MUCH BETTER day than Miss Columbia.

I meannnnn

christmas, Lifestyle

:: christmas spirit ::

December 18, 2015

so by now, hopefully you are all in the Christmas spririt.

but if you aren’t there just yet, I have something to change that around.

it had been so warm and beautiful here (never happens) and I had been so busy that I didn’t realize just how close we were to Christmas!

and then, just like that, Cher Christmas came on at work.

and suddenly I was transported to a whole new world I never even knew existed.

how I had never heard this on my NSYNC Christmas Pandora station or something is beyond me?!?

Cher’s Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home) to be exact.

it was AH-mazing and I don’t know how I have never heard it before.

the moment the opening line of “christmas, the snow coming doowwwnnnnnnn”

came on all I could hear was Jack McFarland singing “if I could turn back tiiioooooommee”

I now have been singing Cher Christmas constantly, but singing it as Jack singing as Cher. get it?

the thing that always really gets me in the Christmas spirit though?

SNL CHRISTMAS OF COURSE !

I love watching the Christmas special where they have select skits from the last gazillion seasons

(and I am always shocked when Kip hasn’t seen a certain one or is like “who is that?” when he sees Shweddy Balls…… SERIOUSLY PEOPLE. this is MY HUSBAND??? asking who molly shannon and ana gasteyer are??? when watching SNL Shweddy Balls?? )

BUT I DIGRESS……
a few of my favorite skits to get you in the Christmas Spirit below!

WHY can I not get What Up With That Christmas Spectacular on here!
WHY! Or Jimmy Fallons monologue with Christmas, Baby Please Come Home song where Buble does cocaine! Come on people!

santas my boyfriend

buble duets

shweddy balls

do it on my twin bed

bring it on in to wrappinville

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: coffee talk ::

December 17, 2015

discuss amongst ya-selves……..

:: APRES SKI ::

I hate when I forget to say something week after week after week,

but I love when I FINALLY remember it when its actually time to write this post.

Are any of you watching Apres Ski? I enjoy it. Shocker.

Not the greatest but I don’t hate it.

There is lots of controversy about Elise, the head B-I-C.

and all I need to say is,

SHE HAS A TAT ON HER BOOB OF HER OWN NAME.

you know, in case she forgets?

or the man she is with forgets?

I really ____ _____

(fill in the blank: hint : just can’t. I can’t).

okay, so I google. and turns our she was on Hells Kitchen ( I really need to see this because her and the contestants and Gordon Ramsey probably all went nuts)

and then all these like, lingerie Maxim-esque photos of her show up.

….. first thoughts:

wait, did I google a Bachelor contestants name? no it must not be, these are like PG-13 pics, the bachelorette contestants always end up being XXX.

oh my gosh I’m so excited for The Bachelor. Countdown is ON.

:: VANDERPUMP RULES ::

tom and tom’s meeting with vanderpump (and her daughter and her daughters hot but way too pretty and kinda pompous and metro husband) was hilarious.

Did these people even graduate from high school? Do they even have a GED?

Shaves-His-Forhead-Tom is so embarrassed when Wannabe-Cool-Unemployed-Fake-Model-Tom talks….. and then other Tom can’t form a sentence either.

Ariana is super annoyed at work when lover Shaves-Forhead-Tom acts like he came up with the idea of serving a pink girly drink for a luncheon. I mean! The gall! Ariana, you serve cocktails. No one is creating Facebook over here, but glad you take your job so seriously. And you have heard your boyfriend speak before right? Even if you were creating something miraculous he would have no idea how to steal an idea.

WOAH. Time out.

a commercial just came on for the Vanderpump After Show and Jax’s little kentucky girlfriend got some IM. PLANTS.

I am seriously so breast obsessed that while I am eating, on my computer, and simultaneously on my phone, I see her come on the screen for 1 seconds during the commercial and am like WHAT WERE THOSE I JUST SAW!

I mean, in her nonexistent romper underwear she wore to interview at Sur twice, I was thinking Yay flaunting a flat chest! You go girl! buuuuttttt clearly she’s been Jaxed.

I just hope it’s not from the same surgeon as Jax’s THREE nose jobs.

BECAUSE YIKES.

:: WWHL ::

Did you catch my-boyfriend-andy-cohens self proclaimed worst episode of WWHL EVER with with lala and james on Monday?

THESE PEOPLE DISGUST ME THEY ARE JUST THE WORST.

half of the show was dead air from them having to bleep their curse words.

the rest of it was these trash ball morons acting like they were bad ass with the most obnoxious non-answers to questions. Lala would answer each question with another question like “WHY NOT?!” or “Yeah. BECAUSE.” and make some squishy fish face as if it was something sexually appealing and also as if it actually was her speaking words and answering a question like a normal human.

but half of it I don’t even know, or care, what they said because it was all bleeped out.

THESE PEOPLE ARE THE WORST YET I CANT LOOK AWAY.

for once I agreed with Jax (I need a drink…..)

:: RHOBH ::

we finally meet Erika new girl!!!

am I the only one that was shocked when followed up her cocktail waitress meeting her much richer husband with the fact that they had been married for 15 years?!

I was like DAMN GIRL talk about a plot twist! Good for you two! Love really does know no age! (except for me personally it DEFINITELY knows an age….. call me crazy, but I don’t think even if I had been over served one too many vodka martinis on an empty stomach after a stomach flu that I would look at a 50 year old man and be like “Who is that unattractive older man that is 20+ years my senior and we have zero in common? I must meet him and date him?”

but hey….. no judgement no judgement….. you do you

but she seems funny, and so far I like her.

I was thinking that I’ll pass on the music and dancing and all of that, especially the nude pubic hair outfit, but its hilarious.

her choreographer voiceovers for the dance moves :

“pat the puss pat the puss crawl kitty cat meow”

and then turns out she’s like, a legit music person for clubs and thinks I’m not cool enough to understand? never saw that coming either! You’ve shocked me twice in 5 minutes I really like you!

and then I think OH EM GEE why do I know her choreographer?!

what famous person does he work with, because when I see a face I don’t ever need to remember on TV, you bet your ass I REMEMBER IT.

when I need to recall someones name to introduce them to someone else?

NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE.

ughhhhhh I’m just not ready for the “brooks cancer gate” to start next weekend with yolanda and her lyme disease.

it’s making my stomach hurt I feel so awful about it….. not like, stomach hurting because I am making up an illness because of my sadness for her….. or wait….

just kidding. NO, for real, no jokes I am all HASHTAG TEAM YOLANDA.

:: JOY ::

I really really really want to see this movie.

really.

and now I have been singing carly rae jepson for 10 minutes and can’t get out of my head

:: MAZEL ::

my-boyfriend-andy-cohen for his show Then and Now.

A show dedicated to pop culture and events in different years?

It’s like a modern day I Love The 80’s, 90’s, etc. (remember how amazing that VH1 show?)

it is AMAZING. I love it.

I am right on the edge of getting sick, I can just feel it, and I WILL NOT ALLOW IT.

so I am off to bed.

who am I kidding I’ll probably keep watching bravo until I pass out, but closing the laptop is self control people.

but I am ACTUALLY going to post tomorrow…..

friday goals…. I can do it…..

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either. or the day after that.

fashion, Lifestyle

:: favorites lately ::

December 16, 2015

today I’m sharing a few things that I picked up during Black Friday/Cyber Monday Sales,

or favorite items that have been in heavy rotation lately!

this skirt is super fun for the holidays, and because of the length its appropriate for so many things from work to family to nights out.

it is 50% off again! ah-mazing.

this is in the running for my christmas party outfit this weekend.

:: jcrew sequin skirt ::

runs slightly small, possibly order up a size

apparently I’m not just into a touch of leopard (this scarf is still a favorite and now on super sale for under $10!)

but I’m also into sequins right now. I don’t know who I am, but they both pair perfectly with navy and white stripes, so I guess this is the new me.

I also picked up this sweatshirt during their black friday sales with the sequin hem

it’s currently sold out (argh!) but they do have this girls sequin sweatshirt……

sooooooo any chance the size 16 fits like an adult small? 🙂

but the same thing with fringe is even cuter and on sale for 40% off

I love, love the navy.

:: jcrew sweatshirt with fringe hem :: 40% off

order down a size

this grey sleeveless sweater is my newest obsession.

the open air arms really helps with chicago wintertime where you bundle up so much you are sweating uncontollably…… the side is more open so its perfect for a cute lace bra or tank.

:: nordstrom sleeveless sweater ::

order down a size

for those of you with narrow calves or that always have a hard time finding fitted boots, these over the knee boots are great and nice and tight. plus they are less than $25. for real.

they are cuter than in this photo, but my photo of course is just as awful so I’ll save your eyeballs 🙂

:: forever 21 boots ::

finally got a legit blanket scarf. this thing is legitimately giant when you open it all the way but I love it.

:: asos blanket scarf ::

and the best basic ever, Striped 3/4 Sleeve Tunic that i snagged in all 3 colors, is still worn every weekend solo or as a layering piece like below.

I got the plaid scarf at Lord and Taylor last year and they still have it, currently on sale!

:: tartan plaid scarf :: on sale !

:: old navy striped 3/4 sleeve tunic :: on sale !

I also really love and repeatedly wear their old navy striped sweater.

I tried two of their sweater dresses but the fabric was really cheap feeling and fit was off, so back they went.

if any of you have good sweater dress recommendations, comment or email my way! I have been on the hunt!

oh and just because…….

fashion, Lifestyle

:: gift guide : for her ::

December 15, 2015

there are still a few days left to finish up your Christmas shopping!

and luckily all the good sites still have free shipping by christmas day 🙂

so I need to finally finish everything since we are doing our first Christmas celebrations this weekend! yikes! thank goodness amazon prime and I are BFF’s.

first up, some personalized finds for the ladies in your life.

personalized whiskey rocks // initial Y necklace // double initial necklace // travel jewelry case

engraved coordinates cuff // leather tassel key chain // monogram earrings

initial jewelry box // initial wrap around ring // catch-all tray

next up, some items for the home.
The SHUGUH sugar bowl is too darn cute, and the audrey at home memoir/cookbook/coffee table book would be such a great gift for so many people.

whale bookends // sugar bowl // brass wishbone

initial cheese board with hidden cheese knives // audrey at home book // marble + wood cutting board

pineapple ornament // striped marble serveware // copper canisters

I also thought this chalkboard table runner would be fun for kids,
slash a dinner party with immature people like myself and my friends.

{chalkboard table runner}

and a few more finds for her……

monogrammed throw blanket
needlepoint pillow (other cities available!) // mini blue tooth speaker
polka dot apron

and I had to sharethese ice cream koozies are the perfect under $10 stocking stuffer. too cute!
perfect for your lazy as hell friend who is all about netflix and chill 🙂

ice cream is cheaper than therapy
sundae funday
don’t have a meltdown

and totally unrelated,
I have been forgetting to add this to a post somewhere for weeks,
but when I saw this challah menorah on Oprah’s Favorite Things (and just saw again on Amazon)
my first thought was definitely something else…….