:: coffee talk ::

discuss amongst ya-selves…….

:: the bachelor ::

the episode kicks off with olivia’s “come at me bro” in the strangest inflection ever.

and then the “we hate olivia” theme from last week continues in full force.

olivia is just, like, SO over being around the other girls and explains to ben that they don’t like her because she “wants to talk smart things” not about whatever the heck they talk about whilst painting their nails.

the date with caila makes no sense.

she says she loves him? but then says she knows she is going to break up w him? or something?

but I like that she’s basically saying “I’m just not that into you” and Ben interprets it as things going great…..

when the girls go on the group date to pig island, I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard at anything on this show.

I was rewinding and uncontrollably laughing my head off.

seriously watch this video and tell me you aren’t dying,

and then leah, the girl who never gets a date or attention, who you feel bad for in the beginning of the episode even though you’ve never seen her before and have no idea what her name is because she’s had zero air time, starts acting like Jubes before Jubes got kicked off.

when she gets attention, she is pissed off or short with him or uses it to talk smack about the other girls.

always a great idea!!

you know she’s done for… the girls that use the alone time to bitch talk the others are always the next to go.

“i dont want to name names or anything Ben…… BUT LAUREN B”

for how dramatic everything with Olivia was this season, her dismissal left me needing more!!

yes, she said she loved him and she got the boot on the two on one date right after this confession, but we didn’t get to see her freaking out or any big dramatic break down! it was just her on the island in the rain solo! it all “looked” dramatic , stranded on the island in the pouring rain, but I wanted to hear what crazy pants had to say and there was no post-breakup meltdown interview in a limo! damn!

guess we’ll have to wait until she gets ripped a new one at The Women Tell All.

I must say, I was SHOCKED he kept the twin and sent olivia home after constantly handing her the roses on all of the dates.

plus, the twin is straight up crazy pants.

like, she is so emotionally charged about everything that it reminds me of when I was 16 years old and every single was THE BIGGEST DEAL. how is she still on this show?

my friend texted me this instagram account and I AM IN LOVE!

hilarious.

:: teresa’s first post jail interview ::

teresa was on WWHl for a one-on-one with my-boyfriend-andy-cohen.

and in what I think she thinks is irony, she comes out for her first big public appearance in AN ORANGE JUMPSUIT.

but she wore green in jail, so like, its totally different.

in the most unsurprising move ever, she STILL admits to nothing, but acts like she is admitting to things.

she still ONLY says she signed papers and had no idea what she was signing.

it was still better than when its her AND joe both acting like they did nothing wrong, but MY GAWD.

perhaps a silver lining was that my-boyfriend-andy-cohen actually made a “yeah right” kind of comment to a “big name” housewife for the first time (at least first time I have ever noticed). he never says anything to go again bethenny, nene, vanderpump, and I think also teresa. the interviews with teresa and joe are the closest he ever comes to showing what the world is thinking (and what I hope he is thinking!)

SO. my-boyfriend-andy-cohen plays a clip of bethenny saying that she doesn’t understand why someone who has skeletons in their closet would ever go on a reality show.

Um. YEAH.

and then Teresa says she has no skeletons in her closet when cutting to commercial break and my-boyfriend-andy-cohen says something like “well thats debatable”.

which, for him, is like SHAAADDEEEE.

it’s just unreal watching her talk. truly.

and she is practically offended when my-boyfriend-andy-cohen asks how it looks to the public when she is coming home to a giant fancy new lexus with a big red bow on top of it.

and she thinks, of course, nothing is wrong with it and that THE BOW WAS FROM THE DEALERSHIP.

I mean…. DUH her lease was up!!! what was she supposed to do!? GEEZ Andy!

I. LITERALLY. CAN’T. SHE. INFURIATES. ME. SO. MUCH

but the real thing I got out of all of this is that I would not only be able to survive a year in jail, I think I would freaking love it.

( ! mean…. minus communal showers and girl on girl action in the cell next to ya…. but the rest I think I’d kick ass at )

when she recites her daily schedule – I’m like um, I’m sorry, what?

because your days sound a hell of a lot easier than mine.

your only chore was wiping down the counters THREE DAYS PER WEEK, you have so much free time that you are able to workout three times a day, and you get to end your nights WATCHING BRAVO.

{silence}

…….

……..

………

{long dramatic silence with my face contorting and jaw open with lots of hand gestures all over the place like WTF!!??}

I meannnnnn as my mother nance pants would say there is something seriously wrong that someone that is in jail has a more idyllic typical day than the majority of people.

UGH SHE MAKES ME SO DAMN MAD.

:: mazel of the week ::

my husbands alma mater is KU

(where I imagine he was as intoxicated as these kids on a regular basis)

we saw this video of students being interviewed drunk outside one of the popular bars there, and while you don’t need to watch all of it, at least watch the beginning where you see a kid sprinting and completely outrunning the cops in the background, because we laughed our asses off.

{see the video here}

I mean, two for you glen coco – slow clap for those running skills.

sooooo our cable has been deciding to go black and “record” everything but then nothing is there.

or, when I go to a channel half the time it says we don’t have it.

~~therefor, this week has been my personal hell.~~

EDITORS NOTE :
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either. or the day after that.