DISCUSS AMONGST YA-SELVES………

my apologies for lack of Coffee Talk.  My little twin loves take after their mother and if the television is on their eyes are LOCKED and IN LOVE and want nothing else (DAMMIT!) so I have had to keep the TV off whenever they are up.  Woof.  I’m trying people I’m trying!   It’s a short one this week but I am hoping to have more nonsensical things to share next week!

So let’s discuss….. and pretend that these rambling “English” sentences make sense, k?! K! 

:: Bachelor Rejects in Paradise ::

These losers are more incestuous than ever this year.  It’s like all they do is go to Bachelor events and hook up with each other, and Paradise is just that on a beach.  This is nothing new for them.
Turns out Blake is a total and complete ass.  I don’t think he’s super attractive or anything but I really liked him from Becca’s season and DAYUM was I wrong.  He isn’t sorry at all – just sorry he’s being called out in front of millions of people.

If Hannah B ends up going for him and crushing meek little Dylan’s heart, she’s a moron.  He’s disgusting.

Also cannot believe that 40 year old Chris is back on this beach with all these 22 year olds.  How embarrassing!

I’m ready for ABC  – always be Cam – to get out already.  Hopefully next week when the “women” have the roses.  He makes my skin crawl.

Do they do STD checks on these people?! Or are these idiots so hungry for 7 minutes of fame they don’t care if they get the clap?

(SPEAKING OF THE CLAP – SOUTHERN CHARM!?!? But we’ll get to that…..)

:: RHOP :: 
Katie.  These wigs.  I can’t.  This isn’t even a good representation;
you need to see live footage of the wigs in action to get the full affect.  It’s so, so, soooooo bad.

:: Bachelorette :: 
I really thought she was picking Pilot Peter.
I can’t get enough of Jed and saying his Dog Food Jingle was his greatest achievement yet.
(see the jingle here – wow, Jed.  You’re such a superstar.)
When Jed walked in with that stupid ass guitar.  Ugghhhhh.

WHY on earth she picked this loser is beyond me but at least she has already dumped him.  And somethinggggg tells me this whole “lie your ass off over and over and get fame from the show” thing has backfired big time in his little Jimmy Neutron face.
He isn’t sorry.  Not one bit.  Just sorry he got caught.

But Tyler going on a date with Gigi Hadid?!?! I need more details!!!!

:: Southern Charm ::
Shep IS an ass.
Madison IS crazy.
Kathryn DOES look like a Teletubbie.

Naomi’s boyfriend sadly DOES seem like a bit of an ass and I really hope the cheating rumors aren’t true.
Craig IS and always will be worthless but bless him on this show.
But WOAH. This chlamydia thing I NEVER SAW COMING.  I mean…. I did in a sense that of course Shep is STD ridden, but when Madison just hurls it out there about The Clap and throws DANI under the bus with it.  Damn girl.

Then spewing her menthol comments and just running her mouth even more – Madison flipped a switch.
But clearly this thing about The Clap is TRUE because Austen would never make that up?! And he was so pissed when he found out she said it…. again confirming its truth.
The only person who suffered in this is Dani – so Madison, you’re a betch.  A gorgeous one.  With killer hair.  And not white trash for being a hair dresser at all, but trash for doing that…. yes.

These people have NO PROBLEM hurling each other under the bus on national television.
Shep talking about the rose petals on the bed spelling out _ _ _ _ Stuff!?!?!

Although after what Madison shelled out about him I can’t really blame him.

TrAshley apologizing to Kathryn at the Fox Hunt was hilarious.
She truly is so delusional.
Did you see the Cameo she did that went viral? Check it out here. GIRL IS NUTS.
Trust me, it is worth a watch.

Also, I just need to say that Eliza being on this show is GREAT because THIS IS THE OLD MONEY I WANT TO SEE.  These houses, these parties, this is what I want to see!

:: RHONY ::
Luann.  She kills me.  I’m honestly not even sure if she’s an alcoholic but she sure as hell has narcissistic personality disorder.
The reunion was nothing insane but the season was, as always, the best.
I love NY.  NY has got to be my #1, followed by Beverly Hills.

:: RHOBH :: 

Camille at this reunion.  I can’t.  She just wants air-time and wants to be a full time housewife so badly.  She can act like she’s changed from Season 1 Camille but she hasn’t.  It has and always will be all about Camille.  She thinks she is God’s gift to earth and it’s all about her.

When she gave that “I don’t sit around eating Bon Bon’s all day” to Denise I wanted to jump through the television!

Yeah Camille, the woman who actually HAS been working her whole life and who was raising 5 kids as a solo mom, two of whom were her drug addict ex husband kids out of the goodness of her heart…. she’s not doing much.  Not much at all.
Denise just looks at her like she’s on drugs.

But thank God you were able to salvage some SILVERWARE in the fire.  She’s so nuts.

also, I just have to share again because it wouldn’t let me edit my last Coffee talk to include this bathroom marble from the finale and I just need those of you that aren’t on instagram seeing it in my stories to see it.

This killed me.

:: RHOC :: 
My least favorite Housewives show is back.
I’m SO HAPPY that Vicki has been demoted to “friend of” I can’t stand it.

I know they’ll still show her, which I’m fine with.  I’ll enjoy small moments.  But I cannot stand Vicki and think she’s an awful person, so seeing her knocked down a peg thrills me. Schadenfreude.  Perhaps that makes me a bad person…… but not as bad as Vicki.  And trash talking is what Coffee Talk is for! VICKI IS THE WORST.
Ok…. Gina.  Yikes.  This bleach blonde hair confessional look is HORRIBLE.

It’s like, did she film these the day after her DUI?! Because she looks totally normal and herself in the show footage but looks HORRENDOUS in these confessonals.

and Tamra rocking the Countess LuAnn cheap AF necklace.
Yeah, keep living that “Country Club” life girl.

Tamra and Kelly must already be on the outs because they had a twitter battle after the premiere episode.

Speaking of Kelly, her bangs were a little EH as well.
And that boyfriend.  No thank you.

Shannon has lost 40 pounds and “Fun Shannon” has returned.  If fun Shannon is her and Kelly acting like absolute idiots at the Quiet Woman I will pass.  Good Lord.

I am excited about the new Housewife, Brauwyn, who is married to a hot husband and has 7 kids. (you can read more about her here) I think she’ll be interesting on the show and I’d much rather watch her than VICTORIA GUNVALSON talk about her damn love tank.
I will miss all the footage of Vicki waddling in heels though….. damn…. I hadn’t thought about that when they demoted her…..

:: BIG BROTHER :: 

I love it every year.  Love it!
I know some people aren’t enjoying this cast, but don’t shake a stick at a show that’s on 3 nights a week.
I am ready for Mickie to GOOOOO.
(People have told me to watch Love Island 5 nights a week, and I’ve heard it’s great, but even I don’t have time for that….. well… I would make time for it let’s be honest but ya gotta grab me episode 1 and it just didn’t.)

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:: Editors Note ::
As always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors
whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during Coffee Talk on a weekly basis.
#HYPOCRITE   #SORRYIMNOTSORRY
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day, and likely won’t do the next day either.  Or the day after that.

images from : bravo, giphy, us weekly, people, enews