DISCUSS AMONGST YA-SELVES………

:: 90 Day Fiance PILLOW TALK  ::

I know I know….. I am SO late to this game.
But y’all….. there are only so many hours in a day….. and I DO have to keep my children alive ….. so that doesn’t leave me much time…..
and then I’m married which blows because when my husband goes to bed I have to turn the TV off so he can sleep whereas prior to marriage I could stay up until 2 am every night watching TV.  I’m trying….
BUT if you used to watch People’s Couch on Bravo (RIP, the best show ever) this is like that but for 90 Day Fiancé and it is GREAT.  It has a bunch of former “fiancés” like David + Annie and such on it too (whom I don’t know much about because I haven’t watched their seasons, but no need! It is WONDERFUL)

:: BACHELOR ::
{last week’s commentary}
Making the final 3 girls share a room for fantasy suite week? SAVAGE.

I still cannot believe these are the final 3.  Madison no surprise….. but I CANNOT get over the fact that Victoria is there.
Hannah H.  These outfits. They have got to stop.
Those SHORTTTTTTT shorts and crop top?
THAT MATERNITY DRESS? Why on earth she wore that pink dress for their fantasy suite date is beyond me.

Victoria F can’t even speak a single sentence. “MM-hmm” is pretty much the only thing she says.

Then she can’t speak. Then she is pissed and defensive.
THEN she pretends she is sooooo happy and in love and just says “Staahhhppp it! What!!!” to anything they are about to do.

SHE IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST.  I can’t wait to see how she defends herself at The Women Tell All OR at After The Final Rose if she makes it to final 2 (….update….she got the boot – finally – and NOTHING happened at ATFR.  Nothing.) 

Ok…. on to Madison.  I am 100% on board with her saying “if you sleep with two women I’m not getting engaged to you 5 days later.”  Totally fine.  But why didn’t Madison SAY it.  She pulls him outside of the airport hanger after the final 4 got cut down to 3 and she just was like “this is hard for me.”
WE NEED MORE THAN THAT.  SAYYYY IIITTTTT.

But also…… you know he had sex 4 times in a windmill, right?!
So, then, obviously she is like ehhhhhhh I don’t think I can do this and Peter freaks the eff out.

ALSO.  Peter, like all men, is an IDIOT.  I think he seems like he is  a nice guy but really, all they want at the end of the day is a pretty girl and sex apparently.  HE’S SUCH A DUMBASS.
I mean….. Victoria in the final 3 in general, but especially after all of their interactions and after their “Hometown” that didn’t even happen?!
VICTORIA?! REALLY?!

He sends Victoria home and now we wait until next week’s two part (ughhhh so much fast forwarding in my future) finale.  His mom crying and saying “bring her home to us” is A LITTLE MUCH for a complete stranger to you but also, makes me think Madison tries to leave and he goes and gets her.

{Women Tell All} 
What so now we all like Victoria F and cheer for her?!

I’m SO confused. SO SO CONFUSED.
This was the most YAWN of an episode ever.

AND WHERE WAS KELLY?!?! SHE WAS THE ONLY COMMENTARY I NEEDED!!!

and again…. Kelly is winning.  Won’t even show for the Women Tell All.  More proof she was WAY TOO GOOD FOR THIS SHEYITE. 

:: Bachelor for Seniors :: 
Bachelor revealed a future show (other than that stupid singing and finding love competition which UH NO THANKS) Am I a senior?! At 33? I think I am….. Because anything over 29 is ANCIENT to the producers of The Bachelor.

…. UPDATE….. now Clare (to be read only in the way Juan Pablo said her name, obviously)
is the next Bachelorette, so now I think the cut off for Senior Bachelor is any age above 39.

She is going to make me INSANE, but The Bachelorette is always pretty awful (as is every episode of any season of any of these spin offs, but you know what I mean, the Bachelor + Paradise are the best because you need a group of crazy women and when it’s just a group of men it’s never as entertaining.)

:: JERSEY ::
{last week}
Such a great “reveal” to end the season with this news about Teresa telling Danielle to pull her hair.  WOW. Margaret immediately is like “what a liar listen to her throwing you under the bus.”  It was pure shock when she realized it was true….. by looking at Teresa’s face.

Her face was stunned. Well… it’s the face she makes when any conversation is going on that she isn’t following, which is most all of them, but this was a different stunned face – a GUILTY ONE.

Teresa: “I mean…..everything happened so fast”
What?! You said “DO IT, DO IT, DO IT”  SEVEN TIMES.
Did you REALLY think they wouldn’t “use this”?!

But why does everyone just give Teresa a free pass? If MELISSA had been the one to say DO IT seven times, do you think it would be the same?!
It’s like Teresa gets a “well she’s going through so much” no matter what on earth she does.
and sorry not sorry, she is NOT going through so much.  HER KIDS are going through so much.  SHE IS JUUUUUUST FINE. 

I want to hear what Dolores has to say about all of this at the reunion…. but for some reason they are always on Teresa’s side. She must have some serious serious dirt on people or something.

I really do like Jennifer’s husband Bill after all the footage of him this season.
And Frank and Dolores are the best Housewives couple ever.

The scene of the two of them in the hotel room together is PAINFUL to watch. Talking with a full stairwell in between them.  “Do you want to stay with the girls?” “Were you thinking you’d stay here? We haven’t been together in four years”

And of course lots of commentary about how Joe has done NOTHING wrong. “My crime was a bogus crime.”  The extent to which these two will NEVER admit to ANY wrong-doing is MIND BOGGLING.
I feel terrible for their daughters – my heart is not entirely made of ice when it comes to these two.  But it only extends to the daughters.  It’s an iceberg when it comes to having any positive feelings towards Joe or Teresa.  They are terrible.

:: Joe Gorga Stand Up Comedy :: 

Ummmmm Joe is doing standup comedy now?! Apparently this is old news but I had no idea.  I would legit pay for a VIP ticket to watch him face plant with that one.

…. he does make me laugh though…..

:: VANDERPUMP RULES ::

Thank you Tom Sandoval for stating that it’s been Jax’s “day” for over a year…. and next will be trying to get pregnant, then a baby, it will ALWAYS be that egomaniacs “day”.  Jax is truly the worst person in all of Bravoland.

Jax proving he gives zero effs about anyone:  “Randall flies us on private jets to X, Y, Z all over the world….. so we developed a friendship naturally…. he I’m going to ask him to be a groomsman.”

Ugh I’m so ready for this tacky princess wedding to be over.
These hotel rooms ON THE FREEWAY at this “palace” in the middle of nowhere really are GORGEOUS. I’ve certainly never stayed in a hotel room that pretty.  And I would have LOVED to have been able to all stay together like that for our wedding…. but still.  So ready for this princess party to be over.

:: LEEANNE LOCKEN ::
Spring cleaning at bravo continues…. LeeAnn is the latest to get the boot which is NO surprise after her very racially charged final season.  Byeeeeee.

:: BELOW DECK MED ::
Parker is the sweetest and everyone else on the boat sucks.
Well…. just Adam and the chief stew.

And Paget and his girlfriend.
So I just like the two second stews and Parker and the engineer.
When Paget, who has been dating a “ginger” for 4 years, says I don’t want your babies – they would be ginger – who would want ginger babies.
EXCUSE ME.
How have these two been in a relationship for 4 years?! Because there is no way that they never fought like they currently do until now?!

::  Love is Blind ::
The last thing in the world I am in need of is another show to watch.
But ya know…. I’m an addict.
So many of you have messaged me about NEEDING to watch Love is Blind on Netflix.
My list of shows to watch is LENGTHY (and the list of shows I WANT to watch is realll LENGTHY) but hey…..I was determined.  And I finished it in a couple of nights.

It was filmed in Atlanta 2 years ago so now I am very much looking forward to the reunion on Friday.
and I just saw there are on some of the people on podcasts, etc but I am waiting until I see the reunion to listen.
I won’t ruin anything, but if you are a reality TV person, I highly recommend watching. At least the first 3 episodes.
I will wait to save all commentary until all of you have watched…. which is very difficult for me to do ……

:: MAZEL of the Week :: 
Kate is off Below Deck but she will be BACK on Bravo in some capacity with a new show (rumored to be with several Bravo-lebs on the show?!)
STILL not the same…. but I’ll take it……

:: JACKHOLE of the Week ::
The Real Housewives of New York need to STAY. OUT. OF. PALM. BEACH.
Jules is the latest lady to get arrested.

She smashed her ex’s car with A BAT while HER KIDS were in the car.  UMMMMMM.
I have no words…. except to say this: Those eyebrows though.

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:: Editors Note ::
As always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors
whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during Coffee Talk on a weekly basis.
#HYPOCRITE   #SORRYIMNOTSORRY
my apologies for lack of Coffee Talk.  My little twin loves take after their mother and if the television is on their eyes are LOCKED and IN LOVE and want nothing else (DAMMIT!)
I’m also too tired to proofread my own nonsense,
so if it reads as though Teresa Giudice wrote it…….sorry not sorry. 

images from : bravo, giphy, us weekly, people, enews