:: Coffee Talk 2.20.20 ::

DISCUSS AMONGST YA-SELVES………

:: RHONY ::
The trailer dropped (last week) PAH-REACH!
It is going to be OH SO GOOD. But really…. I’ll miss Bethenny forever.

:: THE BACHELOR ::

I have had drafts of Coffee Talk for the past 3 weeks and every week my notes said:
“Seriously, Peter?!”

I really couldn’t care less that he sent home the Champagne Girl that sprints and catapults into him to wrap her legs around him every time she sees him…. it’s just that I CANNOT believe he sent her home and KEPT Victoria F. If he ends up with Victoria F at the end of this I will be hysterically laughing after all of the stuff that has come out on the internet about her – not to mention all of the stuff that has already come out DURING filming about her.

I LOVE me some Hunter Hayes and listening to him sing “I don’t want easy, I want crazy” during the hometown date with Victoria F was as telling as it gets.
Uh, yeah. Crazy is what you’re gonna get. The two of them seem to have never even had a single conversation so I don’t know how this chick made it to hometowns.
They have barely shared 5 seconds of eye contact the entire time they are together, let alone exchanged WORDS. All she does is mumble and look down.

Why are men such idiots?! Always?! Why?!
Maybe it was production intervening that had him keep her for some reason?! But this girl is full of lies and BS.

I find it hysterical – though cruel – that they are making the 3 girls share a hotel next week during fantasy suite week so that when they leave Peter they go back and have to be with each other. AWFUL. So, so bad.

:: BELOW DECK SAILING YACHT ::
I will always watch below deck, but this is very sub par.
I cannot stand the chief stew. And Adam’s back…. sigh. Wish he wasn’t back.
How on earth is the chief stew getting this hammered the first night out and throwing herself at the Chef? Even HANNAH takes longer than that! And Hannah throws herself at ANY man on board on Below Deck Med.

Blown away by how on earth they do these charters on a sailboat tilted all the way to the side though?! I do not comprehend how there isn’t shattered glass everywhere at all times.

:: BELOW DECK REUNION ::

The men on this show are truly insane. They are all terrible. Period.
I will be SHOCKED if Ashton ever gets back on the show. Especially if Captain Lee has anything to say about it.

Kate announced she is retiring from the show….. ugh. I can’t handle losing the female lead of another Bravo show. I’m not surprised but UGHHHH.

It will never be the same.

Oh…. and I don’t know who did Abby’s make up or what spray tan machine she got trapped in but she must have been counting in Mississippi’s and gotten a 12.
I meannnnnnnn.

:: RHOA ::
I started watching this season for the first time in years but now I’m about a few episodes behind… I do enjoy it though…..I just DO NOT enjoy anything involving Nene. And it’s kind of heartbreaking to watch the relationships with Kenya and Porsche when they have newborn babies.

:: RHONJ ::
I think the men need a spin off…. for real. I am all about it. They are showing them on their bro dates, they get confessionals, they are on the trip to the Jersey shore. I’m here for it.

and on that note…. their man date the other week with Frank ordering extra Pucker and Nonno making octopus at 6 am was a true true gem.

Jennifer is truly insane …. which makes me appreciate her being on the show of course. Her obsession with Jackie’s money shows how low class she is. But WOW does it really take half a second to send her from zero to a hundred. The throwing of the knife at Melissa scene – I can’t. She’s insane. Jennifer is just the epitome of someone who got money and thinks that throwing money around equals status, class, importance, etc. She cannot even comprehend a comment about how saving money on a kid’s birthday party is a smart thing to do. She only hears “your kids will not be successful” and chucks cutlery at Melissa. WHAT?! She’s nuts.
I will say I’ve liked her husband and how he handles dealing with all the Joy-zee boys.

When Melissa went to meet with Danielle…. Oh. Em. GEEEEE. I was SO not expecting the tea that was spilled. They kept the footage and news of Teresa TELLING Danielle to pull Marge’s hair hidden and WOWOWOW. Quite the reveal. I am VERY much looking forward to next weeks finale.

Even for Teresa, I am SHOCKED that this occurred. Though nothing with the trash of Jersey when Danielle or Teresa is involved should surprise me at this point.

:: Gorga’s in Hot Water ::

Joe is showing that he has the same genetics as his brain trust sister Teresa. He is posting photos of homes that CLEARLY are not the same house acting like he flipped them. And THEN the woman who currently lives in the house has come out and said “uhhhh no. And here’s the house that was here before mine was built by someone else.” The two homes have completely different addresses. Why do people do things like this and assume there aren’t a zillion people who will go to the internet and investigate it?!

:: SUMMER HOUSE ::
I love this show so, so, so much. Kyle has always been a love of mine but since last season he is just…. eh. I like wild single partying falling asleep eating chips SUMMER SHOULD BE FUN Kyle. Kyle + Amanda Kyle is not Fun Kyle. ALSO, I love Amanda and think she can and should do much better than Kyle. Red flags galore. They just seem unhappy together in general.

The new girl this summer, Jules, is gorgeous but it’s been hard to watch. She is desperate to fit in and desperate to be Paige’s BFF. The copying of Paige’s lewks and obsession with her is SO MORTIFYING that it makes me embarrassed for Jules to see this airing and the way they are putting all of these clip together of her. She seems nice though and like she makes a mean pan of bacon every morning to help everyone’s hangover…. so I”d be her friend!!

Carl and Lindsay are going to completely implode like their livers after all of the fireball they drank on their “first date”.

The fact that she actually thinks this is something that could work proves why she is still single. She’s a moron but I will for sure grab a seat to watch it all go down.

Another person making bad choices involving Carl? Kyle. Carl is the salesperson and Amanda is in charge of who knows what. GENIUS business decisions.

:: PROJECT RUNWAY ::
SERGIO HAS GOT TO GO. He is an egomaniac of Housewives proportions.

I cannot handle him an episode longer.
When Elaine called him out the other week for his “political garment” as if it had ANYTHING to do with his “message” and said “actually, the 50’s were a horrible time to be African American and to be a woman” I think everyone watching clapped. And loved when his partner for the next challenge was like “the entire look was designed before he said what it represented…..”
I’m sure he’ll be back with his political statements that have nothing to do with the clothes again this week though…..

:: SHAHS OF SUNSET ::
These people are always COMPLETELY insane.
I cannot believe that GOLNESA is pregnant. It is truly a terrifying thought….
Almost as alarming as the realization that Mike thinks he’s an amazing person and boyfriend and that all of his ex’s would agree.
What drugs are these people on?! Oh, I know, ALL OF THEM.

Paulina is nowhere to be found in his instagram feed, but she posted a pic of them after the show premiered making it seem as though they are still together…. hmmm…..

:: MAZEL OF THE WEEK ::
I’m just SO late to the game that I need to give it to J.Lo for all of her flawlessness. Just because I’m obsessed with her. Super Bowl I LOVED. She could have just stood there and I would have loved it. If I could look like her at 50 without drinking wine or eating pasta….. well…..

NOPE. Not worth it.

:: JACKHOLE OF THE WEEK ::
Bethenny has a new show coming out but it’s about working under her in the SkinnyGirl empire. She’s the Jackhole simply because the show needs to be HOUSEWIVES not some business show on HBO.
I LOVE Bethenny but 1) You need to be on Housewives 2) Who would want this job!?!?

I meannnnnn if you have watched RHONY long enough and ESPECIALLY if you watched Bethenny Ever After you know what I am talking about. I could never. She is the funniest human being alive but NO. Hard no.

I bow down to her as a Bravo Queen, want to be her BF, think she is the funniest Housewife ever, but NOPE.

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:: Editors Note ::
As always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors
whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during Coffee Talk on a weekly basis.
#HYPOCRITE #SORRYIMNOTSORRY
my apologies for lack of Coffee Talk. My little twin loves take after their mother and if the television is on their eyes are LOCKED and IN LOVE and want nothing else (DAMMIT!)
I’m also too tired to proofread my own nonsense,
so if it reads as though Teresa Giudice wrote it…….sorry not sorry.