DISCUSS AMONGST YA-SELVES……

:: RHOBH ::
Camille is bringing it this season.  Obnoxious, but bringing it.  She is taking her “friend of” status to next level, and I am here for it.  (And I’m not just referring to her “sexy kinky play with my ex” comment during rock climbing.  Ohhh Camille.)

The only thing more hilarious than the amount of luggage brought on this trip is the trip to the “market”. (Rinna: Ohhh I love a Market!….. it’s literally just a grocery store……)
The grocery shopping for ONE night and breakfast is particularly thrilling because you know they don’t eat this crap!!! I would watch the FULL uncut footage of this grocery run.

Dorit is the Ramona of BH with room picking (Tent Picking) on this trip “Scott…. which luxury tent is the nicest?!” Teddi did a great job with this.  This is some serious glamping.  I would do this any weekend any time.

THEY HAVE A BEER PONG TABLE.  I am serious ALL ABOUT THIS TRIP.  This may be the best cast trip in Housewives history.
(sorry…. I am “live” typing this as I watch and I am getting VERY excited.)
Wait…. they have a massage person there….. I mean…
I’m all about it, but no…. you need to be playing beer pong not getting your neck worked on.

This campfire discussion is INSANE.  I am dying.  Bless Denise for shaking this cast up.  This is UNREAL these things that are coming out of her mouth (and again, Camille trying to ensure her spot next season adding some things in .

Side Note : Did they all borrow the same lip gloss?!
They all the most PERFECT pink lip gloss on. I want it. I need it.  I have to have it.

Camille’s not wrong that Teddi always interjects herself into everyones situations and has to give her opinion when no one has asked for it.  It would drive me insane.  It’s annoying.  No one is asking you.
But Camille’s a pain in the ass too…..so…..

This is the best episode of Beverly Hills I’ve seen in a LONG TIME.  Even little moments like Erika with the Cheez Whiz and the Pumpkin Pie with Reddi Whip are just GOLD.  GOLD I TELL YOU.

Also, let it be said that there was NO LVP in ANY of this episode
and it was still THE BEST episode of the season.
Just sayin….. #TeamEveryoneElse

:: RHONY :: 
The gift that always, always keeps giving.

I love Luann’s rehearsal outfit of black jeans/trousers and a legit blouse and black ballet flats.
Really working hard, Lu.
Lu’Anns level of entitlement has hit a new high. 
The Bezerkshires were as lovely as ever, and LuAnn was as pompous and egomaniacal as ever too.
This Cabaret act has her back at her “I’m a Countess” level but on steroids.  Remember when she would act like Bethenny needed to introduce her a certain way to “the help?”  She is even WORSE.
Apparently Cabaret > Countess.
(I’m seeing her in 3 weeks and I CANNOT WAIT to see that conceited ass’ cabaret!)

Then she complains when Bethenny COMES to the show for 3 hours and has to leave to relieve her babysitter. And oh so much more that I don’t have time to list ALL THE THINGS.
Lu, don’t mess with the B or you’ll get the HORNS GIRL.

Ramona is having a charity event for children who are victims of abuse and WOW is this a risky move.  She has quite a way with words, that Ramona.  She of course can’t even call the head of the charity by her real name.  But Harry Dubin’s name she will never mess up.  Ugh he’s just always there….. always….
speaking of Harry, wonder what’s up with Aviva these days?!

At the charity even Ramona is more concerned about her multiple birthday parties she wants planned for her by her friends….. the same friends she told her “rich friends” not to invite to her Scarpetta luncheon.  (Love the footage of Ramona caught in all of her lies, like what table she is supposed to sit at and there not being room for people at her Social Climbing luncheon.)

Ok wait…. Did I miss something. Dorinda just said “birthdays are for 10 years olds, not all donate $100 so I can get a Chanel bag.” Did Ramona legit ask for them to do this? Please let me know because I’ve had to rewind 17 times already to get through this episode and I can’t rewind again.  (Into my voice remote…. The greatest thing I never knew I could do….)

I wish I could say Ramona’s speech was horrifying and insensitive at the end of the Charity Event, but instead it was Ramona/Sonja/ AND Dorinda all being horrible and insensitive. Good. Lord.

Only these women can bicker and behave this horribly when a woman is standing NEXT TO THEM talking about being sexually abused as a child.  Whenever you think you’ve seen it all, you haven’t. At least Bridie’s (or Birdie as Ramona calls her) charity got a lot of exposure from these LUNATICS.

:: Vanderpump Rules ::

Before we get to the reunion, some commentary on the finale.  Scheana.  Always a star.
I mean…. She sponsored a penguin for Adam. Does that mean NOTHING?!

Watching her yell “Do you love me?!”
“No.”
“Answer the question, do you love me!?”
“I ALREADY DID. NO.”
And then she’s sobbing in the corner on some Kentucky randoms shoulders.
Ahhhhhhahah.  Bless this how and these awful people.

K….. the reunion……
James is such an ass but I for some reason grew to have such a soft spot this season for him. He just keeps going for the jugular the entire reunion and yet I’m like “aw you’re just a little wounded bird with such a messed up family who wants to fit in so badly with these losers.”

Raquel’s ensemble.  I meannnnn I can’t.   This rivals the reunion ensembles of RHONY Carole (ugh Carole…. it’s been SO nice not dealing with her nonexistent story-line of her 12 animals named “baby” nonsense hasn’t it?) and Kathryn on Southern Charm (CANNOT WAIT for Southern Charm.)

I cannot believe how quickly everyone is going insane at one another.
Actually…. yes I can.
Is James an ass? Yes.  Is Jax a delusional ass who thinks he is better than people when at his core he is far, far, far, far, far worse? Yassssss.

:: Summer House ::
Kyle.  Kyle, Kyle, Kyle.  You are my favorite.  WHY are you doing these awful things.
“I don’t know if I did cheat.” “I’m going to propose, everything that’s in the past is in the past.”
Um no.  Not exactly how it works. “I’ve been so good these last few months.”  “Kyle we’ve been together for 3 years.”

Every single word out of his mouth for how he responds to this makes me CRAZY.
Cheaters are my button.  There’s no excuse.  But Amanda’s the one who chooses to stay, so GOOD LUCK GIRL.
(And SERIOUSLY – how about his Mom being like “I told your dad I didn’t want to be faithful and he said he wouldn’t marry me so I was like… sigh….. okay.” Um, WUT?!?!

Jordan.
I can’t.
I’ve never seen a man more obsessed with himself
and staring at himself in the mirror flexing more.

So many words and yet I have no words.

:: The Bachelorette ::

Starts Monday…. I meannnn I’m not mentally prepared to dedicate this many hours.  I never am.  Yet I always do.  The Bachelor is always so, so much better than The Bachelorette because watching the loser men have pissing contests with eachother (sorry not sorry if that’s vulgar) is NEVER as enjoyable as watching the 23 year olds and their breakdowns.  I also don’t want to watch her do that ROAR thing 17 times.  Or try to form sentences because she is incapable of speaking.  But I guess we will be meeting the new lineup for Bachelor in Paradise so I need to get to know these douche bags before BIP airs this summer. (I heard they are filming BIP in 2 weeks…..)

:: Southern Charm :: 
NEXT WEEK.
I CANNOT WAIT.
LET THE COUNTDOWN BEGIN.

:: Texicanas ::
New Bravo Show.
Are we watching it?!
I half watched this first episode and I am very confused on who everyone is and what their relationship is to one another, but I’m sure I’ll keep at least half-watching.  Why not?!

:: Jackhole of the Week ::
ME. I posted this to my instagram and totally thought it was real.

It was fake news.
My apologies.

:: Mazel of the Week ::
I really did enjoy the MET Gala on Monday, and I know the theme Camp was for Camp, but I was really wanting a CAAAAAAMP moment, ya know what I mean? Like, a Troop Beverly Hills moment.

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:: Editors Note ::
As always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors
whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during Coffee Talk on a weekly basis.
#HYPOCRITE   #SORRYIMNOTSORRY
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day, and likely won’t do the next day either.  Or the day after that.

images from : bravo, giphy, us weekly, people, enews