DISCUSS AMONGST YA-SELVES……

:: Southern Charm Reunion Part II :: 

The only thing I won’t miss about SC is that it airs on Thursday nights, so we wait so long to discuss it, but everything else I will miss.

Shep discussing how many women he sleeps with and that he sometimes wears a condom, depending on who it is, is disgusting.  WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? What is their blood alcohol level!? Gross.  Gross.  Gross.

Before TrAshley comes out, Chelsea shares that she has gotten tons and tons of gossip about her and Thomas at the hair salon.  One of the juicy tidbits is that they got into a huge public fight after lunch and he threw his leftovers at her while yelling “You’re going to send me back to prison.” I meannnnn.

TrAshley comes out, attempting to look angelic in white, and OH-MY-WORD I CANNOT with how scary skinny she has gotten.  They play clips from the season and she looks like a COMPLETELY different person.  Yeah…. she totally looks like someone who is happily in love….. riiiiiight.

There are so many amazing gems that come out of TrAshley’s mouth during this final 90 minutes.  And the reactions from everyone else on the two couches – the eye rolls, the facial expressions, the whispered comments to each other – are just as wonderfully amazing.

She thinks that she didn’t come off the right way to ALL OF AMERICA because people don’t understand her sense of humor.  She likes to  I meannnnn.  Yeah.  She’s just hilarious.

One of the first things Thomas asked her when they met is what she did for a living, which she says shows he cares.  Um.  It’s a question any one would ask, ever, and also he doesn’t care for diddly squat.
The rape allegations have “really humbled him”. He’s sweet and sensitive!

No one understands their home life.  They like to scare each other. Hide and seek, hiding the bug under the pillow.  Such great fun!

She is not sorry for anything she said.
The one thing she regrets the most is the shopping trip with Patricia to Gwynn’s. She says that she should have done that with Kathryn.
WHAT?!

It surprisingly ends with everyone feeling almost sorry for her – or at least alarmed for her – that Thomas is manipulating her.  She’s ‘like a battered wife’ and just making excuses for him and taking the blame for his actions.

Do we think they’re together because they have no one else at this point? Or do you think she’s had dirt on him and that’s why he never broke up with her when he so clearly wasn’t in to her? I’m so confused…….

As she had repeated a million times all season, she ends it with a tearful “I’m not going anywhere.”

:: The Bachelorette Men Tell All :: 

For the love of Gawd is this season almost over?
Do I say that every season of this show?!
I know I do….. but they’re (usually) so bad and I’m so over it by the end.
I’m ready for Bachelor in Paradise….. and then will bitch and moan about Bachelor in Paradise…..

But I thought this Men Tell All was possibly the worst one yet.  Truly.
I feel like nothing at all happened and that all of it was a complete waste of time.

I realized that Lincoln wasn’t even there?! Which I guess I’m not surprised after a bunch of things came out about him after the show aired. BUT I waited all season to see what this (warning: vulgar stuff ahead)
whole thing was about Lincoln apparently getting drunk and taking a cr@p on the floor was all about…… and it was never mentioned once all season?!  Did this happen?! Why was this all over the internet for it never to seen or heard of?!

They definitely set everything up for Jason to be the next Bachelor if needed.  I just don’t think he’s the Bachelor type…… you know what I mean….???
I cannot handle the cheeze factor of Jason.
NO ONE is that sugar coated and smiley.  NO ONE.

Also, FINALLY no bedazzled gowns. I wonder if Cary the stylist got fired after the most horrendous season of fashion yet.

:: RHONY :: 

We’re STILL in Caratagena (PREACH!) and today is the infamous boat day we have been waiting for with bated breath.  Tinsley comes out in full hair and makeup, Lala Kent size gold hoops, 7 gold necklaces that are all asking to get tangled in .5 seconds, and a sexy white swimsuit and coverup that looks like bridal lingerie.  I mean…. one drop of water in that 17 layered smoky eye and she’s done.  What on EARTH has gotten in to her?! You’re getting on a boat to go to a beach!?

Dorinda comes out guns blazing and she and LuAnn get right back into it.  I don’t think she remembers the evening clearly either.  The only thing that annoys me more than Dorinda yelling is damn Carole piping in with her “Stahp Bethenny Stahp.”

After Dorinda storms off, then she’s crying LuAnn and hugging her saying “I’m sorry I love you but I felt like you were judging me.” WHAT?!  You just went INSANE again, sober, in the light of day and now your sorry? OH WAIT.  Before I can even finish typing, LuAnn is saying that Dorinda went ape-sheyite on her and Dorinda’s like welp NEVERMIND, I’m furiously pissed off again.

Right when things get to the breaking point of tension, these ladies deliver an amazingly moment of laughing out loud on my end.  Bethenny is just running running running her mouth about Carole and she has come back and been sitting at the table for all of it.  But she’s running her mouth so much she doesn’t even notice her.   My cackling stops when Carole’s face comes on my screen for another damn Coupon Cabin commercial.  Thanks Carole. 

Oh.Em.Gee. Carole has a SECOND Golden Girls interview look!

They arrive at the island and every one is far more in love with this place than their non-cocaine-Cartagena-casa.  Sonja decided the only way to deal with these lunatics is to drink, so she’s double fisting those coconut drinks from the moment her feet hit that private island.

Bless Sonja.
Dorinda feels apologetic – again – on the island and is crying about hurting LuAnn.  The thing I can’t wrap my head around is that in her confessionals MONTHS later she is STILL saying awful things like “I could have said a lot worse” so it’s like….. huh?!? She’s nuts
And LuAnn honestly is the most forgiving person ever.  She forgives people immediately for anything and everything.

Lu decides that while Sonja is enjoying herself and drinking, she should put her to work and break out her Cabaret act. Everyone is saved by the Coast Gaurd when they are kicked off the island due to the bad waves.
Tinz says the waves are so fine that she can drink red wine in all white on a yacht in the waves.

Things start to escalate with the insane waves (side note: Tinz is still drinking the red wine) and suddenly there’s a siren and we hear that it smells like smoke and BOOM – no more footage.  Nada.  We get NOTHING.

But according to the self-proclaimed-worlds-greatest-journalist in the entire world, who wants you all to remember that she has been to Afghanistan and has been to some of the most dangerous places in the world but can’t put together 200 words for Cosmopolitan because like Craig she thinks deadlines are arbitrary, that boat ride was way worse than all of that.

We get a tiny glimpse of the evening, including another hideous see-thru tango lace dress on Carole, and find out that although they celebrated their lives, they all ended up with Cartagena’s version of Montezuma’s Revenge.

Oh, Cartagena.  You were so bad to these women but so, so good to all of us.

:: RHOC :: 

Vicki continues to defend her asinine behavior for setting up Kelly’s ex Michael and continuing to double date with him.  (Editors Note : When she was on my-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen’s WWHL she continued to act like she did nothig wrong, even when Andy asked ‘and you met Michael through…..????’ It’s pathetic how Steve Lodge just travels everywhere with her and never leaves her side – I’ve yet to see one interview for her entire press tour he isn’t there for – she wants a purse dog for a husband.)

When Vicki leaves Kelly’s after their fight, she immediately calls Michael when she gets into the car, proving which friendship means more to her.  Although honestly friendship means nothing to this woman if it means reciprocating and caring about the other person.

Kelly is REALLY crying about it and clearly extremely upset.  Kelly was the ONLY one who even spoke to Vicki the past two years when everyone else was against her, and this is how she repays her? She is THE WORST. Can we please FIRE HER already?!
Also, WHY is Kelly having her 12 year old daughter on this show this much? This is not good.

The three dumb blondes kick off Mexico with tequila shots and Vicki peeing her pants and falling over.
So that seems about right.
It goes from pissing pants to being piss drunk RULL quickly.
I don’t understand how this much alcohol was consumed without throwing up.  They counted something like 15 shots…… I meannnn….. in college days that doesn’t even happen!?
It’s shots and dancing on a bar to sitting with drunk eyes crying and slurring words eating tacos al pastor.
Further proof that Tamra’s only a good friend compared to Vicki is that when Shannon is crying about David and the divorce, Tamra goes ON and ON and ON about Eddie and how amazing their marriage is and how much she loves him.  Who does something like that!?
And Tamra wouldn’t know a 20 year relationship with the father of all of her children EVER.
I wanted to jump through the screen and ….. oh ….. karma’s a betch because she’ll do it to herself in a few hours anyway.

Then Tamra gets Naked Wasted and breaks her foot in the hot tub.
Because JUMPING into a 2 foot hot tub seems like only good things could happen.

I’d like to give Shannon a slow clap for walking out in the morning without so much as brushing her hair or putting a drop of concealer on.  Get it girl.  Slow clap just for still breathing after all that booze.

OH.  And then apparently since they aren’t going to puke, I am.
When Shannon says to Vicki that her girls said “we’re so happy you’re with Auntie Vicki. We love her.” I threw up in my mouth. Clearly Shannon is a horrible judge of character.

:: Mazel of the Week ::
Jeff Lewis’ Radio Show.
Not only did the trailer for season 11 of Flipping Out just come out,
but he has made Friday’s the best day ever.
Sirius XM radio is the best thing to come into my life.  Radio Andy is clearly my channel of choice.  Andy is on all the time, Amy Phillips has a great show on Tuesday and Thursdays, but Jeff Lewis on Fridays is amazing.

I listen to it on Friday nights while I get ready and he is obviously hilarious.
And he’ll be doing 3 days a week in August while my-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen is on vacation!
Trust me when I say GET IT.

:: Jackhole of the Week :: 
Jim Bellino.
He is Suing Tamra and Shannon for $1 million for talking about his divorce from Jesus Juggs.
He has “physical and psychological ailments” from comments they made.

I mean seriously? Get on the internet and trust me there’s far worse from others.
This guy is such a twerp.

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:: Editors Note ::
As always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors
whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during Coffee Talk on a weekly basis.
#HYPOCRITE   #SORRYIMNOTSORRY
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day, and likely won’t do the next day either.  Or the day after that.

images from : bravo, giphy, us weekly, people, enews