COFFEE TALK

discuss amongst ya-selves……..

Is it just me or was there not that much TV this week?

It must just be because Bachelor is off and New York Housewives are no longer on. Oh well.

:: Real Housewives OC ::

I can’t believe this episode…. not only because of the insanely awful person that is Shannon’s Mother-In-Law, but because I can’t believe the insanely awful song “Dreamcatcher” needed a full live performance and now will not leave my brain. AT. ALL.

Their “instructor” or whatever you want to call him was dressed like Jonny Depp in one of those weird Tim Burton movies.

So Shannon + David’s kids are performing their own song that they wrote for the first time at some bar and all of OC needs to be there.

Little does Shannon know, David’s mother and sister show up. We learn at this point that there is not a good relationship between Shannon and David’s family and that David’s family has never liked her.

Before you can even think in your head “I wonder if there’s truth to this or if Shannon is exaggerating” or anything else, David’s Mom Donna walks in and starts stirring that pot like she’s an OG Housewife.

She goes straight up to the first female with a microphone on her and gets right to it.

To Kelly: “I’m Donna, David’s Mom. What’s your name?”

— Kelly.

without even a second delay:

“Kelly, I don’t get to see the kids …. Shannon keeps me from them. She hates me.”
and says all of it in this dramatically affected tone.

Then walks up to Tamra and introduces herself to her.

.5 seconds later…..

“Tamra…. let me talk some sheyite to you too…. David made one mistake. One. And she drove him to it.”

LADY IS THIS FOR REAL???? ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???

Who is this horrible person? (Whoooooo in Kelly voice)

I am shocked that someone would walk into an event for her grandchildren and immediately start doing something like this.

Kelly Dodd continues to be AWFUL by sitting there trying to tell Shannon how sad Donna is about missing out on the kids life. KELLY. Focus on your own family issues – seriously. We already know, and we will see more of it next week, that your marital problems take the cake. She sits there with her giant mouth hanging open repeating “No Shannon…. she was, like, crying. She is, like, really sad.”

Now, does Shannon handle this well? Does she decide to deal with it later, privately? Hell to the no. And unfortunately for her, but fortunately for us, that is why she is a housewife ladies ~~and gentlemen.~~ She lets every emotion out immediately in high pitched DAVID DAVID DAVID screams like we know and love.

I know she isn’t yelling at David, she is just expressing her emotions loudly and telling him what happened, but for those not privy to the prior conversation it really would seem like she was flipping the freak out on David.

She runs to the ladies room, and returns shortly after as if nothing has happened.

Like, “Oh, excuse me for that.”

So awkward.

OH WAIT. I spoke too soon – we haven’t seen the awkward part yet!

David and Shannon now get in the limo, with their girl band daughters in tow, and decide to DISCUSS WHAT JUST HAPPENED. Why, seriously and truly WHY do they discuss all of these things in front of their kids? It is horrible.

editors note: Later that night, on my-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen’s WWHL, they show a preview clip of next week with Kelly talking about her marital problems and things about her husband. Shannon comments negatively that Kelly’s daughter will see this because it will air on the show and then she’ll know things about her dad and their relationship.

Shannon?!

POT MEET KETTLE?????

You do this CONSTANTLY. and IN FRONT of your kids.

They don’t even have to wait to see it on TV!

but I digress…….

Let’s see….. what else happened this episode?

oh, there was a boring and awkward make-up session (aka huge waste of air time).

Vicki had a birthday lunch with Brianna and talked about herself and needing a man and how she better have one by Christmas and how is it so hard because she is SO low maintenance. The original OG is straight up delusional.

Watching her try to sit down in the chair while being careful about her neck injury would have been hilarious (it was – she had just hugged everyone and bent her neck perfectly fine) but we are all somehow on team “be nice to vicki” so I can’t say it was funny, which does prove that this woman is smart as hell because she knew exactly how to find the ONE THING that could turn this cancer-gate around and make OTHER people seem like the bad ones.

HOW DID THIS JUST HAPPEN?????

ALSO, Shannon. Girl. My condo in Chicago took a week to pack up solo…. I do not comprehend how you are acting like you can do this by yourself by walking around staring at what needs to be done, writing a list, and worrying about your oxygen purifier in your rental home. START PACKING. And if you aren’t going to use a company (I would have killed to have been able to do that moneybags!) then by all means, don’t waste time inviting people to stand in your closet and be mean to you about your wardrobe. That is precious bubble wrapping time!! Dr. Moon and these self induced colonics are making you crazy!

:: This Is Us ::

My mom made me watch the season premiere of This Is Us. In all honesty, I probably wouldn’t have because the commercials didn’t seem like anything great.

Y’all. Watch the first episode. It was SO good. Watch the entire thing and you’ll probably be hooked.

It seems like it is going to be the new Parenthood (but totally different….. but still….)

SO GOOD.

Hashtag thanks mom for continuing to enable your daughters unhealthy television addiction. Episode of Intervention TBD.

:: brad and angelina ::

Sorry I’m not sorry, but I agree with every meme and gif out there about being sorry not sorry regarding this break up.

If he did cheat with Marion, too bad so sad , Angelina should know the way you get him is the way you lose him. (I’m sure there is zero truth to this though and feel bad Marion is being dragged into it!)

Even if he wasn’t cheating, my guess is there is a very very small percentage feeling sorry for you.

I guarantee Jennifer Aniston could not care less, but still, the world rallying behind her having the last laugh is simply wonderful.

lame editors note: I feel like this was the first big news story when tabloid fodder became a big thing.

I honestly feel like this divorce and then the immediate coupling of Brangelina was the first big celebrity “thing”. I remember so clearly being in my freshman dorm room when hearing about the divorce and seeing the beach stroll photos, and I feel like nothing was publicized ever before like this (and you know I’ve been all over this celeb gossip schtick since the day I was born).

Updates: Chelsea Handler has some choice words for Angelina.

Marion Cotilliard just announced her pregnancy
Update right before hitting Publish: Brad investigated for Child Abuse???

:: Big Brother ::

finale spoiler alert :

I’m so upset.

How could he have been so dumb to bring her to the final 2?

What was he thinking!!??

It was Paul’s to win. Hands down. Why didn’t he bring James?

And Nicole did NOTHING all season and WINS?!

AHHHHH.

at least Paul got 50K?

and at least Victor got Fan Favorite and some money because my goodness he deserved to win the whole thing more than anyone after three comebacks.

I am off to continue unpacking, with no TV shows to marathon in the background like I could in Chicago because we have no TV Cable or Internet.

EDITORS NOTE :
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either. or the day after that.

gifs via giphy, images ABC and Bravo