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The Sarcastic Blonde

fashion, food, fitness + a dose of sarcastic gossip

coffee talk, Lifestyle

coffee talk

August 21, 2014

discuss amongst ya-selves…… 

bachelor in paradise:
if during the bachelor/bachelorette producers pump the male and female suitors with alcohol every day and night, they are pumping them full of alcohol AND drugs in mexico.
the girls are insane.
photos via

Drinking game of the night : every time Elise says something that doesn’t make sense, chug. 
“through the storm clouds comes a rainbow….. dylan was my storm…..chris is my rainbow.”
no…. no elise…. you are just sleeping with “falling in love” with two different people in 48 hours, but sure, all it a rainbow. whatever. 
how you really know elise is on drugs : she says “chris is such a gentleman”.
seriously, what hallucinogens are they taking down there?? 

I wish graham would just call AshLee a lot of things I won’t write a stage 5 clinger already.

graham :: we don’t know each other.  we literally just met.
ashlee :: but I follow you on instagram.  so I know the kind of person you are.

(insert horror movie sound effect: ree ree ree ree ree)
she gives killer crazy-eye-stare constantly. 
ashlee :: I can’t wait for you to meet my dad. 
grahams inner voice unless he is a moron :: RUN LIKE THE WIND. 
graham does realize he would be about the 6th bachelor person she has dated right?? 
I’m feeling a little bad for how pathetic michelle money is looking during all of this…. 
and old…..
just sayin…..


everyone needs to take a minute and listen to one arm sarah, because she is the only sane one there
with the exception of constantly talking about only having one arm and utter lack of any confidence. 
HOW does she not realize she is too good for this? what is wrong with her parents? 

Jersey Belle 
is just incredible.
next week I may do an entire post just on the amazing one liners from the past three episodes. 
note to bravo :: this is one of your best shows ever, and there is no arguing or trash talking at all, and the cast is filled with genuinely good people.  pick a lead who actually has a sense of humor and is intelligent, and you have pure gold on your hands. 

I seriously can’t believe how much I like every single person.  
Jaime is the funniest person they have had on Bravo in a long time.
I can’t even put into words my love for Danielle. 
I want to comment on Arden … ..
(and her Small Mouth.  she totally beats Small Mouth from Ben’s season of The Bachelor), 

but I won’t because even she seems to have enough of a sense of humor to laugh at herself.
“When I met Jaime, I thought she was such a ‘B,’—you know what that means—because she told me I looked like Ellen DeGeneres and I was really offended.”

Only con :: the first two episodes were much better than the third.  Let’s get back to more laughing, less baby talk.  
ps…. the monogrammed china she laughs at while they are in the gift shop,
you guessed it : my wedding china 🙂 
Soooo this is a short Coffee Talk and not as gif filled.
my apologies. 
It’s been a hectic few weeks.
(with some exciting news to share in a few weeks!)
blah blah blah. 
But……if you want to know the real reason……..
it’s because I’m getting my very first spray tan tonight and I am terrified.

So I spent all of last night exfoliating 97 layers of skin off my body in preparation and googling tanning nightmares. 

updates on how horribly it is bound to go to come…… 

 just youtube’d this episode to watch again….. 

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.  
#hypocrite  #sorryimnotsorry
by TheSarcasticBlonde 

About TheSarcasticBlonde

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Comments

  1. Nat says: August 21, 2014 at 12:56 pm

    Bachelor in paradise is so amazing… The elise and chris thing is just ugh.She's a moron. Sarah is way too good to be on that show- girl need some self esteem. Michelle Money just needs to retire from these things- too old. Ashlee is crazy- did you see scenes for next week?? She runs off alone into the mexican jungle. Graham needs to run and run fast. Jersey belle is sitting on my DVR- cannot wait to watch!

  2. Meredith says: August 21, 2014 at 2:02 pm

    I NEEEEEED to catch up on both Bachelor in Paradise and Jersey Belle — can't wait to watch! Ha, I just got a spray tan last night and it's way darker today than I thought it would be. Oh well… it will wash off soon? ??

  3. marisa says: August 21, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    Spray tans are much easier than that, also I frikin' love an at home tan, Lorac is my fav with the mitt. So easy! Also, a few weeks!? A surprise I have to wait a few weeks for? Nightmare!

  4. Deborah says: August 21, 2014 at 2:26 pm

    Versa Clear – beyond easy (there are cheesy pics and voice instructions). There are a bunch of places in the Chicago are that offer it. Make sure to put the barrier cream in between your toes and fingers and heels!

    You are so funny as fuck – always look forward to Coffee Talk!

  5. Rachel - At First Blush says: August 21, 2014 at 2:55 pm

    Your coffee talks KILL me. And spray tanning is my worst fear but I do it all the time… if you get splotchy, use a cotton ball and alcohol to rub it off. And agree with Deborah, Versa is my fave!

  6. kiki says: August 21, 2014 at 2:55 pm

    BEST EPISODE OF FRIENDS EVER!!!!!! legit LOLing at the GIF. (second best is the one where ross and monica have the choreographed dance from childhood).

  7. Tess says: August 21, 2014 at 3:58 pm

    Totally agree about Jersey Belle. SO refreshing, so good, really hoping it gets picked up for a 2nd season

  8. Megan says: August 21, 2014 at 4:26 pm

    Your coffee talks are my favorite thing ever! I swear we have the same brain! Hilarious.

  9. Rebecca says: August 21, 2014 at 7:33 pm

    I agree with you about Jersey Belle. I'm really liking the show so far! Arden cracks me up because her face NEVER moves.

  10. Amy says: August 21, 2014 at 11:39 pm

    Jersey Belle is the shit.Well done Bravo.

  11. Jodi says: August 22, 2014 at 12:50 am

    Did you notice Bravo is playing Melbourne Housewives on weekends and it's on Demand.

  12. Joanna Duffy says: August 22, 2014 at 10:26 am

    Just found your blog and I love it! Ross's spray tan is classic.

    lovejoanna.com

Hi. I’m Taylor

A Southern girl turned Chicago transplant, recently settling back down in Atlanta. Fluent in sarcasm. Devout Bravo-holic and TV addict. Balances fitness with french fries. Penchant for Prosecco and Pinot Grigio. Wannabe Ina Garten in the kitchen. Online shopping enthusiast. Lover of fashion and decor.

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