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The Sarcastic Blonde

fashion, food, fitness + a dose of sarcastic gossip

coffee talk, Lifestyle

coffee talk

May 23, 2013

coffee talk
discuss amongst ya-selves…. 

warning – lots of videos today…. 

 First up: It’s totally not funny.
at all. laughing is so wrong. 
but it’s hiarlious.
George Michael fell out of a moving Range Rover on the highway
 and The Sun article was titled
SCRAPE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO SLOW.
for all of you that aren’t pissing your pants, please stop reading this blog.
or become an educated human and download all of Wham!s greatest hits immediately. 

but no, for the record it was a really, really bad accident.
but he is fine, so therefor its okay to laugh, right?
so lets all start slow clapping for the person with the balls
to titled the article SCRAPE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO SLOW. 

Have you seen Newlyweds: The First Year on Bravo?
Two people excite me: Lunatic Tina + Blair
screaming  like bloody murder “I hate you” at your husband of 10 minutes in front of everyone at the wedding is definitely a top 10 tip for happiness.
well played Tina.
But, more importantly. Blair.

This week there was an entire segment devoted to him receiving the text message that whitney houston died
i can’t even handle it
so amazing.  the way his husband was looking at him is the way my man-friend looks at me during 99% of our conversations about important things,
like SCRAPE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO GO.

Did any of you see the preview for The Bachelorette?
Because I will elaborate more next week….
but I kept staring at the TV being like “that’s James…. that’s definitely James…rewinding…(picking up phone to text my friend Sean about if his friend James is on the show)”
(I know the guy on the other side too… all Miami of Ohio FB players)
(I swear the guys at Miami of Ohio DO NOT pose like this. ever.)  
and then BAM
everyone hates James, he is the villian of the season, and has a girlfriend from home that shows up at the house.
I guess I have to watch now.  The clip was played on TV, and of course is nowhere to be found now, but they will show it all on Monday’s episode during the season preview so get excited!!

RHOOC
alexis taking acting classes.

“yeah!!! I was on general hospital!!!”
watch below and prepare yourself:



how many takes do you think it took to say those “big” words??? 
please dear lord.  I would rather look at Jim than watch Alexis act which is really saying something.
oh, and slade got gretchen a rolls royce!! 
because when you can’t pay child support, afford a mortgage, or buy an engagement ring,
you can OBVIOUSLY afford a rolls royce! WTF? douche. dumb ass. 

Everyone is freaking out about the finale of Kitchen Nightmares (gordon ramsey) because of some Crazy Amy Baking Company or something.
I’ll be catching up on it this weekend because I am clueless, but I felt like I had to mention it incase anyone else cares. 
Gordon Ramsey is the craziest man ever, so I can’t wait to see what happened with cops being called in + it getting this much press.

kristen stewart hung out with t. swift after her and rob broke up.
ummm…… 
those two have about as much in common as a whore in church.

I don’t watch DWTS, but my mom is obsessed and constantly calls.
Nance Pants: DID YOU SEE KELLIE PICKLER?!
me: no mom, you know I have 978 other shows I watch
Nance Pants: IT WAS THE MOST AMAZING THING YOU HAVE EVER SEEN. 
 I can’t believe you missed it!!! I’ll keep it on the DVR until you get home!!! 
(she will keep things on the DVR for years…. years people)
Me:  Mom.  I can google it.  It’s on YouTube. I’ll watch it right now.
Nance Pants: Oh!!!!!! Really?! Already!?! It’s amazing!!!!!
 But I’ll keep it on the DVR for you. 

But, it is amazing.  Definitely worth watching.  She is so damn cute. 

How did I not hear about this Gwyneth GOOP trip??? On Groupon?? 
So ridiculous…. but as the article says…. actually is a serious steal and you would be saving money on flights and hotels even if you didn’t give a crap about Gwynnie.  I have just had such a love-hate relationship with her lately….. 

never, ever, ever, ever, do I say that Friends is bad or not funny.
but the Ellen video Jen + all of then did just really upset me. don’t do it if it’s not funny.
in fact, it was painful to watch. 
and courtney cox on friends was the most beautiful human being ever, and her face can’t even more anymore.  lay off the botox a little bit!! 

tara reid was at the fast and furios 97 premiere
that’s all.  just hadn’t seen her, wasn’t sure if she was alive or going all amanda bynes or anything, so thought I’d share she looks decently sober. 
there’s reportedly a new NYC housewife

and she is BFF’s with Brandi.  Look out! 


crazy Tamra is getting a spinoff for her wedding
can’t wait to see this nut-job plan a wedding. 
she actually scares me through the television screen. 

the end of last week’s SNL,
when everyone gives hugs and loves for the season finale and cast members leaving
no one touched kanye
and he akwardly looked side to side
bahahahaha. 
I LOVE IT

Sorry for the inevitable 9 million typos. 
I don’t have time to go through and check today. ah!

xoxo

by TheSarcasticBlonde 
Lifestyle

friday’s random little things….

May 17, 2013

friday’s random little things….
this may come as a shock
but I never drink Sunday through Thursday
we never have wine or anything at home during the week
because I can’t be trusted 
because we are all responsible and adult-like….
but this week was filled with celebrations, birthdays, and friends in town
so every. single. night. I was drinking.
I hate myself.  I am 100% reminded why I do not drink during the week.
I remember senior year of college, I think know we drank every day straight for over a month.
anyways…. this rambling is just me realizing I’m old as balls and not nearly as fun as I used to be.
so if this post makes even less sense than usual, it is because I am a hot mess.

if you know me in real life,
I try to get in as many “that’s what she said” jokes in as possible
and then laugh uncontrollably at myself.

so thank you to The Office for years for laughter.
enjoy the montage above. 

ummmm are you all watching Nashville?
because this week was AMAZING.
I can’t wait for the finale next week. 

facebook continues to creep everyone out
with new status update options
helping the obnoxious people that fill up
your news feed continue to annoy the crap out of you,
hence why instagram continues to be the number one choice. 

Summer dress hunting continues,
this week with pretty bright colors
{shoshanna dress}  

{amanda uprichard}   

{halston heritage}   

{bcbg}  

Wedding plans are slowly starting to begin over here…
so I’m thinking about doing weekly/bi-monthly wedding posts.
yay or nay?
{haymarket designs}
you know there are going to be monograms
 up-the-wazoo with this wedding
I’m a freak and love all things wedding related but I know not everyone else does.
It wouldn’t interfere with Coffee Talk and 
bitching about celebrities at all of course 🙂 

happy weekend! 
xoxo
by TheSarcasticBlonde 
fashion, Lifestyle

recently…..

May 14, 2013

recently…..
alright I’m back! 
and happily, somehow, have my sanity intact.
the last couple weekends were fun.
so here are the few, crappy, photos I have. 
I celebrated my birthday with a fancy dinner at Pump Room
and of course we didn’t take single photo together… 

went to Wine Riot at Union Station with friends

 drank copious amounts of wine and pretended to have a delicate palate 

lots of brunches

had to help my friends dog free itself from the stairs about 27 times
spent mothers day in the burbs with the man-friends family. 
and sent my mom a loving e-card with the worst mom in the world’s photo paired next to the greatest quote. 
and, of course, lots and lots of Sunday afternoons spent glued to AppleTV. 

This bracelet needs to be added to my wrist immediately

{sarah chloe bracelet} 

and to celebrate the end of a hellacious 2 years, 
snagged myself this BB Dakota maxi,
and of course every weekend has been freezing so who knows when I’ll actually be able to wear it

{BB Dakota Maxi} 

and while I was gone,
Jennifer Lawrence was still being the greatest bitch alive. 
xoxo
by TheSarcasticBlonde 
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Hi. I’m Taylor

A Southern girl turned Chicago transplant, recently settling back down in Atlanta. Fluent in sarcasm. Devout Bravo-holic and TV addict. Balances fitness with french fries. Penchant for Prosecco and Pinot Grigio. Wannabe Ina Garten in the kitchen. Online shopping enthusiast. Lover of fashion and decor.

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