gif Archives - The Sarcastic Blonde

instagram : the most important part of your day

March 10, 2015

I’m too angry to even discuss the bachelorette announcement so lets get to todays post…..

DAMN YOU ABC. prepare for some angry words on Coffee Talk this Thursday!

if you’re someone that reads blogs daily,

don’t even try to lie and act like instagram isn’t one of the best parts of your day.

it’s the best thing since sliced bread to ever happen to boredom and a well earned “break” that you totally didn’t earn but you have ADD and want to hit refresh and see if anyone posted something within the last 4 minutes since you last checked.

here are some of my favorite funny/entertaining accounts to follow :

ps. proof that I write these posts at the very last minute, taking a million screen shots at 10 PM last night on my phone

@trevso_electric

the new (to me) and just as hilarious as @thefatjewish and @fuckjerry

@girlwithnojob

she and @betches are probably my two favorite accounts on all of instagram

@youdidnoteatthat

just found out about this one and just think its funny….. cuz its true.

@betches

love, love, love them. their instagram is even better than their website

@fuckjerry

we all know @thefatjewish and hopefully you all follow @fuckjerry because I think he is 10x better and funnier

@miserable_men

men forced to go shopping with women. enough said.

there are so many others so we’ll just leave it at that for now 🙂

what are your favorite accounts to follow?

the more the merrier….. anything to kill boredom on the treadmill during a commercial break 🙂

Lifestyle

grab your remote + your biggest bowl of popcorn

February 15, 2015

……. because there’s an epic night of Sunday night TV ahead!!

screw the oscars; this is the event of the YEAR.

SNL’s 40th anniversary special

(AND the kick off for a two night Bachelor Event.)

if you follow SNL on instagram, they have been posting video clips with the guest stars all week.

it has made me SO GIDDY.

it is a live 3.5 hour event and I for one am currently counting the MINUTES.

everryyyyone will be there, and everyone who is a normal human will be watching.

simultaneously airing on ABC will be a bachelor episode, which will for the most part be absolutely horrible while chris harrison interviews chris-farming, YAWN. but they will also be interviewing crazy pants widow mcgee. and then a full episode of the bachelor, part one. thank the lord for DVR so I can fast forward through commercials and go back and forth as necessary without missing a thing.

I’m already preparing the sofa, dinner, snacks, blankets for a night of pure excitement.

my husband is preparing to look at me like I am mentally insane.

6 1/2 hours of TV that I can’t start watching until 7 PM….. give me a pint of ice cream and lets do this!

Lifestyle

things.

January 12, 2015

ugh. monday.

my “sunday scaries” anxiety was on. point. last night dreading the start of the week.

I’m so excited that the start of awards season is here!!!

basically every single silver sparkly dress that was worn last night was a favorite of mine.

a few favorites from last night…..

I don’t know who that girl in blue is, but I want to wear that dress. so preppy and adorable.

emma stone is so cute and only she can pull that look off.

claire danes was an unexpected love for me, but the more I saw the details of it the more I loved it.

and salma hayek and j.lo are just so sexy I can’t stand it. and I have a serious girl crush love obsession with j.lo

kerry washington was very meh, amanda peet was just a no, and I thought allison williams was too red+sparkles+tiers+ruffles with the dramatic hair and make-up.

the clear person to take the cake in this category: keira knightly.

keira knightly ::” its chanel. it took 30 people to make it in a week. it makes me nervous, what if i spill something down it or rip it!?”

SPILL SOMETHING DOWN IT, KIERA. PLEASE.

thank you all for taking the time to fill out the survey on friday!

I was blown away by how many of you ~~read this blog~~ responded.

and I must say…. you all are funny as hell!

via

I was laughing at loud at some of the comments. seriously, touché ladies (gents? doubtful. not even my husband reads this damn thing. clearly it’s too intellectually stimulating).

every single comment was SO NICE.

because when I came to one that wasn’t…..

When I first started this blog years ago, the only people that knew about it were about 5 close friends and I never told another person about it. I never even told my mom or sister or anything. It took years for them to find out about it through someone or something else, and when they did I was mortified. To me it is so easy to write as a nameless, faceless person to strangers, but MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY? who, like, KNOW ME? NO!?!

I still to this day don’t tell anyone that I have a blog and still to this day turn bright red when someone says something about it to me. It’s, like, totally a normal thing.

You know me….. extremely extroverted and then suddenly introverted with a crazy case of rosacea. It’s awesome.

Anyways, over time I have opened up with more personal things and then gone the complete opposite route and stopped writing about personal things entirely.

Cause I’m scurred.

But your survey responses are making me feel like I can share a little more like you are asking for.

and don’t worry. not at the expense of coffee talk and bitching about reality tv.

I know what is important here people.

I know I’m not an expert chef and my food photography is hideous. I know I am not a fashion blogger and my picks for the week or selfies are far from top notch. I know I am not a decorator and that my house is far from perfect. But fashion and food and design are still things I love so they will be things I blog about it my own haphazard way.

~~sorry I’m not sorry.~~

I think we all know that life’s way more fun when you don’t give a damn……..So what this long rant is saying is that basically I will be taking baby steps to put more of “me” out there.

but I warn you…..you should be careful what you ask for people….. it may get ugly up in here….

sooooo if you are still reading, go get a drink.

I don’t care that its monday morning! you just read all of that! you earned it!

and I apologize. Good Lord I am a total sap. (one of my many sides I keep hidden under a cloak of sarcasm and hilarity).

mmmmk. love you all for ~~lying and telling me my favorite words: you’re funny~~ reading the blog and commenting on the survey.

oh my Lord I just said I love you to strangers on the internet….. I’m going to find my drink now.

Lifestyle

the simple life

September 10, 2014

there really is no reasoning for this post at all,

which is how I could start basically every post on this blog,

except that last night I got sucked into the black hole of the internet (every. night)

when I saw a gif from The Simple Life.

it led me down an amazing path of videos and gifs of what was one of the greatest shows of all time.

so we’ll pretend its #waybackwednesday or whatever the annoying instagram hashtag is.

(don’t you think we can keep it to throwback thursday or even flashback friday? we don’t need EVERY damn day of the week. but being the hypocrite that I am, I’m using it.)

every episode was so good.

honestly though, what did we do before nicole richie?

after I’m not even going to tell you how long to try to save some dignity, I managed to pull myself together and close the computer.

I’m now considering a blog series reminiscing the amazing and hilarious shows we used to watch….

soooooo basically an excuse for me to laugh at gifs.

what do you think?

I feel like no one would enjoy that but me….

which means I’ll likely do it to keep myself entertained.

who else laughed their heads off at this show,

and what other shows do we wish played every night on repeat?

and how stupid was this post 🙂 ?

gifs via realitytvgifs

book club, Lifestyle

bitch stole my look, books + other thangs

July 15, 2014

every season of the bachelor or bachelorette,

one of those bitchs steals my look.

I guess Andi and I have more in common than I thought.

ahhhh take me back!!!!

oh hey girl.

// parker adelaide dress //

I love that dress so much.

I couldn’t wait to wear it on the honeymoon 🙂

Anyways…. back to reality….

This really has not been my week.

You may have noticed I was MIA last Thursday for Coffee Talk
(of course you noticed… you were devastated when you couldn’t read my typos and crazy talk that makes no sense).

Last Wednesday on my way to work (my 3 minute commute because I’m lazy as hell and should just walk but I’d rather sleep an extra 15 minutes), I was T-boned by a cab that drove straight through a red light because “the sun was in his eyes”.

Ugh.

I’m fine, dumbass driver is fine, and luckily no passenger was in his cab.

Sooooooo. theres that.

Then….. starting Friday I noticed a fly or two in the apartment.

I was annoyed.

I would kill them….. and then it was like they were either coming back to life, or they were multiplying…..

spoiler alert: THERE WERE A LOT MORE.

I was like “what the hell!!??”

The retail food space underneath us randomly closed with no warning, and haven’t cleaned a single thing in it. We looked in the window Sunday and I almost threw up with the sight of flies the size of Cleveland EVERYWHERE. Seriously….. there was a horse fly just now and I screamed bloody murder writing this while I watch Andi and the other morons on The Bachelorette.

So the landlord today said he’d “see what he can do this week” and “maybe we should get a fly strip or something, but let him know if that doesn’t work.”

Hell. To. The. Nah.

Listen Landlord :: I was kind and waited until Monday to e-mail you, and now I am throwing my back out screaming and running around the kitchen and almost stabbing myself while trying to make dinner and swat flies out that DO NOT DIE because they are SO DAMN BIG and ALL STEROIDED OUT OR SOMETHING.

If I’m MIA on the blog tomorrow it’s because I was either

a. eaten by a fly or

b. in the hospital from seriously injuring myself while trying to do something and a fly comes circling up to my face

or c. taken to jail for threatening to harm my landlord if he didn’t get an exterminator here.

ps…. do you think I’m dramatic much?

pps… but seriously….. I won’t show you the photo of downstairs inside the window or of the size of these creatures because I don’t want to ruin your week as well.

I was prepared to do my honeymoon book review for the 3 books I read while we were away, but now I’m all riled up about the flies and thinking crazy thoughts.

I’ll save it for Friday…..
spoiler alert: You Should Have Known is definitely NOT “the next Gone Girl“. They are liars who said that to get me to flip out with excitement and buy it (it worked) only to be disappointed.

Lifestyle, wedding, weekend recap

oh hey.

June 30, 2014

well hello there.

we’ve been back from wedding + honeymoon dream land for a week, but call me crazy, I’ve just been wanting to continue the lazy laid back mentality and soak in the newlywed simple life for a teeny bit longer.

that…. and I completely wish we were still on vacation just the two of us. everyone always says their wedding weekend + honeymoon was the most amazing week/weekend, and now I understand that it really is.

a few pics I stole from instagram:

since I can finally share all of the details that I couldn’t share before, there will still be a bit more wedding talk continuing the next few week

sorry I’m not sorry.

in the meantime, I will be ~~nurturing our new marriage by being the least annoying human possible and not being glued to the television~~ watching hour upon hour of anything and everything since I didn’t see any TV for 3 weeks.

seriously.

me. no tv. weeks.

we didn’t turn the TV on once….. which in my world displays love beyond words. but enough about him and love and blah blah…. and back to my real BFF: the TV…….

I’ve been marathoning Ladies of London, The Peoples Couch, RHOC, RHNY, Big Brother, The Bachelorette, Watch What Happens Live….. oh my gosh it’s too much to even comprehend.

How gorgeous was J Lo on WWHL?

And can we discuss how incredible ladies of london is?!? I arrived home and immediately watched 4 straight hours since I had heard I was seriously missing out. and I was.

I don’t know how Bravo didn’t get the memo not to start airing new shows during our wedding extravaganza.