DISCUSS AMONGST YA-SELVES……

:: RH of OC ::

Well…. I can’t believe after all these weeks of discussing Vicki and her damn casseroles, that the woman finally got herself a casserole.
That was my only ongoing commentary with her….
because this season couldn’t be more terrible.
What now?  Where do I turn?
Side Note : I really want to know what was in this Icelandic Casserole?!?

So, to get caught up, Vicki thought she was having a heart attack and her heart was pounding out of her chest.
The three days leading up to this she had zero sleep and had a full night out of boozing after getting off the international flight. So, as I mentioned last week, YEAH I bet your heart is going nuts.

Was Peggy not SO annoying during all of this chaos?

One of the strangest aspects of all of this is that she leaves for the hospital with a robe covering her whole body, as though she is dead?  What?

Most of the ladies can’t be bothered to follow her to the hospital and I don’t blame them which isn’t surprising. When they had the RV incident last season, not a single one went with her to the hospital, but this time she got Peggy and Lydia.

She was taken to the hospital where she was given fluids and BP medicine.  And I’m sure an order to

But, hey! Why stop now!?! Look how great the lack of sleep combined with booze worked out!?
She was greeted with the Iclandic Casserole upon her arrival!  She is cured!
She drinks and stays up until 2 AM with the group,  the exact things that caused the whole dramatic experience.

{Again, I never feel an ounce of sympathy of Vicki, and this is another reason showing why she doesn’t deserve it.  Even if she was scared, did have her heart flipping her out, anyone who is actually concerned would never pour a drink and stay up after getting home.  She needs more attention than a year old! }

As the ladies booze into the wee hour, drama ensues.
Tamra and Vicki have an obnoxious heart to heart (with plenty-a-scream from Tamra at Kelly in between.  The words were different, but it was the same scream she does at reunions).

Shannon is in the corner angrily venting to Meghan about Tamra who is yelling at Kelly who is pissed off and yelling at Peggy. Kapeesh?
Why is Shannon so surprised by this behavior? Of COURSE Tamra and Vicki will make up; keeping the old lady original cast members together is their only hope of making it to another boring season of the show!

Peggy is so distraught by the whole evening that she refuses to show face to anyone the entire next day.  The ladies know she means business because she doesn’t even go SHOPPING!
(jaw hits floor! the horror!) Oh yeah…. nothing like missing out on that Icelandic Shopping! Poor Peggy!
it should be more like “You know she means business + is pissed because she is intentionally staying in her hideous theme room for 24 hours alone. what the heck is up with those theme rooms? seriously? 

:: Shannon + David have Separated ::

Over the weekend, news broke about Shannon and David separated after 17 years of marriage.
Word is that it all came out during the filming of the reunion.

Here is what she told People Mag :
“It’s heartbreaking for me and my daughters that this is the road that had to be taken but it’s the only way,” Shannon, 53, told People. “I felt alone in my marriage. You can do what you can to keep your family together, but you have to have willing parties. You need two people to make a marriage work, and that just wasn’t happening in our relationship.”
“This is not the path that I thought that I would be taking,” Shannon said. “To come from the highest of the highs last year to go to such a low so quickly? At the beginning when it starts to crumble, you think, ‘This is just a phase. It’ll get better.’ But it never did.”
“As a mother, I want to be a good role model for my daughters,” Shannon explained. “Three years ago I was proud of what I showed them, because I fought for keeping my family together after infidelity. As the last year went by, it’s been extremely difficult and painful to watch the show, because clearly I was in denial about what was going on in my marriage. I was taking things out on other people instead of at home. … As a mother you keep thinking about your daughters and you have to say, ‘This is an unhealthy environment.’ Not only is it unhealthy for me, but it’s unhealthy for my girls, too. They deserve a happy and joyful home, and I am providing that for them now.”

This is the least surprising, yet still surprising, news.
I wonder who “filed” or initiated the separation
editors note : to my knowledge no divorce papers have been filed, but I’m as reliable as an OC Housewife during a medical emergency, so don’t hold me to it! 
Also, can this be a lesson to not have a vow renewal when your marriage is struggling, because that’ll be the final nail in the coffin?!?!

:: DYNASTY ::

I just saw a commercial for the Dynasty reboot and really want to watch.  On the CW.
Anyone watching?
OH.  Speaking on 9,000 shows I want/need to add to my list, everyone is talking about Riverdale too!
Tell me new favorites that you all are loving (nothing HBO or horror related, por favor).

:: RH of DALLAS :: 

LeeAnne’s boyfriend Rich made a huge mistake finally put a ring on it and the time has come to celebrate with an engagement party.  Or, as LeeAnne also calls it, Rich’s last chance to run.

I love, love, love that it’s a Carnival Theme.  So cute.
And as we see later in the episode, it looks absolutely gorgeous.

Stephanie and What was the point of buying this house ? Just build your own from scratch ? She seems to dislike everything about it

LeeAnne is seeing her mom for the first time in 2 years,
but for real, what is the giant red cube with a red dome and like a plunger coming out of it on the top in her living room? I have rewound it 3 times and cant figure out what this thing is? This living room is hideous! 
Is LeeAnne ever not rehashing her sad past?? (I could be saying this because she was just on the Juicy Scoop podcast and it’s just…. WE GET IT.  She’s just all about LeeANne always)
One thing that I find interesting is that LeeAnne’s mom seemed fine, and that LeeAnne made sure to say that her mom has softened and changed over the years.  Hmmmmm.  Perhaps she knows her mom may say certain things are untrue?  And that LeeAnne dramatizes?
I’m not saying she didn’t have a horrible childhood, I’m just saying I think LeeAnne likes to harp on it to the point that it gets so extreme that it takes on a whole new life.  I mean, the woman walks in to AIDS charity events and makes her speech all about herself.  So, need I say more?

LeeAnne takes her mom to therapy to hash things out and
they sit as far away from one another as possible on the couch.
Uh oh.  And no surprise, her mom sees the past differently from LeeAnne.
But it seems to go well overall so that’s good!

Speaking of mothers, Dee finally says she is going to hand over the keys to D’Andra.  Hallelujah!

Cary, Brandi, and Stephanie all meet for lunch where Brandi once again needs to PICK A LANE.  I don’t understand all of the constant back and forth this season. Are you with Cary or against her? Are you with LeeAnne or against?!
Brandi decides that she is against LeeAnne and with Cary, but I still can’t believe all of the horrible things that Brandi said about Cary.  Talk about forgiveness to just drop it and move on! Maybe it was the tequila shots before even speaking that helped? Note to self….. TEQUILA SHOTS are the gateway to forgiveness.

This Carnival Themed engagement party is incredible.  I wish they would have showed more because everything looked absolutely AH-mazing.
Almost as amazing as Kameron’s dress and hair
(I was so in love with Kameron’s hair that I took pictures of the TV and texted it to a friend who needs wedding hair ideas. TooFar?)

LeeAnne is unaware at her engagement party that Brandi is switching teams again, but nevertheless, smiles and tells her how much she loves her as a friend, and then adds a warm and loving “I’ll slit your throat” if she crosses her.  Awwww. So sweet. Hashtag Friendship.

At brunch the next morning at D’Andra’s, Cary and LeeAnne begin their bickering but in a shocking turn of events (to LeeAnne) Brandi buts in and goes after LeeAnne even harder than Cary.  LeeAnne seems genuinely shocked.  Jaw open, and then ends up crying. Brandi says ENOUGH with the slitting throats threats.

Kameron tells Brandi that she doesn’t need to worry.  LeeAnne doesn’t actually mean her death threats, not really.  Kameron follows it up with a “like, right????!!???” because even she isn’t sure, but she sure as sheyite doesn’t want to be on the receiving end of it.

The ladies storm out, and the seasons ends divided.
Cary + Steph + Brandi drew a line in the sand.

:: I, TONYA ::

I cannot wait to watch this Tonya Harding movie.
For real.
Gonna eat it up.

:: RHONJ :: 

Between our non stop cable outages (Comcast is on my shite list) I am still behind. But I’m 3+ episodes in.
I like Pigtails Margaret so far.  Think I’m into her as a new addition.
Is everyone named Joe? Seriously, we have like 5 housewives and 3 house-husbands named Joe.
Melissa’s Joe is BUYING A RESTAURANT? How insanely dumb is everyone in that family with money?! They take it to a whole new level of stupidity.
And why on earth would he put his wife and his sister in the same restaurant when they JUST BECAME FRIENDS.  The two of them are going to kill each other.
And, HELLO, don’t buy a restaurant and then force your wife to work there! She has a damn job! And the common decency to ask you your opinion before opening her store! I am so team Melissa on this one.
I’m going to try to catch up and give commentary, but looking at Danielle Staub is extremely difficult for me.
This Siggy and Pigtails Margaret feud is so stupid.  I used to be all the way Team Siggy.

I love Siggy because I think she is one of the only genuine people on the show, but she needs to let it freaking go.   She’s pulling a Shannon so far this season and just acting like a lunatic, and not in a good way.

And Margaret being so upset when Siggy starts crying and saying I don’t want to fight, I want to move past it. I mean, she invited her to the party, she texted from the party saying she wanted to be done with it, and now she is saying it again.
Siggy, GET OVER IT.
The last part I saw was the beginning of Episode 4 where Margaret reveals that Siggy is getting “pellets in her butt” and I was SO confused.  She explained it is hormones, but wowza I had never heard of hormone therapy like that before!
and I did laugh at Joe saying ‘When you need the pellets I’m going to shoot myself’ 
But seriously, Danielle Staub, I just can’t.
Her voice. Her face.  (long deeeeep breath) I’m trying to take one for the team on this y’all …… I’m trying…..

:: Bethenny’s Dog :: 
Bethenny’s (Insane) dog Cookie passed away at the age of 17.  Any long time Bravo-viewer will remember this dog vividly from her early years on NY and from Bethenny Ever After. She was an absolute lunatic.  Truly.  Would attack everyone.
But, what was so weird about all of this was Bethenny instagram videoing EVERY single moment that happened with the dogs passing – from the moment she started seizing on.

It’s stuff like this that makes me insane with her.  Put the damn camera down and calmly console your dog.  If I’m dying, someone being in hysterics around me isn’t making it better.  And you are with your 7 year old daughter! Lock it up a bit!!!!
But really, I don’t understand the videoing and adding to instagram story the whole time – spend your final moments consoling the dog you love so much!!???

:: Floribama Shore ::
The land known for airbrush tee shirts, Panama City Beach Florida, is getting it’s own show.  Lordy.
I’m not going to lie, I loved me some Jersey Shore trash TV back in the day.
But I am much older.  And wiser.  And still have the same poor taste in television.  So we’ll see.
I really do love me some Pauly D…. not gonna lie…

:: J. Lo and A Rod ::

J. Lo can do no wrong in my eyes.  I hope she’s happy with A. Rod, and their Vanity Fair article sure make it seem so! You can read (what I think is) the whole cover article here.

I mean, they’ve gotta make it?
They both have nicknames with a single first initial and an abbreviated last name…. maybe this is all she needed all along to find the perfect match!?

:: MAZEL OF THE WEEK ::
My-Boyfriend-Andy-Cohen’s WWHL is now a PODCAST!
This makes my life so much better.
Living on Eastern time is THE WORST.  Shows come on so late.  So I always have a million WWHL to catch up on and get so far behind.  Now I can listen to them o my commute!

:: JACKHOLE OF THE WEEK ::
Teresa Giudice trashed Sofia Vergara at an event,
calling her a bitch and then saying that she is an immigrant and should act like.

Yes, you read that correctly.
Allow this to be exhibit 974 why I really just don’t want to watch Jersey!!

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:: Editors Note ::
As always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors
whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during Coffee Talk on a weekly basis.
#HYPOCRITE   #SORRYIMNOTSORRY
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snaochats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day, and likely won’t do the next day either.  Or the day after that.

DISCUSS AMONGST YA-SELVES……

:: RH of DALLAS ::
We learned more details about LeeAnne and her flesh eating virus.  She also was on the Juicy Scoop Podcast this week discussing it and I think I had too much Carnie for the week.  It was just annoyingly obvious that she really loves herself, thinks she is hilarious, and loves hearing herself talk (coming from the girl who blogs weekly about utter garbage just to put it out there….#hypocrite I know)

Do we think that the flesh eating virus came from being in the water in Mexico or because her OBGYN did the breast augmentation?  I’m sure it was from still healing and then having the water in Mexico get all up in there, but still, it just makes me wonder….. I mean, first he used a level to get the nipples even (it’s tricky y’all, plastic surgeons don’t need to have an eye for symmetry or anything – come on!) and then he says to use a compact in between her boobs?! I MEAN, WHAT!

editors note : but seriously…. I will never get over the level thing.  That is like getting an eyebrow wax and the girl pulling out a protractor or something, only 50 million times worse because this is a board certified plastic surgeon and it’s you under anesthesia getting your nipples reattached)

For how much I don’t necessarily like/love/need Cameron, I actually really enjoy what she brings to the show.  I think my moment of loving her was this single line alone :

I was alarmingly excited to see this stupid dog food launch party, and somehow was like “Oh her pink sparkly gown! She looks amazing!”  How has she brainwashed me?
I really wish you could read all of the Cameron parts in *her voice* aka very slow and affected, so please, if you can, the following is to be read in Cameron’s voice because it just makes it so much better. 
Cameron wanted everyone to walk into the party for Sparkle Dog and really “feel the sparkle.”  The amount that this party must have cost is absolutely insane.
But seriously….. is there ever an acceptable event for me to wear a long sparkly pink dress (cough: no) Because I really want it.

The “pink dog food” turns out to just be run of the mill brown kibble with pieces of pink dog food thrown in there. They had to add some regular kibble to the recipe because apparently the “pink potty situation” was a little alarming.
The most surprising and craziest moment at the SparkleDog Launch Party had nothing to do with Cameron.  It was D’Andra bursting into tears when the Dog Psychic said something about her dogs relationship with its birth mom.
oh, I forgot to mention, in addition to the 97 over the top things with this dog food launch, there was a dog psychic at the party to give readings.  
I can only imagine that life with her mom Dee can get pretty stressful, but COME ON, how is one generic sentence from a dog psychic breaking you down this much?   The psychic nods at the dog and says “okay” three times as though it’s speaking to her and D’Andra is like “(tears pouring) I just have so much going on right now” . I’m trying to be open and understanding about it because I cry at the drop of a hat, but at a pink dog food launch party with a dog psychic? And a dog psychic who is like “hmmmm lets see…. okay the dog loves you and worries about you.”  LOCK IT UP!!
Is it wrong to make fun of this? Probably…..

Stephanie and Brandi and Cary and LeeAnne and everyone are still arguing about the plastic surgeons, if people were killed on an operating table, if Cary was the Nanny for Mark, etc.  But I feel like nothing came from any of it? OH.  Except LeeAnne walking over to Mark and being like “Rich adores you, we’d love for you to come to our engagement party.”  Oh sure! Keep commenting about him going to the gay bar and cheating, but we just couldn’t celebrate our engagement with you and Cary!  Have I mentioned that LeeAnne really scares me?

editors note : I know that each week I am changing ‘Cameron’ to ‘Kameron’ and back, but I just can’t keep up . Ever since The Bachelor/Bachelorette where every girls name is spelled 17 different ways, I decided that in addition to keeping you guessing as to what the heck I am talking about in my run-on sentences, I will keep you guessing about how the heck a name is spelled. 

:: RH of OC ::
The ladies landed in Iceland, and I immediately thought this is even worse than when they went to Ireland.  What an awful trip idea! Not for real life – I think Ireland and Iceland would be amazing for real life – but for Housewives!? YAWN.  If you can’t give us Dubai and Hong Kong like the Beverly Hills girls at least give us something.

What are everyones thoughts on Tamra this week?
I think Tamra is a mean girl who never accepts responsibility for a single solitary thing ever (i.e. everything with her daughter Sydney) and this week is a perfect example.
Tamra started a group text on the trip and included everyone except Lydia, the host of the trip.  Was it a mistake or an oversight? Who cares.  Just say sorry and that you didn’t mean to exclude her form the text chain.  It’s really that simple.  Instead she got so defensive and argumentative, and then when Lydia got upset and left the table, Tamra acted like she wasn’t being rude at all and that Lydia is crazy.  Lydia did act childish about the whole thing, but still, Tamra’s a mean girl who always knows exactly what she’s doing to cause problems.

I think Kelly was having the time of her life on this trip. She was straight up having eye sex with every person she encountered in Iceland.  She really was nice to everyone though, staff included.

OMG Shannon.  I feel so bad for her but I just want to tell her to STAHP doing EVERYTHING she has been doing this season.  Especially getting all jealous over Tamra and Vicki hanging out this trip: LET THEM HAVE EACH OTHER. They are awful!

Seriously, in what world would Tamra ever be BFF with Shannon?
In the same world where Tamra goes to Lydia’s house for Bible Study.

Vicki hadn’t been feeling well on the first full day in Iceland, but she felt great enough to party until 3 am and talk about how fun it was all morning.  We end the episode with her starting to feel like she is having a heart attack and ambulance/doctor coming.

I’m not saying she wasn’t sick, but seriously, she is the girl who cried wolf.  She makes it so hard to believe her or have any sympathy for her whatsoever.
Also, you are 55 years old and you drank until 3 AM after being on a 14 hour flight and then had to be up and ready by 8 AM! I bet your heart is racing!! IT’S CALLED A HANGOVER.

and then in the scenes from next week she is sitting with all of the girls later that night so clearly she was fine.
But no….. it’s a heart attack!
SOMEONE MAKE HER AN ICELANDIC CASSEROLE.
editors note that I should totally keep to myself, so I won’t:
every time I write about the Casserole’s I picture it being said
“God Dammit someone get that woman a casserole!” In the same voice from Troop Beverly Hills when she’s overboard and says “God Dammit someone throw me a lifesaver!” 

but…. to end on a positive… Iceland looks gorgeous.
I’m trying……

:: RH of NJ :: 
alright, you all convinced me to get on board.  Unfortunately our TV and internet has been in and out CONSTANTLY the last week and a half and I haven’t been able to see the last 2 episodes. (I’ve been having to run to Starbucks to blog since last week…… last night and this morning included!)

I’m sad about the ganging up on Siggy and her coming off a little Coo Coo though because I think she is the only genuine and intelligent person on the whole show (hence why I really can’t stand watching NJ)
BUT. Give me a little time and I’ll comment.

And so far I can’t stand the woman in the pigtails,
but I can’t stand any of them really, so that’s not saying much?

:: Murder + Crime Shows and Podcasts ::
I don’t know if it’s the Halloween timing or what, but I have true crime on the mind.  I loved the Dirty John Podcast (just 6 one hour episodes) and I loved watching The Lacey Peterson documentary and now may start the Menendez brothers.  But the thing I still can’t handle one bit is any actual scary movie, or even a scary movie commercial for that matter.

Is it messed up, or does it say something bad about me, that I can’t handle any “fake” crimes and murders in horror films, but am interested in real life murders and crimes? Well, not all murders.  Nothing with breaking and entering and killing a woman alone or something – I won’t sleep for weeks! I shut off any Dateline (don’t watch it alone) when it hits “too close to home”.

But, like, crimes of passion and premeditated murders?  Love em! All for it! Could marathon it on the couch all day long!  Seriously does that make me horrible? Or do all women feel that way?

:: John Stamos Engaged :: 

John Stamos got engaged to his 31 year old girlfriend this week.  31 means we all basically stood a chance with him….. damn!

I feel like Leonardo DiCaprio is one of the only long standing bachelors remaining…..(although I know Stamos was married before)

:: JT Superbowl :: 

Justin Timberlake announced this week that he will be performing the Super Bowl Halftime Show for 2018! I am so excited! I still remember vividly watching the JT and Janet show where her boob popped out.

It was my Senior year of HS and there were a ton of us over at a friends house who luckily was an early adopter of Tivo.  We all had a lot of fun rewinding and replaying that over and over and over again. 
While I’m sure nothing will top the surprise of that night, I know he will have an amazing show so I am so excited it’s him!

:: Jackhole of the Week :: 

I don’t even want to categorize this as the Jackhole because I am still so on the fence about Jason (he seemed so great! how could he have gone crazy?! I’m still clinging to hope she drove him mad and we’re only hearing one side of the story?) butttt………

Jason accepted a please deal in the stalking case with Bethenny.

:: Mazel of the Week ::
Any of you as into Dancing with the Stars as I am?
Because seriously I feel like no one watches this show and it is THE BEST.  It’s like Big Brother: I will never stop preaching about how much I love it so you all just need to get on board.  And until then, I will share videos of how insanely talented they are and let you know that I cry every single week at least once.
But that’s pretty normal for me…. 

Lindsey stering is a professional violinist who is partnered with Mark, but it just came to my attention that she and Derek Hough have been doing music videos together.  (Can you hear my mom screaming “through me!? I emailed it to you!” from where you are? Because I sure can…. )

It is AH-MAZING.
They did another video together too for The Arena.
Anyways….. watch and enjoy.  I love him.

Sorry for late posts this week, our TV and Internet have been in and out constantly since last week.  We may need to get new boxes (and lose my DVR’d shows!!! and set up all new Season Recordings!? THE HORROR!!!)
Oh, and I’m late for a spin class so especially sorry for my lack of english today.  I don’t work well in a space with people hopped up on Coffee that I do not drink.  I find I perform best in my giant white fuzzy robe, pink furry socks, in the “pajama pose” (Will + Grace) on my couch, remote in hand, jumping between 17 different fragmented thoughts.
also, hasn’t Will & Grace just been THE BEST!? 

I’m flying to NY today for one of my best friend’s weddings! Follow along on instagram! 

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:: Editors Note ::
As always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors
whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during Coffee Talk on a weekly basis.
#HYPOCRITE   #SORRYIMNOTSORRY
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snaochats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day, and likely won’t do the next day either.  Or the day after that.