The Sarcastic Blonde

cocktail time.

May 1, 2014

I won’t be seeing my half-husband for a week and a half between my bachelorette, his work trip, and his bachelor party.

so I don’t have a coffee talk prepared because we wanted to spend as much quality time together last night before these long lonely days apart.

HA!!! I jest …..

we watched flipping out while on our separate computers perusing pinterest.

PREACH.

but seriously…… just leave your comments below about the Southern Charm reunion

because MY MIND IS BLOWN.

I won’t say what every single one of you is thinking………

but I don’t know what made me more uncomfortable:

Thomas talking about how he is still entirely in love with his ex and he seemed like he could cry over it…… or him saying he didn’t care that Kathryn had slept with ALL of the men in the room (except my boyfriend Andy Cohen)…… or basically everything involving Thomas and Kathryn.

and if someone can find the side-by-side of Whitney and Mr. Rogers’ Lady Elaine Fairchile that they aired on WWHL…….

i. can’t. breathe. it’s. so. good.

puh-lease send it to me and I will pay pal you my life savings asap….

because google is not being friendly to me tonight and I can’t find it for the life of me to send to my mom ~~who watches more tv than any living soul and somehow missed it, what the hell?!~~ .

alright happy weekend.

I’ll post appropriate pics of the bachelorette this weekend on instagram…..

nothing cah-razy I promise.

Lifestyle, wedding

wedding wednesday

April 30, 2014

today for wedding wednesday I’m sharing our wedding invitation!

it combined two my favorite things,

navy and monograms.

I blurred the address out, so ignore the ugly splotches that now appear on the outer envelope 🙂

but please do notice my killer my photography skills.

I’m going to post some photography tips for food and such at some point….

sitting on the couch in pajamas, hiding any stains on the couch, and illuminating your subject with the glow from the TV while Bravo plays generally gives some amazing lighting for photos.

i’m such a pro it slays me.

I tried to do nicknames for as many inner envelopes as possible.

I mean…. I told you these photo skills were perfection….

the inner envelope liner and background of invitation are in a dark navy

they’re so pretty in person 🙂

This weekend is my bachelorette party in Nashville

and I am so excited I can hardly stand it!!!

I’ve been trying to decide what to pack all week….

There are some surprises I’m not yet aware of..…. but,

I’m mostly just looking forward to bar hopping with all of my favorite people in one place for an entire weekend.

fashion, Lifestyle

lust list

April 29, 2014

lusts for the week…….

{via}

so maybe a wee bit ~~skanky~~ risqué…. but ~~sometimes ya gotta dress like a skank~~ I love it.

comes in white too.

{via}

Lifestyle

28.

April 28, 2014

celebrations call for monogrammed desserts.

yet no one gave these to me ….. WTF? worst birthday ever.

I turned 28 this weekend.

I’m already showing my age and fell asleep for a nap on both saturday and sunday.

I don’t nap……ever.

ugh…. late twenties are already killing me.

me today:

I posted a few pics on instagram, but I got nothin’ for ya today,

because I’m old and tired.

so…. yeah…..

k. bye.

coffee talk, Lifestyle

coffee talk

April 24, 2014

discuss amongst ya-selves…..

The Southern Charm finale confirmed what we had figured out the last few weeks…. that Thomas and 30 years younger Kathryn had a baby together.

I mean…….

I just can’t.

I’ll hold off on any commentary until the REUNION EPISODE!!!!!

My Boyfriend Andy Cohen announced on WWHL they are filming a reunion this week,

and what you probably didn’t hear was that he was doing it as a birthday present to me 🙂

he’s so good to me.

more exciting: Cameran’s wedding! I love that she didn’t have any part of this aired on the show…. makes her even more lovable than she already is and proves she really is the only sane one on the show.

she’s so naturally gorgeous I can’t stand it.

RHOA:

Porscha’s Boobs are a prime example of why people with no brain cells should not be allowed to pick out their cup size or be trusted to understand a proper quantity of CC’s.

I’m all for pumping ’em up, but seriously, what is the point when they turn out like this?

I love how Porscha is the one that goes nuts and attacks Kenya…

….and not one of them goes to Kenya. They all go soothe Porscha.

If that doesn’t say something about Kenya, I don’t what does. They hate her so much.

preach!

Part one of the reunion was lovely…. so much better than Beverly Hills already.

p.s. I want to be famous just so I can have a man carry me around everywhere like Porscha had. that would be the life.

Lilo…… I watched ALL of the episodes on Sunday. Lilo Overload.

you are a pathological liar. it is crazy.

yes, i think you are an insanely talented actress.

however, you are also just plain insane.

if you want your career to start back up and people to trust you, then don’t cancel or not show up for everything you have booked on EVERY episode of the show!!!!

ummmmmm yep. pretty much.

‘cuz it is.

ugh her mom makes me sick though.

poor girl didn’t stand a chance with those two as parents.

and PS…. this new magazine article…

if this is true, I am flabbergasted all over again.

pps. the best part of the whole season STILL was hearing the Elle Indonesia girl say “like” every other word….. it was just mind boggling. and nauseating because that is clearly how our language is perceived.

Speaking of Lilo……

Rumor Willis’s face is turning into Lindsays…. she looks just like her?

She also looks like a street walker.

like… what is that cut out? I can’t even comprehend.

Tori Spelling needs a SNAP OUT IT moment.

Let’s see…..

doing a reality TV show about your husbands affair and the cheating and their marriage?

UMMMMMM…….. NO.

Homegirl is insane from lack of fried food.

THIS article has me thinking the whole thing may be fake…….

but I do think it’s true that he cheated.

I can’t feel sorry for her though, because she was the other woman first.

If he’ll cheat WITH you, he’ll cheat ON you.

Come on Tori.

jackhole of the week:

because she just always is….

the scenes where her ghostwriter asks lindsay questions about her childhood and her mom tries to answer all of them for her as if it wasn’t that bad….

UM. THE JIG IS UP DINA.

a leeeeettle late to try to act like you had a healthy, happy home to raise kids in.
I guess Dina Lohan can be our Jackhole of the Week this week….

Lifestyle, wedding

wedding wednesday

April 23, 2014

I somehow became sick as a dog in the last 24 hours, and am passing out to the soothing sounds of Housewives in my ears. so this will be a short post.

I’ll share the whole invite later, but for now, here is the stamp on our outer envelope for our wedding invitations.

Isn’t it the cutest stamp ever?

My initials with a white dress and his initials with the black bow tie.

Who knew a stamp could make a girl so happy?

an example of nine million things I put thought into that no one else notices I’m sure 🙂

I’ve seen on several wedding blogs and on pinterest pics of girls holding their bottle of perfume in a wedding photo

image via

and I’ve read that it’s nice to wear a different perfume for your wedding/honeymoon to associate with the time.

{tory burch perfume}

I ran out of my Marc Jacobs, and got a free sample of this Tory Burch and I am crazy in love with it.

I will definitely be making this my new scent.

I was planning on wearing my sisters wedding earrings, but when I had my first fitting I realized they didn’t go with the dress. ugh. So now I am in search of large studs of some kind — large enough that you can see them on each ear from head on and they balance my face out (if that size makes sense….. I swear my head isn’t as large as that sentence makes it seem)

so far I’ve only found a few things on nordstrom and bhldn

anyone know any good online sites to look for bridal earrings? it seems most are dangly and finding large studs with just diamonds or pearls has been tricky.

you all know my style by now….