The Sarcastic Blonde

2014 :: year in review

January 5, 2015

I know a lot of people posted the “2014 post” last week on the 31st of December or the 1st of January….. but that time for me was still vacation time from work!

I don’t know how bloggers are always so on top of it during the holidays? All I am focused on in eating and drinking as much as humanly possible. That and watching TV and online shopping……. that is pretty much it. What else could a girl need ?

So for today, hopefully we can pretend it’s 1st as we recap the year!

2014 was by far the busiest, most exciting year filled with the most change. {with more weddings, bachelorette parties, and showers than a girl could count – and I loved every one of them!}

:: January ::

I met my nephew for the first time. He decided he couldn’t wait another minute to meet everyone and was born a few weeks early in December 2013, but I wasn’t able to fly home to meet him until his expected arrival date.

at a month old he was still the tiniest thing I had ever seen.

I have no experience with babies at all, and have never considered myself a “baby person”, and I am so in love with him and want to stare at him and eat him to pieces all day long.

:: February ::

I quit the gym {it’s the little things people…. it was two years overdue.}

celebrated my best friends bachelorette weekend in Charleston

first time there and I absolutely love it and cannot wait to go back

our engagement party

ski trip to lake geneva

:: March ::
joint bridal shower in atlanta

best friends wedding in atlanta

:: April ::
my family flew in for my chicago shower

28th birthday (ugh. woof.)

:: May ::

my bachelorette party in Nashville

:: June ::

Our Wedding Weekend !

Honeymoon in St. Lucia
which I never did a post on…. errr oops. maybe 2015 is the year for me following through.

another best friends wedding

:: July ::

two bridal showers

chandler’s baptism

:: August ::

best friends bachelorette in NYC

trip to boston for my brothers wedding party

:: September ::

a best friends wedding

closed on our first home !

:: October ::

three more wedding celebrations

:: November ::
a surprise ER stay for appendicitis

I made seriously pretty doughnuts {again, it’s the little things}

thanksgiving with the in-laws in chicago

:: December ::

a beautiful baby shower for one of my best friends

first married christmas

annual family trip to Grand Cayman, with the prettiest sunsets ever seen this year.

it was the most fun, crazy, exciting year yet, made even better by how many great things happened this year for my friends and family as well. it was so fun to celebrate all of lifes big moments together with the people I’m closest to. I don’t know how this year could possibly be topped!

goodness sorry for the total overload of photos in this post.

and a HUGE thank you to all of you for reading my silly blog this past year 🙂

your comments and e-mails always make my day

the ones about coffee talk with your thoughts and opinions (cough : and telling me I’m funny : cough) are of course my most favorite of them all

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

Lifestyle

a fresh start

January 1, 2015

I promise I have lots of thrilling posts planned.

but today….

today is about the couch, food, and lots of Bravo, who is currently airing a #throwbackthursday of all of their first episodes of their first shows. Few things are greater than seeing where the Housewives started, and how their faces have changed over the years but their forehead still ceases to move.

don’t cry that a year has ended,

celebrate that you likely don’t look anything as close to as horrible as this when you ugly cry.

I mean, Gretchen….. FOR REAL?!?!?!?

Lifestyle

christmas is coming!

December 23, 2014

via

this time tomorrow we will have left the cold and will be on the beach soaking up some rays.

PAH-REACHHHHHHHH.

I’ve sworn off the tanning bed…. apparently for real this time….

I usually always allow myself one or two visits before the beach to keep me from burning.

for some reason, I’m being a healthy practical a-dult (read : old lady way of saying ah-dult) and not even doing that. it sucks. I miss my irresponsible, dangerous, who the hell cares self that looks SO MUCH better in a bikini with a tan.

so I’m relying on these bad boys to keep people from staring at me like I just arrived from Alaska.

// tan towels //

they’re my favorite :: easy to apply, no streaking, subtle color that’ll help me out until I can *hopefully* get some real color this week {of the brown variety and not of the red please and thank you lord}.

and their slogan is “look good naked”, so I’m like, wellllll don’t mind if I do.

we celebrated christmas with both sides of kip’s family this past weekend here in chicago.

I am ready for some entertaining upon our arrival back, with two of my wishlist cookbooks arriving under the tree.

skinny taste cookbook // my homegirl ina garten’s make it ahead

I will balance out my healthy recipes from skinnytaste with delicious fattening ones from ina.
it’s allllllll about balance people.

p.s. ignore our barren tree now that the gifts are gone; now our lack of tree skirt is even more apparent. I plan on stocking up on some serious christmas decor when the 26th comes around.

who knew that tree skirts and stockings cost more than my life ?

I’ll hopefully be checking in from Grand Cayman, but just incase, follow along on instagram to see all ~~the action~~ the laziness, drinking, and pictures of my legs on a beach in a filter than makes me look as dark as humanly possible without making it completely obvious that it is definitely not the real color of my skin.

and one final christmas tip for your holiday gathering :
don’t forget your copy of Michael Buble’s Christmas Duets for celebrations with your fam or else your final party of 2014 will be ruined.

there are about 9 million SNL christmas skits that just kill me I laugh so hard,

but this one of my all time favorites.

Lifestyle

haters guide to the williams sonoma catalog

December 22, 2014

to get us through the final work days without pulling our hair out,

I present you one of my favorite articles for the christmas season.

the 2014 haters guide to the williams sonoma catalog. {found here}

sample excerpt :

Copy: “As the host of Barefoot Contessa and the author of nine cookbooks, Ina Garten knows how to make entertaining look effortless.”

Drew Says: Of course she does! She has a fuckload of money, a house in the Hamptons, and no kids! That tends to make for smooth sailing in life. No wonder she looks so pleased with herself. I could build a sister peak to Everest if I didn’t have these kids around gumming up the works.

But this is ALWAYS the dream they sell at W-S and Barefoot Contessa and Martha Stewart and any other doily mill: the idea of EFFORTLESSNESS. No sweat. No strain. You must be the neighborhood’s fairy godmother, waving your wand and SUMMONING all the lapkins. HOW DOES SHE DO IT?! God forbid a bead of sweat drop on your Jacquard apron. I knew Ina Garten would pop up in one of these catalogs one day. It was inevitable, like seeing Pitbull and Ke$ha do a song together.

enjoy!!!

friday randoms, Lifestyle

:: friday five ::

December 19, 2014

:: random friday things ::

my christmas cards two years ago. still my favorite.

:: one ::

minted made making our christmas cards a total breeze.

the free printing of addresses and a return address on the envelope was the highlight!!

(I only wish I had taken the time to upload everyones address so that I wasn’t still hand addressing some!)

ps. guess what this moron just learned from her husband, after licking countless envelopes for thank you notes after the wedding over and over and over again?

you can dampen a cotton round and just swipe it across all of the envelope strips.

I meannnnn

THANKS FOR TELLING ME THIS NOW KIP. GOOD TO KNOW.

:: two ::

I have been saving my boyfriend Andy Cohen‘s second book for our trip next week to Grand Cayman. Also on the list, Liane Moriarty’s The Last Anniversary and Beautiful Ruins.

Any other suggestions!!?? I had so many that I couldn’t decide between on my Amazon wishlist to order!

:: three ::

there are cookies, desserts, pies, nuts, chocolates, you name it, EVERYWHERE at our office.

if the above picture doesn’t prove it, any kind of cookie you could ever imagine is there.

literally, even stripper gingerbread men.

(this picture also proves I am the quiet and innocent one at work. how ironic.)

I wasn’t sure if I should instagram the above pic, so of course I had to at least put it on here 🙂

:: four ::

who needs a fit bit when you can get a PEDOMETER.

what what. jealous ? thought so.

while you walk around with your cool, high-tech, fancy, attractive gadget counting everything to the exact millimeter, I’ll have this bad boy ~~clipped onto my waistband for the world to see~~ discreetly tucked in my pocket.

via

I am so excited about this thing it is pathetic.

I’ll probably be less excited when I come to find out I am WAY less active that I thought I was.

:: five ::

yeah…. I’m just putting things in front of my cute mercury glass trees for pictures. deal with it.

as a wedding gift we received McDonalds gift cards with our wedding welcome bag ribbons tied around them.

be still. my beating. heart.

I mean…… that is literally like someone climbed inside my ~~head~~ heart.

I flipped out like a child on christmas morning. it may have come with an actual gift, but the McDonalds card was definitely the more exciting and thoughtful present.

I will be treating my fam to our annual McD’s breakfast at the airport before our flight next week.

merry christmas mom….. I buy you an egg mcmuffin no egg (literally. that is her order. seriously.) and let you eat my hash browns even though you said you didn’t want hash browns…..

and you take us to the caymans for a week and we call it even 🙂

coffee talk, Lifestyle

coffee talk

December 18, 2014

discuss amongst ya-selves……..

ugh, so little to talk about this week.
I still feel like the best thing to happen this week was what happened last week when kim kardashian said her pregnancy weight was God trying to teach her a lesson.

this may possibly be the most obnoxious thing to ever come out of a kardashian’s mouth.
I’m sure its not, but at the moment it seems like it.

:: vanderpump rules ::

why is everything about how Jax is destroying tom and katies relationship?

I’m pretty sure tom cheated on katie.

yet that fact is completely overlooked and everything is about how JAX is talking about it.

katie, you are a moron

the girls on this show REALLY know how to pick a man.

their taste is just fabulous. (to be read as faaaaabulous).

vanderpump drinking game :: drink every time katie makes her awful pouty frown face with her head tilted to the side and her hair in a deep side part.

you’ll be wasted. I guarantee it.

kristin curling her hair and wearing a vegas dress and heels over to toms disgusting apartment (seriously how NASTY IS THAT APARTMENT!?? WOOF) was the highlight of the episode. she then cries over him again and calls him babe. THIS BITCH IS CRAZY. enough tom/katie/jax/blah-blah…. lets get back to crazy kristin.

kristin is all “I mean,I don’t know why you have my mail? I did my change of address form last week ?”

ummmm YOU MOVED OUT 6 MONTHS AGO CRAZY PANTS.

more importantly : ALL OF THIS IS OVER THIS DUDE?

um.

WHAT ARE PEOPLE IN LA SMOKING??!!??

UM stassi on WWHL last week….. she did something. she did something bad.

I always thought she was so pretty and now I swear she has been visiting a plastic surgeon or something??!! she looks all plumped up in her face.

can you believe all this stuff about The Interview and the terrorist threats and it getting pulled?

It just blowing my mind.

it’s really scary when you think about……

but then I think about how the two of them are probably handling all the threats ….

sonja morgan has a 24 year old model boyfriend.

watch out adirenne maloof – theres some cougar competition.

she just kills me; here is her describing him.

About the 24-year-old model, Sonja said, “He has an Old World charm. He’s worldly, well-traveled, elegant. He is very well-dressed. He has a dandy style, which I like — very European!”

lord I can’t wait for NY housewives to return.

how did I not know gia giudice was in a girl group called 3KT

I’ll leave this at no comment.

mazel of the week ::

it’s britney bitch.

why is everyone hating on her magazine cover?

even if they did retouch photos or whatever, who cares, they do it to EVERYONE.

if I were on a magazine cover I’d want them to airbrush me within an inch of my life.

B is looking good and she should tell everyone to suck it trebek.

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either. or the day after that.