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The Sarcastic Blonde

fashion, food, fitness + a dose of sarcastic gossip

Lifestyle, recipe

crack of the week : funfetti sugar cookie cake

January 13, 2015

crack of the week : funfetti sugar cookie cake
the baking bug bit me big time last week.
(I rewrote that twice and no matter what there’s alliteration. apologies)
I hadn’t baked anything new and fun in what seemed like months, so a girls dinner was the perfect excuse.
I chose this funfetti cookie cake because it was more cute than anything, but ended up really loving it.  I like sugar cookies and cookie and cake and funfetti of course but none of those are really a favorite. 
 Combine them all into one, however, and it was perfection.
and, as always, it was SO easy.  it took minutes to get everything into the pie pan and into the oven.
and in my humble opinion my picture actually turned out pretty, so I did cartwheels. 

Funfetti Sugar Cookie Cake
recipe from Sallys Baking Addiction

Ingredients:

  • 1/2 cup (115g) unsalted butter, softened to room temperature
  • 3/4 cup (150g) granulated sugar
  • 1 large egg + 1 egg yolk* (*room temperature!)
  • 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
  • 1 and 1/2 cups (190g) spoon & leveled Gold Medal all-purpose flour
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1 and 1/2 teaspoons cornstarch
  • 2/3 cup (120g) white chocolate chips
  • 1/2 cup (80g) rainbow sprinkles (not nonpareils)*

VANILLA ALMOND FROSTING

  • 1/2 cup (115g) unsalted butter, softened to room temperature
  • 1 and 3/4 cups (150g) confectioners’ sugar
  • 2 Tablespoons (30ml) heavy cream or half-and-half*
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1/4 teaspoon almond extract* (*optional, I will leave out next time I think. see note below)
  • salt, to taste
  • extra sprinkles for decorating on top

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350F degrees. Spray a 9-inch pie dish or cake pan with nonstick spray. Set aside.
In a large bowl using a hand-held mixer or stand mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, cream the softened butter for about 1 minute on medium speed. Get it nice and smooth, then add the sugar on medium speed until fluffy and light in color. Beat in egg, egg yolk, and vanilla. Scrape down the sides as needed.
In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, salt, baking powder, baking soda, and cornstarch. With the mixer running on low speed, slowly add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients in 3 different parts. The dough is quite thick. Once combined, gently fold in the white chocolate chips and 1/2 cup sprinkles using a rubber spatula (or by mixing on low speed).
Press the cookie dough evenly into the prepared pan. Bake for 25-30 minutes or until very lightly browned on top. You want the cookie cake to be extra soft in the center, so careful not to overbake. Allow the cake to cool completely on a wire rack at room temperature before frosting. The center will slightly sink – that’s normal.
For the frosting: With a handheld or stand mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, beat the butter on medium speed until creamy – about 2 minutes. Add confectioners’ sugar, cream, vanilla and almond extracts with the mixer running on low. Increase to high speed and beat for 3 full minutes. Add more powdered sugar if frosting is too thin or more cream if frosting is too thick. Add a pinch of salt if frosting is too sweet. I usually add anywhere between 1/8 – 1/4 teaspoon of salt.
Frost the cake as desired, I used a Wilton 1M piping tip to decorate the edges. Using a very sharp knife, cut into slices and serve. This cake goes wonderfully with vanilla ice cream! Store cake in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 2 days and in the refrigerator up to 5.
cooks notes : 
at 25 minutes mine wasn’t quite cooked so I waited until 30 minutes, but at that point it was already a little more brown that I would have liked.  take it out earlier than you think you should or don’t walk away during those final minutes because it will brown quickly and you want the more underdone, chewy cookie. 

when pouring the almond extract that the original recipe says YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE BECAUSE IT TOTALLY MAKES THE FROSTING, pay attention to what the hell you are doing … . because if you don’t then you will accidentally pour 3x as much into the bowl and suddenly the yummy frosting is pretty much ruined.
whoops. 


by TheSarcasticBlonde 
Lifestyle

things.

January 12, 2015

things.
ugh. monday. 
my “sunday scaries” anxiety was on. point. last night dreading the start of the week.

I’m so excited that the start of awards season is here!!! 
basically every single silver sparkly dress that was worn last night was a favorite of mine. 
a few favorites from last night…..

I don’t know who that girl in blue is, but I want to wear that dress. so preppy and adorable. 

emma stone is so cute and only she can pull that look off.
claire danes was an unexpected love for me, but the more I saw the details of it the more I loved it.
and salma hayek and j.lo are just so sexy I can’t stand it.  and I have a serious girl crush love obsession with j.lo 
kerry washington was very meh, amanda peet was just a no, and I thought allison williams was too red+sparkles+tiers+ruffles with the dramatic hair and make-up.
the clear person to take the cake in this category: keira knightly. 
keira knightly ::” its chanel. it took 30 people to make it in a week. it makes me nervous, what if i spill something down it or rip it!?”
SPILL SOMETHING DOWN IT, KIERA.  PLEASE. 
thank you all for taking the time to fill out the survey on friday! 


I was blown away by how many of you read this blog responded.


and I must say…. you all are funny as hell! 

via


  I was laughing at loud at some of the comments. seriously, touché ladies (gents? doubtful.  not even my husband reads this damn thing. clearly it’s too intellectually stimulating).  


every single comment was SO NICE.


because when I came to one that wasn’t….. 





When I first started this blog years ago, the only people that knew about it were about 5 close friends and I never told another person about it.  I never even told my mom or sister or anything.  It took years for them to find out about it through someone or something else, and when they did I was mortified.  To me it is so easy to write as a nameless, faceless person to strangers, but MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY? who, like, KNOW ME?  NO!?! 





  I still to this day don’t tell anyone that I have a blog and still to this day turn bright red when someone says something about it to me.   It’s, like, totally a normal thing. 


You know me….. extremely extroverted and then suddenly introverted with a crazy case of rosacea. It’s awesome. 





Anyways, over time I have opened up with more personal things and then gone the complete opposite route and stopped writing about personal things entirely.  


Cause I’m scurred.


  But your survey responses are making me feel like I can share a little more like you are asking for.


and don’t worry. not at the expense of coffee talk and bitching about reality tv.  


I know what is important here people.  






I know I’m not an expert chef and my food photography is hideous.  I know I am not a fashion blogger and my picks for the week or selfies are far from top notch.  I know I am not a decorator and that my house is far from perfect.  But fashion and food and design are still things I love so they will be things I blog about it my own haphazard way.


sorry I’m not sorry. 



I think we all know that life’s way more fun when you don’t give a damn……..So what this long rant is saying is that basically I will be taking baby steps to put more of “me” out there.


but I warn you…..you should be careful what you ask for people….. it may get ugly up in here….



 


sooooo if you are still reading, go get a drink. 


I don’t care that its monday morning! you just read all of that! you earned it! 


and I apologize.  Good Lord I am a total sap. (one of my many sides I keep hidden under a cloak of sarcasm and hilarity). 





mmmmk. love you all for lying and telling me my favorite words: you’re funny reading the blog and commenting on the survey.


oh my Lord I just said I love you to strangers on the internet….. I’m going to find my drink now. 
















by TheSarcasticBlonde 
Lifestyle

:: survey says ::

January 9, 2015

:: survey says ::
go and google family feud gifs…. my goodness…. I’m dying.

Today I am asking you all for a little bit of help with a very brief survey about the blog. 

This would be a huge help for me as I really love writing this blog, 
But want to make sure I’m giving you what you want to see and read.
I have a few changes I’d like to make and directions I’d like to take the blog in, but I go back and forth about what to do!

I want to hear all the good and all the horrible things you have to say 🙂 
Promise. All of it!

click HERE to take the survey 

It is SHORT. and easy-peasy. 

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! 


I love me some Jackee. 


by TheSarcasticBlonde 
coffee talk, Lifestyle

coffee talk

January 8, 2015

coffee talk
discuss amongst ya-selves….. 
    
THE BACHELOR. (and coffee talk)
IS. BACK.
and better/worse than ever, depending on how you rate quality television.  
no matter how bad it is, to me that just makes it better and better. 
there is now a red carpet one hour prior to the show.
which is a perfect example of how horrible/amazing this show is. I LOVE IT. but seriously without DVR and fast forward this show is pure torture.
This red carpet is just filled with tons of losers with no jobs some semi good looking past contestants from recent seasons many with STD’s which we learned from watching them behave like total filth on Bachelor In Paradise.

what the hell is catherine wearing over her dress ?

what red carpet do you think you are walking ? you are not sarah jessica parker.

oh lord, lacey and marcus are there.  what ridiculousness will come out of her mouth next?  ps. nice try trying to make a joke at your own expense with the 80/40 comment. even the joke didn’t come out right.

oh, and thank GAWD chris harrison interviewed Nikki for an eternity about Juan Pablo (to be read as JP says it : Huann Pahh-lo). 
there’s 15 minutes of my life I’ll never get back. 
all the bachelor cast offs are standing behind chris on the red carpet wanting to be on TV SO BADLY in the background for a few more seconds of attention.

 all of this said, I WOULD KILL to have been there for these red carpet shenanigans.  seriously.

okay so the show premiers and as usual there are too many people to make fun of, and believe it or not, I don’t have enough time to go through every single one of them with my opinion.  I do have a life. 
 A life that entails me watching Girlfriends Guide to Divorce and catching up on instagram tonight while I text my friend about how much wine we are going to consume saturday night.

my favorite choice : mackenzie 
named her child kale.
kale.
nothing says teen pregnancy like naming your child kale.
oh and nothing says teen pregnancy like being 21, looking 19, and having a son that looks 8. yikes. 

ashley s.
such a great crazy.  she’s going to be lovely. 
two fav quotes from ashley 
“the night is growing old….. WITH WRINKLES.” (no joke I am going to start using that) 
“everyone is like an onion.  and you cut them.  and peel them back.”  thats deep, ash. 

so far I’m feeling REAL good about chris’ ability to pick a lady.

he gave a rose to the 21 year old with an 18 year old son, ALL the drunk degenerates (YEAH TARA!), and gave the first impression rose to the girl who hugs him and doesn’t let go and cries upon meeting him.
oh, and when googling for a photo of tara this came up.
I MEAN. SERIOUSLY. TARA. DID WE NEED TO KNOW THAT?? GEEZ. 

VANDERPUMP RULES : 
this week features sheana’s bachelorette party in miami
all of this includes her little sister.  
you’d think she wouldn’t be seeing much because she is super young and can’t go to the clubs at night….. but um…. no.  she is on the boat with them and at their hotel suite.

UMMMMMMMMM….. 
THE PREVIEWS FOR NEXT WEEK WITH TOM-GIRL CRYING AND CRAZY-KRISTIN CONSOLING HIM WHILE HE SAYS “I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO SPEND OUR LIVES TOGETHER?!”
HOLY OH MY GOODNESS IM COUNTING THE HOURS
RHOBH
I mean, this week was just some GREAT television all around.
Brandi is at dinner with 3 normal, intelligent, hard working women… so naturally, she decides to act as horrible as ever.
she yells at eileen to GET INTO CHARACTER like a freak days of our lives fan (lets not forget last week she yelled at eileen accusing her of being wrong about the casting on the show SHE WORKS ON), then throws money at her because she confuses emmy award winning actress with stripper, and then throws a glass of backwash wine in. her. face.

eileen really composes herself much better a million times better than I would have. 
as if that wasn’t enough brandi mayhem for one episode, she continues her stellar behavior at Yolanda’s Barbie Dream House the next night. 
Yolanda has a fabulous dinner party in her fabulous home complete with fabulous table settings, fabulous appetizers (I wanted to climb through the TV when Lisa Rinna was talking to the chefs in the kitchen about the food), and fabulous guests. 
brandi turns to BABY FACE at dinner….. like…. BABYFACE and says to him and his new wife that he needed to go bigger on the ring (not in the sarcastic “you coulda gone bigger geez!” way that a normal person would).
but back to Babyface….. another reason I want to be Yolanda.  
but more than that, I still just want her damn fridge (that lisa climbed into to be preserved).
I say it every week but I’m saying it again, I love lisa rinna so much.
I love her in this extra 2 minute deleted scene from the dinner, too 
I love that she doesn’t BS anything and calls a spade a spade….. or a crazy a crazy. 

WWHL
with Brandi and Jeff Lewis :

I just LOVE JEFF LEWIS. 
love. him.  
Jeff said the best line EVER: 
He disagrees with Lisa Rinna that someone that is happy does not drink that much (referring to brandi). 
 He says “That’s not true.  I’m happy and I drink that much.”
PAH-REACH

okay ….. so you all should be watching WWHL anyway, but Tuesday nights episode after RHOBH was a real kicker.  (that brandi is now claiming was a joke)
Jeff Lewis and her were having witty banter back and forth….. blah blah….
a viewer wanted Brandi to run her fingers through his hair to prove it isn’t a toupee
 and Jeff says “can I get an STD from that?”.  
 Laughter, show continues.  
then like 9 hours later, when we get back from the second commercial since this happened, she is PISSED & upset and THROWS WINE in his face.  
she is now tweeting it was a joke, while Jeff Lewis has stayed completely silent.
it was clearly not a joke, he was shocked and so uncomfortable.
she is just INSANE. 
i’m sorry, but you dish out the meanest most disgusting things ever to be said about people (cough: that lady bits comment about joanna krupa is the meanest trashiest thing to ever come out of her mouth, which is really saying something)….. you dish and dish and you can’t even take a joke from someone that is a friend and defending your awful actions??? 
you are seriously THE WORST. 
AND MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT YOUR FACE TO LOOK LIKE! 
THERE ARE ONLY SO MANY OTHER THINGS FOR A PLASTIC SURGEON TO TWEAK! 
NO ONE THINKS YOU LOOK THE SAME YOU CRAZY PANTS!!! 

Jackhole of the Week
brandi. ugh. i can’t. 
PS.  I just had to go through and change the spelling of Brandy’s name to Brandi 50 times because I somehow continue to forget that DUH how could her name not be spelled with an -i at the end ? 
What is wrong with me? I should name myself jackhole for that alone. 

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.  
#hypocrite  #sorryimnotsorry
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either.  or the day after that.



by TheSarcasticBlonde 
fashion, Lifestyle

wishlist wednesday

January 7, 2015

wishlist wednesday
lusts for the week……. 
 I don’t know if I just miss the thrill of holiday shopping, 
but I am seriously in love with so much this week.  I had difficulty narrowing it all down. 

come. to. mama. 

// striped mini dress with exposed zipper //   under $100!!!! 
almost identical and under $50

me, as a sweater.  seriously. i’ve been reincarnated.
// sweater // 

// grey swing dress // under $40 !! 

the cutest romper I ever did see 
// romper //

// striped pant // under $80 !!! 
other lounge pants for same great price point

this top is so sweet. 
// peplum top // 
heidi merrick copycat for under $50! 
// color block dress //

silk top // silk skirt 
more wallet friendly printed picks :: floral dress // floral skirt 

i’d kill for this skirt…. but definitely wouldn’t have anything to wear it to anyway.
maybe vegas this spring ? my husband would love if this were my vegas choice. 
// midi skirt // 
p.s. I somehow am going to vegas twice in a span of four weeks.
AMAZING and HORRIBLE.  

// sleeveless top // under $40 !! 


and I am DEVASTATED at the news of C. Wonder closing its doors.
only silver lining, the entire site is 50% off.  check it out! 



by TheSarcasticBlonde 
Lifestyle

tuesday things

January 6, 2015

tuesday things
a  few random things …… 


if you are feeling a little grumpy today, take a gander at this

can you even? just look at him!!!! oh my goodness. 


// one //
did we watch the bachelor premiere last night?
you know this girl did.
who would totally just LOVE to move to arlington,  iowa?
….. anyone ? ……. anyone ?? …… bueller ?

yes, he is very attractive and apparently rich and seems like such a sweet guy.
I don’t care if he is my absolute dream boat, it is a town of less than 400 people and 20 miles from civilization (or as he pronounces it, civi-LIE-zation)….. I’m pretty sure we’d end up killing each other the second either of us packed on the pounds from being bored out of our minds the honeymoon stage wore off.
but I’ll save the full commentary for coffee talk!

// two //
how many of you are in the thick of your new years health kick?
it’s always so thrilling and exciting 🙂
the good news about the first week back on the wagon after a month of gluttony is that no matter what, it’s easy to lose a little weight this week.  simply not drinking and eating out will result in an easy first week.  I’m doing small, easy changes back to my old normal eating patterns I had before Thanksgiving this week…. small is key, because when I try to be good 100% of the day all week I end up like this
via
am I right? PAH-REACH. 
but in all honesty and I am really relieved the holidays are over so I can stop feeling so hungover exhausted and lethargic.  prepare for some healthy recipe posts and fitness posts in the future. 

// three // 
it’s the last day for the lilly pulitzer sale and it is a seriously amazing sale.
but things have been going quick! a few great things still remaining (I love this scarf!)
strapless maxi dress // murfee scarf // navy maxi dress

// four //
one of the best parts about a new year, if not the best part?
NEW PLANNERS.
my erin condren planner was great for last year with lots of wedding planning, but this year I wanted something small and simple.
so I picked up two sugar paper planners, one as a planner and one as a food/workout log. 
// sugar paper agenda // 
 // sugar paper daily planner // 
// five //

gigi new york is having a big time sale.
I have their monogrammed clutch, but am lusting after one of the bigger carryalls.
more than $100 off regular price right now!
this one is named the TAYLOR TOTE in my honor. so…. I mean…. yeah it was made for me. 
and this orange color is very Hermes…. not that I own anything Hermes….. but the C. Wonder Initial Belt looks just like it and I can totally fool anyone 🙂  I really do love this color so much.


by TheSarcasticBlonde 
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Hi. I’m Taylor

A Southern girl turned Chicago transplant, recently settling back down in Atlanta. Fluent in sarcasm. Devout Bravo-holic and TV addict. Balances fitness with french fries. Penchant for Prosecco and Pinot Grigio. Wannabe Ina Garten in the kitchen. Online shopping enthusiast. Lover of fashion and decor.

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