The Sarcastic Blonde

:: lilly loving ::

May 8, 2016

I’ve noticed that many pieces sitting in my online shopping carts are filled with bright colors and prints!

when warmer temperatures finally begin to arrive, I find myself drawn more and more to the cute summery prints of Lilly Pulitzer.

some pieces I’m loving lately below!

:: multi-wear wrap ::

sooooooo in love with this!!

and you can divide the price by 5 since you can wear it so many ways 🙂

column one : ESPADRILLES // SLEEVELESS TOP

column two : POM ROMPER (looooooooove)

column three : MAXI SKIRT // TIE WAIST ROMPER

column four : HIGH-LOW DRESS // FIT & FLARE DRESS

Happy Sunday Shopping, Ladies!

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: just coffee, no talk ::

May 5, 2016

ya know who’s just the worst??

……. tiniest pause ever……

YES.

You are CORRECT.

ME.

I just keep leaving you hanging with my lack of incredible sarcasm and ability to make you feel better about your own lives by explaining the mundane details of my own.

I promise that I’ll get my $#*! together in the coming days, but lots going on that I plan to share next week. Sooo. Trust me on this one. I’ll be back stronger than ever. Even it takes 97 glasses of Pinot Grigio to convince myself, and you, of it.

so just the smallest coffee talk pic since I’m discussing like one thing.

just coffee no talk.

so don’t discuss amongst ya-selves

I’ve only seen RHoDallas this week.

Haven’t seen any WWHL, RHoNY, BH Reunion Part II, Shahs, Southern Charm, the NEW Below Deck (Oh EM Gee I’m so excited) or even my favorite middle-aged-lady-in-my-heart DWTS!

can you feel my anxiety coming through the computer screen?

So here are my quick comments on RHoDallas.

I really only need to comment on the beginning and the end…. because the stuff in the middle was just meh.

Once again we realize that the drinking game of the night is 100% CHARITY. And I need to start saving this show for non-school-nights because woooo-wee I’d be lit and sleep like a baby.

LeeAnne leads us off with a charity (DRINK!) planning meeting at her “friend” Heidi’s house.

Quote: “Heidi is someone you want to be friends with. Her wardrobe is insane, she has a massive art collection, and her house is like freaking Taj Mahal.”

Oh yes. The qualities everyone should look for in a friend. Expensive clothes, expensive ~~(ugly might I add)~~ things, expensive house.

LeeAnne I just CAN’T with you.

and then to follow up this shallow tid bit :

When discussing the latest upcoming charity event (DRINK!) which is for women with HIV, she explains that the women can relate to her because “She’s been there”. Because you know, “she grew up poor.”

UM.

(huge pregnancy pause)

There are so many things wrong with you saying you’ve been there about women with HIV and perhaps the largest would be you saying you’ve been there because you were poor.

and then she throws in these awesome dime piece statements like “they aren’t looking for a hand down they want a hand up.”

and then she says Charity like 7 more times (CHUG THAT JESUS JUICE!)

and the previews for next week when LeeAnne and whats her name? pretty skinny LA one married to Brett Michaels?

when LeeAnne and that one are screaming at each other and the poor little valet man is just RIGHT THERE. like, RIGHT THERE two inches from them.

um and THANK YOU to genius reader Lauren who informed me of what was right in front of my face.

Stephanie’s legit doppleganger is Whitney from Chris Soules (Prince Farming) season of the Bachelor.

and the irony, Stephanie is from a town in Oklahoma that is the doppleganger to Chris Soules hometown in Iowa.

I wonder what Chris Soules is up to these days….. oh wait. No I don’t. Couldn’t care less.

ANNNNDDDD I cannot wait for this scene

Lifestyle

:: vacation recap ::

May 3, 2016

I spent the last several days in Naples, Florida with friends celebrating our birthdays.

It was some of the best days I’ve had in a long time, and a perfect de-stressor for all of the craziness that has been going on lately.

Having a trip where everyone, guys and girls alike, is all so close and happily spends that much one on one time together so perfectly makes me giddy. There were moments I was laughing so hard I could barely breath ; you know vacations like that are good for your soul.

We had a boat day, lots of beach and pool days, golf (I just drove the cart… and chased crows attacking the carts), and some seriously amazing meals.

Some pictures below :

our 6 AM boarding time at the airport already had me laughing uncontrollably with the drunk older men on our flight. of course we were second to last row on the plane with all 5 of them behind us, and they stood and drank and acted as bathroom attendants the whole flight. the flight attendants somehow thought the whole thing was hilarious too and didn’t have a care in the world.

somehow I slept through the rowdiness for about an hour….. we woke up at 4:30 and stayed up the night before too late…. my friend was there to capture it all 🙂

dinner @ Hobnob

brunch at Jane’s on 3rd after golf. Such a cute spot.

our meal at Barbatella’s was one of our favorites

all day boat day with beautiful houses to look at

TAKE ME BACK.

and to this house specifically please!

Lifestyle, tuesday things

:: tuesday things ::

April 26, 2016

:: TUESDAY THINGS ::

the first trailer for The Bachelorette with JoJo is OUT.

see it here

I viewed it while I should have been watching the Blackhawks game or out at the bar watching it with all of my friends and husband, but instead I was sitting happily alone on the couch in my robe watching Dancing With The Stars.

Hashtag I’m not even mad.

this beyonce/rachel roy stuff is INSANE.

there’s a great timeline explaining all the silly nonsense HERE

and people are morons for thinking rachel ray was the person involved in all of this.

seriously.

some serious striped tee love, for 25% off

:: ombre striped tee ::

some of you asked about my outfit from my instagram.

blank denim leggings // theory top {super affordable summer strap version}// zara heels (old, similar)

for dinner Friday night at Sunday, I broke out my leather leggings that I love.

I promise that if leather leggings could be subtle, these are. They are one of my favorite fall and winter (and spring in Chicago of course) pieces.

PLUS they have no zipper so they are comfy comfy comfy.

AND they are under $100.

winner winner.

:: blank denim leather leggings :: under $100

I just wrote this whole post thinking “ugh I have nothing to post about today”

and realized I could have simply posted that today is my ~~thirtieth~~ 2nd Annual 29th Birthday.

I’m a moron.

And clearly aging is not boding well for me already. My brain is MUSH PEOPLE.

So its probably for the best that I didn’t do “things my twenties taught me” or something as a post….. but wait I really should do that because I have A LOT of BS I could really help “educate” people with.

…. and my rambling just continues with age…..

I wonder if I’ll get any love filled text message and calls today from my nearest and dearest.

fingers crossed!

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: mini monday coffee talk ::

April 25, 2016

sorry for the lack of Coffee Talk last week.

we finally finished up our home projects – I will share some photos tomorrow!

we leave for Florida later this week, so I thought I’d do a mini coffee talk today since I won’t be posting on Thursday, and to discuss the things I meant to chat about last week!

discuss amongst ya-selves……

:: Real Housewives of Dallas ::

I didn’t think poop could be discussed more than it was in the first episode ….. I was wrong.

If poop had been the drinking word of the night, I would have been in the hospital for alcohol poisoning 15 minutes in.

Favorite LeeAnne Quote of the night :
“I can still party hahaha i know how to have a good time

(then turns to serious face and voice)

but I party for a purpose.”

OH PLEASE.

I cannot handle this chick. she is so self righteous. she is literally a character straight out of a sitcom.

she is acting so pretentious and she doesn’t have the money or the status to be.

then we get to the mad hatter tea party

{is every week of this show just going to be them at different charity events? and only talking about charity events? poop and charity is seriously the only thing going on in Dallas? Gawd Bravo.}

Um. Is LeeAnne’s blush for real? or is this part of the over the top party look?

it is hot pink and streaking down her cheeks and something tells me it is not meant to be some part of a costume.

“this is a cherished event”

who talks like that……a nd I doubt it, tickets are $350 so even my ass could afford to go to this thing if I felt like it.

seriously the things this woman says and the tone she says them in just kill me

“crossing the wrong people in society gets you crossed off the list”

YOU ARE NOT A SOCIALITE.

YOU ARE LIKE THE MAN LABOR FOR THE EVENTS.

I like the little blonde side kick that just giggles.

I feel like there really isn’t much going on up there.

And DAMMMNN look at that ring.

:: Coachella ::

I’ve decided that Coachella is not only annoying,
but dangerous.

Because it does things like this to Taylor Swift.
HUH? WHO ARE YOU? WHAT?

:: RHOBH ::
best part of whole thing :
LVP is wearing the dress Erica wears all season in her commentary.

HOW does no one on her team tell her this and HOW does she not realize it herself?!?
TOO GOOD.

LVP railing in to Yolanda right off the bat about the divorce.

“did you know? or were you blindsided?

no it was about you

interrupts – so it wasn’t about the marriage?

did you know anything then?

was the marriage crumbling?

SHUT THE EFF UP PUMP

It just amazes me that Yolanda still speaks so highly of David and won’t say anything even remotely negative.

and Rinna – seriously – pulling out phone documents and holding the papers in the most dramatic fashion ever.

Just sit your skinny ass down.

:: SOUTHERN CHARM ::

This is just the best show on Bravo right now hands down.
I love this show so, so, so, SOOOO much.
And I always enjoy the anticipation of Kathryn’s next meltdown.
This week, she agrees to go to T-Rav’s polo event as a family
(because she just bribed him into co-signing on a brand new place for her)

Before she has even stepped out of the car the polo match, she is FUMING.
She sees that OTHER PEOPLE are at this polo event!
HOW is this a family event if OTHER PEOPLE are there? it should be ONE MAN polo match!!!
Also, the only people T-Rav invited were the Godparents of their baby girl, who were so excited to finally get to see the baby again.

I mean, how DARE he bring the godparents the polo match.
You know what is totally acceptable though, when fuming about him bringing someone to what was supposed to be a Family Day?
Doing the same thing and bringing your own friend, but your friend has had SEX WITH T-RAV not that long ago. Godparents? He’s the devil. “Friend” using her for TV time that slept with the father of your children and lied to you about it? Totally acceptable for Family Day.

I really can’t with Landon. The woe is me poor little rich girl that got divorced thing is old. You need a legit reality check.

also, how if you have no money is that the house you are living in in Charleston??

I also really can’t with not being able to find any images from these episodes, because a gif of her sobbing about not being able to fulfill 27 dreams at once that are all funded by someone else would be ideal right now.

:: Real Housewives NY ::

wow.
this season just went off with a bang and hasn’t let up yet.
the whole bra party fight scene was just nuts.
of course john shows up hammered at a women’s bra party, because what man doesn’t do that?
I couldn’t believe Bethenny had the balls (yet I can) to straight up call him out for his love of booger sugar and basically says he’s coked up that night.
which from watching, I think he definitely was.
it really WAS a gift handed over on a silver platter that everything they were saying he had done is suddenly right there in that hotel room.

I love Dorinda but I really don’t understand this stuff with John but it must be some deeply rooted stuff going on inside her. The fight and the things she was saying — and then the next day driving to the Hamptons like its nothing!? Like, do grown ass people (or “the elderly” as Jules points out) really get wasted and fight and say things like your never seeing me again and blah de blah and then wake up the next day and its like oh never mind.

John is horrifying and any man getting in a womans face and doing what he was to Bethenny scares me. And also, she will cut you so bad choice in someone to brawl with.

and OK, I thought my eyes were decieving me week one when Jules and her husband were driving and that they must have, like, rented some van randomly for that weekend,
but now I know that thing they are driving is their car.
WHAT the hell is up with their conversion van thing with a giant wall between her and the kids and like two bucket seats for the kids and then a random corner for the nanny and just ALL of it.
I am SO CONFUSED.

and these women are gonna kill her when they hear her saying “the elderly” comments. I laughed so hard at that.

:: zenon fans, get excited ::
at the end of may, disney channel is doing an entire weekend marathon of all of their original movies.
I. CANT. WAIT.

see the full list here

EDITORS NOTE :
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either. or the day after that.