The Sarcastic Blonde

fashion, food, fitness + a dose of sarcastic gossip

fashion, Lifestyle

:: wish list wednesday ::

lusts for the week……

QUESTION : 
on a scale of 1 to Kristin Cavallari…..what do we think about chokers?
becauuuuuuseeeee I’m really of digging it…..
digging it so much that, much like activities I did when first introduced to Kristin Cavallari, I made a collage!! 

I feel like maybe I’ll start with a gold choker since it’s more my style and then try out a black…. thoughts?  
also…. fun fact useless dumb fact: 
when Kip and I first started dating he told me he liked the look of choker necklaces when we saw someone wearing one….  I made a “Ohhh is your crush Kristin Cavallari from the Hills?” reference and he had no idea what I was talking about….. 


I’m in love with this open in the front gold choker and am 100% already on this choker bandwagon 
//  OPEN GOLD CHOKER  // 


This scallop twin set is the cutest thing to ever happen to matching separates. 
Seriously.
Bride-to-be’s especially – this would be so cute for a shower or luncheon! 
//  SCALLOP TOP  // SCALLOP SHORTS  //

This silk tank is only $34 and comes in 8 colors.  It’s the perfect staple for year round, slightly longer in the back and with a flattering side slit.
I am constantly drawn to solid colored tops like this that you can wear over and over and change up your jewelry and add white jeans/skirts/etc for multiple outfits! 
 //  SIDE SLIT TANK  // 

Nothing is more flattering than a fit-and-flare skirt,
and in Navy Suede it can’t be beat! 
// NAVY SUEDE SKIRT // only $52
also has an adorable top for a matching separates set! 

A version of this dress with a mock turtleneck FLEW off the shelves during the Anniversary Sale.
This high neck is much more my style, and all 6 colors are fully stocked in all sizes! 
Perfect staple for now and later.  I love the striped of course, but a black would be a staple and I love the deep green for fall! 



off the shoulder style favorites for the week : 
all come in more colors too! 


I love this easy dress – the color is so beautiful

 //  BB DAKOTA DRESS  //  under $80 

LOVE this tee with the cross-front detail in the front! 
I felt like all of the great tee’s I kept finding were all sold out so I am so excited to have found this. 
It comes in 5 colors, too! 

I went into Target to grab a few things yesterday,
As I began my “look away. look away. you’re on a mission. do. not. get. distracted” 
self talk, I saw CLEARANCE hanging above the Swimwear Department.
YES PLEASE.
Basically all of their tops and bottoms were down to around $8-$10 each! 
Seriously – RUN. FAST. It was amazing. 
And what did I find on the racks…… the suit I’ve been eyeing all summer!  
So, it was clearly a sign from the fashion Gods, and was practically FAH-REE,
so I snagged it 🙂 and a cute mix + match striped one too! 
 the striped one looks strange in the picture, but its one of those cute flouncy tops! 
sizing for the black crochet: runs slightly small 








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fashion, Lifestyle

:: splurge versus steal ::


I’m in love with the nude pumps you see everywhere lately,
but for the most part shoes aren’t where I choose to spend my money.

I will spend more on sandals I wear everyday in summer,
 or boots I wear everyday in the fall, 
but usually not on heels.

Target to the rescue!
They always have the best knock-off’s of everything!
also love these KELLY HEELS which are the same with a slightly different back! 
and these LUMINATE HEELS with a slightly lower heel! 



Two other types of adorable heels I see a lot of at all different price points are below, too! 

for a great nude option, I love these PIPPI SANDALS
and for a flat sandal these FLAT POM SANDALS  are adorable! 


I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I don’t know how they get away with it!!! 
I know people may question the quality, but I have been able to wear a pair of their pumps and also a pair of their booties for years and years before needing to replace! 

Happy Steal Shopping 🙂 



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Lifestyle, weekend recap

:: weekend recap ::

image

Hope you all had a great weekend! 
Ours was a perfect mix of being out and about, time with family, time with friends, and vegging at home.  
but first……. 
:: FLIPPING OUT :: 
I love Flipping Out, but I was literally Flipping Out when last weeks episode was in Chicago and they were filming right in my old neighborhood.

They pan to the Southport el stop and showed the exact spot on Southport with the outside of the apartment I lived in for 5 years before Kip and I bought a place.
I couldn’t believe Jeff and the gang were running around the streets of Southport when I was living RIGHT THERE and I didn’t even see them

….. and then for lunch they’re eating potbelly’s.
I’d recognize those croutons in that salad any day – they have the best damn croutons
I could have run into them at potbelly’s?
DAMN IT!
but I loved seeing them in Chicago 🙂 It was a great episode. 

Friday night, Kip and I went to a local restaurant for dinner + drinks on the bar patio. 
TWO TONE BLOUSE  (SIMILAR + SIMILAR) //  DISTRESSED SKINNY JEANS  //  PEEP TOE BOOTIES  //  NECKLACE 

 It was raining so I swapped my white jeans for this distressed pair 
 {I knew I’d get dirt all over the back of them from it splashing up while I walked. 
Hashtag white jeans problems}
But this distressed pair has a ton of stretch and a perfect price point! So they’re a go to when the white jeans can’t make an appearance. 
Saturday we went to a new-to-me bar/restaurant that I loved
Plus, they have this adorable spot for a photo op, so obviously I give it 5 stars.

We just went for drinks after dinner, but the cocktails were great and the music was great too!
The menu is mostly Asian and looked delicious from what I saw.

The month of August has been an amazing, but very busy one! 
Kip and I have both been traveling a bunch for work + play and the next two weekends are the last travel weekends before taking it easy for a bit.
I am going to DC to visit one of my besties this weekend and then we both head up to Lake Michigan for Labor Day.  
I’m upping my cardio this week with HIIT workouts from youtube because even though I’ve been 100% on track with working out, my weekend indulgences have been as bad as ever 🙂 
I really liked this HIIT and this HIIT that I tried out today.
I’m still doing the Tracy Continuity Toning, but the Tracy Dance Cardio starts to hurt my shins and ankles after a few days, so now I’m changing that part up. 

I also meal-prepped a version of this Chicken Salad Recipe to have for lunches this week and it is so, so yummy!!! Very easy to make too (I made the chicken in the slow cooker so combining the rest was a breeze) 

their beautiful photo versus mine 🙂 
Not gonna lie…… It wasn’t as good as the Chicken Avocado BLT’s we made yesterday (Kip outdid himself)……. but it was good! 

I’ll have some exciting news next week that I’ve been holding out sharing! 
Happy Monday!!! 



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fashion, Lifestyle

:: weekend shopping ::

:: weekend steals and deals :: 
J.Crew : 25% off select styles, and additional 30% off Sale with code REFRESH






Neiman Marcus : Up to 65% Off Apparel + Swim



Revolve : Swim Sale, up to 50% off Mara Hoffman, Tularosa, and more

I am in love with this seersucker cover up!!! 

it also comes in this floral print 
// MARA HOFFMAN WRAP TOP // 

 // DESI BLOUSE // 



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friday randoms, Lifestyle

:: friday things ::

cheers to the weekend !

some random links and things :
{ ONE } Dorm Room Drooling 



Have you seen the photos of some of these freshman dorm rooms from Ole Miss?



This article has been all over! 



While some may be outraged (due to cost, etc),  I think it’s AMAZING and I’m super jealous my dorm never looked like this!!! 


EDITORS NOTE : SERIOUSLY IF ANYONE CAN TELL ME WHERE TO GET THE QUARTEFOIL LAMPS IN THE PHOTO ABOVE, PLEASE LET ME KNOW, BECAUSE I HAVE NO SHAME IN STEALING AN 18 YEAR OLD SORORITY GIRLS STYLE.  






I also love this follow up article by a person that thinks it’s ridiculous,



but really just because it shows more Ole Miss Dorm Rooms 🙂 






Note to Miami of Ohio : Please make freshman dorm room decorating competitions a thing. 



ALSO, I would have really enjoyed having a high bed like they have….. ours were barely off the ground! 




I mean now I’m just googling dorm rooms…. hashtag this is thirty….. 



it’s a whole new level of “I miss college” jealousy I didn’t even know existed. 


image





{ TWO } Ryan Lochte Mayhem – JEAH! 
damn! I never saw the Ryan Lochte thing coming!



I truly didn’t think he had enough brain cells to try to concoct a story….. which, obviously he doesn’t because it didn’t work…. but you know what I mean.



Then I realized – if he hadn’t opened his mouth and TOLD the story, no one ever would have known? It’s not like the police and news outlets showed up and said “what happened last night?” No one even knew about anything until he went on the Today show and started running his mouth to Billy Bush!
YIKES!







{ THREE } Adele












I cannot for the life of me get Adele’s song Send my Love to Your new Luhhaaavvvahhhh


out of my head.  And I’m not complaining, because I still am in the obsessed with it and not even close to sick of it phase.  All day and especially hen I’m laying in bed at night trying to fall asleep it’s just RIGHT THERE in my head and I start singing. 








{ FOUR } Instagram Feed 


I always forget to talk about how annoyed I am with instagram every week. 


I know I’m like way late in this rant, sorry not sorry, but I hate how now everything isn’t in chronological order and it jumps all over the map! 





I keep missing posts and things because lately I’ve only been logging in about once a day and then Ill inevitably have to put my phone down for something and lose my spot


seriously….. is there anything worse than losing your spot? 


opening it back up and hoping it won’t refresh and will let you stay where you were but it never does and you have to start all over?! Nothing worse. 



hashtag first world problem. 






but seriously….. why did they change it? why can’t it go back to starting at the most recent post of whomever you follow and go from there? 



I feel like we all need to band together and send instagram a PSA. 





{ FIVE } Who else hates washing their hair? 



Because this girl does!!!! 

image 






I am obsessed with this dry shampoo and it’s been a game changer with working out and still being able to wait a day to wash my hair.  I stock up on the travel size bottles and never travel without them.  Plus, it’s some of the least expensive dry shampoo out there.


However, I read this article on 5 dry shampoo mistakes you may be making (link) and Oops! 


Max use 2 times before needing to shampoo again? Nope……. 








HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!


 Hope you have a great weekend!!! 














images via giphy

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coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: COFFEE TALK ::

discuss amongst ya-selves…..

:: Bachelor in Paradise :: 
It just gets better and better! 

Evan walks up to ask Amanda out while she is mid-makeout with Josh.
Evan’s note reads “Amanda : Put your heart on blast”
Yep, that’ll get her Evan!!! 
I mean…. I love his confidence (no, I just feel bad for him)…. but Evan….. STAHP.

Amanda kindly goes to put her heart on blast to talk to Evan.
Josh’s pizza arrives {and it’s missing a slice ….why do I notice things like that?}
He disgustingly makes the same mmmmm noises whilst making out and that he does while eating pizza
{what does sound amazing though is the crunch of the crust. 
 like, I REALLY WANT that pizza}

Amanda kindly rejects Evan.  Obviously. 
And then evan interprets what she says as SCORE there’s a chance!!! 
He’s “hopeful for the first time in a long time”
WHAT? are you deaf? she said nothing of the sort. 

Josh is just sweating his ass off.  I’ve truly never seen anything like it….


Seriously how does amanda 1. not see through his BS 2. put up with his moaning while kissing and 3. touch him while he is sweating this much!

Kayla arrives and girls start to get catty. 
I agree with what the twin (which one? who knows) is saying about Kayla
(well, not that she doesn’t know what condescending is… good lord)
but just thats Kayla’s too perfect.

Evan’s now back on Carly and forgetting about Amanda.
Evan now thinks that Carly is giving him a chance again and opening a door.
no one is opening up the door that is being closed in your face
editors note : nope.  stay tuned…. I’m wrong…. Carly has gone coo-coo. 
the “couples” go on a double date
which all you really need to know is Lace is on it, so it’ll be entertaining. 
it goes from dinner, to a mexican bar, to shots at a mexican bar, to lots of shots at a mexican bar in the middle of a foam party, to LAYING on the floor in a mexican club after a FOAM party
SICK. SICK. SICK. 

Lace : “laying on the floor of the bar with a crotch in my face – its just like high school!”
oh. goodness. 
A girl throws a pitcher of ice water on them when they’re ready for body shots and Lace is ready to THROW DOWN and producers clearly have to completely intervene so that the star-drunk of the show doesn’t get arrested. 

AMANDA. I am disappointed in you! You have little girls at home!
this bedroom scene! AH!  
and how can you be this stupid!?!?

PART TWO : TUESDAY NIGHT 
 seriously… its back to back nights with this crap….

Ashley (or as you long time readers may remember, princess jasmine belly button ring) arrives and wastes no time going back to her stalking of Jared despite him making it very clear that he is not interested.
and she also wastes no time sobbing hysterically that he is dating kayla.
its so stupid.
no, wait, them making it look like she’s talking to the parrot is so stupid – but then she calls it out that they’re going to edit it that way to the person she’s talking to which is kind of amazing.

Daniel, the Canadian who is the strangest person ever, on his date: 

“maybe she wants canadian bacon…..
canadian sausage…….
canadian bacon and sausage, drizzled in maple syrup”
and wait for it… one more, and its the best yet
“maybe she wants some canadian poutine.”
I mean, I’m always in the mood for poutine, but the gravy covered french fry version, and something tells me she won’t be interested either.


Jen, the new arrival and Nick’s new acquaintance, looks just like Olivia Munn! 
She’s super cute and they barely showed her even though she lasted awhile on Ben’s season which means she must be normal and sane! (or at least more than everyone else!) 

A medic comes in and basically forces Evan to go the hospital? 
because his ankles are swelling or something? He doesn’t even know why he’s being put into an ambulance.
What? 
In the ambulance, the delivery of this IV on Evan is terrifying
Can you imagine if someone gave you an IV and you were gushing blood out of your arm?
gushing blood. 
I CANT.
and Carly…… 
Carly, Carly, Carly…… now you are acting like Evan is amazing again……. 

you’ve lost your damn marbles.


back to the Jen and Nick date – they are trying to talk and kiss on the beach but
THE CRABS! EVERYWHERE! WHILE THEY MAKE OUT!
TERRIFYING!
Seriously the crabs at this place are insane (I mean….. walking right into that joke…..  that’s what he said)

Ashlee….. Like, I mean, seriously, for real (and yes….. all of those meaningless entry words are needed while I try to wrap my head around this situation)…. 

HOW are you this nuts of a stage 5 clinger? Over and over again? Especially when you know it’s on national television.  WHAT?
if she wasn’t genuinely crying this damn much I would think all of it was fake.
sadly, it’s even worse because it’s real. 


:: big brother ::
as briefly mentioned on Monday, Paulie is the worst.  and I’m ready to see him evicted.

it always amazes me how people that I like and dislike in the beginning always end up flipping midway through. With sweet Cody as your brother, and everyone loving you to begin with, you really had to be awful for everyone to flip on you. He has another thing coming when he leaves the house and realizes America can’t stand him.

and I couldn’t stand Paul in the beginning (especially with Jose) and now I kind of like him? Even though he doesn’t know how to talk and only yells…. but still….
especially now that is he turning on Paulie!
and Im even done with Nicole! whom I loved!

this game messed with my head…

This week’s punishments from Zingbot were amazing.
Paul in the Secret Service uniform having to pat-downs and checkpoint clearances? AMAZING
99% of you are REALLY thinking this show sounds so stupid and have no idea what I’m talking about but the rest of you, I know you loved Wednesday nights episode so much! 
hashtag big brother is the best I love it so much thank gawd its on three nights a week in the summer.


:: RHoOC ::



Kelly’s mouth is just huge. silenthUGE.


I had to say that first because thats all I thought about the first scene she was in the entire time. 
usually its just a big lips, big mouth OR a big teeth situation 
but she has ALL THREE. 

I’m skipping, like, the whole episode and just cutting straight to the dinner with one exception: 
When Kelly discussed that “Shannon” (really it was the chick at Shannons party) called her a prostitue, her defense is that “she’s been a multimillionare for years”
um…… this is an interesting thing to keep saying because that really has nothing to do with the prostitute allegation at all? the two are not mutually exclusive? 
I wouldn’t have thought anything of the prostiture comment….. but now her anger and her “I’m a millionare” comment is making me think maybbeeeeee she was an escort or something???? 
and then at dinner her defense is that she is a mother….. again, a mother and prostitute are not mutually exclusive Kelly…..
ALSO, the person who is calling her a prostitute is someone who has never even met her, 
 so either DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH, METHINK or her anger management issues just apply to everything (or…. both… most likely both….)
but I digress….. 
OH WAIT. One more thing,
The accusation was never even that she was a “prostitute” it was that she “did ____ for money”.
Just wanted to clarify all that for those of you with lives who don’t watch every second of this trash yet for some reason read my sad recaps and commentary on them….
Okay now that that’s clarified……. 

Back to the Japanese Baby Basting Dinner in honor of Meghan King Edmonds looming artificial insemination : 
Why does Tamra hang out with Ryas ex fiancé? Its one thing to maintain a relationship for the grandchild and all that, but to bring her to the dinner with your 40+ year old girlfriends (slash one 30 year old meghan king edmonds) its just weird! 

Vicki’s apology gift to Meghan King Edmonds includes petting her hair (WHAT?)
but they don’t want to be friends
I’d be like please let go of my hair and stop petting me and back away slowly. 

Did kelly have a chemical peel? She’s REALLY red in the face? with like full white around her eye sockets and then bright red face the second she sits down prior to her yelling and causing a $#^! storm……… 
this picture doesn’t even show it…. trust me. 

ugh.  Ijust can’t stand kelly.  at first I thought she’d be fun addition even with the ridiculousness but now I just think she gets drunk and runs her mouth.
When someone admits early on they have anger issues….it clearly is legitimately anger management issues that need help…….  run shannon run!
The “shut the F up” is said…… and thennnnnn “the C word” comes out…… 
and it comes out loud. 

soon followed by her “crying” and yelling “who says those things about me for my daughter to hear!”
A. earth to kelly, shannon never said any of it.
B. your daughter just heard you say the C word soooooooooooooooooooooo
C. I hope you aren’t back next season.

Oh…. as I type I hope you aren’t back next season it keeps going and I think my wish is already coming true…….because it just keeps going…… 

THENN she yelled ” You dumb F___” at Tamra.
{editors note: The yeahhhh below to be read in the Office Space voice : 
Yeahhhhhhh I’m pretty sure Kelly won’t be back next season.  RH is all about the drama, but not getting drunk and spewing curse words and everyone.} 
her voice keeps getting higher and higher pitched, her face more and more red (but with the area all around her eyes completely white) and we are back into the WHOOOOO Owl territory all over again.

Heather pulls a Taylor Armstrong at the E-Cig dinner at Camille’s 
and is stands up because she’s had ENOUGH!!! 

and she tries to kick Kelly out of a dinner she isn’t hosting.
um…. I understand, but don’t think thats your place Heather? 
I think the leopard dress is getting to you? 
 When drunk-red-faced-Kelly is like “NO” than Heather says she’ll leave because someone who has 5 different types of ice in their house chateau is ABOVE THIS.  
She has Hexagonal ice Kelly!!! She is NOT doing this. 

ironically : Vicki literally says nothing and reacts to nothing this whole meal. 

Everyone starts to leave after Heather leaves.  Kelly follows people outside and says to Shannon and Tamra, Oh sorry,  I didn’t mean all that.
mmmmmmmmmk???? 

Cut to Heather in the backseat of her black car HYSTERICALLY crying.
I don’t know why Heather is sobbing in the car while Terry (as worriedly as Terry, who couldn’t care less, can possibly sound) says “what happened? what happened? what happened?” three times and she can’t say a word.
…. I MEAN at this point I would have thought something was physically wrong with Heather.
a wee bit dramatic.
and in case you missed it, Kelly didn’t say anything at all to YOU so to be pissed and leave is fine, but not to cry like you are critically injured. 
but yes,  I agree with Heather that Kelly IS THAT awful.

dare I say….. Kelly Dodd….. is worse…. than Brandi Glanville? 
dun. dun. dunnnn.

no…. not even close…. but still…. lets save the C-words for that trashy girl please Kelly.  
and we all know where Brandi’s place in the cast went…. down the toilet.  see what yelling see you next tuesday gets you! 


:: the voice ::
I’m sorry, but I can NOT. NOT. just CAN’T. watch the voice with Miley Cyrus as a judge.
I’m protesting.

I CAN’T. 

:: RhoNY ::



I’m watching this weeks highly anticipated episode in the morning while I workout and I’m so excited I can barely sleep. 

bravo is, after all, my disney world 

it’s literally straight out of a soap opera in the preview : 
Bethenny ” I have something to tell you…”
LuAnn “Don’t tell me it’s about Tom…. “
Bethenny “….long pause and stare…..It’s about Tom….”
LuAnn : ” AY DIOS MIO!!!! and faints ” 
K so maybe not ‘Ay Dios Mio’ and fainting but running out of the room and saying STOP FILMING ME is basically the American version of a Telenovela moment, right? 

ALSO, last week : 

just pure amazing television. truly. 

:: ryan lochte :: 



while being robbed at gunpoint is always a bad thing, and nothing to be laughed at,
you know whats coming… me laughing
watching him give the interview with billy bush on the today show was hilarious.  he just makes no sense.
there is nothing go on up there. it’s crazy.
 ***** what I wrote above was written prior to me seeing the most recent news…. which is :
brazilian judges want ryan lochte’s passport seizes because they think he’s lying due to discrepancies in his story and the stories of the other athletes he was with (see story here) 
I mean…. I can see why the judge would be confused, but I just don’t think he understands the brain capactiy that is ryan lochte and that Im sure he is incapable of concocting any story like that.
and my guess is the reason stories aren’t matching up is because it was the wee hours of the morning after them partying for hours at the da clubs.  duh.  calm down brazil!  they were out enjoying your nightlife and things are a bit blurry!!


 :: Mazel + Jackhole :: 



The Olympics.
I love them, but I’m ready to say goodbye.  It’s been exhausting.  Late nights, avoiding going online or on my phone at all costs because I’ll see something before it airs.  Lots of hours of crappy stuff I don’t care to watch constantly on while I wait for what I want to watch.
But it has brought some great moments. 

Zac Efron of course being one of them.


even though many of you may have seen this……. it’s just so good. 

and although dListed is always super inappropriate, 
he is hilarious (sorry not sorry)

and this short clip of a pole vaulter losing his olympic medal dreams because of his, um, cough, hitting the pole is quite funny.  (again, sorry, not sorry).

EDITORS NOTE : 
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.  
#hypocrite  #sorryimnotsorry
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either.  or the day after that.



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