The Sarcastic Blonde

fashion, food, fitness + a dose of sarcastic gossip

Lifestyle, wedding

wedding wednesday

I’m sure you all watched The Bachelor last night,
because you know I did.
He seriously can’t hold a conversation with a tree. 
I was as excited to watch the drama after the fantasy suite unfold as I was to see St. Lucia, 
because it is where Kip and I are heading for our honeymoon in June!! 

After much back and forth and being all over the map for where we should go, we decided on St. Lucia!
  
We’ll be splitting our time between two different resorts, The Sandals Grande and Viceroy Sugar Beach. 



We’ve had friends go to both of these places and are so excited to go ourselves.  By going to both places it’s great combination of everything we are looking for, enjoying two different experiences, and still meeting everything we are hoping for in a honeymoon. 
Sandals give us the all-inclusive aspect we love and all of the water sports and activities we want to do, and Sugar Beach gives us our own private little secluded cottage we’ve always dreamed of and a luxurious honeymoon feel. 

The always disappointing jackass Juan Pablo and the always sexed up Clare were at Sugar Beach for their date and fantasy suite night…. so I tried to get over my nausea at the two of them and stare at everything in the background to mentally soak it in.  

Where did you go on your honeymoon or where are you going!?
Any tips for things to do?! 

images via sandals and sugar beach 


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fashion, Lifestyle

lust list

every time I hear “cork” I think of this lovely SNL skit.


I know I say the skits all my favorite, but it’s got to be one of them, because it’s just too good. 

on an entirely related note,
c. wonder always has such great stuff, and here’s some of the things I have my eye on





c. wonder always has 90 things I love, and their sale section is incredible.  I got a pair of monogrammed cashmere blend gloves last winter on their sale for $9.00 and I wear them constantly. 
other items I’m lusting after:

and of course, everything monogrammed


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coffee talk, Lifestyle

coffee talk

discuss amongst ya-selves……. 
  
The Bachelor: 
oh my Lord he is just the woooorrrsssstt Bachelor ever.

and a cry baby who makes no sense when he speaks. 

Opera Singer chick.  

She keeps saying her and Juan Pablo are “missing that cerebral connection….”
and that she’s looking for it.
YOU AREN’T GOING TO FIND IT. 

 because he’s a dumb ass
and he certainly doesn’t know what cerebral means 

{nor probably does any girl on that show.} 

he’s not going to go from moron to intelligent in one night.
go home.  you are seriously a weirdo.
ewwwww!! ewie. ewie. ewie. 
{I’m truly sorry…..this is the hardest season ever to find pictures from episodes of the show online, so I have nasty stuff like that to work with} 
and no joke, on my post I didn’t make “because he’s a dumbass “big and bold, but when I publish the post it makes it that way on my screen and probably  yours too. coincidence?!? 

also, why do people keep wearing one pieces this season?

the new bachelor drinking game should be Juan Pablo saying “what dis mean?”
I swear, one of the women girls could say ‘chair’ and he’s like “chaaairr? what dis mean?”
good god. 

clare and nikki get into a cat fight back at the hotel….

both are obnoxious, but in different ways.  clare is a ho just out for a man, but nikki really does seem like an obnoxious bitch who is super into herself. she seems a little bipolar too… just sayin’. 
I need more cat fights. It’s the only thing making me look away from my computer or food or anything else to pay attention to the damn show. 

and what kind of cocktail parties are these??!!
NO ONE IS EVEN DRINKING.
WHAT???
thanks a lot obama
Juan Pablo you ruin everything.

I’ll drink FOR them every time Juan Pablo acts like a hypocrite and a moron


I love this article with the marriage announcement for
Blair Waldorf marries Seth Cohen
I loved me some Seth Cohen. 

KUWTK ….. why do I watch this crap?
They all just suck so much.
All of them acting like WHAT’S THE SURPIRSE GOING TO BE?!?!?! I HAVE NO IDEA?!?!?! for Kim’s proposal.


Ohhhhh I have no idea what it could possibly be that’s SUCH a big deal and everyone is there including the jewelry designer and aunts and blah blah.
But let’s keep cutting to scenes of Scott Disick and his unconscious mother in the hospital who later passes.  Because that’s appropriate!?
What is wrong with these people Kris!?! 
(honestly, so sad about him and both of his parents.  awful).

Part II of Vanderpump was so not what I was wanting.
So we’ll just stick to talking about Part I on Sunday’s Coffee Talk.
I should have just watched part I again.  

Shah’s of Sunset Reunion
I stopped watching half way through the season because it just wasn’t doing it for me, 
but I caught a few moments of the reunion.


The best was the little mini clip between commercials towards the end of the show.  All of them are calling the waiter over and trying so damn hard to get a drink.  They are ordering specifics and gin and whiskey and this and that and Andy keeps having to call the waiter and say no, and they go back and forth.  Loved it.  
I probably just explained that horribly for those of you that didn’t see it. 



Juan Pablo and Bachelor Bitch’s….. take some notes from the Shah’s. 



I’m off to my best friend’s Bachelorette Bash in Charleston…. so I studied the Shah’s and took notes on how to party with the best of them.  
Follow along on instagram to see some antics. 


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Lifestyle, weekend recap

weekend recap

hope you all had a wonderful ( and hopefully long ) weekend.
  
the only thing making my horrible winter wardrobe better is my growing necklace collection.
other necklaces I’ve been eyeing here, here, and here 

I don’t know how else to dress up jeans and a sweater, and those seem to be the only options lately.
 It’s too damn cold and I’m over it! 


we got this beautiful candle as an engagement gift and I love it.

I burned it all weekend.  It’s so pretty and smells so good. 


Kip and I made it to 11 am spin class at the gym on Sunday (and put ourselves to bed kind of sober at a reasonable hour. natch!), which is seriously a big deal for us.
I asked the person at the front desk the last time I had been there. 
March 3, 2013.
dammnn.  youch.  

So, clearly I don’t like going to the gym.  The treadmill at my apartment with Bravo on DVR and free youtube workouts win every time.  But now I don’t know if I should renew or not because I have such a crazy cheap rate and they made it even lower if I renew next month!?! 
clearly because they know it’s free money in their pocket.

I feel like Chandler.  “I WANT TO QUIT THE GYM!”

Ah! …. I really shouldn’t renew. 
But maybe I’ll actually start going to classes…….
ehhh…… 

Speaking of the gym and spin class……
Our girl scout cookies arrived at work.  
I think I’ll be bringing them back to work because neither Kip or I can be trusted with them. 
why are they so amazing?? 

I scored this shirt on J.Crew for $19 with their sale code.
code: EXTRA50
And I have my eye on this little lady too.  It’s just too cute. 
J.Crew just does stripes so well.  
This maxi skirt and this elbow patch sweater for example 🙂 

I did a mini Coffee Talk on Sunday discussing Vanderpump Rules in case you missed it! 

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coffee talk, Lifestyle

coffee talk

discuss amongst ya-selves….. 

The Vanderpump Rules Reunion was ah.maz.ing. 
and it was only part one!!! part two airs tomorrow night and I’m giddy with anticipation.

I don’t even know where to begin, but I feel like I need to start with the statement I have said every week on Coffee Talk: 
These are the worst people ever.  truly. they are horrible. who acts like this in real life?!

So Tom and Kristen were together a few weeks ago when they appeared on WWHL with my boyfriend Andy Cohen. 
They were all, what’s weird about being together after sleeping around and lying and cheating so many times we lose count?! we’ve been together 5 years.  it’s totally normal. we just pass STD’s back and forth.  that’s love. 

 Clearly, things have now changed.  
Tom is now banging Ariana, the girl that had been in question for being the “other woman” all season.
nice outfit ariana. 

(I’m sorry  but what the hell is the appeal of Tom? 
That you can borrow his straightener and share skinny jeans and tank tops?
 Because that seems to be the only positive to me) 

Since now Tom is the one with some sketchy/unkind behavior dating the girl he cheated with, Kristen sees an opportunity to act like a 31 year old lady and take the high road by doing nothing crazy and rather reflecting on her psychotic behavior and how to become better.


Ha. I jest. 

 Kristen decides that she didn’t make enough of a jackass of herself all season on the show. So, she is boning the 21 year old Sur bus boy who I am pretty sure is actually 15 years old and who I could beat up with one arm tied behind my back. 

 I didn’t think you could get skinnier than Tom, but touché Kristen…. once again, you surprise us all and one-up yourself.  
Kristen is “having the time of her f’ing life!!!!!”

“Yeah I’m banging a 21 year old and I’m having the time of my life!!!!” 
(only smile all night  all season).
Kristen, you truly live in an alternate reality, as this is not something to be proud of.  Especially when the 21 year old isn’t even hot and can’t get into R rated movies without showing ID.
Please seek therapy ASAP.

Tom and Baby Bus Boy used to be in a band together, so Tom is SUPER UPSET.
Tom continues to focus once again not on the main point – that your girlfriend of 5 years is a cheating, lying, whore – but more on the fact that Baby Bus Boy and him were working on music together! Or roommates or something stupid! 

Kristen then confuses the hell out of me with the crying and yelling and crying…. I can’t keep up with everything.

5 seconds later….

then 5 seconds later….

The only intelligent comment came from Ariana saying Kristen needs to look up bipolar and borderline personality…. I think we all can agree with that one. 

Let’s see…. what else….. 

Stassi moved to NYC with some boyfriend she is super in love with.
Jax still has 97 STD’s and no moral compass or empathy whatsoever.
Scheana, Katie, and whoever else was there just sits there to fill space because we don’t give a crap about them. 

And Andy looked like he had just met the hottest gay man alive, because he couldn’t have been happier watching all of this unfold.  
I’m with you Andy…. it was better than I ever could have imagined. 


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