DISCUSS AMONGST YA-SELVES……

:: Bachelor ::

Wow.  I mean.  What is there to say that hasn’t already been said…..????
There is no reason to recap the FIVE HOURS OF BULLSH*T we endured this week because unless you have been living under a rock you are aware that: He proped to Becca, broke up with Becca for Lauren, then proposed to Lauren at the After The Final Rose, and now Becca is The Bachelorette.
Ay ay ay.

After the proposal (the first one, to Becca) during one of their secret meet-ups,  poor girl is going on and on to producers about their engagement and how happy they are, and in mere minutes he’s going to break up with her on camera.

Why on earth did he not do this privately!?!! I assumed that it was contractual, but I was told by someone that listens to a Bach Podcast that he did not need to do any of it on camera.  That he could have done ALL of this privately.
editors note: I can’t start going down the podcast path with this show…. I already devoted 5 hours to this crap this week alone…..gotta draw the line somewhere??? 

Now – I have no problems with him breaking up with her.  That isn’t where I think he went wrong.  It’s that he proposed to Becca when clearly wasn’t sure what he wanted, it’s that he was talking to Lauren and basically set that up as a sure thing before breaking up with Becca, it’s that he did it all on camera, and mostly that he had ZERO emotion in the break up and had nothing to say, that it took him until THE VERY end to even say the words “I’m sorry” and that there was no meaning behind the ONE time he said those words……. ugh.  What an ass.

It also just drove me crazy that he made the “sad face” the whole time like a Vanderpump Rules start ATTEMPTING to act.  He seemed so ready to go have Lauren jump on him and ready to get this over with.
But honestly, the calling off the engagement, and even the going to Lauren part, I don’t really care about that.  It’s EVERYTHING else and the way he did everything else.
OH.  AND FREAKING LEAVE.  She asked him to go like TWENTY times.

I’d love to know what went on during these phone calls to Lauren because it seems like they basically set it all up in advance.  I mean, she opens the door to see him like this :

SERIOUSLY? To a man that just dumped you and has been saying I love you and sleeping with someone else?
Hmmmm…… Alright……

What really makes no sense is that the two of them, who had zero to say to one another. ever. nothing. everrrrr……. that the two of them had “three hour phone conversations” every day. UHHHMMMMM.

Is this the kind of phone conversations like you had in your early teen years, where you don’t say much for half of the talk or fall asleep on the phone?? is that how you got to 3 hours?? Because I CANNOT fathom how this is possible.

My favorite part involving Lauren all night was her response to Chris Harrison :

I laughed SO HARD.
Sorry…. she just makes it too easy……

The “Woo Girls” on the couch (Tia, Baby Bekah, Siene, Caroline, whoever the hell else was there…. oh yeah the Taxidermist)…..  need to take it down a notch. Or 2.  Or 17.

They are fighting so hard for their spots on Bachelor in Paradise and it’s like, ladies, you are ALL going to be on it.  You’re fine.  Calm down.

Maybe new Bachelorette Becca (and by maybe, I mean obviously) will even have you on her season for pep talks like Rachel did during the 19 hours of filler time the producers force us to watch.

Out of all of the Woo Girls, Baby Bekah is getting RULL thirsty and needs to check herself.  She turned 23 and now she’s ready to be the one pointing fingers and calling out immaturity.  Let’s not get ahead of ourselves Bekah……see yourself hurling your body up and down up there?

She’s running her mouth to Access Hollywood about how Arie will definitely cheat on Lauren.  I meannnnnn I’m all for stating the facts here Bekah (ya know…. like they have nothing to say to each other and surely don’t talk for 3 hours and he’s an ass… those are facts right?) but that’s way harsh.

Have you been smoking too much of that marijuana you’ve been farming?? I thought pot was supposed to make people calm down and spread the love, not spaz out like a tweenager??
I’m so over her it’s not even funny.  And don’t get me started on her dress paired with those earrings…… 

:: Vanderpump Rules ::

Why do Bravo-lebrities insist on believing they can have a record career?  I mean, Lala sounds a heck of  a lot better than LuAnn, The Countess, and Scheana put together, but honestly.
Her accidental slip of saying “It just feels amazing to spread my legs and be the person I am musically.” instead of spread my wings was the best moment of this entire episode.

Lala’s musical number (soon to be performed live on WWHL with my-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen I’m sure) is inspired by “her man”.  Of course.
also, I think part of the Pump Rules drinking game needs to be when Lala says “my man”.  Note to self: start compiling these things….. like Jax making that dumb face he makes every week *DRINK!* ...

…. every time Scheana makes it about her…. *DRINK*
…. every time someone uses a figure of speech incorrectly…. *DRINK*…..
……..it would just be so easy with this group.

Billie, who is transgender, is talking about her ex having a problem with the fact that she used to have a penis and LEAVE IT TO SCHEANA to make EVEN THAT about her.  And Rob. (drink).

Scheana is like “Well, I can make this totally about me, because I completely know how this is, to be transgendered, because Rob, HE has a penis, and it’s like, now I know my life was meant to be all about Rob’s penis and not Shay’s penis.  ya know?…. but not to make it about me…..because apparently I do that sometimes”

editors note : Scheana on WWHL with my-boyfriend-andy-cohen is worse than when Krazy Kristin Doute is on.  Her nonstop fake laugh and staring at herself in the little monitor – I CAN’T. 

Apparently Brittany and Jax want to take their dumb decisions to the next level by having unprotected sex.  As if the two of them just having sex wasn’t a dumb enough decision.  So, Brittany thinks she might be pregnant.  So she does what most people who think they might be pregnant do :  Day drink all day and all night long before taking a pregnancy test.  Obviously.  These people are the biggest idiots on Bravo. And of course Jax is disappointed when Brittany isn’t pregnant, because “he’ll be an amazing father”, which Scheana and Ariana firmly agreed with on WWHL with my-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen…….. silence……. I’ll just leave that one right there…. 

We get the craziest shot of Brittany’s Boob Job yet….. I mean WHAT is this outfit?!  Sorry it isn’t a full length version for those of you that missed it…. there’s little shorts under this and then a wide leg thing flowing around.

The reason the gang is in Vegas is for Tom and Tom to have some meetings with LVP about Tom Tom.  Every time I have to write about this restaurant I cannot believe that 1. this is actually happening and 2. that she is naming it Tom Tom.   I’ve decided she just thinks that having more spin offs with these lunatics keep her pocket books full, because Lisa is not dumb enough to think these two are capable of anything.  Well…. except showing up drunk to meetings thinking they are full of wonderful ideas and then picking out the daintiest and most feminine things in a room and saying how masculine they are……
It’s honestly cringe-worthy to watch Sandoval because he truly thinks he knows what’s going on and that he is an asset to decision making in any way, as opposed to just screen time for the show that the viewers can make fun of at home.  The people on this show are delusional.

:: RHONY Trailer ::

Less than one month until the premiere of RHONY! HALLELUJAH!
Nothing involving the boat incident in the trailer, but I’m still keeping my fingers crossed…….

:: RHOBH :: 

Dorit’s tag line pisses me off every week…… just sayin’……

What deal can I make with the devil to have the body of Rinna and Camille?

Watching Dorit work her ass off to get back in Lisa’s good graces is hilarious.  I love that Dorit thinks she and Lisa are “family”.  She is so desperate to be her BFF.  Desperate is actually an understatement.  As Camille’s charity event goes on, it’s as if Dorit is a Stage 5 Clinger trying desperately to sleep with LVP – it’s crazy.

She STRADDLES her and plays with her hair professing her love to her!? Screaming I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU at her.  She even says “I hope my forcing myself on her is starting to make her realize that I didn’t mean to do anything to hurt her.” WHAT?! YOU LOOK LIKE A LUNATIC.

At LVP’s birthday party, Camille gives Dorit a Ball Gag (in response to her yelling see-you-next-tuesday at her earlier this season) which is just the PERFECT gift to tell her to shut her pie hole. Instead of her laughing it off, Dorit – OF COURSE –  has a little meltdown.  Whatever happened to your British humor Dorit???!!!

LVP does the ultimate bitch slap….. She reshoots everything that Dorit was initially the model for involving her jewelry for Beverly Hills Magazine.
Ohhhhh.  Mic. Drop.
Dorit…. would “family” do that?!

:: Craig :: 
A year after passing the bar, Craig was finally sworn in to the SC Bar Association.  I share this news not because I particularly care, but I am SO excited for Southern Charm to start.

:: Shannon + Kelly = BFF :: 
Something tells me Shannon is going to come to regret becoming BFF with Kelly….. I know the single gals should stick together, but talk about a loose cannon……. and both of them like their booze…. this is a recipe for disaster

:: Mazel of The Week :: 

I didn’t really know this week, so we’ll just go with this.
I feel like I have already seen this entire movie now, but otherwise
this trailer for the movie Book Club got me excited for a good chick flick.
I love movies like this.

:: Jackhole of the Week :: 

ME. For losing my car keys and LITERALLY not being able to find them anywhere.
IF I CAN’T FIND MY CAR KEYS TODAY I’M GOING TO LOSE IT.
And my husband is going to kill me.  We both looked for an hour last night (plus the 30 minutes I spent before work panicking and looking for them).
update to come tomorrow…. I’m thinking positive thoughts, hence why I’m not going into more details……
because only an idiot can lose their car keys in their own house with the car parked in the driveway, right?
THEY HAVE TO BE HERE SOMEWHERE.

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:: Editors Note ::
As always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors
whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during Coffee Talk on a weekly basis.
#HYPOCRITE   #SORRYIMNOTSORRY
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snaochats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day, and likely won’t do the next day either.  Or the day after that.

IMAGES FROM : BRAVO, GIPHY, US WEEKLY, PEOPLE