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The Sarcastic Blonde

fashion, food, fitness + a dose of sarcastic gossip

coffee talk, Lifestyle

coffee talk

April 2, 2015

coffee talk
discuss amongst ya-selves……..
let’s start with what is clearly the most important news of the week.

mcd’s is testing out serving breakfast all day long
WHERE WAS THIS WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE
WHERE? 
WHY GOD WHY? 
on a side note, blessing in disguise that it didn’t exist when I was in college
I still don’t understand the test market being in California. 
Stereotypes exist for a reason. 
California is the last state to pick for testing what fat kids have decided heaven will be like : a place where McD’s breakfast is served ALL DAMN DAY. 
I meaannnnn I was a marketing major at Miami. I, like, totally know these things. 
the target market is ME. ME.
or the mcdonald’s next to the dispensaries in colorado like that girl scout did with her cookies.  HELLO —-> marketing genius right there. get ’em girl.  

:: southern charm ::
file under : things patricia and I do not have in common. 

it’s back and it’s soooo good.
almost as good as last season, but it can’t be because cathryn now has a baby and it was way more fun when she was getting caught with multiple men. 
and SERIOUSLY you CANNOT have two christenings!? what is this!?
normally when a couple tries to stay together its a good thing, 
but the fact that thomas and cathryn are even trying to make this ” relationship ” work is almost laughable. 
the show just seriously makes me laugh.  
I don’t knock Shep for his complete and utter lack of career motivation….. he has passions. 
pah-reach shep.  pah (long dramatic pause) reach. 
:: DWTS ::
I. just. love. it. so. much.
I’m really upset for so many reasons that the model with the giant breasts got kicked off.

a. I feel so bad for her partner…. his first season was last season and he got kicked off first, and now he got kicked off second on his second season.
b. let’s face it : I am fascinated with her boobs
c. I am fascinated with how she can even dance with those boobs because they are just so large. I don’t know how she even walks without falling over.

d. I could yell out “Kip! it’s the Model with The Boobs” and he would come watch the whole episode with me
e. her partner is a great dancer
f. I am seriously way too fascinated by this girls body and how natural boobs can be that big on that small of a little-bitty-body
I know they are called “breasts” but imagine if you just read points A-F with that word instead of boobs…. wouldn’t it have sounded so inappropriate? as opposed to how classy and mature when I say boobs instead 🙂 but seriously I hate the word breasts.  so it’s a good thing I don’t have any. ba-dun-dun.
g. boobs. 
okay I’m done I swear……..
I seriously LOVE dancing with the stars. and I promise this season I won’t complain about erin andrews every week and how she is THE WORST

:: shahs of sunset :: 
this show always blows my mind.  they are fascinating to me.
I love Reza so much.  Everything he says is hilarious to me. Even the going back and forth between calling GG Golnesa or GG, which isn’t funny and is literally nothing just a name or nick name, somehow makes me smile when he says Golnesa. 
this week was the “Mike tried to sleep with GG in Turkey” finally being put out there. 
yes, GG is crazy, but I totally think Mike would….. so it’s hard to decide who is lying? 
Poor Jessica during the pool party as she announces it – this is awful.
Here are the previews for next week :
Mike says ” I was going to propose in a few weeks, but with everyone talking about me trying to sleep with GG, I’m proposing tomorrow”
I’M SORRY, WHAT???!!

GREAT IDEA!!!!! 
IF THIS ISN’T THE MOST PERFECT EXAMPLE OF HOW MEN ARE THE BIGGEST MORONS IN THE WORLD I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS.

:: RHOBH REUNION PART ONE ::
hooooooooolllyyyy mooooollllyyyyy. 
the one minute intro of the episode showing the things to come was the craziest thing I have ever seen.  I verbally said “OH MY GOD” three times during it.

side note : this reunion is a perfect example of why I do NOT like HDTV.  They have so much make up on and all the lighting and all the blah blah and you can see ALL OF IT when they do the close up shots.  not doing anyone any favors. 

kim and kyle not talking for three months and having the first interaction be on those opposing couches : YIKES.
kim needs to knock it off with the finger pointing.  it’s obnoxious. 
highlight of part one : kim trying to act like she is a SERIOUS actress and that Lisa Rinna is a nobody.
you were on revenge for 10 seconds this season kim, you are meryll streep, calm down
kim : i have a little more pride (than lisa rinna)
andy : YOU DID DIVING WITH THE STARS.
oh snap. it was perfection.
Brandi continues to be her horrible, awful self. And her face doesnt let us down – it looks 100% different than the last time she was on TV, and the time before that, and the time before that. 
kyle : “at least I don’t walk around naked with a tampon string hanging out.”
brandi : “because you don’t get your period b***h.”
 WHAAAATTTTT. I can’t. 

I love that they all call Brandi out for (among many things) being HUGE hypocrite.
she’s always “don’t touch me, you hit me!” when someone places a hand on her wrist, 
but she throws drinks in peoples faces and slap peoples faces.
sure. 

THE WORDS THAT COME OUT OF THIS WOMANS MOUTH!!
the things she said about the boy in Amsterdam!!! 
and saying to kyle “I would love to beat you up in my head I have done it a million times.”
I had to pause so any times and get up to take a break! 
previews for next week : Kim is AWFUL.  it looks like she takes it so far below the belt and brings kyle’s kids into it. 
kim has officially become AS MEAN and AS AWFUL as Brandi. 
lisa, and all of us, are thinking 

the roast of justin beiber was AWESOME.
the funniest thing about all of it was everyone else was roasted 97% of the time, with justin about 3% of it.  it actually made a lot more sense because I had no idea what all of those people were going to even say about beiber.
some of those jokes were just AWFUL. so horrible.  but I love how anything – anything – can be said and nothing is off limits. 
I mean, even Martha! Who knew!? 
see a good recap of the roast HERE
and to end with something sweet and great : 
tom hanks reenacted all of his characters in 6 minutes (video)
:: jackhole of the week ::
BEIBER.
his huge ass PR stunt  “come at me bro, I’ll laugh and we’ll be friends, please let this make people like me” and he shows up with a TWEEN STASH.
seriously. look at his face.  oh my lord. 
ps this week is dedicated to dina, the longest reader of coffee talk. xo

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.  
#hypocrite  #sorryimnotsorry
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either.  or the day after that.








by TheSarcasticBlonde 
fashion, Lifestyle

:: wishlist wednesday ::

April 1, 2015

:: wishlist wednesday ::
with Easter this coming weekend, spring is on my mind.
and all I want to do is put on a dress and frolick.
I have been obsessing over floral dresses for a week now, as in, every night on the hunt whilst watching my shows.  but I still have a puffy coat front and center in my closet…..ughhh. HALP.  The struggle is real. 
so until then, I will be sifting through florals and packing some dresses for warmer weather back home in Atlanta for our Easter visit! 
almost all are under $150! 
   
// one //                               // two //                            // three // 
// one //                                // two //                             // three //  
only $69!! 

for short styles, I also still love this adorable dress that I have blogged about before!

 // one //                             // two //                        // three // 

and you know there had to be backless somewhere.  it’s not wednesday without it. 
//  lust dress of the week.  so in love.  // 


by TheSarcasticBlonde 
Lifestyle

:: tuesday things ::

March 31, 2015

:: tuesday things ::

image


our front door looks so empty without a wreath on it.

it needs a christmas/st. paddy’s day replacement asap. 
I am in love with the following wreaths that I found on Etsy, and I think one of them will be arriving shortly. 
// tulip wreath // 
// boxwood wreath // 
// hydrangea wreath // 

there are seriously hundreds of gorgeous wreaths on their etsy shop! 

another under $100 recent find is
Three Jane NY Jewelry. 
the earrings below come in every color under the rainbow and would make any black cocktail dress a stunner. 
// earrings // 

moving on from home decor and jewelry…… FOOD.
I feel like I need to just get a spiralizer. 
recipe + image 
this paderno spiralizer has been sitting in my amazon cart for ages. 
// paderno spiralizer // 

are they really that easy to use? 
will I end up spending a fortune on produce in order to make a “pasta dinner”?
do they take up A TON of space in the kitchen?
help a lady out. 

don’t forget, RHOBH Reunion Part 1 Tonight! 
so tell your man friend to shush and go play video games
park it on the couch and treat-yo-self. 
I’ll be wishing it was Friday so that I could play my favorite reunion drinking game: 
every time my-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen makes crazy pants facial expressions, DRANK. 


also, every time Brandi acts like the trash that she is, DRANK. 
and always the most fun, every time you are sitting alone talking at the television screen as if they or anyone else could hear you, DRANK. 



by TheSarcasticBlonde 
Lifestyle, weekend recap

:: weekend recap ::

March 30, 2015

:: weekend recap ::
I am recovering from another wonderful weekend (with college friends + a wedding),
and while it was amazing,
I’m so happy to be home and to catch up on some sleep this week. 
I drove from Chicago to Cincinnati on Friday for a sorority sisters wedding and had a very, very fun girls weekend. 
The wedding + bride were absolutely gorgeous! 


They had signature cocktails with classic Miami of Ohio bar cocktails for the Miami Mergers.
They even had a live country band it was ah-mazing. 
  
the drive felt like 10 hours instead of 5 on the return trip Sunday. 
I listened to a bunch of podcasts to help me keep my eyes open. 
I caught up on some episodes of the lively show and then tried out happier.
when I used to commute 2 hours a day, I had listened to The Happiness Project on audiotape and even though her voice/speech and half of the entire thing annoyed me and was so boring, I liked the other half.  
the podcast seems to be the same – the things that annoyed me before still do.
and OH YEAH…. don’t worry… I totallllyyyy realize I am listening to a podcast about being happier and I am being a negative pain in the ass about it.
the irony is not lost on me. 
happier is a little much at times, with nonsense chatter, and some cheesy things I would never do, but the episodes are quick and I liked some of the easy tips to try to incorporate into the every day.
here are some of the things the happy lady tells me, the sarcastic beyotch, to do:
1. set at alarm at night to go off to you know when to go to sleep.  like pavlov’s dog. 

me : theres no way this would work for me.  I am the person that sets 27 alarms one to two minutes apart in the morning and snoozes for an hour before actually getting out of bed.  I don’t need to set multiple alarms to hit the snooze button BEFORE bed and make myself crazy at night as well. 


2. make your bed every morning.

me : I DO THIS! score! I’m such a happy person it’s crazy!
but I really do agree with the reasoning of it and its why I started doing it – first task of the day is already completed and it’s starts the day in the right direction.
oh ….. except that my husband is still sleeping when I leave for work 99% of the time…. so I make my half of the bed and come home to his kind-of-made side of the bed which consists only of putting the pillow in front of the headboard and maybe pulling up the duvet because he knows I like it made….. so maybe thats like a 50% win for me? 


3. keep appealing scents in the house and randomly sniff them.

me : this was the lamest podcast I have ever heard in my life.
my negative thoughts flowed out of my mouth as I talked to myself in the car about who would buy little vials of different scents and keep them on a shelf and just sniff them.

and then I say out loud how DAMN I just did it again……
I mean…… over an hour of happiness podcasts proved to me I’m even more of a cynical asshole than I thought I was.  SHOOT.  something tells me that is not the goal. 


I finally watched the finale of RHOBH.
why can Kim Richards not comprehend that MauriciO’s name is not Maurice?!
kills me. 
I am very, very excited for the reunion on Tuesday.
 and very, very excited for NYC to start up.  
and very, very anxious about how many hours of TV I have to catch up on this week. 

I saw the full preview of the Lilly Pulitzer for Target line and I really hope everything doesn’t sell out in 12 seconds because everything is so cute. 

I was so tired last week from Vegas that I barely worked out at all, and have been eating like crap for weeks.  It’s actually been awesome and french fries are my best friend and love me like no one else can.  But now I think I’m officially disgusted so I guess thats good and I can finally knock it off.
This week kicks off “operation get your ass in gear lady come on lock it up diet starts monday shut your pie hole” or the shortened version “operation lock it up” so I have a feeling today’s workout is going to kill me. 
image
 I need a detox like WOAH. (well…. until in 3 weeks when I’m in Vegas again……shoot…….) 
I’m tempted to say no alcohol for the next 3 weeks entirely, but think I will be honest with myself in saying that probably won’t happen.  I’ll resort to take it easy and just say only a glass or two of wine on the weekends til Vegas.  
I’m pathetic. 



by TheSarcasticBlonde 
fashion, Lifestyle

:: wishlist wednesday ::

March 25, 2015

:: wishlist wednesday ::
lusts for the week…….
          

// mini bucket bag // for under $100!!!

// romper // 

under $50! // heels // 
// trench // 
// navy knot dress // 
// blue maxi // 
// michael kors purse // 
 // romper // 
brown leather wedges, on sale!!!! : // one // two // 

// stripes and lace blouse // 
// black open back dress // 




by TheSarcasticBlonde 
Lifestyle

oh hey i’m back.

March 24, 2015

oh hey i’m back.
I survived Vegas, but with not much too show for it (in terms of pictures). 
I DID walk away UP a couple hundred from the craps tables so I call that a success.
I love Vegas.  I left Vegas last time (about 3 years ago) and Vegas had kicked my ass, but I was more prepared this time (read : I had packed every kind of vitamin possible my very bradley dop kit made it look like I was smuggling who knows what).  
I think I may have it down….. good thing I’m back in 3 weeks for a wedding to see if I can handle it one more time. 

Friday we spend the day at the pool – 80 and sunny and pure heaven.
Friday night we went to Foundation Room and ended up buying a table on the patio with a view of the whole strip.  It was ah-mazing. 
moments after the picture below, we were informed me missed channing tatum and ryan reynolds by mere seconds.  DAMN! 
Saturday I actually managed to walk around a bit outside and “do things with my life.”
slow clap for me.  
Mimosa in hand every step of the way of course. 
We saw Absinthe Saturday night and I CANNOT recommend it more.
I laughed my head off.  If you are easily offended, do NOT see this show.
Everyone else, the best hour ever.  Quick show and you are off to the rest of your night.

Kip and I capped every night at Smashburger and each night it did not disappoint….. especially when our last stop there was after I cashed in my $500 chip.  
I basically handed it over the lady at smash burger I was so excited to late night eat their one more time.  whoops. 
I love me some craps. 

THRILLING pictures, right?
apologies.


by TheSarcasticBlonde 
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Hi. I’m Taylor

A Southern girl turned Chicago transplant, recently settling back down in Atlanta. Fluent in sarcasm. Devout Bravo-holic and TV addict. Balances fitness with french fries. Penchant for Prosecco and Pinot Grigio. Wannabe Ina Garten in the kitchen. Online shopping enthusiast. Lover of fashion and decor.

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