TheSarcasticBlonde, Author at The Sarcastic Blonde

:: weekend things ::

May 26, 2015

I hope you all had a wonderful memorial day weekend!!

we had an engagement party friday night in Bucktown and Kip and I went to Takito Kitchen beforehand for some Mexican & we loved it. It was laid back and delicious with cute decor (and a great patio but it wasn’t warm enough that night). We don’t have any good Mexican restaurants near us so it definitely hit the spot.

plus the cocktails come in cute glasses like this. so precious.

I started streaming Grace & Frankie on Netlfix and it was cute and funny.

Easy viewing. Jane Fonda never ceases to amaze me.

The entire season can be watched in seven hours or something crazy like that, so I’m sure I’ll finish the whole thing at some point 🙂

The youngest of Kip’s brothers graduated High School and is off to South Carolina in the fall!!

I had a lady date on Sunday with brunch and Pitch Perfect 2. We agreed that we liked it and laughed a lot, but that it wasn’t as good as the first one and that waiting until it comes out on DVD wouldn’t be a bad thing.

afterwards I went to Whole Foods to pick up dinner and made the mistake of buying these cookies.

ummmm crack. rolled in heroin. mixed with crack. dipped in ecstasy. sprinkled with whatever other drugs are addictive. too far? oh well.

my friend had a BBQ on Monday for Memorial Day and went all. out. The food was all so pretty and so delicious and pinterest perfection.

it was a feast martha stewart would have been very impressed by!

these watermelon stars with feta and balsamic reduction/glaze thingy were SO DAMN CUTE.

it was the weekend of re-wearing clothing. I figure if it’s different groups of people and I wear a different belt and accessories it totally doesn’t count, right? and then my husband thinks I’m only re-wearing clothes and not shopping online with all the killer sales, right?

blue scalloped dress // blue + white printed dress

plus, the printed blue dress is so comfortable I would wear it all day every day. I should probably stop wearing it every weekend though because now I officially have no occasion where the group of people have not seen it.

fashion, Lifestyle

:: summer sale :: all under $50 ::

May 24, 2015

happy memorial day weekend shopping 🙂

I’ve already been doing some damage at Nordstrom. whoops.

all the items below are under $50, most around $25, so get after it !

// bucket bag //

// chambray espadrilles // // ankle strap sandals // // striped espadrilles //

// belt //

// bikini top // // bikini bottom //

// linen shorts // // romper //

// sunglass case // // rattan clutch // // lightweight scarf //

// teardrop necklace // // stoneleaf clusters necklace //

also, my favorite green maxi is still 50% off !
and my cobalt scalloped dress that I wore again this weekend for a graduation is under $50!

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: COFFEE TALK ::

May 22, 2015

discuss amongst ya-selves……

:: the bachelorette ::

so britt got axed. no surprise there.
the two bachelorette thing was such a waste and such a stupid concept.

I’m not a kaitlin fan either, but she is better than britt as a choice.

would I love to hang out with britt if I were one of the girls in the house during a season of the bachelor? hell yeah I’m sure she’s fun as heck especially when trapped in the middle of nowhere iowa with farmer chris as the bachelor…. however, watching her as the bachelorette? eh. no.

soooo I can’t wait to watch all season obviously 🙂

ok so there is just SO much to say that I am probably going to have to start doing a separate post entirely for The Bachelorette. I forget how into it I always get. I even called my mom mid-episode during a commercial break on the first night when we were both watching it live to discuss how AWFUL all of the “most eligible” men were (and we don’t watch TV live, and we don’t talk during shows…. the second is an unspoken thing that I think just stems from the fact we need to digest all the info and get our commentary on point before debating).
they are truly the MOST disappointing group they have ever had on, as in chris harrison “MOST dramatic rose ceremony” but with truth behind it.

so…. even if you didnt watch this week, I’m sure by now you have heard that they show some scandalous scenes for the coming weeks.

I’ll jump right to it ~~like she did~~ : she has sex with one of the men, and there are enough bachelors left that this is before the fantasy suite week or anything like that, so she has to confess it to all of the men she is still dating after it happens.

let me just say this :
I had a paragraph of things to say but I deleted it. it got a little crazy.

if Bob Guiney and the rest of the male bachelors that are dating multiple women for weeks on end can keep it in their pants until the final 3 fantasy suite week, I THINK YOU CAN TOO SWEETHEART.

:: southern charm ::

this weeks episode kicks back off in jekyll island where we catch wind of thomas being accused of assault. but of course!

thomas pushed kathryn’s friend/stylist or closed her arm in a door or something.

thomas calls kathryn desperately like “I NEED YOU, cough to come clear my name cough” when all he has done all season is look like the epitome of a hangover from hell while ignoring her (how terrible does he look in his confessional things? wow)

Kathryn takes it like a true 23 year old stays and drinks with her friends.

(I meannnnn wrong, but I dont blame her.)

T-Rav, a 58 year old former state senator, decides HE HAS HAD ENOUGH and proclaims their relationship is DONE on The Facebook.

Seriously. You read that correctly. 58 year old politician ends relationship with mother of his child in an angry FB rant. this show is just too good.

the election is clearly lost for T-Rav this time…. he just didnt think it was going to be lost by 96%. youch, that had to sting.

cameron and craig show up to the “fundraiser fail” party, which is a huge open party room at the top of a restaurant ready and waiting for about 200 and they are the only two to walk in.
but don’t worry! more people show up!
like 15….. so it totally got better.

whilst T-Rav is giving his failure speech, KATHRYN STORMS IN ON CUE (and ON POINT) and sits in the front row with her tight lip “I’m gonna kill someone” scowl she has mastered this season.

GIRL IS SO GOOD AT THAT FACE.

then Landon says something and Kathryn goes postal and it is just amazing.
next week is the season finale with the clip they have been playing all season of kathryn chasing thomas down the boardwalk. I will be so sad when this season is over.

:: amazing race ::

I cried, and not a single tear, like……. cried while eating breakfast and watching the finale last weekend.

The team I had rooted for and that totally deserved to win actually won.
When does that ever happen? I couldn’t believe it.

:: shahs of sunset ::

the bikini bod cover-up AND flaming hot cheetos? pah-reach.

reza calling off the wedding and then going to thailand with all of his gang was a leeeeeeetle insensitive. it’s only “sex and the city” when you are the one being dumped and when you’re there you’re depressed as hell. but whatever I still love him so we’ll pretend it was mutual.
also, bobby + asifa just need to break up. again. but they’re both so pretty so for the sake of looks maybe they should stay together? it’s a tough call……

:: real housewives of melbourne :: last weeks episode
there were so many great quotes this week.

janet: I have become very well versed in erectile dysfunction medication.

Pettifleur (ugh) hires chyka for her 50th birthday party and wants a winter wonderland theme. the day of the party, she hates the STUNNING entryway of flowers into her apartment. they were so beautiful. proves pettifleur wouldn’t know anything tasteful or good looking if it was surrounding her.

I was halfway watching the episode while I was browsing the internet on my computer when the next quote was said by gamble and I laughed so hard
gamble, about the entrance into the party with the faux snowflakes falling everywhere
gamble : so I was walking through the ejaculating forest

and once again I thought “did someone spike my drink? do I like gamble!?!? that was hilarious!?” but then I kept watching and realized, no, I was just temporarily insane and she temporarily had a personality.

pettifleur : tonight I’m doing the rumba at my birthday party…. I’ll be jumping off of a sparkling moon. It’ll be sexy and spicy and those bitches are going to melt. I want to give those bitches something to look at!
SHE DRIVES ME INSANE.

jackie yelling “very couture! very couture!” in the background while her tush and lady bits were hanging out in front of her son doing a samba was a great way to finish up the episode.

THIS SHOW IS AMAZING.
ah! all of my shows are ending for summer hiatus and I can’t stand it!

:: RHONYC ::

this whole “going to an amateur boxing night” and getting saliva hurled on you is disgusting and stupid. the bar they went to afterwards (and ordered green tea and steamed vegetables and gluten free beer) looks like one of the bars we used to hang out in in college. except we were probably still underage and STILL knew how to order properly in a dive like that. (25 cent beers and lemon drop shots thank-ya-very-much.)

why is this entire episode Bethenny therapy hour and family drama that “she doesn’t share with people” yet we have to watch her share for 45 minutes? “I don’t tell people about these things.” UM. YOU ARE TELLING THE ENTIRE WORLD (you could argue it’s not the whole world, but the whole world should be watching Bravo if they aren’t).
newsflash : you also shared it when you were originally on the show, in your book, and on all three seasons of your personal bethenny show, and likely on your talk show. just sayin’

“I like to hang out with people that know my story so that I don’t have to talk about it.”

uhm, then don’t joint he housewives to hang with a bunch of women that are strangers and talk about it for an entire episode while the rest of us like me at home with nothing better to do have to watch it and wish they had an IV drip of ramona pinot grigio in their arm in order to get to the end of the episode in hopes someone else’s story line will come on.

editors note : am I the QUEEN of a run on sentence with annoying CAPS LOCK or what?

~~ugh~~ I have had to delete so many ugh’s with 97 H’s after them about this episode/this season.

i’ve decided that without Dorota being a tough bitch and sonja being certifiably insane this show would be nothing. luckily my-boyfriend-andy-cohen is giving us some good old fashioned original OC Housewives in the coming weeks.
he spoils me like that, what can I say.

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either. or the day after that.

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: karen talk ::

May 21, 2015

coffee talk will be on a special day – tomorrow, friday! – this week because (insert whatever lame excuse who cares but it’s not today).

I promise it will be as intellectually stimulating and riveting as always.

I figure the next best thing would be for Karen Walker to fill in for the day.

I’ll leave you with some inspirational quotes to get you through the workday and on to the weekend.

thank you krissy for sending me these 🙂

I present you with Karen Walker Motivational Posters (see all of them here)

I will be printing this one and hanging it in my gallery wall.

I promise you I will have Coffee Talk coming your way to kick of the weekend tomorrow morning.

via

no but really : on the agenda, the bachelorette, DWTS, southern charm, shahs of sunset, the amazing race, what else I can watch while laying on the couch tomorrow night!

fashion, Lifestyle

:: wishlist wednesday ::

May 20, 2015

lusts for the week……

AND big news! Nordstrom kicks of its Half Year Sale today!

I didn’t know while making this post last night which items would be up to 40% off, but a ton of items below, especially the shoes, are already marked down!

Check out their sale and shop quick before it all gets snatched up!

to kick off this week,
a dress with my name clearly ALL over it.

// striped fit and flare // Under $100

// strapless midi dress //

// bb dakota // under $100

since we booked our Italy trip (that isn’t for more than 3 months which is an eternity but I’m already shopping for it because whatever why wouldn’t I) one of my top concerns is what the eff shoes I am going to wear!

I am a flip flops all day in warm weather kind of girl, but I know my legs will die from walking all day with no support. However, I would rather die than wear sneakers everyday…. or even one day unless it is legit hiking. I just can’t do it.

The strappy/gladiatior/ankle strap sandals seem to be my best bet – and all of these are amazingly priced + most on sale!

one // two sale under $50! // three sale only $35!
four // five sale under $50! // six

I really do need to figure out what to do about legit shoes other than sandals but I CAN’T.
I’ll take baby steps over the next few months while I come to terms with function over fashion…..
espadrilles. particularly blue and white espadrilles.

// espadrilles //

fashion, giveaway, Lifestyle

:: rocksbox ::

May 19, 2015

Today I have a fun subscription website to share with all of you today!

If you’ve been reading for awhile, you’ll know I am not a sparkle obsessed kind of girl, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love me some jewelry.

I have my more delicate basics that I wear every day, but on the weekends + especially for special occasions (hello wedding season!) I love to try something new.

The thing is, I don’t want to spend money on pieces that aren’t everyday pieces to me.
(oh wait, but I spend it on dresses and things that I also don’t wear everyday 😀 makes sense to me…..)

Enter Rocksbox !

I filled out a survey about what kind of jewelry – earrings, necklaces, bracelets – I like most, and then they select three items just for you.

You can also add pieces to your wishlist so they know exactly what you would love to find in your mailbox. Each box is about $200 of jewelry, so you save big bucks, and can buy pieces if you end up loving them.

They send three pieces to you, and you can wear them as much as you want for as long as you want, and when you send them back they’ll send you another box with new goodies.
As my girl Ina says, HOW EASY IS THAT!?

and even better,
you can use code tayloroshayxoxo to get one month free!

my first box has a studded bar necklace and a delicate infinity bracelet that can both be worn everyday.
and it also has gorgeous statement earrings for weekend outings.