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The Sarcastic Blonde

fashion, food, fitness + a dose of sarcastic gossip

fashion, Lifestyle

:: wish list wednesday ::

October 21, 2015

:: wish list wednesday ::
lusts for the week……. 
  
there’s just something about a red dress. every. time.
:: ruby red open back tank :: 

I wish I could just spend oodles of money on funny graphic tees.
 like, an obscene amount.  especially on this one.
work out : noun : walking to get coffee. shopping. lifting a glass of wine. making out. laying in bed. (PAH-REACH)
:: work out tank :: 

:: striped dress ::   

best price I’ve seen for such a wardrobe staple for winter.  
especially when they are constantly 30%-50% off weekly! 
:: JCrew factory ankle booties :: 
love, love, love this peplum top.  would get so much use year round. 
:: peplum quarter sleeve top ::
:: fit and flare dress :: 

calling all brides-to-be: dress heaven 
:: white dress with floral detail :: 
also love this white eyelet/lace dress ! 

I know it’s not even Halloween….. and I’m not “one of those people”,
but these will be the perfect inexpensive + adorable christmas gift for every lady in your life
:: JCrew Factory Slippers ::  comes in so many colors! 

:: open back floral dress ::  40% off and now under $30
AH I love every single graphic tee I see more than the next SOMEONE STOP ME.
HOW CUTE IS THIS?
and this model reminds me of the girl on How To Get Away With Murder that is sleeping with the older lawyer guy….. with the FIERCE eyebrows…. you know who I’m talking about, names are irrelevant on that show…..they talk too fast for me to recall any of them
:: call me tank :: 

kate spade lookalike dress for a quarter of the price! 
perfect for holiday parties later! 
:: peter pan collar dress ::  under $100 






by TheSarcasticBlonde 
Lifestyle, recipe

:: crack of the week : protein bar quinoa chili ::

October 20, 2015

:: crack of the week : protein bar quinoa chili ::
:: crack of the week :: 
:: PROTEIN BAR COPYCAT CHILI :: 
  
I have a few food obsessions as of late.  One of them is Quinoa, but I have been obsessed with that for quite awhile.  I have quinoa with dinner at least 4-5x per week.  My other, more exciting food obsession, is with Protein Bar.
Protein Bar is a fast health food chain here in Chicago that has smoothies, bowls, wraps, salads, etc.  I’m not nuts about everything they have, but their smoothies are my favorite Friday treat post workout class.  Like, they bring me pure joy you’d think I was eating McDonalds.  I like being rewarded with food so a smoothie is the best option to not ruin the work I just did and seriously they are SO good 🙂 
ANYWAYSSSSSS I really know how to ramble……. 
Protein Bar also has a delicious Veggie Quinoa Chili.  It is so chunky and delicious and seems so MEATY but its not. 

My friend sent me this recipe and told me it’s a great at-home version of Protein Bar’s Chili and it definitely is!! This recipe makes SO much, so you’ll have plenty to eat for the week and plenty to freeze for later when you don’t have time to cook.  
are you so excited for my food photography you can’t stand it!?!? 

I, of course, like it best topped with avocado and plain greek yogurt! 

:: Protein Bar Copycat Quinoa Chili :: 
recipe adapted from Two Peas and Their Pod
 After my 90th time using the Le Creuset I finally remembered to take the sticker off after the pot cooled.  Every time I used it, I never noticed until the darn pot was already too hot to take it off.  Just keeping it real up in here. 



Yield: Serves 10-12     Prep Time: 10 minutes     Cook Time: 45 minutes    Total Time: 55 minutes
:: INGREDIENTS ::
1/2 cup quinoa, rinsed
1 cup water
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 small onion, chopped
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 jalapeno pepper, diced
1 large carrot, peeled and chopped
2 celery stalks, chopped
1 green bell pepper, chopped
1 red bell pepper, chopped
1 medium zucchini, chopped
2 (15 ounce) cans black beans, drained and rinsed
1 (15 ounce) can red kidney beans, drained and rinsed
3 (15 ounce) cans diced tomatoes
1 (15 ounce) can tomato sauce
2-3 tablespoons chili powder, depending on your taste (we used 3) *I recommend far less!
1 tablespoon ground cumin
Salt and black pepper, to taste
Optional toppings: green onions, avocado slices, cheese, sour cream, Greek yogurt, chips, crackers, etc.
:: DIRECTIONS ::
1. In a medium saucepan, combine the quinoa and water. Cook over medium heat until water is absorbed, about 15 minutes. Set aside.
2. In a large pot, heat the olive oil over high heat. Add the onion and cook until tender, about 5 minutes. Stir in garlic, jalapeño, carrot, celery, peppers, and zucchini. Cook until vegetables are tender, about 10 minutes.
3. Add the black beans, kidney beans, tomatoes, and tomato sauce. Stir in the cooked quinoa. Season with chili powder, cumin, salt, and black pepper. Simmer chili on low for about 30 minutes. Serve warm.

Note: garnish the chili with green onions, avocado slices, cheese, sour cream/Greek yogurt, chips, crackers, if desired. This chili freezes well.


Expert-Chef-Taylor’s-Editor’s-Notes: 
The 2-3 Tablespoons of Chili Powder was WAY too hot for us.  I only did 2, but perhaps we just can’t handle the heat!

 I would recommend to start with 1 TBS or less, perhaps just a few teaspoons, and then you can always add more.  I also was using our fancier chili spices that I had gotten for an Ina Garten Recipe and did not take into account how much more heat came from that than from our regular chili powder.  I think with the chili powder it would have been okay to have more, but just keep in mind that you can always add more not take any out 🙂  
Soooooo learn from my mistake! T
he greek yogurt + avocado cools it down a lot though, so that helps. 


by TheSarcasticBlonde 
Lifestyle, weekend recap

:: monday randoms ::

October 19, 2015

:: monday randoms ::

image
look at me….. starting the week off all positive and stuff.
I clearly typed this when it was still Sunday and not the crack of dawn on Monday.
   
Hope you all had a great weekend! 

I think that Kip and I are quite possibly the only people in the country that did not venture out to a pumpkin patch or apple orchard this weekend.
but we do have a festive fall wreath on our front door that I shared on instagram.



and I bought striped pumpkins at trader joe’s if that counts? 



UMMMMM Adele’s upcoming single was “teased” during a commercial break in the UK and I am so excited I can’t stand it.  I couldn’t have played her last album any more and this song sounds like her next album will be just as amazing.

check out the sneak peek here. 


remember the kick ass little tikes car you used to cruise up and down the driveway in when you were a kid?  

they make a legit adult size version, road safe, that goes up to 70 mph. (see more here)


kate hudson is always one of my favorites at award shows and this week was no different.

image

this was my favorite look from the whole night. she always looks gorgeous. 


my favorite brunch addiction lately has been the Lemon Cottage Cheese Pancakes at Summer House. 
I am not a ‘pancakes for brunch’ person and these things blow my mind.
the addiction is really strong and can’t be stopped. 
I was searching for recipes to try at home, and came across this one from Martha Stewart.

lemon cottage cheese pancakes
I’ll hopefully be whipping these up next weekend! 



:: weekend wears :: 
in advance, please pardon my awful photography.
I will never figure out the art of a selfie, and never want to ask my husband to take a picture, or when I do they are AWFULLLLL. so I stick with the awkward selfie.

for the shopbop sale, I nabbed two under $100 pieces from BB Dakota.

this black poplin dress was perfect for a night out friday.
it’s hard to tell the detail of the fabric in my pics, but it looks and feels much more expensive than it is.  perfect dress for the upcoming holiday parties. 
:: bb dakota dress :: 
fit is true to size – sorry for awful pictures, even for me 
we get zero light in the guest room and nighttime pics are especially dark. 
I also got this sweater and have been living it, but unfortunately it appears to be sold out 🙁  
I found several similar here, here here, and here


okayyyyy thats all I’ve got for today.  
fingers crossed for a speedy end to monday! 

image


by TheSarcasticBlonde 
friday randoms, Lifestyle

:: weekend things ::

October 17, 2015

:: weekend things ::

image



:: ROCKSBOX:: 

This months RocksBox is my favorite yet! This gold bangle goes perfectly with my everyday gold bracelet, the color of these emerald green earrings is gorgeous.   And the statement necklace speaks for itself.  
use code tayloroshayxoxo for your first month free!! 

 :: BED QUESTIONS :: 

I’ve gotten a couple of questions about our mattress from my post earlier this week.
Our mattress from Tuft and Needle is heavenly.  The delivery of it wrapped up makes it so much easier to haul upstairs, and it is the perfect combination of firm and soft!  Kip and I have always differed in liking a mattress harder or softer but somehow we both think this one is perfect. 


Also, the headboard from One Kings Lane is beautiful.  It shipped two weeks faster than the expected arrival date they gave us when we ordered, and it looks just as pictured on the website.   They have so many wonderful options with almost all at 50% off.  


:: CORRIDOR BREWERY :: 
Thursday night we tried the new restaurant/brewery that opened, Corridor Brewery.
We only had a few appetizers and drinks before heading out, but everything was delicious and the service was exceptional.  Especially for opening night, I was blown away by the service and how quickly the food came out. 
The buffalo cauliflower bites (seen below) and their flatbread pizzas were so delicious! 




:: GAP FALL SALE :: 
GAP is currently offering up to 50% off fall items! 
:: sweater dress ::  
also love this striped shift dress

:: windowpane boyfriend shirt :: 

:: animal print sweatshirt :: 
also love this tunic sweater 

:: zipped ribbed tunic :: 


by TheSarcasticBlonde 
coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: coffee talk ::

October 15, 2015

:: coffee talk ::
discuss amongst ya-selves……. 

:: billy on the street :: 
this is one of my most favorite shows ever.  I love him.
the celeb appearances are always great, 
like chris pratt learning absolutely no one knows who he is 

Billy On The Street: Chris Pratt Lightning Round! from Billy on the Street


:: RHONJ: Teresa Checks In :: 




or they had some ‘tre’ nickname for the show or something in the intro, but whatever its tre in jail.


I don’t watch Jersey Housewives anymore and haven’t for awhile, but I like to watch the reunions and this was on when I didn’t have anything else so I thought, why not! 


I reaaaallllly can’t stand Joe.  I’m sure the feeling is mutual for all of you.  My dislike for him continues….  it’s like he wants everyone to feel sorry for him? and for her, but seriously for him. 





I kept thinking I would be pretty good at this prison life thing: Joe says she has email access all day spin class yoga class and she gets to watch all the bravo shows.


UMMMMMMM.  why is a prison sentence sounding like a life better than most people get to live? 






then she’s on the phone and she’s like “we watched a movie last night, magic mike “


whaaaat? that seems like a really stupid idea for a movie to play in a womens prison when they’re all locked up and isolated, but okay.  



my favorite part of the whole episode was when the younger daughter – I don’t know, she’s not the baby baby one but she’s probably 7 or something, puts her finger in Joe’s wine and licks her finger, like she does it all the time.  Joe doesn’t even flinch. 


#parentoftheyear


but seriously, I hope these jail-time-ladies know who they are messing with.






:: bachelorette :: 


ben z from the latest season of the bachelorette competed in a fitness competition and I just felt the need to share the photos of him shirtless with self tanner all over his face.





also, josh murray and his GF post andi dorfman have split.





you heard it here first! 


always keeping you up to date with the most important news! 





:: RHOOC ::


I seriously can’t stand Tamra.  And I really can’t stand Tamra acting like she is holier than though whilst still egging on the brooks/vicki/cancer drama mere minutes after her ‘baptism’.  she even tries to get Pastor Mike into the drama and is like YES YES Shannon and Vicki talk over your issues with Pastor Mike….. um…… no, and tamra quit stirring the pot, and OH by the way is PASTOR not PASTURE.  


SHE MAKES ME INSANE PEOPLE. 


Vicki’s brother Billy brings his girlfriend Ronda (you following me here?) and Ronda is ready for a throw down   Ronda means business.  





Ronda doesn’t care who she offends or what rules she breaks because Ronda’s wearing A BLACK CARDIGAN to the all white baptismal event.  You show ’em Ronda. And she gets all up in Shannons business and throws some serious bitchy shade about her affair (which at this point no one knew about so Vicki def broke the girl code with that one.) 


 if i hear girl code said one more time on bravo ill lose my mind.


blah blah blah there is a ton of brooks cancer drama (seriously what will we talk about next season since her and brooks broke up? enough people!)


but seriously, vicki’s response to everything like the fake story about Terry having to send someone to give him and IV in the middle of the night and all that jazz…… she’s really not doing a good job covering/lying for him.  





this episode (especially scene in the limo with tamra) it was like she didn’t even know what to say in response to what should be an obvious “yes that happened” or “no it didn’t”.  she’s like “i don’t know I was out of town……” 


the drinking game of the night should have been when they say “jesus” or “devil” or “satan”.  








:: miley cyrus :: 


just when you think she’s gone as far as she’ll go….. HELL NO you are wrong.


I’m just going to post the title of the article I saw on Us Weekly and leave it that.


Miley Cyrus to Perform in All Nude Concert 


featuring a Naked Audience getting sprayed with “White Stuff”


ARE YOU %$#^*()&&^ KIDDING ME!? 




:: ANTM :: 





americas next top model is ending after 22 seasons.


my condolences go out to my mother, the only person who still watches this show.


d-listed perfectly summarized all we need to thank tyra for: 


Farewell, ANTM, thank you for giving us the return of Janice Dickinson, Natasha’s truth talk, Nyle’s body, Rebecca’s fainting spell, Tyra’s ultra dramatic “We were all rooting for you!” monologue, the musical masterpiece “Shake Your Body,” a busted beard weave and of course the bi-racial butterfly Jade





:: the voice ::


um. not a good idea, adam levigne.







:: jackhole of the week :: 


this is a clear winner





the aunt that sued her 8 year old nephew, now 12, for accidentally breaking her wrist when he excitedly hugged her. 


as if it couldn’t be worse : 

Sean, who was 8 at the time of the incident, appeared in court with his father, Michael Tarala, on Monday. His mother, Lisa, died last year.  The injury has been a continued nuisance for the woman who claimed, “I was at a party recently, and it was difficult to hold my hors d’oeuvre plate.”
jackhole of the week is an understatement for that one. 





as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.  
#hypocrite  #sorryimnotsorry
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either.  or the day after that.


















by TheSarcasticBlonde 
fashion, Lifestyle

:: wishlist wednesday ::

October 14, 2015

:: wishlist wednesday ::
lusts for the week ……. 

a few picks from the shopbop friends + family sale! 25% OFF! 
rails button down  / bb dakota draped front jacket / c + c cashmere sweater  / layered sweater top 

c + c poncho sweater / bb dakota drape front jacket / open back grey top  / white lace back top 

// three dots ponte knit dress //

……… and some other neutral fall finds for the week ! 

// pleated hem sweater // 

// scallop hem tee // only $25 and multiple colors! 


// faux suede laser cut skirt //  under $50!!!! 

// topshop layered shirt // 
but not with those HIDEOUSLY GOD AWFUL pants

// grey layered sweater // 
if you haven’t noticed by my sweater I’ve worn on repeat the last two weekends, I’m all about the faux layered sweater and shirt combo this season.  I need to snap up some more so that people think I am capable of changing my clothes 🙂 



by TheSarcasticBlonde 
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Hi. I’m Taylor

A Southern girl turned Chicago transplant, recently settling back down in Atlanta. Fluent in sarcasm. Devout Bravo-holic and TV addict. Balances fitness with french fries. Penchant for Prosecco and Pinot Grigio. Wannabe Ina Garten in the kitchen. Online shopping enthusiast. Lover of fashion and decor.

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