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The Sarcastic Blonde

fashion, food, fitness + a dose of sarcastic gossip

coffee talk, Lifestyle

coffee talk

April 2, 2015

discuss amongst ya-selves……..
let’s start with what is clearly the most important news of the week.

mcd’s is testing out serving breakfast all day long
WHERE WAS THIS WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE
WHERE? 
WHY GOD WHY? 
on a side note, blessing in disguise that it didn’t exist when I was in college
I still don’t understand the test market being in California. 
Stereotypes exist for a reason. 
California is the last state to pick for testing what fat kids have decided heaven will be like : a place where McD’s breakfast is served ALL DAMN DAY. 
I meaannnnn I was a marketing major at Miami. I, like, totally know these things. 
the target market is ME. ME.
or the mcdonald’s next to the dispensaries in colorado like that girl scout did with her cookies.  HELLO —-> marketing genius right there. get ’em girl.  

:: southern charm ::
file under : things patricia and I do not have in common. 

it’s back and it’s soooo good.
almost as good as last season, but it can’t be because cathryn now has a baby and it was way more fun when she was getting caught with multiple men. 
and SERIOUSLY you CANNOT have two christenings!? what is this!?
normally when a couple tries to stay together its a good thing, 
but the fact that thomas and cathryn are even trying to make this ” relationship ” work is almost laughable. 
the show just seriously makes me laugh.  
I don’t knock Shep for his complete and utter lack of career motivation….. he has passions. 
pah-reach shep.  pah (long dramatic pause) reach. 
:: DWTS ::
I. just. love. it. so. much.
I’m really upset for so many reasons that the model with the giant breasts got kicked off.

a. I feel so bad for her partner…. his first season was last season and he got kicked off first, and now he got kicked off second on his second season.
b. let’s face it : I am fascinated with her boobs
c. I am fascinated with how she can even dance with those boobs because they are just so large. I don’t know how she even walks without falling over.

d. I could yell out “Kip! it’s the Model with The Boobs” and he would come watch the whole episode with me
e. her partner is a great dancer
f. I am seriously way too fascinated by this girls body and how natural boobs can be that big on that small of a little-bitty-body
I know they are called “breasts” but imagine if you just read points A-F with that word instead of boobs…. wouldn’t it have sounded so inappropriate? as opposed to how classy and mature when I say boobs instead 🙂 but seriously I hate the word breasts.  so it’s a good thing I don’t have any. ba-dun-dun.
g. boobs. 
okay I’m done I swear……..
I seriously LOVE dancing with the stars. and I promise this season I won’t complain about erin andrews every week and how she is THE WORST

:: shahs of sunset :: 
this show always blows my mind.  they are fascinating to me.
I love Reza so much.  Everything he says is hilarious to me. Even the going back and forth between calling GG Golnesa or GG, which isn’t funny and is literally nothing just a name or nick name, somehow makes me smile when he says Golnesa. 
this week was the “Mike tried to sleep with GG in Turkey” finally being put out there. 
yes, GG is crazy, but I totally think Mike would….. so it’s hard to decide who is lying? 
Poor Jessica during the pool party as she announces it – this is awful.
Here are the previews for next week :
Mike says ” I was going to propose in a few weeks, but with everyone talking about me trying to sleep with GG, I’m proposing tomorrow”
I’M SORRY, WHAT???!!

GREAT IDEA!!!!! 
IF THIS ISN’T THE MOST PERFECT EXAMPLE OF HOW MEN ARE THE BIGGEST MORONS IN THE WORLD I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS.

:: RHOBH REUNION PART ONE ::
hooooooooolllyyyy mooooollllyyyyy. 
the one minute intro of the episode showing the things to come was the craziest thing I have ever seen.  I verbally said “OH MY GOD” three times during it.

side note : this reunion is a perfect example of why I do NOT like HDTV.  They have so much make up on and all the lighting and all the blah blah and you can see ALL OF IT when they do the close up shots.  not doing anyone any favors. 

kim and kyle not talking for three months and having the first interaction be on those opposing couches : YIKES.
kim needs to knock it off with the finger pointing.  it’s obnoxious. 
highlight of part one : kim trying to act like she is a SERIOUS actress and that Lisa Rinna is a nobody.
you were on revenge for 10 seconds this season kim, you are meryll streep, calm down
kim : i have a little more pride (than lisa rinna)
andy : YOU DID DIVING WITH THE STARS.
oh snap. it was perfection.
Brandi continues to be her horrible, awful self. And her face doesnt let us down – it looks 100% different than the last time she was on TV, and the time before that, and the time before that. 
kyle : “at least I don’t walk around naked with a tampon string hanging out.”
brandi : “because you don’t get your period b***h.”
 WHAAAATTTTT. I can’t. 

I love that they all call Brandi out for (among many things) being HUGE hypocrite.
she’s always “don’t touch me, you hit me!” when someone places a hand on her wrist, 
but she throws drinks in peoples faces and slap peoples faces.
sure. 

THE WORDS THAT COME OUT OF THIS WOMANS MOUTH!!
the things she said about the boy in Amsterdam!!! 
and saying to kyle “I would love to beat you up in my head I have done it a million times.”
I had to pause so any times and get up to take a break! 
previews for next week : Kim is AWFUL.  it looks like she takes it so far below the belt and brings kyle’s kids into it. 
kim has officially become AS MEAN and AS AWFUL as Brandi. 
lisa, and all of us, are thinking 

the roast of justin beiber was AWESOME.
the funniest thing about all of it was everyone else was roasted 97% of the time, with justin about 3% of it.  it actually made a lot more sense because I had no idea what all of those people were going to even say about beiber.
some of those jokes were just AWFUL. so horrible.  but I love how anything – anything – can be said and nothing is off limits. 
I mean, even Martha! Who knew!? 
see a good recap of the roast HERE
and to end with something sweet and great : 
tom hanks reenacted all of his characters in 6 minutes (video)
:: jackhole of the week ::
BEIBER.
his huge ass PR stunt  “come at me bro, I’ll laugh and we’ll be friends, please let this make people like me” and he shows up with a TWEEN STASH.
seriously. look at his face.  oh my lord. 
ps this week is dedicated to dina, the longest reader of coffee talk. xo

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.  
#hypocrite  #sorryimnotsorry
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either.  or the day after that.








by TheSarcasticBlonde 

About TheSarcasticBlonde

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Comments

  1. Sarah O says: April 2, 2015 at 1:51 pm

    Your coffee talk makes my Thursdays! I'm obsessed with Southern Charm, which is slightly embarrassing considering I live in SC, but as Cameron said they are all on "the hot mess express" and it's so entertaining.

  2. Lauren says: April 2, 2015 at 2:40 pm

    OHHHH Southern Charm. It's SO horrifying, and soooo entertaining. I live about 45 minutes north of Charleston, so yeah, I should be embarassed (but i'm not). it's literally my favorite reality show.

  3. marisa says: April 2, 2015 at 3:05 pm

    I get the boobs thing! I had a roommate in college itty bitty waist, was a 32H, H I tell you! One of the cups of her bra could cover my whole head! Love the roundup as usual!

  4. megan says: April 2, 2015 at 6:28 pm

    you crack me up!

Hi. I’m Taylor

A Southern girl turned Chicago transplant, recently settling back down in Atlanta. Fluent in sarcasm. Devout Bravo-holic and TV addict. Balances fitness with french fries. Penchant for Prosecco and Pinot Grigio. Wannabe Ina Garten in the kitchen. Online shopping enthusiast. Lover of fashion and decor.

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