:: COFFEE TALK ::

discuss amongst ya-selves……

:: the bachelorette ::

i’m so annoyed that this whole weeks episode was about nick.

I had enough of psycho killer eyes when he was on andi’s season.

ughhhhhh.

gotta be honest, I never saw the Ian being an asshole so that was a nice surprise for the week.

I do not understand what show he thinks he was going on….. see, in REAL life, having a college degree from Princeton and being a sexy twin of the Old Spice guy WOULD work in your favor. But not here….. here you compete with personal trainers, welders, illegitimate fathers who use their “child they wouldn’t leave unless it was for love as a leg up on the competition jk the kids live with their mom 24/7″….. but Princeton?? Nooo. ABC wants a farmer that lives in the middle of nowhere Iowa in a town of 100 people to the The Bachelor. Sorry Ian.

and since when does every weeks episode end with “to be continued”

JUST HAVE THE FREAKING ROSE CEREMONY CHRIS. we don’t need it to be continued. we know what will happen when it ends with “I’m going to go send this guy home” or the guy saying “Im going to go tell Kaitlyn how it is and leave”.

this show sucks….. but next week she sleeps with someone when there is, like, 10+ guys left so MAYBE that will the week I won’t want to poke my eyeballs and eardrums out whilst watching.

drinking game for the bachelorette: EVERY TIME SHE MAKES DAMN POUTY LIPS FACE.

as my friends would say “cheers…..see ya tomorrow” because you’d be DONE. it’s never ending. I’ll stop myself at 4 pointless pictures but I had about 10 to share…..

:: chrisley knows best ::

the quote below is from last week, but I had to include it.

Chase and Savannah are preparing to take the ACT, and a bet ensues about who will have a higher score.

Chase says about 4 times

“I’m going to do good on the ACT…. just watch. I’m going to do good….”

UMMM PROLLY NOTE CHASE. Go back to English 101. Mmmmkthanks.

this gif doesn’t apply to anything I just said, but it stays.

:: Secrets and Wives ::

this show is still the absolutely best.

but Susan is the worst.

I love when she asks “hows my lipstick” and the giggle twins are like “Ummmm awful, the liner is horrible” simultaneously and laugh their heads off.

Susan is the only one that isn’t down for a good time & just wants to have fun.

Newsflash Susan: Nothing is more obnoxious than a woman acting like she’s the end-all-be-all because she works and makes money, so therefor she is better than someone who doesn’t. UM, it’s not 1950, and you aren’t the first woman to earn a paycheck. Slow clap for you? Go fix your lipstick, take the stick out of tush and learn how to LAUGH AND SMILE.

re-reading that I feel it may sound harsh? sorry I’m not sorry .

I love that Liza and Amy realized they had the same engagement ring.

This show just cracks me up and I love all of them (well…. not Susan….but whatever)

:: RHONY ::

bethenny had a great one liner like the olden days :

LuAnn is doing a photo shoot for her clothing line, and she werks it for the camera.

Bethenny was correct in saying she “looked like she was shooting a maxi pad commercial.”

100 percent correct.

:: RHOOC ::

I once again have so much to say and then nothing to say.

About all of them.

Shannon. Oh Shannon, Shannon, Shannon. I really love her but it’s just like….. you CANNOT act like David cheating destroyed your kids if you are then going to talk about it on film all season AND have David apologize to his kids for leaving the family in front of a film crew? Get your sheyite together!

I mean, this gravestone stuff, seriously? seriously?

I feel like I have so much to say about Megan, but I don’t dislike her.

I must say, she is one of the only women out of ANY of these RH casts that walks up to people at parties and introduces herself rights away and tries to be friendly and make conversation. Good for you Megan! Damn these women are going to eat you alive!

I also just really want to know why your rule was not to date anyone “11 years older” than you? Why not 10 ? Why not 12? Why?

Is it wrong that I feel like Brooks doesn’t have cancer either? I can’t even handle watching him. I don’t understand how she is with him.

and when will a housewife just STOP IT and not come up with their own wine/liquor label? Honestly Heather?

Theres no way you aren’t just bleeding money on this wine. And even if you have the money for it (their new house is so gaudy its insane) just know when to stop.

:: JACKHOLE AND MAZEL ::

my mother Nance-Pants is awarded both this week.

she gets to go see my boyfriend Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper this weekend.

I couldn’t see him in Chicago because we had a wedding and I can’t fly to Atlanta this weekend because we have a wedding.

LOVE SUCKS I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I’VE EVER SAID ABOUT LOVING WEDDINGS.

it’s too bad her cell phone is from 2003 (not exaggerating here) and she has no camera to even send me ANYTHING. AHHH.

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either. or the day after that.