DISCUSS AMONGST YA-SELVES……
:: Vanderpump Rules ::
The group we love to hate is back at it….. “it” being speaking broken English, drinking their brains out, and yelling at each other in their drunken stupor.
It’s time for another trip! Not Vegas, or 7 Minute Rob’s cabin in Big Bear, but back to their favorite stomping grounds: Mexico. The occasion? The special man known as Jax (or Jason to his Reiki therapist he wants to bone). The Hooter’s birthday party for Jax that Brittany threw him wasn’t enough proof to show him he can walk all over her – she needs to gift him a trip to Mexico to prove that no amount of asshole behavior will ever make her leave him so long as the camera crew and insta-fame remain, so will their relationship.
Who pays for these trips to Mexico? I mean…. the show obviously….. but with the Housewives they all actually have money so I never gave it much thought….. but these waiters/bartenders are doing back to back Vegas and Mexico and getting rooms with swimming pools so it kinda just makes me wonder……
Jax suddenly has a “dream job offer” (and those quotes are meant to be quotes AND air quotes – heavy, heavy air quotes) “related to Hockey” in Tampa and pretends that 1) he would leave LA 2) he would work 3) he knows anything about anything. That’s cute Jax, but we all know that you are just jealous of all of the attention Tom Tom is getting and you feel like you need to appear as though you’re going somewhere in life……
A very sad moment in the midst of the tequila shots is Jax having no earthly clue what Brittany wants to do for work if she could have her ideal job despite EVERY ONE in the room knowing that answer.
WHY on earth would this sweet girl ever date this man?! Again, she has left me no choice but to believe that so long as the camera crew and insta-fame remain, so will their relationship. Not to sound like a mom, but very disappointed in Brittany.
Side Note : Brittany was on my-boyfriend-andy-cohen’s WWHL (she looked amazing by the way) and the highlight was when Brittany was saying (in relation to the job offer) that Jax can’t even handle his own twitter. She said that “she has to spell check every tweet he ever does. And if they are spelled miscorrectly she had nothing to do with”. I mean I LIVE FOR THIS STUFF.
and yeah yeah yeah, simmer down….. I write these at 1 am after copy and pasting stuff from my cell phone so my grammar is garbage, BUT I take my hypocrisy very seriously and will continue to harass them as I see fit…..
Is it bad that I kind of miss the amount of Rob talk we got from Scheana in Big Bear? We keep getting bits and pieces this week : She tells Rob that her divorce is final in a few days and immediately makes sure to say that means she’ll be marrying him next (SERIOIUSLY SCHEANA?) and he responds with a very delayed “Wow.”
I love how one sided this relationship is. And then in Mexico we get to listen to Stassi give side commentary while Scheana just says his name 27 times related to anything and everything…..things like “Rob is so wise” and then somehow AGAIN brings up the hanging of the television in 7 minutes.
But I need MORE. Now that my eyes have been opened to her stage-5-clinger-web-of-lies I can’t get enough.
:: Lala versus J.Law ::
PS did we ever discuss Lala and Jennifer Lawrence and their battle stemming from my-boyfriend-andy-cohen’s WWHL? I’m sorry that I am always a week late commenting on things – I feel like I black out when writing these posts and recall nothing from the prior week in news! But, in case you missed it, J.Law called Lala a c-you-next-Tuesday.
Lala was on the Juicy Scoop Podcast this week discussing it and I just feel the need to say that I am firmly on board that I am really, really, really over J.Law. If you were to tell me that a feud erupted between these two because of see-you-next-tuesday name calling, I would have immediately assumed – and bet my life – that it was trashy mouth Lala saying that word. BUT NO. It was Jennifer Lawrence calling her a c-u-next-tuesday ON LIVE TV.
An A List Actress!? Saying this!? A millionaire famous person calling a bravolebrity this?! Someone who is “taking a year off from Hollywood to be an activist”?! Oh, and you bet those quotes are DEFINITELY meant to be as AIR QUOTE just as much as Jax “working in Tampa at his dream job”
PATHETIC.
This made my week last week because Jennifer Lawrence has been getting more and more irritating the past few months.
Is it sad that I am team Lala? Because sorry not sorry, I am.
When the girl with arguably the trashiest mouth on Bravo is the kinder, more appropriate voice in this debate, perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate how open you are with your words on national television.
Let’s leave the filthy trash talk to the trashy reality starts, shall we?
:: Summer House ::
I mean, per usual, I just want to talk about Kyle and how funny he is. Although this week there was less comedy with the drunkenness because his girlfriend Amanda just could not BELIEVE that he was drunk and acting the exact same way he acts every single weekend. Every one. I mean, at this point would it not be 10x more shocking for him to have a sober Saturday? Hasn’t Amanda been dating him for over a year? Is she blind?
However, the more and more Kyle annoys his girlfriend, the more and more I love him?
I mean, sure, if I were to be dating him I wouldn’t enjoy the behavior, but Amanda – Come on! Don’t date a 35 year old that puts most 21 year olds to shame if it drives you insane. And unfortunately, just because he had a birthday is not going to change things. I can guarantee at 40 he will still be doing this (and please for the love of Gawd let Summer House still exist so I can giggle my brains out at these people pouring 600 pounds of tea into the swimming pool of a Hampton’s Mansion).
editors note : seriously though – why do people do this? why do people think that the person they are with is somehow going to wake up a different person? NEWS FLASH – especially if they have a penis – IT ISN’T GOING TO HAPPEN.
OH! And the highlight of this week’s Amanda hating Drunk Kyle is that the thing that really pissed her off was HE SPILLED WATER. I mean. Let’s take a moment here and let that sink in.
Spilled.
a cup.
of WATER.
I meannnnnnn call me when that’s a bottle of red wine on a newly recovered piece of furniture girlfriend. If all he’s going to do is house bags of chips and spill water when wasted I’m pretty sure the line of girls who will put up with him will be around the damn block.
:: RHOBH ::
I’m watching now as I type…… and nothing big happened except for two things……
1) I’m saying it. I don’t like it, but I am Dorit had some great lewks this week and looked absolutely gorgeous. Ugh. There I said it!!! But really, her in a white button down with simple wavy blonde hair – stick with this natural look Dorit!
2) This seance/sprit thing/whatever the heck moment Kyle is having is killing me. I had totally forgotten about this Medium from Housewives Past, but as only Bravo memories can do, it all came flooding back the moment I laid eyes on her. Her saying the “Papa God” thing and that he “calls her cell phone”.
I CAN’T. I am CRYING laughing. And then I never saw it coming that Erika Jayne would say she used to be a boy at the bottom of a ship!? What? What am I missing? Have I been drinking? What time is it?!
:: Drew Barrymore for CROCS ::
D. Listed is a hiarlious tabloid gossip site that tends to be very inappropriate (so, 10 times funnier because of it). But this news story was tame and easy to share: I saw this blurb about Drew Barrymore repping Croc’s and laughed out loud at him saying crocth because of her lispth and I about died.
But yep…. that’s all….no actual point this story, just wanted to share Drew Barrymore’s lisp saying “crocth” with y’all……..
:: Mazel of the Week ::
They are doing a documentary movie
about MR. ROGERS!!!
I meannnnnn I just cried. If there’s anything that can get me to a movie theatre, it’s the giant recliner chairs the wine they now serve in theaters Mr. Rogers
:: Editors Note ::
As always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors
whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during Coffee Talk on a weekly basis.
#HYPOCRITE #SORRYIMNOTSORRY
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snaochats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day, and likely won’t do the next day either. Or the day after that.
They’re doing another movie about Mr. Rogers, too, starring Tom Hanks!
I’ll be crying my brains out TWO times!!! So happy they are honoring him with these films he was the best!